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Bad Girls Club

April 20, 2007

On the Outs, Zara pouts

Before I begin, I'll just say this: I do follow the boards and yes, there was quite a bit of chatter regarding good old Tomik in last week's episode. Oh, I saw him. Twirling his drumsticks. Winking at the camera. Lord help me. I didn't catch him making out with Aimee, but maybe that's because I stop paying attention whenever he's anywhere near a camera. But anyway, for all those who require your Tomik fix, here you go...courtesy from me to you... it's T-T-T-Tomik! Your captain Tomik! (Don't say I never did anything for you)

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Now with 20% more douche!

Ok. Now we can truly begin. But where did we leave off last? Oh right, the dramatic slashing of the wrists! Yes, DeAnn reaches for Zara's tattered wrists while Zara shrieks, "STOOOP!" But, interestingly enough, she doesn't really look that upset...in fact she's kind of smirking. Every time she holds up her hands over her face to cry, I suspect it's because she's getting ready to break into laughter. You can practically see the big yellow sign flashing over her head: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Yes, Zara is finally the Queen of Attention--all hail Dutchess Moron! But of course, DeAnn can't pick up that Zara's theatrics are merely for show so she repeatedly asks Zara why she cut herself. "I neeed to go hooome..." Zara wails over and over again. Yep, makes perfect sense, Zara. I do that too. Whenever I'm at work and I feel like going home, I just make a little gash with my steak knife and pray for the best. DeAnn is horrified and exclaims, "Her wrists are all torn up!" Uh...they are? You know, I realize this is supposed to be upsetting and all but let's not be melodramatic...these nicks are barely a step-up from a paper cut. They're not even bleeding, for god's sake. So you can put away your slutty nurse costume from the last episode, Joanna. Zara just might pull through.

Continue reading "Bad Girls Club: On the Outs, Zara pouts" »

April 6, 2007

Chicken Scratch

Coming back out for a second stab at BAD GIRLS CLUB is FirstTheWorst. As usual, we love constructive notes!! - MYL

By FirstTheWorst

So was I the only one let down by the anticlimactic introduction of the New Bad Girls? There were no fistfuls of hair yanked viciously, nary a tear was shed...what's wrong with this picture? I don't know about you, but that's how I like my Bad Girls--engaging in drunken assault and then crying about it. Let's try to do a little better this week, Oxygen. I mean, really. Let's have some standards, shall we?

However...tonight's episode? Drama! Stupidity! Self mutilation! Whew. Let's begin.

Unable to spend a quiet night at home, our Bad Girls have chosen to go to a club and are busy gettin' down with their bad selves. It's very heartwarming...all the dancing, fun, and boobs being flashed...but, as we all know, this can't last too long. Everything's instantly ruined (for me any way) because here comes the biggest threat to feminism since, well, ever...JoJo! Joanna, tastefully clad in a leopard print dress from the Staten Island Hookers Collection, has cornered some poor soul against a wall and enthusiastically proceeds to grind her business on him, ignoring the fact that he looks scared, embarrassed and a bit like a General in some sort of gay military. He's dressed curiously in what appears to be a green army jacket covered with large gaudy flowers on the pockets and his tiny eyes dart nervously around, seeking possible escape routes. However, he is thankfully spared when Joanna spies something she craves even more then General Flowers--alcohol! Joanna grabs the bottle and downs it immediately, omitting any usage of a glass or even a straw to spare others the contamination of her mouth. Germs? Communicable diseases? Forget that! She's JoJo GoGo! She does what she wants!

Gadget

GoGo Gadget...liquor bottle!

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March 28, 2007

Bad Bad Bad Bad Girls, You Make Me Feel So Good

As another potential new writer for TVgasm, FirstTheWorst takes a stab at this weeks Bad Girls Club. Let us know what you think. -MYL

By: FirstTheWorst

Okay so after the culmination of last week's rather tepid episode, what did we learn? Zara's kind of a lesbian but wants to marry Jarad who is into starting fights at the skating rink, Kerry gets uninvited to parties and cries a lot, Aimee still wears a lot of makeup and DeAnn and Jodie did absolutely nothing of consequence. Riveting. Absolutely riveting. Oh, we also learned that apparently my dog hates this show, as evidenced by her departure every time she hears the show's theme song, "Love Me or Hate Me."

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This is an actual shot of the opening segment. Smoking...uh, rules...?

Continue reading "Bad Girls Club: Bad Bad Bad Bad Girls, You Make Me Feel So Good" »

February 26, 2007

Recap: Time For Some Tomik Relief

tomik022607Last week, I told myself I wasn't going to write about Bad Girls Club until I had seen an ample amount of interpretive dance/shadow puppetry. Things were looking bleak -- that is, until Pilobolus made my dreams come true last night on the Oscars. Now, with fresh images of guns and penguins in my head, I now have the strength to return to my six, idiotic hyenas and revel in their latest escapades. This latest episode brought fun in the form of tattoos, Tomik, and Steve the pool boy. Okay, maybe it wasn't fun at all. But hey, at least I got to see shadow puppets.

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February 14, 2007

Recap: Bad Girls Club: Career Opportunities

les021407Remember last week when I was saying that I'd been caught up in the Bad Girls Club drama despite myself? Yeah. That ended today. Gone were the cat fights, and in their place was a boring episode that focused on the career ambitions of Leslie and Kerry. Thrilling. As you can imagine, the travails of a failed country star and an exotic dancer were less than captivating. In fact, as cynical and awful as this sounds, I have a hard time thinking that either of these girls can get a noteworthy career, especially after appearing on a lowly reality show on Oxygen. But hey, they might as well test the waters, pretend like they want bigger and better things until they inevitably enter the world of Professional Reality Stardom.

Continue reading "Bad Girls Club: Recap: Bad Girls Club: Career Opportunities" »

April 20, 2007:On the Outs, Zara pouts
April 6, 2007:Chicken Scratch
March 28, 2007:Bad Bad Bad Bad Girls, You Make Me Feel So Good
February 26, 2007:Recap: Time For Some Tomik Relief
February 14, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: Career Opportunities
February 6, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: Beach Slapped
January 30, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls: Bleached Blondes
January 23, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: It's Not That Zara Doesn't Like Black People; She Just Finds Them To Be Incredibly Scary
January 16, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: No Need To Fight Ladies. There's Enough Tomik For Everyone!
January 10, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: Meet the New Baaaad Girl
January 4, 2007:Recap: Bad Girls Club: Tomik's Not A Player, He Just Crushes A Lot
December 20, 2006:Recap: Bad Girls: Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Girls. They Make You Feel So Good.
December 13, 2006:Recap: Bad Girls Club: What You Gonna Do When They Come For You?