The next morning, the contestants get their first challenge. The beauties will have a debate match, while the nerds get to have a rap-off. OOHHHHHHH! So THIS is why I saw J-Wahl attempting to rap on MTV a few weeks ago. The girls get a little panicky about what tough questions might be asked, and Jasmine confesses, "I, like, know nothing about anything, like, the only thing I know is that Bush is president. And that's about it." And you're probably one of the dumbasses who voted for him. Thanks, Beauty. Luckily, Jasmine should be fine helping her partner rhyme because of her extensive background in cheerleading. It should be easy, right?... um, right?? "Well, you like stars, so you could be like.... 'the stars are shiny'...." she says, beginning an apparently unfinishable rhyme. I guess "shiny" is like the word "orange." Uncomfortable pause, followed by LARPer muttering that he'll just treat being a rapper like a LARP character and really, really get into it, to the point of being creepy, socially awkward, and unable to relate to non-rappers.
Elsewhere in the house, Tony and Amanda are practicing, and by practicing I mean she's trying to think of a rap for him and he's huddled in the confession booth saying nonsensically, "I mean, TONY! Fifty Cents! G-Unit!!!" and something about how he's building a wall between them, blah blah blah. Come on, buddy. It's only the first challenge. You can't distrust her already. But by the commercial break, she's wandering away, grumbling, "Start doing something. I don't care." Well, that didn't take long.
"Maybe if I hide behind this hip-hop document, she will not see me."
The Rap-Off (or "Rap Attack" as Handsome Host tells us) takes place at Mint, and as the group walks in, Three 6 Mafia is doin' their thang onstage, instantly causing the geeks to shit their pants and the beauts to puddle their panties.
"Gadzooks, real gangsters! Wait a second, why am I wearing both glasses AND sunglasses?"
First up are the switch-hitters, and Nicole starts "Wooo-hooo"ing and shouting commands for everyone to smell her money. Ka-wha-???? All I know is, no one should put a set of fake pearls with a vest with a striped shirt with an ugly skirt with a "Blossom" hat. Fer serious.
Where is Stacey London when you need her? For Christ's sake!
But even though she's flat-chested, put in a group with boys, surrounded by gorgeous girls and refuses to wear makeup, no one wants her to feel any less like a woman, so the Three 6 guys shout at her to turn around and show off her booty. At least she can still be objectified, regardless of her intelligence level!
We now interrupt this program for the most misleading screengrab of the day.
"Just relax, let Mama do her work..."
Thanks, Chez! Joshua actually doesn't do too bad. I mean, he's no Tupac or anything, but he did revere his lady as a "Caramel Cutie." Now that's sweet! David, however, doesn't fare as well, and his girl Jasmine has to try to save the day by displaying her ability to dance in very little clothing. "I really like shaking my butt in front of people," she giggles helplessly, as though God just made her this way.
Most of the other guys pretty much suck, and I think it's safe to say that gigantic, gaudy jewelry does not a thug make. And poor Tony has been transformed into Karate Kid VI.
Mr. Miyagi: The Prequel
Some guys are okay, or at least endearing. Big Will does well, and I especially gain newfound respect for John when he suddenly grabs his own nuts onstage.
"There they are!"
Usually you've gotta let the groupies take care of that area, but I see no problem in this gentleman tending to his huevos if it gives him street cred. And then he started juggling some real balls! Now that's hard-core. The winner, however, is Big Willy. Later, the teams arrive to the debate match, which apparently took place at Bayside High, in keeping with the "Saved By The Bell" theme. I swear this set looks just like that episode where the gang was in the glee club competition.
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Comments (6)
Good job! I laughed out loud a couple times.
Nice call about the Saved By The Bell set, hahaha.
1 of 6 | Posted by TVCHEESE | Posted on September 27, 2007 8:32 AM
from wikipedia:
"This season's male beauty, though listed in his site bio as being a party promoter, is actor Sam Horrigan of Disney's Brink! fame. He has also played small roles in Veronica Mars, Desperate Housewives, and 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter."
I actually think a whole show of beauty males and geeky girls would be interesting.
2 of 6 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on September 27, 2007 9:07 PM
I don't think a season with hot guys and geeky girls could ever work, unfortunately. The reason it works with hot girls is that their compassionate, nurturing side kicks in so they want to help each other and actually care about the guys -- I don't see that happening on the flip side. maybe it's just me but I don't see it.
Also, dude needs to calm down with those eyebrows ASAP. They're frighteningly pointy. And Jasmine, while dumb, is not exactly a beauty in my opinion. Kinda busted, no?
3 of 6 | Posted by fycin | Posted on September 28, 2007 7:24 AM
The 2nd caption definitely disses the Fresh Prince. The lyric is "Yo homes, to Bel-Air!". Wack.
4 of 6 | Posted by MOwen | Posted on September 28, 2007 8:13 PM
An interesting tidbit...my english teacher's son is best friends with the geek John (Juggler extraordinaire). John was not allowed to reveal the results of the show, of corse, but said he was "very pleased" with the outcome. He was also apparently the president of a frat over at MIT where there was much drinking and partying. I think John and Natalie are going to be a team to watch out for.
5 of 6 | Posted by coolsolio | Posted on September 29, 2007 6:19 AM
Sam has The Crazy Eyes.
6 of 6 | Posted by srah | Posted on October 5, 2007 6:00 AM