"Huzzah!"
I've gotta say I'm pretty excited to be recapping this season of "Beauty And The Geek" even though I've never seen the show before, because if there's anything I can make fun of, it's 1) idiots, 2) sluts, and my personal favorite 3) idiotic sluts. And as a personal preference I seem to take a liking to nerdy (and formerly nerdy) guys, so it seems as though I'm made for this show. I apologize in advance if I make jokes that have already been made, but it's all new to me. I suspect that over the course of this season we'll be seeing some life-altering changes in both beauties and geeks, and hopefully by the end they'll all realize that each side has its charm and be less afraid of one another in the real world - sort of like when Jordan Catalano started actually talking to Angela in public on "My So-Called Life."
For now, though, all of the lovelies and dorks are set in their ways, and seemingly happy to be there, from what we can see in the auditions. We're led in our journey by a pair named Nate and Jennylee, who apparently hooked up last season. From the looks of it, that Nate is and was pretty cute, at least until he starts talking about not wearing deodorant. In any case, his season is over and he's only here to suss out the nerdiest of nerds, first from Boston, where we meet a nice young man named Dave. He tells us that he is a LARPer, then goes on to explain exactly what that means, but I think we can all agree that if a potential "Geek" can explain what LARPing is with brutal clarity, he is in by default. If you don't know what LARP means, good for you. Chances are you've been laid. One young lady reasons that she NEEDED breast implants because self-confidence is the sexiest part of a woman, and she had none before she had boobs, ergo she needed the boobs to be confident and therefore sexy. Is that how it worked for Pam Anderson? I'm pretty sure we can cut through this self-confidence bullshit and go straight to the hypothesis that big boobs = sexy. Am I right, dudes of the 'Gasm?
From Washington, D.C., our faithful host Mike reports with an astonishing exposè montage about exactly how stupid America's pretty girls are, and how unattractive America's smart guys are. Will this show really just be several weeks of cliché after cliché? Honestly, one girl answers the question "What are you an expert at?" with the answer "umm... being pretty?" It's so unoriginal it's unconvincing.
At Duke University Nate chats up a dude whose favorite hobby is playing Risk with his buddies, while another guy has made up his own frat - Psi Phi. Get it? Sci-fi? Heh heh. Heh. Meanwhile, Jennylee wears the expression one makes during a droning conversation with a slightly senile relative - polite nodding and fake comprehension.
"Sure, grandma, whatever you say."
Here in Raleigh we find all sorts - one gentleman named Chris (a.k.a. "Crazy C" he says in a meek near-whisper) who is so obsessed with table tennis that he refuses to let anyone (including a potential fuck) call it ping-pong, and several chicks who definitely fulfill the dumb quotient but aren't even hot enough to make up for it. How are they getting by in life, for God's sake?
In Chicago, we see just how far a girl can get in our educational system by not trying at all, save for the effort put forth in lip pouting. These girls can't answer any questions about the sun, the moon, history, the American flag, rhyming, or who the current veep is. But most of our time in Chi-town is taken up by Joshua, a lovable geek who seems to have just stepped off the set of "Revenge Of The Nerds." I know that seems pretty obvious, given the premise of the show, but he's honestly a charicature of "dweeb." When he's asked to recall the last time he kissed a girl, he sighs and wracks his brain, his lips quivering nervously. Um... I think "never" is the word you're searching for here, buddy. Then he's asked what the sexiest part of a woman's body is. He giggles with apprehension and looks off to the side, squirming. And um.... I think "tits" is the word you're looking for in this particular instance.
A good trainer and some Proactiv could do wonders for him. Or just a good vagina.
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Comments (19)
The geeks seem more endearing to me this year. Just wanna hug 'em all.
The hot guy? Ummm, not so hot. Dude, relax your eye muscles.
1 of 19 | Posted by clair | Posted on September 19, 2007 11:36 AM
At first this show seems SO cliche and superficial, but I promise a couple episodes in and you'll love it! I have been known to shed the occasional tear while watching. :) It's actually extremely fun to see how all of them grow. The girls really start to appreciate the guys for who they are. And the makeover episode is the best!!
2 of 19 | Posted by TVCHEESE | Posted on September 19, 2007 1:14 PM
when is this show on and what channel?? i missed it!
3 of 19 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on September 19, 2007 3:40 PM
Okay, as an avid watcher of this show, here are my hot geek/smart beauty predictions: John and Luke will be the cute guys after the makeovers, and Hollie (betty boop girl) and Katie (sorority girl) are faking their idiocy. It always bothers me when there's the one or two breakout cute nerds and then all of a sudden the girls like them and it's like this epiphany and they convince themselves it's because they're seeing the geek's true self. Sweets, you like him now because he's marginally more attractive than he was before.
The comment about Joshua and cunnilingus seriously made me shudder. Not in a good way. There is no hope for him. Just like there was no hope for Richard the first season.
And finally, Jasmine? Not a beauty.
4 of 19 | Posted by fycin | Posted on September 19, 2007 7:00 PM
wasnt there anybody available to recap who has actually watched the show before? nothing wrong with o.snapp, but i would just prefer to hear from someone who understands the game.
part of the reason chez and josh paired was so they would be able to fly under the radar and not be picked for the elimination room.
also, what do you have against L.C. exactly?
5 of 19 | Posted by kevintheomanharris | Posted on September 19, 2007 7:49 PM
Hey man, I love LC... I just find it hilarious/ridiculous how every prissy rich bitch these days responds to compliments in the same robotic, little-girl voice, drawing out every syllable with fake sincerity. It astounded me how nine women from different cities across the country all responded identically, automatically, simultaneously.
6 of 19 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:24 PM
Hey man, I love LC... I just find it hilarious/ridiculous how every prissy rich bitch these days responds to compliments in the same robotic, little-girl voice, drawing out every syllable with fake sincerity. It astounded me how nine women from different cities across the country all responded identically, automatically, simultaneously.
7 of 19 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:27 PM
Hey man, I love LC... I just find it hilarious/ridiculous how every prissy rich bitch these days responds to compliments in the same robotic, little-girl voice, drawing out every syllable with fake sincerity. It astounded me how nine women from different cities across the country all responded identically, automatically, simultaneously.
8 of 19 | Posted by osnapp | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:29 PM
I completely agree about the "hot" guy - eww!
O.Snapp -- I hated your use of slut at the beginning. Don't throw around that insult before you even know!
9 of 19 | Posted by cantstopwatching | Posted on September 19, 2007 8:30 PM
I thought several of the Geeks had The Crazy Eyes, but then the male Beauty showed up. He has the craziest eyes of all! Not attractive.
I think my favorite part of the whole evening was when Tony was talking about how being around the girls made his "tummy" hurt. He said "tummy" on nationwide television! How adorable!
10 of 19 | Posted by srah | Posted on September 19, 2007 9:07 PM
I believe that the "cute" guy is actor Sam Horrigan. I recognized him right away as spike from the movie Little Giants, although it could be somebody that looks freakishly similar with crazy eyes.
11 of 19 | Posted by kippy | Posted on September 20, 2007 7:07 AM
Can we say that the guy who they picked as the "beauty" looks like a tool from 1989. Someone better inform him that cut off sleeves was SOOOO twenty years ago.
My predicition: Chez is gonna smack some bitch up in the house and Tony will FINALLY come out of the closet!! Seriously...as adorable as a bow-tie is, he commented on one of the girls dresses (in clearly the, "I wonder if they have that in my size?" way) and when asked to draw his "perfect woman"...she had the manliest face ever with a faint hint of stache and...no breasts. Yeah...Tony, step around the shoes and winter coats and step into the bedroom.
12 of 19 | Posted by Two fives and a ten | Posted on September 20, 2007 7:30 AM
Can we say that the guy who they picked as the "beauty" looks like a tool from 1989. Someone better inform him that cut off sleeves was SOOOO twenty years ago.
My predicition: Chez is gonna smack some bitch up in the house and Tony will FINALLY come out of the closet!! Seriously...as adorable as a bow-tie is, he commented on one of the girls dresses (in clearly the, "I wonder if they have that in my size?" way) and when asked to draw his "perfect woman"...she had the manliest face ever with a faint hint of stache and...no breasts. Yeah...Tony, step around the shoes and winter coats and step into the bedroom.
13 of 19 | Posted by Two fives and a ten | Posted on September 20, 2007 7:31 AM
kippy:
I believe that the "cute" guy is actor Sam Horrigan. I recognized him right away as spike from the movie Little Giants, although it could be somebody that looks freakishly similar with crazy eyes.
Is Spike mistaken? Aren't you... a girl? Spike don't play with girls. LOL kippy, good catch.
And LOL at the Violet Bickerstaff reference.
14 of 19 | Posted by ajerseyromance | Posted on September 20, 2007 8:37 AM
you guys....it's Shay, not Chez. Chez is funnier though. Maybe it should stick.
15 of 19 | Posted by fycin | Posted on September 20, 2007 11:18 AM
Great Episode.
Oh and I just wanted to let you all know that that Sam guy aka the guy beauty. He is an ACTOR!! It is totally true he has been on One Tree Hiil and Deperate Housewives and the Disney Channel Movie BRINK! Also he is not a club owner due to the fact that a movie he is in is in post production. I think this may be trick or something.....
16 of 19 | Posted by lblover | Posted on September 25, 2007 5:56 PM
Great Episode.
Oh and I just wanted to let you all know that that Sam guy aka the guy beauty. He is an ACTOR!! It is totally true he has been on One Tree Hiil and Deperate Housewives and the Disney Channel Movie BRINK! Also he is not a club owner due to the fact that a movie he is in is in post production. I think this may be trick or something.....
17 of 19 | Posted by lblover | Posted on September 25, 2007 5:56 PM
Anyone else notice that Rebecca "cocktail waitress" is from America's Next Top Model, the one who passed out at panel. Guess modeling didn't pan out, or marriage as when she left she said she was leaving to get married.
18 of 19 | Posted by angiebot | Posted on September 26, 2007 11:05 AM
I don't know if anyone is still reading the comments here as I am trying to catch up on recaps, but OSnapp is F'n hilarious. I'm so glad you are recapping this show!
19 of 19 | Posted by dmbislove | Posted on September 28, 2007 10:43 AM