Tonight on Beauty and the Geek, we learned absolutely nothing we didn't already know or could have inferred from past episodes: Sam is a dominator (and the recipient of some gender bias in his favor), Jasmine is afraid of bugs, and William and Jen want nothing more than to have a go at each other's jugulars (which usually means that underneath, they really just want to have sex. But I'm pretty sure they just want to sever some necessary arteries).
We kick off the episode back in America, safe in the mansion. All of the teams wake up beside each other. Wait, what?? Was I the only one who didn't know that they sleep together whether or not they're... you know... sleeping together?
Where have I been?
Way to join the party nine episodes late, O. Snapp. Jen and William disdainfully watch each other get ready for the day, brush their teeth, etc. with "I would love to watch you die a slow, excruciating death" looks on their faces. William unenthusiastically tells us that, you know, "there's still that monetary prize" to be won, so what the hell, maybe he'll try to win. You're earning your Loser title more and more every day, Ringo. Elsewhere in the manse, Joshua roots around in his suitcase for some unknown object (double dildo?) while Chez plays with her nails and muses on their achievements thus far. "Do you agree?" she challenges. "I agree," he replies. "Good," she finishes, and here is where I start to see the Jewish IT-guy and trophy wife in them. They're adorable.
"Now, where did I put that cock ring?"
As the remaining teams assemble in the study, Jen bravely tells the group that she works better under pressure and is willing to work hard to help her team accomplish their goals. Supportive William gives her a pat on the back and shouts, "We're gonna win!" No, just kidding, he just shakes his head and silently laughs at her during her little speech.
"Heheh... loser..."
Handsome Host announces that the beautes will be studying zoology, herpetology, mammology, and entymology. Blank stares all around. Well, kids, I'll tell ya, I did not have a blank stare. O. Snapp's dad is a wildlife biologist. I've met scientists of all of the above disciplines, and been to their houses, and believe you me, a herpetologist's home does NOT smell like potpourri. No sir, it smells like an orgy of gila monsters just shat on the moltings of one hundred snakes and lizards. Good luck, girls (and gent).
The geeks, on the other hand, get to study mixology, which, for those of you not familiar with the term, is the study of mixing. (It's pretty scientific. Don't sweat it.) So basically the geeks have to do their best impression of Tom Cruise in "Cocktail." Ahh, the days of Tom Cruise before Scientology. So cute.
Aw, what ever happened to you, Little Lamb?
This really draws the ire of Sam, who "belongs behind the bar." Yeah, moron. It's not supposed to be easy. That's why you're not doing it. That's also why you're not doing a challenge that tests your tequila tolerance or knowledge of genital herpes. But yes, this mixology trend is gaining a lot of momentum since they applied a technical name to it. I've seen the contests on Food Network, and usually the bartenders are smarmy-looking greaseballs with spiky hair (or a curly mullet), one or more earrings, and names like "Julio."
Yep, looks about right
Julio here tells us that in no time, they'll be tossing around bottles. I have no doubt about that. My doubt lies in whether they'll be catching those bottles. As you may remember, one of the things that classifies William as a nerd is the fact that he's a master juggler. Naturally, he uses his skillz to try to become the teacher's pet.
Go Whitey
If he wins this fucking challenge with that douche look on his face I will puke all over my TV. Meanwhile, the girls (and girlie-man) are studying animals and their Latin names. Jasmine just hopes that their challenge won't have to do with bugs. Therefore, it will have to do with bugs. Chez agrees, then reminisces about this one time when she was bit by a spider, telling the tale with that Fiesty Black Girl "Mm-Mmm, mm-mm..." With Head Shake, as though she's Rosa Parks recalling that one time on the bus, as though it's almost too horrible of a memory for words. I can't wait to see her interact with a spider in fifteen to twenty minutes.
"Oh HELL to the no."
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Comments (7)
Once again, I didn't get to watch - which makes me appreciate your recaps that much more.
Thanks for remembering my comment.
I think the beauty challenges are biased in favor of most males - rather than specifically just to "geeks". In other words, almost any guy would have an edge over most women (and particularly this narrow sub-set of women).
Nicole is great. She clearly has more inner beauty than any of the others.
I feel sorry for William. Social cluelessness does not often lead to happiness. Could he be related to Ronald on "Amazing Race"?
1 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 16, 2007 1:43 PM
The end was a crying shame. They were my favorite couple. I love the way she treated him like a new puppy. William and Jen need to go away.
2 of 7 | Posted by geewits | Posted on November 16, 2007 3:55 PM
Another great recap O.Snapp! I was crackin up forever at your paragraph on Nicole bartending.. I feel the exact same way.. like why do they keep letting her wear that hat?!?!
3 of 7 | Posted by steez | Posted on November 16, 2007 4:12 PM
Sam keeps kickin' ass because he is actually reading the info and taking time to learn what he needs to.
William really makes me mad. It seems like he is the type that totally got ignored in high school and was wishing people would pay attention to him. He is just mean and treating Jen (I am not saying I like Jen) exactly like he was treated. It is sad when people can't move past high school. **okay, I just looked up his age - 25, by the way he was talking about high school, I thought he was 21 or 22.
4 of 7 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on November 17, 2007 12:35 AM
When william got his question correctly, I just screamed 'NO' over and over again at my teevee. Shay and Josh were the ones who needed to learn the most, and they were doing so well. Very sad.
It's funny... In the beginning of the series, Dave was so arrogant and didn't want to get close to Jas at all, and we saw nothing about William. Now, it's turned around. I don't think, at the beginning of this, Dave would have baked Jas brownies to make her feel better. I teared up.
I tried to give William the benefit of the doubt back at the superhero challenge, since Jen was so obsessed with her boobs. But he reallyREALLY is terrible. You don't judge people because they look like the people who beat you up in hs. Please. And Jen is so willing to try and talk to him, and he just turns her away.
5 of 7 | Posted by trey | Posted on November 17, 2007 1:37 AM
"Will says sardonically, "Now, why would I even own cutoffs?" as though she had just suggested he wear his spacesuit."
Uhmmm...he probably owns a spacesuit.
6 of 7 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 17, 2007 8:47 PM
I'm sad Josh and Chez are gone - they deserve that $$ more than anthony michael hall from sixteen candles - I mean William.
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I know if I was there during the beauty challenge I would've just stood there wimpering like a girly-girl, coming up with fake allergies and shit. Even though I like Jas, I was hoping she wouldn't touch any of the bugs/snakes/spiders/frogs so we could be lame together! Seriously, I could barely even watch it on TV - pretty much had my eyes closed the whole time!
I really am rooting for Jas and Dave though!
7 of 7 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:54 AM