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Anyway, as for the men's half of the challenge, they would have to face that most scary of situations: asking a girl for her number. And yes, a cold chill just swept through the homes of America's dorks. In order to prepare for the daunting challenge, the guys would first have to work their training wheels and ask one of their roommates (of the opposite sex, natch) out to dinner. Chuck immediately got down to business, targeting his late night rub-buddy, Scarlet. "Hey Scar," he said in a delightfully high-pitched voice. It was like watching Mickey Mouse ask someone to the sixth grade dance. By the way, I think Scarlet is beautiful, but seriously, we gotta work on that nickname. "Scar"? Why not go for the always lovely "Scab" or "Gash" or "Pus-filled wound"? Then again, it's kind of hard to do much with "Scarlet." Normally, I'd say just add a "y" to Scar, but then you'd have "Scary." And "Let" is sort of dumb. Basically, I think the best bet is to simply say "Scaaa." I know, it's kind of rough, but at least it's not reminiscent of bodily harm and emergency surgery.

Elsewhere in the house, Shawn -- with his soporific NPR voice -- asked Mindi to dinner while Bill took on Caitilin (whose perky response of "I would love to!!!" reeked of sweet, midwestern friendliness). As for Richard, well, his options were limited. Nevertheless, he intrepidly tried out his seductive line: "I'm feeling a little ill." Yes, that always dazzles the ladies -- almost as much as "So my penis turns out to be the size of a thimble." Of course, he had no luck with Scarlet, and when Richard asked Caitilin out, she responded with "Sure! Can I have two dinners?" Oh SLAM! A little misdirection with a hearty helping of passive aggression on the side. Lovely. Ultimately, for all you math geniuses out there who hadn't figured it out (I'm looking at you, Krystal), Richard was left with the cheery Lauren, who oddly enough has grown quite fond of the mini-Woody Allen in recent weeks.

Anyway, dinner time came soon enough, which meant that Bill was ready to premiere his snazzy evening wear look. I can't say that it was a total success, but his giant collar was a refreshing throwback to the heyday of Lou Bega's "Mambo #5." Meanwhile, the pressure was on for Chuck, who now had a perfect chance to elevate his relationship with Scarlet to a whole new uncomfortable level. Well, if it was awkward you wanted, it was awkward you got. Chuck immediately launched into that most romantic of topics: Syria. Okay, rough opener. Surely he'd pull back the reigns a little and bring the conversation towards something a bit more accessible. Well, not so much. When the Syria schtick proved to be a dud, Chuck then talked about his experiences attending Quaker meetings. Oh man, that material is money, baby. Money. Scarlet, meanwhile, smiled politely, but even the most deaf person could hear the "Pop Goes the Weasel" music tinkling in her head. Bitter... memories... of every... Average Joe season... flooding... back...

Going more smoothly were the dates of Caitilin and Bill and Mindi and Shawn. The girls both had sweet things to say about their gentlemen callers, and a warm, fuzzy feeling swelled over me as the Beauties kindly encouraged the Geeks to be more confident. Ah, but why dote on these friendly couples when you can watch the wannabe-trainwreck in progress, Richard. An episode or two ago, Chuck wisely noted that for Richard, it's easier to be laughed at for being a buffoon rather than being himself. Well, that theory stood up just fine as Richard sabotaged his date with Lauren, all for the sake of comedy, albeit lame, dated comedy. I really don't want to get into the details of his antics, except to say that they were pretty much annoying. Even Lauren, who laughed, giggled, and chirped her way through most of the dinner, seemed to grow weary as the meal ticked on. Unfortunately for Richard, he seemed to have played his joke out just one step too far. Whereas we all came to Beauty and the Geek for the crazy culture clashes, we've ultimately stayed on board to see the transformations -- something that Richard has been unable to provide. He was an oddity the first episode, hysterical the second episode, old hat the third episode, and now simply annoying with this fourth episode. Still, he managed to turn up on The Best Week Ever, so I guess he's doing something right.

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Posted in Beauty and the Geek by B-Side at 1:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: haha on Jul 11, 2005 07:19 PM.