There's lots of drinking, dancing, kissing random strangers. So far so good. They go from place to place and wander out into the street where they see Frog Dude. Also known as Billy O'Rourke from Sunsplash Tours. They basically tackle his ass.
Off they go to Daddy-O's for a wet body contest. Sarah tells us that she, Bait, Trashley and the Amber's will be competing. She also tells us she's never lost a bathing suit competition in her life. Or taken an actual shower with soap.
Sarah is up first. She does her trademark squiggly assed thing. Trashley comes out next and looks like she's taking a poo.
Bait, Midget and Amber don't place. Midget tells us that Sarah and Trashley place in the contest and she isn't too impressed that she didn't win. Some chick from Mexico comes out to perform and we see this.
So Trashley and Sarah decide that they will make out onstage so they can beat the other girl. Some security dude goes to pull them apart.
Announcer dude is trying to announce the winner but Boston won't shut the hell up and keeps yelling "We are number one all the time!" Causing all the girls to start yelling "Number ONE!" Causing Announcer Dude to yell, Escuse me, Escuse me! Then we see the back of Tiffs head as she is yelling at the dude and he yells for her to shut up! Tiff says "No you shut up." He says "Silence!"
He points to Sarah and says "Contestant number one." and some people yell and clap and Sarah swings her saggies all around.
Then "Contestant number 2." and Trashley tries to get her cement boobs to move. Some screams and clapping.
Then "Contestant number 3." And the whole place goes nuts. She's a local. Contestant number 3 wins! And Sarah does this.
Sarah is pissed. Trashley is pissed. For some reason Tiff is more pissed than anyone. Announcer Dude says not to blame him, it wasn't his decision. Then he and Tiff start going at it and Tiff says someone threw shit onstage from behind her and Announcer Dude told her to "Shut up and stop throwing shit." Tiff is offended and wants an apology. And she yells for Announcer Dude to get off the stage. And we see this shit.
And this..
And she grabs Announcer Dude's crotch.
Then she walks over to the girls and somehow starts yelling at Sarah....
She keeps screaming and snot is running down her mouth and she says she is "going to fuck him up!" She has lost her mind and keeps screaming that she didn't throw shit.
Wipe your nose you nasty bitch!
Meanwhile Trashley can't get over losing and is announcing that if they were in Seattle or Beverly Hills she would win. Stuff a sock in it skank. No one cares.
Then we see Midget dancing on a pole. She tells us she's really drunk and not really paying attention and I see where this is going already. Someone has offended Tiff in TiffWorld and so no one else is allowed to have fun. And Midget is having fun.
Happily unaware in Midgetland.
Back to Tiff screaming "nothing is gonna stand in my way. I'll fuck him up." and Boston's stupid ass saying "I will be right behind you." Sarah tells us that Tiff is pissed at Announcer Dude. Trashley is pissed because she lost and that Midget is off in her own little world dancing and everyone is annoyed with each other. So Boston gets a wild hair up her ass and jumps onstage looking for Announcer dude. She is demanding an apology for her girl. Are you kidding me? She tells us that she is the backbone of the group and if she doesn't stand up no one will. Okie dokie whackadoo.
It's all Midget's fault!
Meanwhile Midget is still dancing away. Boston goes and kisses Tiff's ass and tells her she went and gave that guy what fer cause that's how much she loves her. Tiff tells us that the Fab Five protect each other and the Amber's have no idea cause they only have each other. Did I miss something? What the hell did any of that have to do with the Amber's?
Coming soon to a nuthouse near you.
Here comes Bait to follow right along and start yelling at Amber that they "have each others backs so where is her friend? She's inside dancing and singing and you look like an idiot." Amber tells us that Bait and the Fake Five are full of shit and she just wants to get the hell out of there.
Huh?
« RuPaul's Drag Race: When A Fairy Met Sally | Main | American Idol Results and Wild Card: Not the Best Voice We've Heard... so You're In! »
Comments (17)
Hey Cherie!
I just wanna say that you are my e-hero! I love your recaps, and wait anxiously every week for your thoughts on the Hag 5. Aren't they a bunch of hideous bitches this week? I almost lost my voice from yelling at my TV over this epi.
"Midget Violence" is never ok. I hope they throw those nutbag bitches in jail. Then they will really get to meet some bad chicas. I am still scratching my head about why those 5 got so angry at her. But with how psychotic they are all are...they really dont need a reason. Midget held her own though. She is a tough little cookie, hence her nickname. I am disappointed in Tiff. I am no longer a fan. After she threatened to cut our Midget...she is done in my book.
Someone needs to throw Bait a log to gnaw on so she will shut her face. I wanna squeeze Boston's neck so hard her scary ass eyes pop out. Sarah and Trashley proved to be worthless wh0res as usual. I cant believe they were shocked they lost the contest. You cant win a wet body contest if you are sporting pot belly. Hey Sarah actually got wet during the contest! I wish someone woulda tossed her a bar of soap to go with.
Midget and I love your recaps so much! Every week we talk about how hilarious they are.Keep up the good work. Your recaps are way better than the show.
-WG
1 of 17 | Posted by Wonder Girl | Posted on March 6, 2009 4:08 AM
This episode disgusted me. What.s so bad about being potbellied and dancing around drunk in a bikini? If that.s what qualifies you as a bad ass bitch, well sign me up!
Also, do the Fat 5 talk about anybody else or do anything else besides hate the Ambers? They wouldn.t be friends if they didn.t have their mutual "hatred" to bond over.
And there is nothing bad about ganging up on a girl when she.s drunk and had NOTHING to do with the group of you looking like a bunchy of drunk crazies. I hope Midget does press charges...or that at least two of the Fat 5 go home. Stay strong, Cookie!
Just a quick question...where was the other Amber in all the madness? Was she holding someone back?
2 of 17 | Posted by lennonwhore | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:12 AM
Cherie
Great recap, thanks for getting it up so soon.
I have to say I was shocked about the fight, knew it was coming from the preview but it was just so irrational that Boston and Tiff ganged up on Midget, there was no reason.
As for Bait, I think Bait just hates Midget and is just looking for an excuse to start sh*t. A lot of this may be because Midget hit a nerve when she commented about Bait and Geezer's relationship, she had implied that Bait was just using Kevin and Kevin was just using her.
Thanks for sharing
K
3 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:14 AM
Where the hell was Amber B. She is such a coward. She should have helped her friend. She is the one dogg talking about everybody and because Midget is loyal to her she ends up taking up for her and being jumped by the other girls. The lesson learned is you can not keep pushing people's button's and expect them to remaim civil. And Amber is such an idiot talking about the porn stars while partying with them and then attacking the Porn Pirate. She is such a joke. I do not like her fugly ass at all. I have a friend like her, who is immature, a hater, always running her mouth about people and then running to me when someone she has dogged out wants to beat her ass. Amber is not a friend to Midget, b/c if my girl was getting jumped by 5 girls b/c of things I said then I would have jumped in and it would have been a brawl. Forget pulling hair.
4 of 17 | Posted by amiddla1969 | Posted on March 6, 2009 5:40 AM
I'm totally not a fan of the Flatulent Five, but . . . it seemed to me that Tiff was trying to break up the fight. Reading her blog on the bad girls website, she is remorseful about what happened. I can't believe that I just defended Tiff!
As for Bait, I read an interesting prespective of her on another site. The blogger suggested that Bait has an unhealthy obsession with the Ambers b/c she is not right in the head!! She brings them up in every conversation, they are all that she can talk about!
5 of 17 | Posted by krock21 | Posted on March 6, 2009 6:00 AM
Tiffany is psycho! God when she was going off about the announcer dude I was cringing with embarrassment for her. Although she seems like the type that will watch that episode and think her behavior was fine. Amber M if you do read this site you are my fav! You seem to be the only one on the show with any clear thought process. The fugly five are ridiculous. Amber B is annoying.
6 of 17 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:18 AM
Just read Tiff and Amber M (Midgit) blogs on another site. The posting was for the last episode but seems like Tiff feels her anger is justfied. Definately out of touch. Can hardly wait to see the blog for this week's episode.
K
7 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 6, 2009 8:24 AM
Lord this episode was killing me. Those banshees have really gone too far. And as for Amber, I only saw her for a few seconds and then she got the hell outta dodge. At first it did look like Tiff was trying to stop the hair pulling but something changed/snapped in her messed up head and she joined in. Whats so funny to me is that Tiff talks like she's so bad and then all she can do is slap at Midget until Boston helps her knock her to the ground. I'm having serious hate issues right now lol.
8 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 6, 2009 9:00 AM
Thanks for the great recap! This episode left me shaking, yes- those banshees went too far!
Trashley looked more like a pornstar than the pornstars. LOL- you know she was practising her poses.
I disagee with you and pursegate. Unless I missed it, Boston didn't apologize once. That would of been nice. It was an accident but you can be and say sorry for ruining an expensive bag and all it's contents. The thing about the UnFab 5 that has always got me is their double standard that Amber M is right on about. If it had been Amber who spilled a drink they'd all be all over her pissed off. None of "that was an accident" crap.
And ok, that bikini top is fugly but that doesn't give Bait the right to throw it into the ocean. On all kinds of levels, that girl is not right in the head. She disgusts me the most out of all the stanks.
And uhhh (speaking of stanks)... when Sarah said she hadn't ever lost a bikini contest my mouth dropped. Where was she doing them and was she the only contestant? It wasn't just a local girl but a hot local girl who won. Their kiss looked desperate.
Yeah. Like the emcee is going to apologize to Tiff. Right... That was stoopid.
Wonder Girl: I hadn't figured out the nickname but I think you did, thanks. She is a "tough little cookie". I hope she didn't get badly hurt, it looked like Boston got some kicks in and their was some kidney shots being thrown.
I bet they won't go to jail but what happens here? What are the rules? If you throw the first punch you are kicked out? So does Boston, Tiff, and Bait go home? Trashley wasn't trying to break it up, you can just tell she got in there and got some damage in. She should go home too but I think she'll get away with it. Sarah has always been a lover not a fighter, I give her props for holding Bait back. Amber M- she was probably squirming in a corner glad it wasn't her butt getting beat. Way to be there for your friend!
9 of 17 | Posted by mrs c | Posted on March 6, 2009 10:34 AM
I HATE THE FLATULENT FIVE!!!! They are the types of girls that will only fight in a group. I am in no way a fighter but i also would never continually call myself a bad ass and then only fight if i had four other people with me. Bait is the one who said she wanted to fight my midget for no other reason than she was released from the looney bin too soon. They all looked pathetic ganging up on her and then kicking her. They bitcheds because they didn't want to be part of them and when the ambers tried to make peace tiff says she's going to cut them? I hate those skanky ass bitches. I predict there will be a huge brawl on the reunion episode. I hope someone warns perez to bring some protection!
10 of 17 | Posted by flowie623 | Posted on March 6, 2009 12:40 PM
OK I had to register just to post this. Cherie, I am new here (and late obviously) however, I have read all of your posts on this show and usually I am with you but on this I don't agree. After witnessing the "fab" five harrass the Ambers for the past four, five? shows how can you agree with anything they are doing and not see it as just another form of bullying? It's her (Amber's)money and she chooses to spend it on nice and expensive things so who are the five or anyone for that matter to feel it's ok to ruin it? And furthermore who are they to say she better shut up about it after they ruined HER shit? I'm utterly confused by their ("fab" five) logic and yours if you (as you do) agree! Lastly, I have to say I think Whitney did it on purpose because she is jelous of Amber's things as I have seen her in that HIDEOUS lepoard thing more than enough times!
11 of 17 | Posted by joi_abadgirl | Posted on March 8, 2009 10:08 PM
LOVE LOVE LOVE your recaps Cherie!!! You're the best. All I have to say is Bait has made me want to vomit from Episode 1. She literally makes my skin crawl for so many reasons. I thought after Tonya from the Real World, Speidi from the Hills, and the "Housewives" hags, it would be impossible for me to find a reality whore that I hate with as much passion as the others. She is exactly like that girl in high school who wants to be popular SO BAD, that she constantly is following around the "cool kids" even though no one really acknowledges her. They just refrain from telling her to fuck off cause she isn't even important enough for that. Bait is "that girl". She is the fakest, dumbest, most pathetic, insecure follower I have ever seen in my life, and I hope she gets kidnapped by a mexican, never to be seen again. Wonder how long it would take the others to notice?....did I mention I fucking HATE her glasses that always hang half-way off her nose? GRRRRRRR!!!!
12 of 17 | Posted by Tamitha | Posted on March 9, 2009 1:57 AM
I just do not understand the "fab 5" Do they not have any class at all? I do not feel Amber over reacted to alcohol spilling on her purse. If it would have happened to one of the others (accident or not) there would have been punches and worse thrown. They are just too out of control. I can not believe how angry they are constantly - most of the time for absolutely nothing. They all need help.
13 of 17 | Posted by What? | Posted on March 9, 2009 9:21 AM
I agree with What?; The Fat 5 were out of line about Amber's purse. I thought it was especially ridicules that Ashley had issue with the purse. Last time her purse was missing she threw a table in a bar and cussed out the employees of the bar.
K
14 of 17 | Posted by gasmreader | Posted on March 9, 2009 11:31 AM
Tamitha: that's it! You have described Bait perfectly!!! The only thing you forgot is how much of an instigator she is and how she starts or talks crap and then runs behind her friends for them to "hold her back." HATE!
15 of 17 | Posted by mrs c | Posted on March 9, 2009 12:10 PM
Thanks for reading everyone!
In regards to Pursegate, I think I was thinking of the event as if it happened in the real world and not in Flatulent Fiveland. In the real world accidents happen especially when you are out drinking. I forgot we were dealing with bitches from hell and I seriously wouldn't doubt it if Boston did it on purpose. I never did see her apologize and after seeing her chickenshit hair pulling it seems exactly like something she would do.
And I agree Bait is one of the most hideous creatures I've ever seen on reality tv. Everything about her is gross. Actually pretty much all the FF are disgusting.
Can't wait for the next episode!
Smooches to all!
16 of 17 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on March 9, 2009 6:45 PM
Cherie,
I love your recap! Amazing! Seriously, last weeks episode was CRAZY! I can't wait til tonight's episode! The fight was super messed up and I think "Cookie" should ditch "Ambuh" B cause she is a worthless douchebag.
17 of 17 | Posted by k8y2886 | Posted on March 10, 2009 10:42 AM