After a series of attempts in which she sticks her hand in a cage and then frightfully yanks it out before grabbing anything, Jasmine finally picks up the animal that looks most like her - the toad. Yay, now she's on a roll! Go, Jas! You know, all of these bugs are probably lounging around in their cages, all, "Ewwww! Gigantic, aesthetically symmetrical, screaming monsters are trying to grab at us! Disgusting!!" All this while Chez complains that the snake could probably eat her. Yes, Chez. It will eat you whole. Alive. You will see the inside of the snake's belly while you die a slow death. In what, a snake the size of their mansion???? Please.
Maybe she'll finally find her prince.
After ten full minutes, Jasmine has only delivered three creatures. Actually, for as afraid as she was, that's better than I thought she would do. Both Sam and Chez have put all seven in terraria, and Jen got 4. Jasmine wasn't right about any of their names, Chez and Jen both only got one right, and Sam accurately put 5 out of 7 animals in their proper cages. I tells ya, Sam has a goddamn monopoly on the beauty challenges. I can't think of even one that he didn't win. Okay, I guess there was that one teaching challenge, but that's seriously the only one I can remember that he didn't win. I call shenanigans on that.
Back home, the beauties recount their day-o-fun to their partners, and later Jasmine and Dave have a heart-to-heart in the kitchen. Jasmine confides that she feels disappointed in herself, but Dave says even three animals was a huge step for her. I hear violins being piped in from somewhere. To make her feel better, Dave not only listens intently, but also makes brownies for Jas. What a sweetheart.
"There better be some pot in there."
Did you guys know Chez is a bartender? Therefore, she has all of the knowledge necessary to help Josh kick this competition's ass. (Actually, I wouldn't be very surprised if all of the beauties worked as bartenders, but that's neither here nor there.) Chez prepares Josh by applying both hairspray and sunless tanner to Josh's pasty virgin visage, and Josh muses that he thinks everyone thinks of them as an old married couple. Yes! That's exactly what I just said, fourteen paragraphs ago! In another room Jen tells William that he should wear cutoffs or something. First of all, that's just wrong. Second of all, Will says sardonically, "Now, why would I even own cutoffs?" as though she had just suggested he wear his spacesuit. Later, he practices his bottle-flipping technique all over the premises and brags that no one has any competition on him right now. Cut to William dropping every object he touches. Nice one, editors. His cockiness is getting on everyone's nerves, including Sam's.
"Dude... you're kind of a douche."
In the house, Jasmine dresses Dave up in a suit with bow-tie and I can't help but giggle at the sight of Nicole twirling bottles around in the background of this shot.
What a cutie. At the challenge, Josh is up first wearing a black t-shirt and gold chain. Nice styling, thanks Chez. Although incredibly endearing, Joshua is not technically competent in mixology, and more liquid involved in his pina colada ends up on the floor (or on his shirt or in his hair) than in the glass.
Next up is Nicole. Dear readers, I cannot describe to you the extent of my affection for this girl. It is matched only by my pity for her innate dorkiness. First of all, she's wearing a pink cow-patterned "Blossom" hat. What the hell, Sam? You couldn't throw a goddamn gold chain on her?? Second of all, when she shimmies and shakes while shakin' her martinis, I feel like I'm watching my grandma get down at a rave, circa 1994. Thirdly, as if all of that weren't bad enough, she feels compelled not only to have music at her "bar," but she MAKES the music. She "doo-doo-do-do"s her way through a techno song (I believe it's "Y'all Ready For This") whilst spinning her bottles and I just don't know whether to laugh, cry, or yank that fucking hat off of her adorable head.
Well, at least she shaves her pits.
William enters with the confidence of a dragon and wearing an outfit that makes him look like a small-circuit poker player. Shoulda gone with the cutoffs, Bucko. Listen to your busty friend next time. Anyway, he drops at least seven bottles and makes such a mess out of his cocktails that, at one point, he inspires everyone to flee the table.
Nice Tom Cruise impression. Spot-on.
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Comments (7)
Once again, I didn't get to watch - which makes me appreciate your recaps that much more.
Thanks for remembering my comment.
I think the beauty challenges are biased in favor of most males - rather than specifically just to "geeks". In other words, almost any guy would have an edge over most women (and particularly this narrow sub-set of women).
Nicole is great. She clearly has more inner beauty than any of the others.
I feel sorry for William. Social cluelessness does not often lead to happiness. Could he be related to Ronald on "Amazing Race"?
1 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 16, 2007 1:43 PM
The end was a crying shame. They were my favorite couple. I love the way she treated him like a new puppy. William and Jen need to go away.
2 of 7 | Posted by geewits | Posted on November 16, 2007 3:55 PM
Another great recap O.Snapp! I was crackin up forever at your paragraph on Nicole bartending.. I feel the exact same way.. like why do they keep letting her wear that hat?!?!
3 of 7 | Posted by steez | Posted on November 16, 2007 4:12 PM
Sam keeps kickin' ass because he is actually reading the info and taking time to learn what he needs to.
William really makes me mad. It seems like he is the type that totally got ignored in high school and was wishing people would pay attention to him. He is just mean and treating Jen (I am not saying I like Jen) exactly like he was treated. It is sad when people can't move past high school. **okay, I just looked up his age - 25, by the way he was talking about high school, I thought he was 21 or 22.
4 of 7 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on November 17, 2007 12:35 AM
When william got his question correctly, I just screamed 'NO' over and over again at my teevee. Shay and Josh were the ones who needed to learn the most, and they were doing so well. Very sad.
It's funny... In the beginning of the series, Dave was so arrogant and didn't want to get close to Jas at all, and we saw nothing about William. Now, it's turned around. I don't think, at the beginning of this, Dave would have baked Jas brownies to make her feel better. I teared up.
I tried to give William the benefit of the doubt back at the superhero challenge, since Jen was so obsessed with her boobs. But he reallyREALLY is terrible. You don't judge people because they look like the people who beat you up in hs. Please. And Jen is so willing to try and talk to him, and he just turns her away.
5 of 7 | Posted by trey | Posted on November 17, 2007 1:37 AM
"Will says sardonically, "Now, why would I even own cutoffs?" as though she had just suggested he wear his spacesuit."
Uhmmm...he probably owns a spacesuit.
6 of 7 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on November 17, 2007 8:47 PM
I'm sad Josh and Chez are gone - they deserve that $$ more than anthony michael hall from sixteen candles - I mean William.
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I know if I was there during the beauty challenge I would've just stood there wimpering like a girly-girl, coming up with fake allergies and shit. Even though I like Jas, I was hoping she wouldn't touch any of the bugs/snakes/spiders/frogs so we could be lame together! Seriously, I could barely even watch it on TV - pretty much had my eyes closed the whole time!
I really am rooting for Jas and Dave though!
7 of 7 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:54 AM