To many Californians, a trip to Big Bear is either 1. mandatory by order of parents or 2. mandatory by order of school field trip. But not for the Dorks and the Bitches; in fact, for them, having the CW send them off to Big Bear is like witnessing the reformation of The Beatles, or seeing God, or tripping out on some gooey Jenkem. Elation aside, one can only wonder WHO WILL DIE UNDER AN AVALANCHE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN AN EPISODE WHEN FACTORING IN VERY COLD WEATHER CONDITIONS?! WHERE AM I GOING TO FIT IN THE WORD "SNOWBALLING" IN A SEXUAL CONTEXT IN THIS ENTIRE RECAP!?!!?!?!?
Jessie Spano-grade Excitement
"...It's like a vacation!" says Leticia.
Yes. Yes, it is.
After finding out that their next adventures will include a couple days in Big Bear Lake, the Dorks and the Bitches headed to the kitchen to eat a cake that just-eliminated Gaysian had baked earlier in the day; it was a moment that could only be described as "inappropriately morose" seeing that their cake worship was along the lines of mourning Gaysian's death. Bizarre, and truly a milestone in awkward time-filling.
That is one very, very delicious and gay cake.
In classic Cowboy Joe fashion, Cowboy Joe gave a eyelids-half-open reflection on the elimination of Gaysian. While the rest of the gang were silently hurling, CJ was completely oblivious to their disinterest. Camaraderie, party of 1!
Goodbye, English rose...
Sweatervest alluded everyone eating Gaysian's cake to taking in the body of Christ. That isn't a joke. In fact, it's quite accurate.
Our Gaysian, who art in Brentwood...
Before they left, the Dorks and the Bitches agreed that this trip to Big Bear would put all drama behind, and that they would all now be one big happy fucking family. All I was thinking was, "Wow, this looks like that Saved by the Bell movie where they all go to Vegas for that one wedding."
Road trip omfgz!!!!
Upon arrival, the Dorks and the Bitches are seemingly impressed, especially with all the cabin perks that have convinced them they are, in fact, living in heaven.
Cara and Chris, though, well, they're on the rocks: in the final stretch of this game, they're not communicating and it's bugging the living shit out of Cara. Fortunately for Chris, this could actually mean his first handjob should he fulfill his partner's need for attention. Now THAT'S strategy.
"...checkmate."
Meanwhile, BuffGeek is in the sauna, and he convinced Cowboy Joe to join him in ball sweating, manly-man bonding. Could this mean a new alliance?
"Once our taints are dripping, how 'bout we go get a drink?"
Cowboy Joe leaves BuffGeek alone to search for Tara outside. It is then we find out that Joe not only has a crush on her, but LOVES her. "She is the best ...person in the world." And I am Brad fucking Pitt.
Tara's TOTALLY not digging the fact that his partner's TOTALLY crushing on him, so she's in that really awkward spot, like when you're at prom, and you feel your date totally growing a boner when you're both dancing to "Careless Whisper." Yeah, it's really bad. But Joe, like most other cowboys, loves the hurtin'!
"DO IT AGAIN, YOU DIRTY WHORE, SNOWBALL ME AGAIN."
That is so hot.
Anyway, the feelings aren't mutual, and it's like high school all over again. Smell the progress!
Later that night, everyone shifts from the cold outside to the heat in the jacuzzi, which was no hotter than Laticia's BANGIN' body.
Happy Birthday, Mr. HugoStopppppp
Only on TVGasm is the objectification of women fun AND acceptable!
It really looks like a ComicCon and AdultCon orgy in the making, and you get the sense that shit is going to get NASSSTYYYY SEXXXUUALLLISSSTIIC when Tara -- the apple in Cowboy Joe's eye -- IS TOTALLY RUBBING OFF SWEATERVEST!!!! LISTEN ALL OF Y'ALL, IT'S A SABOTAGE!!!
Sweatervest's O-face.
Cowboy Joe is PISSED. For the first time ever, we actually sympathize for him.
In the other room, by a candlelit piano, are Cokebottle and Cara, totally sharing a moment in playing something other than Chopsticks. I have to say, for being a geek, Cokebottle knows the way to a woman's boobs: tickling some serious ivories.
"Have you ever heard of... BILLY JOEL??????"
...which inevitably led to a cuddle session --
She's got a wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...
The CW has redefined "cabin fever" to "THE DEFLOWERING OF YOUNG MALE ADULTS." Gotta love it.
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Comments (1)
Cara did not convince me at all that she had any feelings for CokeBottle. She was just wanting more camera time.
And I thought from the beginning that sweatervest was not a geek and I'm more convinced now. It's all an act with him.
1 of 1 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on May 9, 2008 1:36 PM