Season finales blow; saying goodbye to the people you've secretly held an emotional attachment to is really sad for about five minutes, and this is especially true in reality TV, where that slump could last for TEN minutes. Following the swan song to this season's Bitches and Dorks, it's going to be hard to imagine one night a week where sexism and classism are void from television. That's your cue to scoff.
"I HATE MAPQUEST."
What better way to end an installment than with a three-way? ...Of competition!? Oh, ME!
Disclaimer: Not actually a three-way
Host announces to the final three couples that the finale is reserved for TWO couples, and that one must leave "RIGHT. NOW."
The quickie elimination competition was simple: The couple with the least number of correct answers regarding knowledge of their house mates is OUT.
It was like the poor man's The Newlywed Game, except that these contestants don't have to worry about alimony.
Question 1: What does your geek think is your hidden talent?
"How do you spell 'teabag'...?"
Question 2: If your beauty had a superpower, which one would it be?
Chris: man of many syllables
To which Cara replied -- and I'm not making this up -- "That's... stupid. I don't even know what that is."
The questions got really lame, and it ended up like this:
The tribe has spoken, your journey ends here, and you are oot; step off da runway.
America, your final four:
Cokebottle and Leticia were the only believable couple who said they really enjoyed each other's company, so it was kinda sweet seeing them end on a pact made earlier in the season: their exit, no matter how painful it may be, must be done in dance.
Doin' the Roger Rabbit
Dry those eyes and start those engines -- final competition comin' up!
...But first, an obligatory retrospective.
Gaysian: The only one worth remembering.
Final guys: "I learned about myself! Blah blah blah! I can talk to girls now, WITHOUT giving them my credit card number!"
Final girls: "I learned about myself! Blah blah blah! I'm not a judgmental cunt anymore!"
As part of a reward for making it to the end, the CW surprised the final two with a brunch with all the eliminated as guests to the event.
Reunited n' it feels so cold...
And the money shot came at a time all too appropriate:
OMFG GAYSIAN SIGHTING!!!
The smiles and emotions were on overdrive, until they all realized they still hated each other and started giving out drama like free fucking candy: Amber has the hots for Sweatervest, confronts him for grabbing ass with Tara, Amber confronts whowhatnow for something she did with something or other, Amber this, Christina that -- point is, everyone's still unforgiving with Amber's dirty laundry list of dirty laundry, and with Christina, probably bored with doing nothing with her mouth, distracted herself by talking shit about everyone behind everyone's back during the event. FUN FAMILY BRUNCH!!!
D-R-A-M-A: DRAWMUH
It was just a hot mess of stupid girls talking a lot of shit about nothing, getting riled up about their already-tained reputations becoming more tained (if that's even REMOTELY possible).
Meanwhile, Amber's got Sweatervest on cock-lockdown; she sees his six-figure victory as her ticket to free shopping.
"I am doing this simply because I am a whore."
Shit got nasty awkward at dinner later, after it was found out that the ENTIRE cast would be staying overnight. Sweatervest's partner was afraid he was getting too close to Amber and losing sight of the game. Tears JUSTIFIED.
*crickets*
The following day...
The final two couples woke up to find that everyone ...had vanished.
Host says that the final competition will be to FIND the eliminated Beauties and Geeks, all with ONLY their knowledge and memory from the day they started the game -- and all within 3 hours.
The eliminated B&Gs are in several spots in Los Angeles that reflect each one's personality or favorite hobby, and the final two couples only had aids of a book of clues, a limo, and map of LA.
The couple who returns with the most passengers WINS THE WHOLE SHA-BANG.
The Final Competition Begins: A Pictorial
"NO, SERIOUSLY, I FUCKING HATE MAPQUEST."
Doot de doo...
Romancing the Stone
MORE GAYSIAN
Making things go at-attention, one man at a time.
The competition was SERIOUSLY tight, and was still anyone's $250,000 prize. The only drawback? Los Angeles traffic, and BOTH teams felt it -- HARD. Unfortunately for both teams, time had hit the buzzer, and it was also time to find out which couple would win the grand prize.
The Showdown
« Real World Hollywood: Kiss My Grits! | | Celebracadabra: So Easy a Caveman Could Do It »
Comments (3)
I thought it was weird how I changed my opinion about almost everyone over time. I was actually rooting for Leticia at the end there. And Tara? I never forgave her for picking cowboy freak over mama's boy, because I really really wanted to see his makeover. I notice you didn't show his self-done makeover and I can't quite remember it and I'm not even sure it was him or someone else. I wish the producers (Hey Ashton!) would fugure out that we really love the makeovers and not wait until all the hairy guys have been ousted before they get to it. Oh well. I was happy that sweater vest dude and the blonde won over hideously annoying voice girl.
1 of 3 | Posted by geewits | Posted on May 18, 2008 1:54 AM
I sense I liked the people on this show a lot more than you did. All three final geeks seemed like decent people (the "beauties" were a lot harder to read). The ones who lost were gracious (nice to see, but boring, too). I did find myself hoping Tommy's team would win. I hope he doesn't blow the money on some manipulatative super model (not that I have anyone in mind.)
Enjoyed seeing the make-overs of the two hairy guys.
I did feel the finale was a little lacking in drama this time. Of course, last season, as soon as they explained the rules, you knew who was going to win. You didn't KNOW this time, until the very end, but you didn't really care, either, since there was no clear villian.
It was sort of like the AI results show. You could have done it all in less than ten minutes.
I do hope they do a reunion show so we can see 1) how fast the beauty blew her winnings and 2) whether gullible Tommy was able to protect any of his (I'm hoping he turned it over to the mom who bought him all the sweater vests.)
2 of 3 | Posted by Fire@will | Posted on May 18, 2008 9:18 AM
Disappointing, this season. Usually this is my favorite 'reality' show, but they made a big mistake with the 'versus' idea, and never recovered the momentum after that.
Besides, my favorites-- Tiffany and Joe--were out too soon. And of course, my other favorite (Laticia and Matt) lost.
I actually fast-forwarded through this last challenge, just couldn't hold my interest. Has nothing to do with what they were supposed to have been doing on this show.
I really wish the producers would rethink the show, get rid of the eliminations--make the show about the supposed 'transformations' and allow the winners to be chosen for their success in building relationships and evolving personally.
3 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 18, 2008 1:05 PM