So mom comes in and says, "I'm concerned he hasn't eaten much baby food, just the bottle, and you have to learn to be patient. You just can't say 'Fine, starve.'" Alicea starts getting all defensive about how she's trying to feed him and finally says, "What makes me nervous is that I don't know what y'all want." Uh, they want their kid not to starve. She interviews alone, cries, and says, "There's no need for the attitude that she got," which is the equivalent to saying, "Why don't you treat me like an adult, oh wait you are, and it sucks."
Back in the kitchen, mom watches over Alicea as she feed Karson (who is now eating, of course), and mom says, "Once you take a step to becoming a parent, it's not about you anymore." Alicea tosses her hair over her shoulder and gives mom a look from hell. I think you lost her when you said it wasn't about her anymore. She does not comprehend those words when linked together in the same sentence (neither do I, which is why I have dogs).
Bitch, I will totally cut you if you say it isn't about me one more time
Alicea says, "Now it's going to be even more nerve-wracking because I'll wondering what I'm doing wrong now and is she going to barge through the door all pissed off again." She didn't barge in and wasn't pissed, she was offering firm advice. Drama Queen, calm down, you didn't break one of your talons. Cory walks in and Alicea says, "I'm over it, I have to go pee," then gives him instructions about feeding him fruit. Instead, she just goes and lies down on the bed and totally and completely checks out.
Cory walks in and asks her if she's going to help out at all. She says, "I don't want to take care of it anymore." She interviews, "I don't want anything to do with it. Period.' Babies: 1, Teens: 0. As it should be.
Meanwhile, in responsible teen land, Sasha and Jordan are learning to change diapers. Their baby, Shay, CONTINUES TO POOP AS THEY CHANGE THE DIAPER. And I threw up a little in my mouth, because really? Gross. Shay's parents have a good crack up at this one. Jordan does a great job of putting on the diaper but then we are edited right to a scene where Shay won't shut the hell up, as babies are wont to do. Sasha says she doesn't know how much she can take of the screaming and crying without knowing what to do. Don't worry, I'm sure your baby will be different. "It is awful." No shit. No, wait, there's a lot of shit.
Man, you really need to stop eating Indian food,
it's like a lava flow in here
"This is hard," Jordan says. Send him to Harvard, guy's a genius.
Better you than me, SUCKA!
Honey, Let's go to Applebee's.
Back at house of beach bums, Daton and Morgan are trying to calm Miley down by acting like a shot of espresso.
They bounce her, show her the window, rock her, shake stuff in her face, show her a lamp, show her a flower, and shake her legs back and forth yelling "Bicycle! Bicycle!" in her face, and suddenly I want to cry and poop they are upsetting me so much. Oh, the Starbucks generation. Calm the hell down already.
CALM DOWN or I will shake you like a British nanny!
Suddenly Miley is in the high chair and she totally Exorcists all over the high chair. It's about damn time.
What it looks like when you are a baby...
...and what it looks like when you're rushing the SigEp house.
Either way, your parents are just as proud.
Morgan takes her into the bathroom to wash her off and Daton says, "It's not her bath time yet." Are you kidding me with this? It is ALWAYS bath time with babies, they are perpetually sticky.
"I know, but she just threw up," Morgan says, as if Daton wasn't there for the barforama. How stoned is he? "I'm stressed." Remember this feeling because when you have kids, it never goes away!
Meanwhile, Sean is bonding with Etta much to Kelsey's dismay. She's upset because Etta likes Sean more than her, and he doesn't have any experience with kids. Etta cries in Kelsey's arms until she looks around and sees Sean and then she stops. That's gotta hurt Kelsey. But then Etta starts crying non-stop and Sean asks her, "What's wrong?" like she's going to answer that she's upset about Dirt being cancelled (which PS, blows big time!).
I'm eating for two...eventually.
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Comments (10)
Thank you, oh Dearest Crabby, for recapping this horrible show. I want to run screaming out of the room just from reading this, so I know I couldn't bear to watch it. And what is it with a baby suddenly being a hot accessory item like a pair of Prada shoes?
Honestly, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous back on "Friends" when Rachel got pregnant. You saw her by herself a lot more than with the baby... yeah, 'cause that's what single mothers do. Sheesh.
Babies = loud, need diaper changes, have to be fed, puke often. Cats = quiet, poop in a box, eat for themselves, puke only hairballs.
Hmmmmm...... I'll take the cat option please! :)
(No insult meant to any parents out there - I'm sure your kids are great.)
1 of 10 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on June 30, 2008 9:43 PM
That recap was hilarious.
2 of 10 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on June 30, 2008 11:56 PM
Okay, so I must say I love this show seeing as how I have a 13-month-old, and I KNEW this was going to be drama.
I love it, because at the end, those kids are going to appreciate their parents and all the hard work they put in (hopefully) and have an understanding of what parenthood is really like..not three days at a time, but FOREVER.
However, I want to punch Alicea and Sean both in the face every time their faces come up onscreen. Alicea wasn't even really trying to feed him. Maybe Karson's different from my son, but my son is picky with eating, and I'm sure with his teething, he's not going to lunge for the spoon. It actually needs to be INSERTED into his mouth, not waved in front of his face. And I hate that Sean was trying to exacerbate the problem and make the baby scream more and cause more issues to turn his girlfriend off. Do you not realize you're screwing with a human life to prove a point? Not nice, and the baby will do it all on her own, thankyouverymuch.
However, I'd like to whack all the parents upside the head too. I don't care if I'm across the street. There is no way I would leave complete teenage STRANGERS to take care of my son. No emotional attachment, so they don't really care. Maybe it's because my son had a heart defect that needed to be repaired at five months, but I'm worried about leaving my son alone with my husband, much less teenagers we don't know.
I need a break, but not THAT bad.
3 of 10 | Posted by narcissistic | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:07 AM
DC, I was so excited to see that someone was recapping this show!!! No one at work is watching it and I had to talk about it with somebody. God, that Alicea is one selfish B. And whatsherface who wouldn't wear the pregnancy belly, it was going to be for what, 18 hours?? I think her paycheck should be docked for that.
4 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 1, 2008 6:11 AM
I thought the show (and your recap) was great. Of course, most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (potential parents; those who have parents but don't respect them; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T.
My youngest is in college, but I well remember the day my wife left me alone all day with our first baby. I thought I could watch both the baby and all the football on TV. I was a Marine sergeant, what's so complicated, right? What a quick course in mom appreciation THAT was! I never again resented her "getting" to stay home with the baby while I "had" to go to work with my buddies.
I agree that there is NO WAY I'd leave my child with these genetic mistakes.
I wish I'd had a wise, patient mentor like Miley's dad back then.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:26 AM
fire@will:
"most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (...; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T" What, blind/deaf people are selfish and don't make responsible parents? Surely that came out wrong.
Crabby, great recap! I wanted to string up Alicea for checking out after a the mom held herself in check as well as she did. And Kelly...How desperate must that Austin be to put up with that sort of childish narcissim. She can't possibly be that good in bed [much too selfish] so what could possibly lead to such pussywhippedness.
And don't even get me started on Sean. What a prick. He sees how much the baby likes him then trashs her while rubbing his hands together crowing about how his evil plan of manipulation against Kelsey is working superbly. She deserves better than being saddled with him for the father of her child, that's for sure. She doesn't need a baby right now, but she never needs one with him. Maybe this show will teach her that at the very least.
6 of 10 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 2, 2008 2:33 PM
Not that it matters, but Daton seems a little gay to me. Maybe that's why there relationship is in the crapper.
Alicea is a dumb, selfish c*nt plain and simple. Her mom had her early and now she wants to have a kid early? To quote Julie Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN: "Big mistake. Huge!" Someone give that girl a hysterectomy pronto. Okay? Okay.
7 of 10 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 3, 2008 8:25 AM
Well this was just hilarious. I haven't seen the show, but maybe I don't really want to...?
I'm pretty sure that teens aren't the only ones who can be persuaded that child rearing is awful. I'm afraid one episode of this and I will never want to have babies.
8 of 10 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:51 AM
Crabby:
EXCELLENT recap. For a non-parent, you really seem to "get" it!
I've taped every epi so far for my three teenage sons, but then after watching them, I can't see the "reality" in this reality show. Teens with cul-de-sac homes, stainless appliances, granite countertops, jobs that start at 9 am, make-up, decent hair, AND a maid service? (The teen twits aren't cleaning that house, folks. No way.) Puh-leeze. No one with a crying baby, a job, and a spotless house has time to flat-iron her hair. No one.
9 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on July 11, 2008 7:23 AM
I keep forgetting to watch this show and after reading the recap, I programed the DVR.
Mama broke her foot when I was six. My sister was 3 and my brother wasn't even walking yet. Daddy took a few days off and he called the phone company before lunch the first day to put the phone on the wall. He couldn't keep my brother from playing with the phone beside the couch. :>)
He also told Mama that he would never again ask what she had been doing all day.
He kept that promise.
10 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:13 AM