Meanwhile, Joe decides he's going to teach Brittany how to play chess. And no, he wasn't high on peyote at the time. He takes Brittany to the beach where there's a giant chess board set up. Joe gets really animated as he tries to teach his Beauty the intricacies of the game, even going so far as to act out the King running from the other pieces. Brittany says it sounds just like TicTacToe. Still, she does seem to pick up the basics pretty well, so maybe there's something to Joe's teaching methods after all. When he thinks she's learned all she can, he decides to show off a little and challenges a local master to a game of speed chess. Brittany says they were playing so fast, it gave her a headache. After Joe wins, she says to know she shared a room with a master chess player was pretty cool. Way cooler than when she thought she was just sharing it with a masturbator.
Superstar!
Next, Brittany gets to show Joe something she's good at, and takes him ice skating. Joe tries to be careful, as he's afraid of falling and looking silly. And when he sees this footage, he's going to know he failed. While Brittany isn't too bad of a skater, she's certainly no Todd Bridges.
Finally, we get to watch Cher teach Josh how to make sushi. For some reason, the producers play a bit of Hee Haw-inspired Japanese music under their segment that makes me wonder what Mr. Shake Hands Man and Mr. Banzai are up to these days. (Place your bets NOW!) Of course, Josh wants to put Matzah balls in his soup and ends up saying if they win, he and Cher should take the money and open the Beauty and the Geek Sushi House.
After the break, we're treated another flashback segment, but since it's accompanied by that godawful James Blunt You're Beautiful song, I fast-forwarded through it. Just as I always do every time the new Verizon spot with the chick dancing to My Humps comes on. I don't understand why radio stations will play a song about Fergie's lovely lady humps while totally ignoring the little dittie I wrote about my lovely lumpy testes. Radio is so sexist.
"You mean this doesn't happen to all the guys?"
Time to prepare for the final Elimination Room. Since last year's challenge involved knowing trivia about your partner, the teams are asking each other questions about their personal lives, likes and dislikes. Joe says the finals are the classic battle between good and evil, with he and Brittany representing the good and Josh and Cher representing evil. "It's a clear-cut case of Star Wars," he says. "It's Darth Vader versus Luke. And all I want to say is may the force be with us." I'm really surprised it took until the final episode for someone to make a Star Wars analogy, as Ankur was clearly a dwarf Wookie. Or at the very least a plushie.
Host Mike Richards calls the two teams down to the Elimination Room. He tells the teams that while they may think they know how the challenge is going to work, there's a twist. Wow, a twist. What are the odds… Basically, instead of being asked questions about each other, the contestants have to guess how their partners think. Each player will be asked three random questions while their partners are sequestered across the hall. Then they have to match the answers given by their partners. It sounds confusing, until I realized it's really just like The Newlywed Game. Man, I hope Host Mike Richards asks Cher the strangest place she's ever made whoopee. "That would be up the butt, Mike."
The Beauties are sequestered first. Joe says his most embarrassing moment of the show was being naked in the poker challenge. Josh says the first word that popped into his head when he saw Cher was "nauseous". Joe says if he could date any contestant in the mansion, it would be Amanda. Josh is asked the one secret that only he and Cher would know. His answer? "How big of a penis Wes has." I hope Josh wins, just for that answer alone. Joe says he learned the most from the photo shoot challenge. Finally, Josh says his greatest fear is being in the car with an attractive woman. Which is not dissimilar to the fear I have of watching Riding in Cars with Boys.
The Beauties come back in and promptly miss every single question. Which means they're either really stupid, or they don't care about the Geeks nearly as much as the Geeks care about them. For the record, my money's on really stupid.
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Comments (10)
All I can say is that watching this for the whole season was worthwhile if only because Joe wants to take away Brittany's innocence...and Josh has Wes' penis envy...The last challenge was awesome.
1 of 10 | Posted by BigMax
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Posted on March 13, 2006 2:49 PM
The finale was boring but highlighted with Josh knowing Wes' penis size.
And, copygodd... this recap was hilarious. 'I just came' caption, priceless!
Also, the "I hope Host Mike Richards asks Cher the strangest place she's ever made whoopee. "That would be up the butt, Mike." " - That made me think of Jenna (as in Jameson)'s American Sex Star show where they ask this wannabe porn star that question and she goes seriously "In my butt".
Thanks for this season, it's been "fun"... (cough cough). Your recaps made it all better though :)
2 of 10 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 13, 2006 2:50 PM
good recap... i thought the season was pretty good. also on reality chat on the tvguide channel on tv wes and cher were on there talking about how they fell in love within a week of being on the show. how long do yall give that reality tv match made in heaven?
3 of 10 | Posted by aggie10
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Posted on March 13, 2006 3:42 PM
Did anyone else see Ankur on "Scientific American Frontiers" (you know, the one with Alan Alda?) I swear I saw him during a segment about MIT kids building robots--meaning at least HE is not an actor.
Also, as much as I liked Josh, I really want to see Cher lose. :(
4 of 10 | Posted by Dr. Grissom
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Posted on March 13, 2006 4:21 PM
The comments were worth reading if only to read how stacyrocks knows porn but doesn't realize the origin of up the butt. Ha ha.
http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/newlywed.htm
5 of 10 | Posted by The Svan
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Posted on March 13, 2006 5:03 PM
The_Svan;
LoL! Well, I am only 22 and I wasn't born American or speaking English so I've never watched The Newlywed game show. Thanks for the memo. :)
6 of 10 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on March 13, 2006 9:19 PM
Great recap copygodd. I kinda wanted Joe and Brittany to win it all, but I did like Josh too. I bet that Wes and Cher's relationship will last a lot longer now that she has the money. Hopefully she'll use it for something better than bigger breasts.
7 of 10 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on March 14, 2006 4:56 AM
Nice recap!
I hoped Josh would win from day one. I just wish his partner wasn't such a b*tch.
I don't think Cher deserved to be on the show...she wasn't as dumb as the other girls. She actually had goals and she could read! I think it was unfair.
8 of 10 | Posted by MindyLou
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Posted on March 14, 2006 8:08 AM
Poor, sweet, innocent Brittany -- she mastered poker, chess, and yes, even reading a map, only to have the win and the money snatched away from her. TWO questions for Josh and Cher with "Wes" as the obvious answer? Random, my left foot.
9 of 10 | Posted by bluebell
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Posted on March 14, 2006 8:17 AM
The overtime rules should have had the Beauties define "Sequestered".
10 of 10 | Posted by swimbikerun
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Posted on March 14, 2006 10:52 AM