As another potential new writer for TVgasm, FirstTheWorst takes a stab at this weeks Bad Girls Club. Let us know what you think. -MYL
By: FirstTheWorst
Okay so after the culmination of last week's rather tepid episode, what did we learn? Zara's kind of a lesbian but wants to marry Jarad who is into starting fights at the skating rink, Kerry gets uninvited to parties and cries a lot, Aimee still wears a lot of makeup and DeAnn and Jodie did absolutely nothing of consequence. Riveting. Absolutely riveting. Oh, we also learned that apparently my dog hates this show, as evidenced by her departure every time she hears the show's theme song, "Love Me or Hate Me."
This is an actual shot of the opening segment. Smoking...uh, rules...?
If you remember where we last left off, the girls were busy gallivanting at a winery, getting drunk and basking in the glory of their newfound sisterhood. But all of this is about to come to a close because the screen is suddenly filled with huge pink letters, reading, "THREE HOURS EARLIER!!!" What could have possibly happened during these very dramatic three hours? Oh, just a little thing I like to call...new bitches in the house! And it's time to meet New Bitch #1- Joanna. The first words out of Joanna's mouth are, "I'm a gold digger and I don't care what you think." Hmm. First impressions mean anything to you? Nope, I guess not, judging by the way Joanna continues to impress by following up with that well-known childhood nursery rhyme, "If you're rich, then I'm your bitch." That's pretty good, but I think you might want to try another one, Joanna. What about, "And I'm poor which is why I'm a whore." I won't even charge you for that. Joanna steps out of the cab and turns to grab her luggage, revealing to be what looks like a rather flat ass. Maybe it's just me but shouldn't gold diggers be, well...hot? There is something quite sad (in the pitiful way) and ordinary about her. She looks a bit like the poor man's Vanessa Minillo and while that can be construed as a compliment (I guess), it's definitely not in this case. Just in case she wasn't done setting the women's movement back a hundred years, she continues by telling us her catchy nickname, which is JoJo GoGo because--can you guess?--she's a stripper! Really? And here I was, always thinking that self-proclaimed gold diggers were so classy! For all the skeptics out there who may have doubts to JoJo GoGo's form of employment, the kind folks at Oxygen prove it to us by showing a montage of Joanna doing a very unsexy pole dance in an odd suede cowgirl/bikini outfit, which only serves to set my stomach a-churnin'.
Looks like someone remembered to take their NoAssitol pills!
Just as we are digesting the awful taste that is Joanna, those ubiquitous Yellow cabs pull up again and finally, we've moved onto New Bitch #2- Andrea. She turns around to grab her luggage, revealing what is definitely not a flat ass, but keep in mind, I didn't say it looked good either. Andrea comes from High Point, North Carolina and manages to make a few hometown enemies by telling us that the only thing to do in High Point is, well...die. Yikes. Kind of makes a mockery of the name High Point, eh? According to her, Andrea can either be nice or mean, very unsensitive (or perhaps insensitive? Smell ya later, English language!) and not "lovey-dovey" which will unquestionably devastate all the girls in the house, seeing as how much they like to cuddle and bond and not call each other stupid sluts as soon as their respective backs are turned. Most disturbingly, Andrea also tells us very seriously, "Most of the time, I feel like I'm going to Hell." Hmm. Stay away from me then, you crafty minion of Satan.
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Comments (18)
Soooo glad someone finally picked this recap up. I am not done reading it yet, but dude, you fuckin rule and I have already peed my pants. Doesn't anyone else cop to watching this show???
XOXOX,
Black Bettie
1 of 18 | Posted by Black Bettie | Posted on March 28, 2007 3:29 PM
I'm gonna watch the ep tonight (tivo) and I'll get back to ya tomorrow. Funny stuff! Thank you, oh thank you darlin!
2 of 18 | Posted by Black Bettie | Posted on March 28, 2007 3:41 PM
Yes, I watch, but I'm way badder than any one of these lame chicks/trannies.
Anyway, will this show ever end? Its been on forever it seems, isn't it time to be over yet? We've seen at least 12 episodes at least!
Zara has totally irrated me with that voice, ugh. Poor Jared has to listen to all that as he bones her.
KH
I still miss Ripsi
3 of 18 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on March 28, 2007 3:49 PM
great recap
i was wondering when someone will pick it up
andrea has cotton balls in her cheeck or something. isnt it a little too late in the show to be adding two girls??? it looks like ripsi will be back next week, lets home this will be interesting.
4 of 18 | Posted by popmygum | Posted on March 28, 2007 8:42 PM
Great job! My God these women are haggard. Jodie looks so manly and Kerry's eyes are migrating further apart every episode. Someone needs to tell new girl "Jo-Jo" about the many benefits of soap, water, and shampoo.
5 of 18 | Posted by Shirtwiener | Posted on March 29, 2007 5:41 AM
Great recap! I actually laughed out loud a few times. Is it my imagination or did I see that chipmunk cheeks will be leaving in a future episode?
6 of 18 | Posted by tvismylife![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 29, 2007 8:17 AM
oh man, I love this show so much. My favorite part was when Zara was describing to Andrea and Joanne (Joanna? Whatever) all the girls who had been there and left in the past... like, "and then she punched her, and then she got wasted and tried to rip her hair out..." Awesome. And who took all those pictures? they had like, full albums... can't they take digital? I want those on the internet NOW.
7 of 18 | Posted by Mallory | Posted on March 29, 2007 9:06 AM
i have yet to see the new episode,especially since they removed them from the weekend showings.
i cant stand strippers they are scum, and i can tell im going to hate joanna!!!
thanks for the recap!! well written !
8 of 18 | Posted by jexica | Posted on March 29, 2007 11:41 AM
hate the show, but love the recap!
9 of 18 | Posted by iamalittleexplosion![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 29, 2007 4:19 PM
Bad Girls is the only series where I read the recap without watching the show (not counting the Ripsi rampage - ahh, good times). Anyway, you done good, FirstTheWorst!
10 of 18 | Posted by Clair![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 29, 2007 4:33 PM
BRING BACK THE WONDERFUL TY AND LESLIE AND RIPSI!!
11 of 18 | Posted by SLIM | Posted on March 30, 2007 7:29 AM
What about the room situation? When JoJo and Andrea asked if they could room together, Zara said the other girls would not allow it. Then Zara tells the rest of the house that when they made the request she told them flat out told them no. She is such a two face. I swear that I have either meet or partied with Kerry in the past and her eyes freaked me out then too. Does she ever blink?
12 of 18 | Posted by 7costanza![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on March 30, 2007 8:20 AM
Yeah the editors definitely have a good time poking fun with how they cut to things. Like last week when someone was talking about how unfaithful Zara is and they cut to her kissing some girl.
I love that you took a cap from the opening of the show- those twitchy little dolls crack me up everytime. There's just something about them - I can't tell if I like them or hate them but I am mesmerized by their jerky movements.
Great recap - I really enjoyed it!
13 of 18 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on April 1, 2007 8:38 PM
you had me at "poor man's Vanessa Minillo."
14 of 18 | Posted by k37744![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 2, 2007 8:13 AM
My first impression of Joanna is that she is SUPER INSECURE and tries to point out how "tough" she is right off so that she puts that image in our minds before anything else. I see otherwise though. While her and Andrea were upstairs clinging together for safty--you could almost tell that Andrea wanted to go downstairs and meet the veteren girls more, but she didn't want to do it alone and Joanna was pointing out every little thing wrong in order to keep Andrea up there with her. Joanna just looks like another person who is going to talk behind everyone's backs, lie, and have sex with random guys--just like zara. OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ZARA!
Andrea seems down to earth, and she didn't really let us see into her right away. She didn't put it all out on the table like stupid joanna did. You can tell however, that she is spoiled and disgusted by everything but maybe she'll let it grow on her. I can't get over her cheeks though, haha!
This episode comming on tonight, the one with zara being neglected, looks GREAT TO ME because i fucking hate zara. I know girls like her and i like to bully them into saying something about me so i can get in there face infront of everyone and cuss the hell out of them. I absolutely hate people like zara and im getting mad just talking about it. I hope zara cuts herself in tonights episode, and then i hope she gets alcohol poisoning and leaves the show.
Anyone else think amy would be pretty(ier) if she wore less eye make up and did something different wit her bangs? I mean she's not ugly, and im sorry but not everyone's nose has to be like kerry's for them to be pretty, come on...she's not ugly guys.
15 of 18 | Posted by becky | Posted on April 3, 2007 8:12 AM
aimee is really getting on my nerves, talking so much trash about what she would do. when it comes down to it, that girl wont do shit all she does is talk. i dont like zara but when she was yelling at aimee and her big nose, i almost peed it was so funny!
the new girls are ok.. but andrea does look like a blowfish and i hate to say it but jodie is a lil tranny looking. but at least she doesnt have bug eyes like kerry. haha
16 of 18 | Posted by shy | Posted on April 4, 2007 11:01 PM
I actually like Zara she knows how to have fun i think aimee is jealous of her thats why she talks shit all the time like shes hard but she never does anything about it. the other girls only dont like zara becuz of wat aimee says. aimees the one they need to hate. I MISS Ripsi Ty and Leslie!
17 of 18 | Posted by yayshyna | Posted on April 5, 2007 10:39 AM
aimee i think u r a fucken stupid ass little cunt,u think your all that but your not i bet i could kick your ass,u and your big ass nose r fucken ugly,nobody likes u
18 of 18 | Posted by andrea | Posted on April 11, 2007 4:38 PM