Last week, O. Snapp was busy fighting crime and making snappy puns in Canada, and meanwhile, on "Beauty and the Geek," so much drama ensued that I am tempted to call the Commissioner and have him switch me to administrative duties instead of field work. Apparently, to no one's surprise, the so-called "hot" guy and one of the beauties got it on like two little rabbits in the forest, to the extreme dismay of Geeky Girl. Just think, she came on to this show thinking she could meet some cool new people, show off her smarts, maybe meet a cute guy, get a makeover! And instead she gets screwed by her partner because he's screwing the cuter girl. Sorry if I sound bitter, this is a familiar tale to me, as I grew up looking just like our little Nicole, wearing dorky glasses and wretched vests. And unitards. I actually wore unitards. Now when I see her crying at the top of the show, not even four episodes into the season, I just want to hug her and tell her that she's a hottie to me!
Even with that forehead!
Not to mention the fact that the most adorable girl in the world got kicked off last time! The Betty Boop impersonator and her forgettable partner got slammed in the final round, and now it's just down to 8 teams. Right off the bat tonight, our aesthetically blessed lovers are keeping it classy with nite-vision.
How can she have sex with those eyebrows of his??
After a very uncomfortable amount of panting and grunting, the nite-vision camera pans down to Nicole's bunk. In the same room. Right below them. My heart totally goes out to you, Geek Girl. That's just wrong. The poor girl barely scrapes up the bravery to leave the room while there are two monkeys fucking in the bed above her, but she still has the strength of character to know that he is the one being disrespectful and that this event makes it even clearer that she can't go home before she has done some serious ass-whuppin', if only to clear her name (and get the goddamn makeover!).
The next day, Sam, upon seeing Nicole cry to one of the other girls, admits that he wasn't using his brain the night before.
Really? What part of you do you theorize took over?
Everyone gathers into the study for their next challenge. This week the challenges are repeats of past seasons' tasks that viewers chose as the bestest evar. There's rocket science ("I don't know astrology," complains Slutty Rebecca), computer building, and a makeunder for the Beautes, and massage, fashion, or exercise for the dweebs. Jasmine channels her inner 7-year-old lazy moron and whines, "Do we really have to read? Again? I only like to read things with pictures." Glad to know she's a babysitter and is in charge of guiding the young minds of our future leaders. David explains that while he doesn't typically give massages to males, he does know how to give a good rub-down because of all the experience he's had with his mom. Wait, what? I hope you all join me in the preference to avoid at all costs knowing the kind of "Spank The Monkey" shenanigans this guy has going on at home.
Joshua and Chez practice their fitness routines, and while Chez tries to differentiate between squeezing one's butt with their hands vs. with their muscles, Joshua provides the most hilarious moment of the night and suddenly ceases movement, gazing into a far-off space. "Did you squeeze it??" demands Chez. "I dunno..." Joshua replies timidly, and I am completely sure that he's being honest. Later, this pair prepares for the masseuse challenge, and Chez continues in her aggressive tutorial by man-handling Joshua (as usual).
I would hate to see this woman during childbirth.
Shouldn't he be teaching her astrophysics by now? Elsewhere in the mansion, Slutty Rebecca and Will are plotting their next victory and practically planning the next elimination round because the Becc'sters is a masseuse in real life. No fair! Oh, and for those of you wondering? I also totally thought this Rebecca was the same as the Rebecca who passed out on ANTM a few seasons ago (BEST MOMENT OF ALL-TIME ANTM), but when I did some research I found it just couldn't be true.
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Comments (15)
Thanks for the fast recap!
You missed the greatest scheming of the episode, which came courtesy of Nicole, who knew that Jen and William could beat Sam's girl and so she convinced her moronic partner to put them up. This of course led Rebecca to suspect Sam was leading her on and the showmance was all game, which she stated in her exit interview. Funny to imagine she actually thought Sam could be smart enough to cook upsomething that complicated.
1 of 15 | Posted by RachWho? | Posted on October 10, 2007 5:07 AM
I think nicole honestly thought that rebeccca could beat Jen's team.
2 of 15 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on October 10, 2007 6:02 AM
Snapp, I seriously thought that was the same Rebecca also and while I didn't find any info on B&G's Rebecca, I did find out through Google that ANTM Rebecca is married, so I'm going to assume that they are not the same girl.
And everytime Sam interviews all I can see is Spike from Little Giants. "Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death." Of course then all I can see are his gigantic eyes. And unfortunate brows.
What a fantastic power move by Nicole! And does Jen EVER smile?
3 of 15 | Posted by SeriousStyle | Posted on October 10, 2007 7:39 AM
for the first two episodes, i was nearly convinced that our lovely rebecca was the same pass out rebecca from ANTM.
i LOVE LOVE LOVE that nicole put up hard tits and william against rebecca and will. of course sam would go for it. nicole is officially my favorite. i just wish she wasn't paired with ol' serial killer eyes, because i really have no desire to see him win the money.
anyway, great recap. can't wait 'til next week.
4 of 15 | Posted by geekgrrl | Posted on October 10, 2007 8:10 AM
While I like this show, I haven't been able to watch. Thanks for the great recaps.
I expect Nicole and her jerk partner to win. (Or would that be "win-lose"?)
5 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2007 9:17 AM
While I like this show, I haven't been able to watch. So, thanks for great recaps.
I expect Nicole and her jerk partner to win. (Or would that be "win-lose"?)
Please be sure to include screen clips of Nicole after the make over!
6 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 10, 2007 9:18 AM
re: kevin (post #2)
Nicole said that she was pretty sure that Jen could beat Rebecca, and that's why she convinced Sam to put them up, although she said to Sam that she thought Rebecca could beat Jen. She was clearly making a power play to get Rebecca out and it worked. YAY NICOLE! Even more awesome was the fact that Rebecca then questioned (in her exit interview) if Sam had deliberately sabotaged her chances of winning by putting her up against a strong competitor. But honestly, wouldn't Sam have put her up against Jasmine if he wanted it to be a slam dunk? Jasmine probably can't spell her own name.
It would be awesome if Nicole could ditch her creepo partner, because she's my favorite. I also really like Erin, though.
7 of 15 | Posted by RachWho? | Posted on October 10, 2007 11:00 AM
"His face looks like if a pumpkin did to humans what we do to jack o'lanterns."
- O.Snapp, I almost peed my pants!! - that was hilarious
8 of 15 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on October 10, 2007 2:38 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks partner-of-nicole (can't be bothered to look up name) is kind of creepy looking. He obviously has a nice body but the face, dear god, the face.
9 of 15 | Posted by lesfull | Posted on October 10, 2007 4:13 PM
Haaa~ Oh, man. I was so disgusted with Sam and Rebecca last night. I can't even begin to explain how @$$hole-riffic that was. Augh. I felt sorry for Nicole. The girl was humiliated standing around in her 'underwear' during the paint/body challenge. I can't imagine how humiliated she feels. Yikes.
At least she made up for it with a killer move. Yay! Slut's gone, and Sam can... bring new drama? Don't know, but I don't think he's sttractive at all. He scrunches up his face, and then says things like, 'I wasn't usin' all of my brain.' WHAT BRAIN? I SEE NONE!
re: RachWho?
But honestly, wouldn't Sam have put her up against Jasmine if he wanted it to be a slam dunk? Jasmine probably can't spell her own name.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
10 of 15 | Posted by trey | Posted on October 10, 2007 6:41 PM
re: RachWho?
guess i missed that interview/confession.
11 of 15 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on October 10, 2007 7:17 PM
Poor Nicole. Could Sam step on the girl's self-esteem any more?
But I'm disappointed: no comment about Sam going off early at the challenge. I wondered if it was indicative of his...um...personal life.
12 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 10, 2007 9:59 PM
Great recap, O. Snapp. I was pretty disappointed in the challenges America chose- while the massage challenge is great in concept it's pretty boring to watch, so I was really hoping for the fashion show challenge. Remember those poop-filled bikini bottoms Mindy had to wear? Classic. I also was surprised that the girls got the rocket challenge- I expected the makeunder one since it has potential for a lot of drama from these insecure girls. Oh well, still a great episode.
And cattyfan, your comment totally made me crack up!
13 of 15 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on October 10, 2007 11:59 PM
LoLo--
I totally agree! I thought both of those challenges you mentioned were far superior to the ones they did, especially the makeunder. Who was voting for this stuff? I would have especially enjoyed a Sam makeunder. I think they should have given him a mullet wig and a dirty wifebeater and had him try to pick up chicks using only his, um, sparkling personality.
14 of 15 | Posted by RachWho? | Posted on October 11, 2007 10:00 AM
"His face looks like if a pumpkin did to humans what we do to jack o'lanterns."
OMG! That is exactly it. He has the Crazy Eyes.
Go Nicole go Nicole go Nicole! She's my favorite, even though she hasn't won anything yet.
15 of 15 | Posted by srah | Posted on October 13, 2007 7:20 AM