On the Outs, Zara pouts
Before I begin, I'll just say this: I do follow the boards and yes, there was quite a bit of chatter regarding good old Tomik in last week's episode. Oh, I saw him. Twirling his drumsticks. Winking at the camera. Lord help me. I didn't catch him making out with Aimee, but maybe that's because I stop paying attention whenever he's anywhere near a camera. But anyway, for all those who require your Tomik fix, here you go...courtesy from me to you... it's T-T-T-Tomik! Your captain Tomik! (Don't say I never did anything for you)
Now with 20% more douche!
Ok. Now we can truly begin. But where did we leave off last? Oh right, the dramatic slashing of the wrists! Yes, DeAnn reaches for Zara's tattered wrists while Zara shrieks, "STOOOP!" But, interestingly enough, she doesn't really look that upset...in fact she's kind of smirking. Every time she holds up her hands over her face to cry, I suspect it's because she's getting ready to break into laughter. You can practically see the big yellow sign flashing over her head: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Yes, Zara is finally the Queen of Attention--all hail Dutchess Moron! But of course, DeAnn can't pick up that Zara's theatrics are merely for show so she repeatedly asks Zara why she cut herself. "I neeed to go hooome..." Zara wails over and over again. Yep, makes perfect sense, Zara. I do that too. Whenever I'm at work and I feel like going home, I just make a little gash with my steak knife and pray for the best. DeAnn is horrified and exclaims, "Her wrists are all torn up!" Uh...they are? You know, I realize this is supposed to be upsetting and all but let's not be melodramatic...these nicks are barely a step-up from a paper cut. They're not even bleeding, for god's sake. So you can put away your slutty nurse costume from the last episode, Joanna. Zara just might pull through.
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Last week, I told myself I wasn't going to write about Bad Girls Club until I had seen an ample amount of interpretive dance/shadow puppetry. Things were looking bleak -- that is, until Pilobolus made my dreams come true last night on the Oscars. Now, with fresh images of guns and penguins in my head, I now have the strength to return to my six, idiotic hyenas and revel in their latest escapades. This latest episode brought fun in the form of tattoos, Tomik, and Steve the pool boy. Okay, maybe it wasn't fun at all. But hey, at least I got to see shadow puppets.
Remember last week when I was saying that I'd been caught up in the Bad Girls Club drama despite myself? Yeah. That ended today. Gone were the cat fights, and in their place was a boring episode that focused on the career ambitions of Leslie and Kerry. Thrilling. As you can imagine, the travails of a failed country star and an exotic dancer were less than captivating. In fact, as cynical and awful as this sounds, I have a hard time thinking that either of these girls can get a noteworthy career, especially after appearing on a lowly reality show on Oxygen. But hey, they might as well test the waters, pretend like they want bigger and better things until they inevitably enter the world of Professional Reality Stardom.