Finally they get to their suite and are all excited and screaming. And it is gorgeous. Outside Tiff and Sarah are laying on some chairs and Sarah says "Oh Tiff I forgot something at the mansion. My morals." Haha. As if.
Midget and Amber decide to go exploring. Amber just wants to stay away from "them". And PurseGate continues. Midget is pissed that they all jumped on Amber for being pissed about her purse. Amber says she can't help it if "they" buy their purses from thrift stores. Midget is tired of the double standard and having to walk on eggshells around the other girls. I agree about the double standard but not about the stupid purse. It was an accident. Let it go. Midget predicts that they will get into a very big fight. So do I.
Must be potbelly season.
The next day some of the girls are in bikinis and Amber and Midget are dressed and off to do some more exploring. What I want to know, is when did the pot bellied look become normal?
Midget goes up to a massage booth and asks if they give "happy endings". She's strumming a tiny guitar. Midget tells us that its clear that the other girls don't want them around so they will just have fun together. Then she spots a giant lizard. Amber thinks its a komodo dragon and Midget thinks it's a crocodile. And she reaches down to pet it and screams and jumps and runs away.
That's the ugliest cat I've ever seen.
Back at the beach. the Flatulent Five are doing what they always do. Talking about the Ambers. Boston doesn't think the Ambers would be friends in the real world. Sarah says that some people were born to be famous and Amber was born to get the shit beat out of her. She says they are over the Ambers. Please, all you talk about is the Ambers! Shut it already.
Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber Amber........Amber.
Out in the water Bait finds a dead fish and assuming it fell out of her own crotch she grabs it. She starts moving it's lips and saying, "I am Amber, welcome to the Amber Show." They really cannot have a conversation without the Ambers can they?
Poor fish actually committed suicide.
The Ambers meanwhile are off accosting locals.
Me no habla skank.
They are interviewing one poor dude for the Amber Show. First question. How do you feel about condoms? He no habla english. Midget says "If you really like the girl do you poke holes in the condoms?" Blank stare. Then she hits him with some Spanish. "How do you feel being near a ring of vibrating rooster?" He has no clue. She says "Penis rings." he says "Yeah." The torture finally ends when he says he doesn't use those.
Back to the beach we see dudes. Bait introduces them as the Fabulous Five. First dude walks past her and asks what their names are. Andres shakes hands with Sarah and then Boston. Sarah is mucho impressed. Yvan does the same and then Bait tells them to call their friends so they can go out with them. She says there are five fabulous ones and two that you don't need to know.
I hope they've had their shots.
Trashley tells us that at first they didn't impress her but she got closer and suddenly she and Sarah were on their shoulders playing topless chicken. I hate when that happens. There I'll be at Wal-Mart and suddenly I am on a stockboys shoulders playing topless chicken with the butcher.
Twelve dolphins died from the skank slick.
Later the girls go out to eat and Midget says to us that she wants to try to talk to them and straighten all this crap out. Don't do it Midget. It's usless. Midget starts off by saying that when they were all getting ready she didn't feel like the five of them were inviting she and Amber.
Good vs. E-Ville!
Midget says she did her own thing because she wasn''t going to kiss their ass. Sarah says she didn't expect any ass kissing but that she was annoyed still about the purse thing. Amber tells her its over. Don't be mad. Sarah gets mad that Amber said don't get mad. And she tells her that their "friendship" is disposable. You know what isn't disposable? Underwear, you should wash them occasionally. Amber says "Shouldn't we try to.." but Sarah cuts her off with "I don't want to." Midget says "Why are you guys acting like that with me too if it's just her?" Sarah says because we are big whiny bitches and thats how we roll.
Blah blah blah fucking blah.
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Comments (17)
Hey Cherie!
I just wanna say that you are my e-hero! I love your recaps, and wait anxiously every week for your thoughts on the Hag 5. Aren't they a bunch of hideous bitches this week? I almost lost my voice from yelling at my TV over this epi.
"Midget Violence" is never ok. I hope they throw those nutbag bitches in jail. Then they will really get to meet some bad chicas. I am still scratching my head about why those 5 got so angry at her. But with how psychotic they are all are...they really dont need a reason. Midget held her own though. She is a tough little cookie, hence her nickname. I am disappointed in Tiff. I am no longer a fan. After she threatened to cut our Midget...she is done in my book.
Someone needs to throw Bait a log to gnaw on so she will shut her face. I wanna squeeze Boston's neck so hard her scary ass eyes pop out. Sarah and Trashley proved to be worthless wh0res as usual. I cant believe they were shocked they lost the contest. You cant win a wet body contest if you are sporting pot belly. Hey Sarah actually got wet during the contest! I wish someone woulda tossed her a bar of soap to go with.
Midget and I love your recaps so much! Every week we talk about how hilarious they are.Keep up the good work. Your recaps are way better than the show.
-WG
1 of 17 | Posted by Wonder Girl | Posted on March 6, 2009 4:08 AM
This episode disgusted me. What.s so bad about being potbellied and dancing around drunk in a bikini? If that.s what qualifies you as a bad ass bitch, well sign me up!
Also, do the Fat 5 talk about anybody else or do anything else besides hate the Ambers? They wouldn.t be friends if they didn.t have their mutual "hatred" to bond over.
And there is nothing bad about ganging up on a girl when she.s drunk and had NOTHING to do with the group of you looking like a bunchy of drunk crazies. I hope Midget does press charges...or that at least two of the Fat 5 go home. Stay strong, Cookie!
Just a quick question...where was the other Amber in all the madness? Was she holding someone back?
2 of 17 | Posted by lennonwhore | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:12 AM
Cherie
Great recap, thanks for getting it up so soon.
I have to say I was shocked about the fight, knew it was coming from the preview but it was just so irrational that Boston and Tiff ganged up on Midget, there was no reason.
As for Bait, I think Bait just hates Midget and is just looking for an excuse to start sh*t. A lot of this may be because Midget hit a nerve when she commented about Bait and Geezer's relationship, she had implied that Bait was just using Kevin and Kevin was just using her.
Thanks for sharing
K
3 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:14 AM
Where the hell was Amber B. She is such a coward. She should have helped her friend. She is the one dogg talking about everybody and because Midget is loyal to her she ends up taking up for her and being jumped by the other girls. The lesson learned is you can not keep pushing people's button's and expect them to remaim civil. And Amber is such an idiot talking about the porn stars while partying with them and then attacking the Porn Pirate. She is such a joke. I do not like her fugly ass at all. I have a friend like her, who is immature, a hater, always running her mouth about people and then running to me when someone she has dogged out wants to beat her ass. Amber is not a friend to Midget, b/c if my girl was getting jumped by 5 girls b/c of things I said then I would have jumped in and it would have been a brawl. Forget pulling hair.
4 of 17 | Posted by amiddla1969 | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:40 AM
I'm totally not a fan of the Flatulent Five, but . . . it seemed to me that Tiff was trying to break up the fight. Reading her blog on the bad girls website, she is remorseful about what happened. I can't believe that I just defended Tiff!
As for Bait, I read an interesting prespective of her on another site. The blogger suggested that Bait has an unhealthy obsession with the Ambers b/c she is not right in the head!! She brings them up in every conversation, they are all that she can talk about!
5 of 17 | Posted by krock21 | Posted on March 6, 2009 6:00 AM
Tiffany is psycho! God when she was going off about the announcer dude I was cringing with embarrassment for her. Although she seems like the type that will watch that episode and think her behavior was fine. Amber M if you do read this site you are my fav! You seem to be the only one on the show with any clear thought process. The fugly five are ridiculous. Amber B is annoying.
6 of 17 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:18 AM
Just read Tiff and Amber M (Midgit) blogs on another site. The posting was for the last episode but seems like Tiff feels her anger is justfied. Definately out of touch. Can hardly wait to see the blog for this week's episode.
K
7 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:24 AM
Lord this episode was killing me. Those banshees have really gone too far. And as for Amber, I only saw her for a few seconds and then she got the hell outta dodge. At first it did look like Tiff was trying to stop the hair pulling but something changed/snapped in her messed up head and she joined in. Whats so funny to me is that Tiff talks like she's so bad and then all she can do is slap at Midget until Boston helps her knock her to the ground. I'm having serious hate issues right now lol.
8 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:00 AM
Thanks for the great recap! This episode left me shaking, yes- those banshees went too far!
Trashley looked more like a pornstar than the pornstars. LOL- you know she was practising her poses.
I disagee with you and pursegate. Unless I missed it, Boston didn't apologize once. That would of been nice. It was an accident but you can be and say sorry for ruining an expensive bag and all it's contents. The thing about the UnFab 5 that has always got me is their double standard that Amber M is right on about. If it had been Amber who spilled a drink they'd all be all over her pissed off. None of "that was an accident" crap.
And ok, that bikini top is fugly but that doesn't give Bait the right to throw it into the ocean. On all kinds of levels, that girl is not right in the head. She disgusts me the most out of all the stanks.
And uhhh (speaking of stanks)... when Sarah said she hadn't ever lost a bikini contest my mouth dropped. Where was she doing them and was she the only contestant? It wasn't just a local girl but a hot local girl who won. Their kiss looked desperate.
Yeah. Like the emcee is going to apologize to Tiff. Right... That was stoopid.
Wonder Girl: I hadn't figured out the nickname but I think you did, thanks. She is a "tough little cookie". I hope she didn't get badly hurt, it looked like Boston got some kicks in and their was some kidney shots being thrown.
I bet they won't go to jail but what happens here? What are the rules? If you throw the first punch you are kicked out? So does Boston, Tiff, and Bait go home? Trashley wasn't trying to break it up, you can just tell she got in there and got some damage in. She should go home too but I think she'll get away with it. Sarah has always been a lover not a fighter, I give her props for holding Bait back. Amber M- she was probably squirming in a corner glad it wasn't her butt getting beat. Way to be there for your friend!
9 of 17 | Posted by mrs c | Posted on March 6, 2009 10:34 AM
I HATE THE FLATULENT FIVE!!!! They are the types of girls that will only fight in a group. I am in no way a fighter but i also would never continually call myself a bad ass and then only fight if i had four other people with me. Bait is the one who said she wanted to fight my midget for no other reason than she was released from the looney bin too soon. They all looked pathetic ganging up on her and then kicking her. They bitcheds because they didn't want to be part of them and when the ambers tried to make peace tiff says she's going to cut them? I hate those skanky ass bitches. I predict there will be a huge brawl on the reunion episode. I hope someone warns perez to bring some protection!
10 of 17 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:40 PM
OK I had to register just to post this. Cherie, I am new here (and late obviously) however, I have read all of your posts on this show and usually I am with you but on this I don't agree. After witnessing the "fab" five harrass the Ambers for the past four, five? shows how can you agree with anything they are doing and not see it as just another form of bullying? It's her (Amber's)money and she chooses to spend it on nice and expensive things so who are the five or anyone for that matter to feel it's ok to ruin it? And furthermore who are they to say she better shut up about it after they ruined HER shit? I'm utterly confused by their ("fab" five) logic and yours if you (as you do) agree! Lastly, I have to say I think Whitney did it on purpose because she is jelous of Amber's things as I have seen her in that HIDEOUS lepoard thing more than enough times!
11 of 17 | Posted by joi_abadgirl | Posted on March 8, 2009 10:08 PM
LOVE LOVE LOVE your recaps Cherie!!! You're the best. All I have to say is Bait has made me want to vomit from Episode 1. She literally makes my skin crawl for so many reasons. I thought after Tonya from the Real World, Speidi from the Hills, and the "Housewives" hags, it would be impossible for me to find a reality whore that I hate with as much passion as the others. She is exactly like that girl in high school who wants to be popular SO BAD, that she constantly is following around the "cool kids" even though no one really acknowledges her. They just refrain from telling her to fuck off cause she isn't even important enough for that. Bait is "that girl". She is the fakest, dumbest, most pathetic, insecure follower I have ever seen in my life, and I hope she gets kidnapped by a mexican, never to be seen again. Wonder how long it would take the others to notice?....did I mention I fucking HATE her glasses that always hang half-way off her nose? GRRRRRRR!!!!
12 of 17 | Posted by Tamitha | Posted on March 9, 2009 1:57 AM
I just do not understand the "fab 5" Do they not have any class at all? I do not feel Amber over reacted to alcohol spilling on her purse. If it would have happened to one of the others (accident or not) there would have been punches and worse thrown. They are just too out of control. I can not believe how angry they are constantly - most of the time for absolutely nothing. They all need help.
13 of 17 | Posted by What? | Posted on March 9, 2009 9:21 AM
I agree with What?; The Fat 5 were out of line about Amber's purse. I thought it was especially ridicules that Ashley had issue with the purse. Last time her purse was missing she threw a table in a bar and cussed out the employees of the bar.
K
14 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 9, 2009 11:31 AM
Tamitha: that's it! You have described Bait perfectly!!! The only thing you forgot is how much of an instigator she is and how she starts or talks crap and then runs behind her friends for them to "hold her back." HATE!
15 of 17 | Posted by mrs c | Posted on March 9, 2009 12:10 PM
Thanks for reading everyone!
In regards to Pursegate, I think I was thinking of the event as if it happened in the real world and not in Flatulent Fiveland. In the real world accidents happen especially when you are out drinking. I forgot we were dealing with bitches from hell and I seriously wouldn't doubt it if Boston did it on purpose. I never did see her apologize and after seeing her chickenshit hair pulling it seems exactly like something she would do.
And I agree Bait is one of the most hideous creatures I've ever seen on reality tv. Everything about her is gross. Actually pretty much all the FF are disgusting.
Can't wait for the next episode!
Smooches to all!
16 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 9, 2009 6:45 PM
Cherie,
I love your recap! Amazing! Seriously, last weeks episode was CRAZY! I can't wait til tonight's episode! The fight was super messed up and I think "Cookie" should ditch "Ambuh" B cause she is a worthless douchebag.
17 of 17 | Posted by k8y2886 | Posted on March 10, 2009 10:42 AM