That evening a note is left for the teens letting them know one of them has to go to work while the other one stays at home all day. Anyone with a triple digit IQ is going to choose going to work, but something tells me reality TV will not fail us, and the jobs are going to suck to add drama. I loves me some drama! Jordan says it's a hard decision. Austin calls work. So does Alicea (hope she has to clean fish guts). "I don't want to have to deal with the mom," she says. "I don't take shit from anyone." Then you probably shouldn't have a baby, because that's pretty much their contribution to most of the conversations.
Oh, I'm going to act like this at work, too, see how that rolls.
Kelly is rocking her baby, Sasha is rocking hers, Morgan is rocking hers and all the babies are crying, well, like babies. Miley's dad shows up (mostly because I'm guessing the mother threatened to go in and kick herself some beach bum ass) to help the kids through the parenting process. He tells them to play with her, talk to her, let her be herself...act like parents! He's pretty cool with them and says just chill, just settle down, calm your voices, and know that patience comes with it, it doesn't happen overnight. They actually do calm the rocking down and calm their voices, and Daton says, "You only have to stay with us for three days," and Miley screams. Amen.
Etta is screaming at the top of her lungs and Kelsey says, "This is not the happy baby we were introduced to earlier today." Maybe the baby has a split personality? "My energy is just drained out of me." Yeah, that's called being a parent and if you do it right, you ARE exhausted at the end of the day. He suggests putting the baby in bed and Kelsey is worried she'll just start crying.
"So just keep her up all night, who cares?" he says. Nice guy. He keeps telling her to put "it" in the crib and if they had earplugs they wouldn't have to listen to "it." He thinks if they keep Etta up when they give her back to the parents she'll go to sleep for five days straight. Does he not know they can see and hear him? Because he might want to shut the hell up.
Etta's mom is watching the monitor and says, "She's had no clothes change, no diaper change, no bath to indicate she's going to bed but they can't get her to go to sleep." I know I can't go to sleep without all that done either, which is why I just put a couple shots of bourbon in a sippy cup and hope for sweet dreams. Mom is ready to go over and kick some ass! Go mom, go!
"I need to talk to both of y'all, without Etta in the room." Because you'd have to spell everything out to hide what you are saying?
"Both of us?" Sean asks. No, you and Yosemite Sam, dumbass.
Mom goes through her list - no diaper change, no pajamas, no bath, etc. - and says, "I didn't come over here for those things. I came over here because you said 'Leave her in the other room because she's going to cry anyway' and it really upset me."
"I was kidding, didn't you see me laugh?" Sean says. Laugh when it's your kid. Or at this rate, your iguana.
"IT...IT is a little girl," the mom spanks Sean. Good one, mom. But she softens and tells Sean, "You don't give yourself enough credit, because she is comforted by you." Aww. "She's bonded with you and then you are saying something like that." Ouch.
"I was kidding," he says again.
I'm a tool, but I know it, so it's okay.
"But you don't get it and you need to get it," mom says. Hope she means a vasectomy. "I know you all are tired and frustrated and I get that way too, but you just don't get to be that way." More people should go through this because really, raising kids is hard work, and it's never, ever over. Just ask my dad who couldn't get ahold of me one evening, drove by my house, didn't see any lights on, then tag-teamed with my mother calling non-stop one evening when all I did was go out shopping. Who knew Target's evening hours could cause such distress in a dad?
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Comments (10)
Thank you, oh Dearest Crabby, for recapping this horrible show. I want to run screaming out of the room just from reading this, so I know I couldn't bear to watch it. And what is it with a baby suddenly being a hot accessory item like a pair of Prada shoes?
Honestly, I thought the whole thing was ridiculous back on "Friends" when Rachel got pregnant. You saw her by herself a lot more than with the baby... yeah, 'cause that's what single mothers do. Sheesh.
Babies = loud, need diaper changes, have to be fed, puke often. Cats = quiet, poop in a box, eat for themselves, puke only hairballs.
Hmmmmm...... I'll take the cat option please! :)
(No insult meant to any parents out there - I'm sure your kids are great.)
1 of 10 | Posted by teri00 | Posted on June 30, 2008 9:43 PM
That recap was hilarious.
2 of 10 | Posted by cuzimbtyful | Posted on June 30, 2008 11:56 PM
Okay, so I must say I love this show seeing as how I have a 13-month-old, and I KNEW this was going to be drama.
I love it, because at the end, those kids are going to appreciate their parents and all the hard work they put in (hopefully) and have an understanding of what parenthood is really like..not three days at a time, but FOREVER.
However, I want to punch Alicea and Sean both in the face every time their faces come up onscreen. Alicea wasn't even really trying to feed him. Maybe Karson's different from my son, but my son is picky with eating, and I'm sure with his teething, he's not going to lunge for the spoon. It actually needs to be INSERTED into his mouth, not waved in front of his face. And I hate that Sean was trying to exacerbate the problem and make the baby scream more and cause more issues to turn his girlfriend off. Do you not realize you're screwing with a human life to prove a point? Not nice, and the baby will do it all on her own, thankyouverymuch.
However, I'd like to whack all the parents upside the head too. I don't care if I'm across the street. There is no way I would leave complete teenage STRANGERS to take care of my son. No emotional attachment, so they don't really care. Maybe it's because my son had a heart defect that needed to be repaired at five months, but I'm worried about leaving my son alone with my husband, much less teenagers we don't know.
I need a break, but not THAT bad.
3 of 10 | Posted by narcissistic | Posted on July 1, 2008 5:07 AM
DC, I was so excited to see that someone was recapping this show!!! No one at work is watching it and I had to talk about it with somebody. God, that Alicea is one selfish B. And whatsherface who wouldn't wear the pregnancy belly, it was going to be for what, 18 hours?? I think her paycheck should be docked for that.
4 of 10 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 1, 2008 6:11 AM
I thought the show (and your recap) was great. Of course, most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (potential parents; those who have parents but don't respect them; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T.
My youngest is in college, but I well remember the day my wife left me alone all day with our first baby. I thought I could watch both the baby and all the football on TV. I was a Marine sergeant, what's so complicated, right? What a quick course in mom appreciation THAT was! I never again resented her "getting" to stay home with the baby while I "had" to go to work with my buddies.
I agree that there is NO WAY I'd leave my child with these genetic mistakes.
I wish I'd had a wise, patient mentor like Miley's dad back then.
5 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on July 1, 2008 8:26 AM
fire@will:
"most of the (selfish) people that most SHOULD watch it (...; blind/deaf people) probably WON'T" What, blind/deaf people are selfish and don't make responsible parents? Surely that came out wrong.
Crabby, great recap! I wanted to string up Alicea for checking out after a the mom held herself in check as well as she did. And Kelly...How desperate must that Austin be to put up with that sort of childish narcissim. She can't possibly be that good in bed [much too selfish] so what could possibly lead to such pussywhippedness.
And don't even get me started on Sean. What a prick. He sees how much the baby likes him then trashs her while rubbing his hands together crowing about how his evil plan of manipulation against Kelsey is working superbly. She deserves better than being saddled with him for the father of her child, that's for sure. She doesn't need a baby right now, but she never needs one with him. Maybe this show will teach her that at the very least.
6 of 10 | Posted by Splotchie | Posted on July 2, 2008 2:33 PM
Not that it matters, but Daton seems a little gay to me. Maybe that's why there relationship is in the crapper.
Alicea is a dumb, selfish c*nt plain and simple. Her mom had her early and now she wants to have a kid early? To quote Julie Roberts in PRETTY WOMAN: "Big mistake. Huge!" Someone give that girl a hysterectomy pronto. Okay? Okay.
7 of 10 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 3, 2008 8:25 AM
Well this was just hilarious. I haven't seen the show, but maybe I don't really want to...?
I'm pretty sure that teens aren't the only ones who can be persuaded that child rearing is awful. I'm afraid one episode of this and I will never want to have babies.
8 of 10 | Posted by hollywood sucker | Posted on July 3, 2008 9:51 AM
Crabby:
EXCELLENT recap. For a non-parent, you really seem to "get" it!
I've taped every epi so far for my three teenage sons, but then after watching them, I can't see the "reality" in this reality show. Teens with cul-de-sac homes, stainless appliances, granite countertops, jobs that start at 9 am, make-up, decent hair, AND a maid service? (The teen twits aren't cleaning that house, folks. No way.) Puh-leeze. No one with a crying baby, a job, and a spotless house has time to flat-iron her hair. No one.
9 of 10 | Posted by TheVoiceOfReason | Posted on July 11, 2008 7:23 AM
I keep forgetting to watch this show and after reading the recap, I programed the DVR.
Mama broke her foot when I was six. My sister was 3 and my brother wasn't even walking yet. Daddy took a few days off and he called the phone company before lunch the first day to put the phone on the wall. He couldn't keep my brother from playing with the phone beside the couch. :>)
He also told Mama that he would never again ask what she had been doing all day.
He kept that promise.
10 of 10 | Posted by Gertrude | Posted on July 16, 2008 10:13 AM