Love was in the air on tonight's episode of Beauty and the Geek as "life-sized Barbie model" Erika (provided Barbie had snacked on a few ring-dings) and "life-sized Tom Cruise model" Brad (provided Tom Cruise had snacked on a few reality checks) engaged in that oh-so-taboo activity: inter-species romance! Yes, the Beauty and the Geek crossed social boundaries by officially becoming lovebirds; thus serving as the most encouraging bit of news for Mensa members since Summer Roberts first locked lips with Seth Cohen on The OC. But lo! Could the social fabric of our high schools be upended by such revolutionary cheerleader-on-geek action? Or would the powers-that-be destine Erika and Brad to a fate much like Lisa and Eric's on season three of Big Brother? Read on to find out...
The episode began with the Pet Shop Boys (late of "West End Girls" and your local gay pride parade) singing away on the opening credits. Sort of a subversive note, considering the underlying themes of the show promote a healthier, happier heterosexuality. Nevertheless, the lyrics appropriately suggested that brains and beauty should work together for money; so I guess it did sort of make sense as an opening theme. Can't wait for the closing credits by Cher though (I suppose "Believe" would be an apt anthem for the show's uplifting "You can be better!" message).
Anyway, after having survived the dreaded ELIMINATION ROOM (did anyone else feel that cold wind blowing through their room?), Joe and Erika ascended the staircase back to Beauty/Geek civilization where they returned to their anxious peers. Brad expressed relief at seeing his Barbie come back, noting "It could have been Erika leaving rather than Cheryl. And she would have been gone." No shit, Sherlock. That's some high level logic you got going on there. Brad went on to explain, "I could have closed the door. And then it would have been closed. Anyway, I'm going to eat. And then I will have eaten."
Meanwhile, despite Brian McFayden's warnings last week, the girls were all shocked that evicted Cheryl and Eric would not be returning (sorry, ladies. Kind of kills that whole "elimination" thing if they come back). Jaws were dropped all around as they realized they wouldn't be able to say goodbye to their beloved historian (Cheryl was of the camp that 1942 was when Columbus sailed the ocean blue), but this glum news couldn't destroy the women's spirits. No, for that we relied on the shirtless duo of Bill and Chuck who the next morning both managed to blind their roommates and America with their radiantly white skin. Perhaps it was a study in doughy flesh, or maybe The WB just wanted to make Chad Michael Murray look really, really pretty in comparison. Either way, the sight was rough for anyone unlucky to have encountered it. But wait! This show isn't about hate! It's about love -- happy, happy love! So I'm gonna throw away my snotty demeanor and embrace the pasty! And then maybe throw up, but mostly embrace the pasty.
Anyway, Bill and Chuck's physiques weren't the only things driving the women up the wall. The girls simply could not understand how none of these guys had any sort of social lives at all (meetings for the Dukes of Hazzard club notwithstanding). Mindi's head seemed ready to explode when she learned Richard spent his twenty-first birthday dining with his parents and then going to sleep (wow, I thought he was like nineteen). The guys, on the other hand, expressed similar shock/dismay when they saw how much maintenance the women put into getting ready in the morning. This was evidenced by Erika who appeared to be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WOMAN just out of the shower. I don't know how long she puts on makeup and does her hair, but I'm thinking five to six hours for that transformation.
If Leah from Real World Paris and Wynonna Judd had a lovechild...Also annoying the geeks was the generally inane chatter coming from the women. Mindi, for instance, shared this nugget of childhood splendor: "I got my first sunburn when I was eight, and I was so excited." She then added, "I threw a party at the Hilton for my first melanoma."
Brad's response to all this was sort of a universal comment: "You're making me dumber by telling me this stuff." Seriously, watching these girls is more damaging to my brain cells than smoking pot from a bong the size of an oil drum. And yet, I get just as high. Rimshot!
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Comments (23)
Hilarious Recap! I about fell off the couch when Joe was "fisting" the girls. I am so sorry to see him go! His wildly inappropriate and inadvertent comments where great! Poor Mindi- Dick is the biggest tool ever. I wanted to throw up when Chuck and Rich had the heart to heart and hugged at the end. Just gross.
1 of 23 | Posted by Kelley | Posted on June 9, 2005 12:36 PM
Dayenu!
Didn't expect a little jew humor to be slipped in there, too funny B-side!
2 of 23 | Posted by Amanda | Posted on June 9, 2005 12:39 PM
Hey, B-Side. I actually *am* a social psychologist, and you're absolutely freaking right about that Richard guy. Be proud.
3 of 23 | Posted by Angie | Posted on June 9, 2005 1:24 PM
i actually think brad looks more like dean cain during the lois & clark years than tom cruise...
thanks for another amazing recap, b-side!
4 of 23 | Posted by ikellybside | Posted on June 9, 2005 2:21 PM
Had you only recapped Hell's Kitchen, it would have been sufficient. But you also brought us this show. How many more blessings may we anticipate you bestowing upon us this summer?
[I'm just disappointed Amanda beat me too this fantastic reference]
5 of 23 | Posted by BigMax | Posted on June 9, 2005 2:40 PM
Thanks for the recap! Thanks for pointing out this show! I love it! God, it's just like high school, only the really popular girls are forced to talk to you. Some of these boys are going to get some major ass after this production is over. That Ashton is their Henry Higgins. Bless him (and I never thought I'd say that about Ashton Kutcher).
6 of 23 | Posted by Bob | Posted on June 9, 2005 3:06 PM
Damn you B-side! I swore I wasn't going to pick up any new shows this summer and just anxiously await Big Brother. After you recommended this show last week I decided to watch and now I'm hooked.
I enjoyed the guy who thought he was doing good in his massage when the girl was yelling "ouch!" Good stuff.
7 of 23 | Posted by Scorpiella | Posted on June 9, 2005 3:22 PM
Was Brad an actor on Punk'd once upon a time or am I crazy? I swear I remember him from the episode with Jennifer Love Hewitt where he played a producer.
Not that I'd be shocked at plants on a reality show, but you'd think they'd be a little more careful if it's him. Anyone know what I'm talking about or recognize him?
8 of 23 | Posted by Mindy | Posted on June 9, 2005 8:16 PM
I'm glad someone else noticed that herpes outbreak on Brad. What is with this oral herpes trend?
9 of 23 | Posted by jayneatomic | Posted on June 9, 2005 8:22 PM
I might post more in a moment. But did anybody else have a crush on Joe, the guy who left last night? OMG! So frikin cute. I just wanted to squish his little head.
10 of 23 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on June 10, 2005 8:38 AM
Did anyone else notice that extra people in some shots were "blurred" out. I looked like ghosts in the background.
11 of 23 | Posted by jlassiter | Posted on June 10, 2005 8:52 AM
Ok, Brad is not a geek. So he's smart, big whoop. He's a hottie anyway you look at it. It wasn't a big suprise that one of the girls wanted to get with him. But that Erika chick who did, um, ewwww. That ton of makeup she wore did not make her attractive. And I'm affraid without the ton of makeup she might even be scarier. And the fake eyelashes just made her worse. Blech.
Ok, now first episode I kinda thought it would be cool to deflower Richard, the geek of all geeks. Because I'm really into dorky jewish boys with glasses who remind me of Woody Allen. But after last night's episode, eh, not so much. It was like the minute he got touched by his partner he freaked. And those pants are just so high. I don't know, I might still like to deflower him though, I have a thing for virgins as well.
Rock molestation, lol, oh man, wiping my eyes. Great recap.
So if anyone runs into Joe, give him my email >;o)
12 of 23 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on June 10, 2005 8:55 AM
haha...yeah...I noticed the "blurs" as well. It looks like one of the camera crews got caught in the crossfire of a scene that absolutely couldn't be cut...otherwise we would have missed the very dramatic man hug! And as far as some of the people being plants...I am pretty sure that they aren't. I actually know one of the people who cast this show, and they are all real people. Besides...it would be tough for even the best actor to show the true shock and fear that is on these guys faces when confronted with bikini clad women!
13 of 23 | Posted by Dan | Posted on June 10, 2005 10:35 AM
Is it just me or does Krystal look like she leaves an ugly sheen of oily residue on her pillow every night. That is one GREASY girl...not matter how many inches of makeup she piles onto that manish face of hers. Get this skank a Pro-Activ commercial contract STAT!
14 of 23 | Posted by TrojanMan | Posted on June 10, 2005 11:05 AM
I think that Brad looks more like Josh Hartnett. He has those smoky eyes, that confused look, and the mop head down pat.
Joe, we will miss you. You totally made Minnesota proud.
15 of 23 | Posted by Lyndsay | Posted on June 10, 2005 12:21 PM
drat...forgot to set the dvr to record the series and missed last night's episode. does anyone have a copy of it? or know when it will re-air?
16 of 23 | Posted by tribecatexan | Posted on June 10, 2005 12:57 PM
I wonder if Richard has sensory issues.
17 of 23 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 10, 2005 6:39 PM
By the way, my fav was Joe. I did not really Kelly (that means love for all you non amazing race fans) Erica because she spent too much time with Brad and basically ignored Joe.
18 of 23 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on June 10, 2005 6:50 PM
I also thought Erika looked like Leah from the Real World Paris. Even her mannerisms are the same.
Love the show and the recap!
19 of 23 | Posted by Deenie | Posted on June 10, 2005 9:45 PM
Outstanding recap, as usual...the great title, coupled with the photo of Richard and his porcelain shoulders, is a beautiful thing.
The description of Joe's massage as "searching for an extention cord under a big, thick carpet" has had me laughing since I read that precious nugget.
The slams on Brian McFayden have been dead-on (waxen - *snort*!). Is it just me, or does he seem as dorky as the male contestants, only with the shallow, self-absorbed nature of the females?
20 of 23 | Posted by HicksPub | Posted on June 12, 2005 1:06 PM
There's a picture of Erika circulating on the net. I saw it but lost it and cannot find it again. Looks like she had some stuff done to her face and a major overhaul on the nose and teeth. As for that hair!! She must have fake hair cause the pic I saw of her .. her hair is really short. U GO GIRL!
21 of 23 | Posted by Ty | Posted on June 12, 2005 1:08 PM
I was wondering how I could more information on joe because I thought he was cute and I didn't think he looked like a nerd at all,
so please tell me how can get pictures and stuff
22 of 23 | Posted by Brandy allen | Posted on June 13, 2005 11:53 AM
Have you seen the porno Krystal did when she was 18? It's listed on Ebay. You have to access the mature audiences section but the item number is 5590001762. Her name in the video is Gizelle and she looks alot younger and less greasy but still quite manly!
23 of 23 | Posted by Dwimmerlaik | Posted on June 16, 2005 9:49 PM