Well, it's summertime. The days are longer, the weather is warmer (or the same in LA), and the television season has ended with a welcome purging of "Friends". And while there are many things to enjoy this time of year such as barbecues and pool parties, we must not forget to show the Tivo some love. After all, summer is the time when some of our favorite television franchises emerge from a yearlong hibernation. Plus, Fox has tickled us pink with a highly publicized new slate of shows that includes a nice potpourri of sitcoms, drama, and reality shows. So in convenient list form, here is the TVgasm Summer Mini-Preview:

Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time again: time to grab Julie Chen, oil her joints, charge her batteries, and update her AI. That's right. Starting this Tuesday, our favorite cyborg hostess will make her annual return to primetime for another eventful season of Big Brother. CBS, with the help of TVgasm friend Erika of Big Brother 4, finally revealed the new houseguests this morning on the Early Show.

Here they are:

As anyone who gets wrapped up in Big Brother can attest, there's no such thing as too little commentary. Thankfully, CBS and Infinity Broadcasting are joining forces to provide us with a daily web talkshow (webshow? talkernet?) to gab about the goings on in the Big Brother compound. Daily Variety reports that Big Brother 3 contestant and TVgasm friend Marcellas Reynolds will be a co-host of the half-hour "skein" (shut up, Variety), which means there should be plenty of barbed comments to go around. Granted, I'm still a bit too po' to afford CBS's live feeds, which I guess means I'll be too po' to watch the talk show, but I'm optimistic the yakfest will be quite the tvgasm for the legions of obsessed Big Brother fans out there. Do us proud, Marcellas!

Read the full article here (subscription required).

Congratulations Big Brother. I spent all year crowing about how great you are to watch, and now that I've convinced all these people to give you a try, what do you do? You send them packing with a bloated, idiotic new catchphrase: "Project: Do Not Assume". And then how do you make that worse? You abbreviate it with the oh so clever nickname "Project: DNA". Now I have to spend all of tomorrow insisting that no, the show really is good and not some dull surveillance camera feed trying to spice things up with insanely self-important titles. Of course, for those of us who are already converts to the idiosyncratic ways of the show, we loved these campy additions. There really are so few joys as pure as listening to Julie Chen mechanically spew out the words "Project: Do Not Assume" without any hint of ironic delivery. Yes, only the finest wooden phrases for our most wooden of hostesses. Let the Julie Chen bashing begin. The summer's guiltiest pleasure is back!

We are now approximately one week into this year's Big Brother experience, and once again, the rest of the United States get an insight into what people in Los Angeles and New York thought was cool last year. And for an example, do I need to go any further than Scott and Jase this year with their bandanas? The Project DNA hype is kind of deflated a little bit as Michael lets the cat out of the bag. Finally, Scott and Jase are making a lot of wrong moves if they think they are going to win this thing at their current pace.

People of America, listen to me carefully. Despite what you see on Big Brother 5, bandanas are not the next big thing. I repeat. Bandanas are not the next big thing. Wristbands - acceptable. Trucker hats - passé, but at least were en vogue at one point last year. Bandanas - NO. Negatory. Do not follow the lead of Jase and Scott. You might think this warning is excessive, but last week, while enjoying some tasty beverages at a local watering hole, I had the misfortune of seeing Toni from Paradise Hotel drinking it up with her reality friends, and I am unhappy to report that they too were sporting the bandanas. It seems as though certain reality stars and their cronies are hellbent on forcing this uninvited trend on us, and I beg all you impressionable hipsters to look elsewhere than the Big Brother compound to sate your trendy needs.

This year's edition of Big Brother is really off to a ridiculous start. There has been more scheming and confrontation in this first week than there was in the first month of last season. We received a new twist into the Power of Veto, Project DNA seems to have taken a little bit of a hiatus for the moment, and Jase and Scott have showed us that no matter how dumb and macho we think they are, they will do their best to outdo themselves the next week. Faced with the hegemony that is Jase and Scott, other members in the house started to circle the wagons in anticipation of the epic battle that is sure to come.

How great is it to have Big Brother back? After only three episodes, this season is priming up to be fantastic. We've already got a colorful stable of characters who are polarizing faster than Michael Moore pundits. Score one for the topical reference! Mike, who at some point acquired the nickname "The Don", has become the house scapegoat. Everyone's so afraid to go near him you'd think he somehow contracted leprosy in the diary room. Unlike previous week one nominees, however, he's not going down without a fight. Last year, Amanda's strategy was to have sex with David. This year, Mike made a more productive move: divide and conquer. Or at least, divide. He may not have gained any allies, but at least he's done a good job of raising anti-Scott and Jase sentiment. And no bandana can refute that.

Yesterday on Big Brother, we were told to "call a spade a spade" by both Mike and Jase. You see, Jase and Scott are not really in an alliance(or lusting after each other's tanned bodies), and TVgasm has the proof:

You will need QuickTime to watch the video.

Well, it turns out that the results of this week's Big Brother eviction were not really that exciting. Mike, The Don, was evicted by a unanimous vote. While the day of eviction always gives us a little suspense, Mike was up against the whole house. CBS always tries to keep us guessing when it comes to who is leaving with selective edits of words from the diary room. If the vote is going to be close, we usually hear the houseguests voice their vote on-air minus a deciding two or three votes; with a blowout we are left guessing what everybody voted for. This week's episode featured the latter, and from there it was not hard to figure out that The Don was dead. With Jase and Scott so intent on getting rid of him, and without any qualities that enabled him to bond with any of his other housemates, it was going to take a miracle to keep Mike in the house. There was no miracle, and Mike was evicted, without anybody voting for him to stay put.

I don't know who the casting director was for Big Brother 5, but he or she deserves some sort of award. I have never been this caught up in the lives of Big Brother contestants this early on. With only four meager episodes in the can, I am completely hooked on this year's cast - so much so that I actually cared about the outcome of the usually inconsequential first week eviction. With sharp-tongued Mike up for eviction, the only player savvy enough to attack the Scott-jase alliance was in peril, and unfortunately for us, he was sent home unanimously, thus letting the spikey-haired ones reign unfettered another week.

The Scott-Jase alliance, nested firmly in the Four Horsemen alliance, (which in turn is nested firmly in the all male, all metrosexual alliance), has become a dominant force very early on, and as a result, will surely implode within a matter of days. As soon as a woman gets Head of Household, these alpha males will crumble in front of America, with only the strength of their bandanas keeping their last strands of dignity intact. Well, maybe not dignity, but latent gayness.

Let the bitching and moaning commence. After watching a few weeks of Big Brother, I have to start taking some issues with the members of this cast. Perhaps it is my fervent anticipation of this season that clouds my judgment, but I am really disappointed with the way some members of the cast have built their strategy. I am on the outside looking in, but it is beyond me how the cast has gotten to this point. Marvin won HoH, and in a surprising strategy move initially nominated Lori and Holly for eviction. While this was not the dream scenario of Scott and Jase dealing with the thought of leaving the house, Marvin showed at least a semblance of original thought. Something has got to happen to shake up the game, not necessarily because I want Scott and Jase to rot and die, but because there needs to be something else on air besides Scott and Jase talking about how powerful they are.

Tonight was eviction night, and for the millions of Big Brother fans out there, we know this means one thing: awkward live television. With Julie Chen and her ruffled attire firmly setting the tone, the Thursday episodes never cease to be uneven and cringe-inducing, but hey, that's what we love about them. Pretty much the only thing that could make the live installments any better would be if Julie were to trip on that little step in her studio. Mark my words, it will happen someday.

Until that day, we will have to contend with Julie and her fax machine voice just the way we do every week: with mockery and scorn. Tonight, Ms. Chen accessorized her rigid postures with a strange tuxedo shirt that was almost as jarring as her aluminum foil pants, back for their second round. I suppose the ruffles were supposed to have a vintage flair, but instead it looked like someone had sprayed a can of whipped cream down Julie's blouse. Les Moonves, you dirty man.

Watch out Mensa. Three candidates are coming your way: Scott, Jase, and Holly. Sure, they may not be - what's the word? Oh yes - smart, but they THINK they're smart, and isn't that what really matters?

Okay, maybe Scott, Jase, and Holly are more likely to join a gym than an intellectual society, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy watching our trio of great thinkers plot and scheme their way through the veritable anti-Mensa that is Big Brother. Last night's episode featured some wonderfully inane babbling from the Ambiguously Gay Duo and their pet bubble, Holly, and while their brain cells squeezed out words, sentences and occasionally concepts, other members of the house descended on pliable Drew in an effort to change the course of the game. Amazingly, it worked. Sort of.

The Scott and Jase video has moved! We had over 15,000 downloads and used up all of our bandwidt for the month. The good people at Fleshbot offered to mirror the file for us so you can now download the movie here.

What do you think about the movie? Write your comments here.

Sometimes I think I am really quite adept at observing all of the personalities on Big Brother and then coming up with a feel of how people in the house are positioning themselves. Other times, especially with this cast, I am left stupefied by what actually ends up happening in the house. I understand that the houseguests don't have the advantage of seeing everything that is going on in the house with nice little subtitles when people whisper, but you would think that as they line themselves up to vote out a third person, somebody would have developed some sort of awareness for the alliances forming in the house. This is clearly way too much to ask of the current houseguests.

After Saturday night's "cheesse" debacle, we really thought Scott couldn't out-do himself in the wonderful world of elementary vocab. But lo! Last night provided brand new lexical challenges to our simian houseguest. Poor Scott was confounded by "confide", a relatively arcane and obscure word that is rarely put to use in Modern English. And by arcane and obscure, I mean common and basic. Scott, whose induction into Reality Idiot Hall of Fame has been a focal point of this summer, continues to amaze with his unwavering density. It's no wonder therefore that he, Jase, and Holly have forged a trifecta of mental vacancy that threatens to destroy anything and everything in its path. God bless Big Brother.

Los Angeles: beware. Holly is on the loose. In a stunning 7-1 vote, Holly was evicted from the Big Brother household tonight, officially ending her three week containment on the CBS Radford lot. She had a good run, and she managed to drive a wedge between the Four Horsemen, which was much appreciated. In the end though, Holly's Magic-Marker voice and bubbly giggling got the best of her as even her faux-alliance turned on her. So much for friends. At least Holly knows one person who'll always be faithful to her: her mannequin.

Whoa! Sometimes Big Brother takes a little while to get going. Let's face it, as much as we hate Scott and Jase and their antics, they were carrying the house. Yes, you can make a case and say if Scott and Jase weren't around bullying people, there would be a more interesting dynamic in the house. Still, they are in the house, and so we have lived with what they had to offer. Some of it was memorable, some of it was not. Overall, I think that many people had a feeling that Jase and Scott, with the help of their Horsemen brothers Drew and Michael, had a stranglehold on the house and were really just biding their time until the game was over. On paper, it looked like the Horsemen had everything wrapped up. But Big Brother isn't played on paper, it is played in a house in the Valley filled with lots of Ikea (probably the store in Burbank).

Our thoughts exactly, Karen

Occasionally, we here at TVGasm.com have a sarcastic or cynical take on the previous night of television.

Recently, we have become the center of attention for our video montage of Scott & Jase which some believe implied some sort of "homosexual" relationship. People have said our video has taken something’s out of context, or perhaps used creative editing to imply homo-erotic themes.

Being the newest member of the TVGasm staff, I feel no bias, commitment or obligations to the social or political agenda of the TVGasm.com machine. I intend on being "Reasonable and Evenhanded."

To that extent, I am going to account the information and allow you to make up your mind on the subject of Jase & Scott.

I have to admit, I saw this scenario from a mile away. Jase goes to pieces after his best friend and sleeping partner is thrown out of the house. I guess the only thing that was different from my scenario is Jase is actually crying about Holly's eviction, while we all thought it would be Scott. Details, details. After Holly's eviction, there was clearly a few ways Jase could take the news. A) Sulk and admit defeat, quietly living his last few days in the Big Brother House. B) Realize his power structure in the house is rapidly failing and re-evaluate his alliance. C) Go completely mental and seek his revenge on everybody who remains. There aren't that many people left who can stomach Jase's antics, but we all must applaud the fact he chose for option C, almost guaranteeing every week Jase remains will be one to thoroughly enjoy.

Needless to say, one of the most important things in the Big Brother house is communication.

Jase and Scott have been dominating the household, and since it appears this week will be the last few days in the BB5 house for one of them, I thought it was appropriate to achnowledge their gameplay and secret strategy.

From Morse code to Windtalkers, secret language has always been an intregal part to success int he battlefield. Scott and Jase, both of whom are undoubtedly learned in the art of subterfuge, have taken a subculture's almost dead, secret language and revived its use it as means of silent communication within the house hold to share with one another, their mood, wants and desires within the BB house.

That's right, the Scott and Jase "Mandana" look, is not just for fashion but a shrewd strategy.

What follows is information Scott and Jase do not want you to see...

Fans of Big Brother 5 know that reigning metrosexual Jase has a significant obsession with Brad Pitt - so much so that he models all behavior, appearance, and activities around the Troy star. Unfortunately, his Pitt-dar crossed signals with his Sliver-dar because these days he's looking more like Catwoman sideshow Sharon Stone. Take a look for yourself:

I swear we do things other than write mindless drivel about Big Brother contestants...

I truly dont know what to say...This photo speaks for itself.

In the off chance you dont see what I see, what is the purple thing in the bucket Scott is walking away from?

In my last article on Big Brother, I joked that Jase might have run out of some of the anti-psychotic medications keeping his mental state together. I just wanted to say that I was exaggerating a little bit; there is no way Jase functions with just one medication. Jase hasn't just run out of Valium, he has run out of Valium, Haldol, Lithium, and Xanax. I imagine that wherever he calls home, his house is probably within a 15 minute drive of a 24-hour drug store. I suspect it may be on advice of a court order. We have all seen the situation building as Jase and Scott continue to plod their way through the house with as much concern for discretion as a B-list actor at a movie premiere.

Do you ever lose faith in humanity? Do you ever think that idiots hold entirely too much power, and bigger idiots let them have it? I’m not really a cynic, but after last night’s episode of Big Brother, I may have to change my outlook on life. Sure, it’s only a reality show, and sure, the outcome doesn’t really affect my life beyond the world of TVgasm, but as the epic power struggle between Jase and Diane continues to shift towards the bandana’d one, there’s a nagging sense that we’ve hitched our ride onto the worst kind of leader: an idiot.

It's another Thursday installment of Big Brother and the anticipation for this episode was off the charts. After Diane made what some consider the dumbest mistake in the history of Big Brother USA letting Jase win the Veto competition and then compounded it by putting up Marvin, allowing for the slim chance the Horsemen could stay intact another week. If that wasn't enough for you, everybody was waiting to see how the houseguests were going to take the news of Natalie entering the house. With the new numbers, it was going to be essential for the Horsemen to win the Head of Household competition to remain a viable entity in the house.

Besides the anticipated surprises from the show, our host Julie Chen threw us a few surprises as well from her comfy spot inside the studio. Mixing it up a bit, Julie decided to leaver her right shoulder exposed this week, after baring her left shoulder last week. She sported slightly less camel toe, and her top had almost a mini train in the back, perhaps in anticipation of the rumored marriage between her and Les Moonves? In any event, Julie surprised us all by uttering something other than "But first!" when she got up from the couch. When the Chenbot is this unpredictable, you know the rest of the episode is going to be a treat.

So we all know she can paint a pig, but this self described "portrait artist" has been bragging about her art since the first episode. Could she really be that good?

See for yourself.
This painting by Karen is currently up for auction on an internet website with a starting bid of $2,495. I personally think its fantastic!! But 2.5K worth of fantastic?

Let the celebrity exploitation begin!!

What would you pay?

I am now convinced Jase has personally offended a network executive. Maybe he banged an exec's son?!

Living in Los Angeles, I know several actors. Many of whom make their livings working as extras (the blurry background people) on sitcoms as well as other shows. maybe once every six or seven months Ill see someone I know in the back of the bar, or walking across the beach on some show.

But somehow, twice in just as many weeks both FOX and NBC have managed to air reruns of hit shows WILL & GRACE and ARRESTED DEVELOPEMENT which show Jase, not as just a "working actor" as he claims on BB5, but rather as Hollywood’s go to gay guy extra.

There really wasn’t much suspense in tonight’s episode of Big Brother, but that’s okay. I was happy to sit idly by my television and watch clueless Jase slowly realize that he had been played for a fool. After weeks of bandana domination, the Jasean Empire has finally crumbled. Turns out that Jase’s headstrong strategy of bullying his followers and mocking his adversaries only worked when he was in power, which he assumed would last forever. Of course any good player should never rely on winning Head of Household every single week because, well, that’s just idiotic – especially when so many of those competitions rely on brain matter and guessing, not styling gel and flexing. Jase’s cocky ways irked everyone - from the viewers to the contestants – which is why it’s been sweet revenge watching him squirm under the reign of Nakomis, and tonight, the brilliant “Six Finger Plan” executed one of the best blindsides in recent reality TV history by finally ensuring Jase’s nomination for Thusday’s live show. If all goes well, Jase will be the next houseguest evicted and first sequestered in the Jury House, which means one less noxious personality to clutter the airwaves. Normally, I’d be reluctant to keep a volunteer firefighter from the frontlines, but apparently in Jase’s case, being a fireman means showing up as a gay extra on Will & Grace and Arrested Development, so I don't really feel so bad anymore.

I am beginnig to feel a little lied to and betrayed.

The more I discover about the Big Brother 5 guests, the more inclined I am to suspect that the houseguests didn't apply to compete on the show for the sportsmanship of gaming. No, no! In fact it would appear that several of them are using the show to catapult some sort of celebrity seeking agenda. Why, when I discovered this, I felt it my duty to expose these people for what they are... and after tireless minutes of web browsing, I have compiled a horde of humiliating links, facts and photos.

Here it is! The ultimate pot luck, Bathroom Reader, Page 6, Smokinggun and Drudge Report of Big Brother 5.

We have gathered information from all over the web and consolidated them for you in one quick refrence quide. From Nakomis' poetry, to Holly on MTV. From Karen's old Job, to Drew's hand job, you will find it all here.

It was a big night for Big Brother fans as Jase finally got the boot and entered Julie Chen purgatory. I haven't had a chance to write a full post about this joyous occasion, but I know I have to leave our hungry readers with some tidbit; so enjoy this brief montage of the awkward reunion of Jase and Holly.

"So... does this mean Scott's not here?"

What an eventful Thursday: California bars gay marriage, Governor McGreevy comes out of the closet, and Jase returns to the outside world. I'm not saying that there's any recurring theme here - I'm just simply revisiting some of yesterday's headlines. Last night's episode of Big Brother was short on surprises but was certainly very satisfying for fans who have desired Jase's ejection since the first episode. Falling victim's to Nakomis's crafty Six Finger Plan, no life line made of bandanas and hair wax could have saved Jase from last night's eviction. It was so obvious that the producers didn't even attempt any of the usual misdirection, leaving Julie Chen to forego her standard mechanical pauses and hastily announce the results. I was a little thrown by Julie's swift delivery. I never realized her CPU had enough RAM to speak so quickly. Side note: who else would like to hear Julie interview Mose from Amish In The City? It would be like the battle of Apple Text-To-Speech voices "Kathy" and "Fred". Hmmm... I sound like a real dork now. Let's get back to bashing Jase.

After commiting to breaking humiliating stories of Big Brother 5 cast members just 24 hours ago, this comes out. Enjoy. If you are having a hard time figuring out what kind of music was in the background for this scene, we have a sample for you. Or buy the whole CD at Amazon.com.

And thank you to the good people at THE GLOBE for emailing this to us!

(pic's resolution has been lowered for easier downloading)

UPDATE AFTER THE JUMP

The results are in. Usher is this season's most popular character on Big Brother. At least that's what I would gather from the collective squeal of delight bellowing from the cast on Saturday night's episode upon his appearance. Okay, not physical appearance. When incoming Head of Household Adria revealed her complimentary CD to be Usher's "Confessions", Will and Marvin raised their hands to God as if they had won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right. I can understand their enthusiasm. After a weeklong journey into Hipsterville courtesy of Nakomis's Flaming Lips CD, the houseguests were granted a one way return trip to Top 40 trifles such as "Yeah!" and "Burned", which I'm sure has resulted in lots of pseudo-Michael Jackson dancing on the live feeds. That's okay though. After weeks of supression under the noxious Four Horsemen regime, these folks are allowed to get their groove in. Oh, and then turn on each other in true reality TV fashion.

There is a new pair of lesbian kissers in town.

Rumors hit cyberspace last week that during a drunken game of Truth or Dare in the Big Brother House, Karen and Diane shared an intimate moment.

Hundreds of emails came in asking for verification of the kiss. As promised, I will dig up all the dirt on the Houseguests for you, our valued TVGasm readers.

It wasn't easy, but TVGasm has come through. I give you the teat of humiliation. Suckle. Suckle from my humiliation teat.

And for Holly's leather-bound teat, you can always click here.

Otherwise, the kiss comes after the jump.

Thanks to TVgasm reader Shelli, we found this pleasant pro-Jase article on the front page of The Decatur Herald & Review. Turns out Jase has a loyal fan following from mom, a girl and the guys at Gold's Gym.

Amazingly, none of his fellow firefighters had anything to say.

Update: Here's a nifty interview from TV Guide. Jase answers all sorts of questions about pee, the six finger plan, and Holly.

The teat of humiliation is not dry yet!

We know Marvin likes A and Nats booty. But what else does he look for in a woman? Well, according to his match.com profile, whate ever he likes "It would be bonus if she likes to give special back rubs and foot massages (I reciprocate)." Why do I feel like I need a shower. for the complete proflie and a link stick around for the jump.

Thanks to the BBQ for bringing this to our attention.

Adam Goldberg came thiiis close to making the ultimate hipster vehicle last year when he wrote and directed the oh-so-trendy indie, I Love Your Work. Everything was in place from an ironic storyline (about an actor dealing with fame, of course) to an ensemble of too-cool-for-school actors. I mean, this thing had Giovanni Ribisi, Joshua Jackson, Christina Ricci, even Vince Vaughn. Oh, and it didn't end there. Adam found room for perennial music hipster Elvis Costello, up-and-coming hipster Nicky Katt, well established hipster Jason Lee, and so-washed-up-it's-funny-and-therefore-hipster Glenn Campbell. You could already see the velvet ropes going up and the Modest Mouse mp3s loading in the iPods.

But something very tragic happened to dear Adam's pet plan. No, not critical dismissal - that was intended (cult is so in). Adam let two young starlets on his set in a move that completely nullified any and all hipster value. First was the unfortunate casting of Haylie Duff, the equally annoying but lesser known sister of Hilary. Adam might be able to write that one off with a quick "Yeah, but her performance was brave" comment, but no booth in the 101 Coffee Shop will be deep enough for him to hide away from his biggest casting transgression:

Jase may have left the house, but his essence sure didn't. According to Nakomis in her interview with Julie Chen, Jase peed on lots of stuff, which would therefore explain the generally pissy mood people were in on last night's episode of Big Brother. This wasn't a surprise, of course. Will, Karen, and Nakomis have made an Olympic sport out of huddling in a corner and rolling their eyes. Adria and Natalie became Public Enemy number one, especially in Marvin's book, and just about the only people to emerge from this bitchfest unscathed were Diane, Drew, and Cowboy, who all seemed to be blissfully adrift with concerns of love, body hair, or freak dancing.

My open letter to the world

Dear World,

Beginning tonight and for the next few days, CBS will be taking votes for the first AMERICA'S CHOICE competition. The winner of which will make an appearance on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS later in the month.

Sure there are some obvious choices. Diane and Karen both have shared a lesbian kiss, they would be very soap-ish. Perhaps, Drew with his boyish good looks would be a clear winner to appear on a soap. Maybe even Marvin or Will, as a treat for all they had to put up with this week.

All good choices, true. But, I implore you. If ever you like to laugh. If ever you have thought, "Hmm, what would be fucking hysterical to see on television." If ever you wanted to really be a part of something great, then I implore you...

Vote for Michael "Cowboy" Dedmon.

Imagine the wonderful, beautiful magical world of the soap opera; soft lenses, blurry flowers, bad piano music, and this guy...I mean look at his freakin photo, For those of you not watching the show, imagine how you think this guy might sound...go ahead take a look at his photo and imagine for just a moment....Yep that's it exactly.

It is brilliant! Just brilliant and would make for a wonderful moment in TV history. Vote as many times as they will let you and encourage your friends to vote. If you don’t do it for me, then please do it for these guys.

Thanks for your time,

Madeyoulaugh

Vote Now!

For a lot of Big Brother fans out there, Jase's eviction signaled a turning point in the show. Without the main antagonist, the viewers at home would likely be subjected to several weeks of the boring house guests talking politely amongst themselves and going about in a generally civilized manner. Luckily for us, CBS fills the Big Brother house with humans, so we are always assured of all the bitching, double-crossing, paranoia and backstabbing that you can fit in just sixty minutes. And that's just the way we like it.

After last week's not-so-surprising eviction of Will from the Big Brother house, we spent the weekend contemplating what has to be one of the most interesting scenarios in the history of the show. When Will left, he did nothing to show his disdain for Natalie and Adria. Nakomis won HoH meaning the slighted members of the "pinky swear alliance" had a chance to exact their revenge in a fairly swift manner. Although there is no way to get rid of both of them this week, there is a better than average chance that one of them will be history by the time Julie Chen graces our television Thursday.

Writing for a TV blog and living in Los Angeles can be a tricky job. There's this annoying problem of me writing sniveling little comments about people and then stepping out my door and running into them in real life. What's worse is that these reality stars and actors - much to my increasing guilt - turn out to be nice people sometimes. So imagine my utter dismay to realize that after two months of snarky, bitter, and ruthless mockery, I have to eat my words and begrudgingly admit that Jase is a nice guy. Okay, I can't do it. I physically can't do it. He's a douchebag! No, he's a nice guy! No, he's a douchebag! No, he's a nice guy! Snarky... cred... dying....

I am not going to sit here and argue that Big Brother is anything like an episode, of the Amazing Race, but it is quite spectacular to watch how things can change from one day to the next. For the people who watch the live feeds, the surprises are not so fast and furious. For those of us who stick to the broadcasts, the twists and turns of the show usually do a good job of surprising us. Ever since WIll was sent packing, there has been a turn in the house. It's as if Mills Lane yelled "Let's Get it On!", and everybody is trying to figure out how they can get to the end with a couple of people they might have a chance of beating. Although I suspect Adria wasn't prepared for the extent of the backlash after her decision to evict Will, Nakomis did nothing to hide her feelings and was prepared to make enemies.

It's been a little while since I've weighed in on Big Brother, and by "little while", I mean two episodes. That's a lot in the world of TVgasm. Nevertheless, I'm back, and I'm highly entertained. Watching the female alliance implode has been a delightful summer activity, and last night the chaos escalated as Adria toppled off the nomination block and the rest of the houseguests scampered for cover. Unfortunately for Cowboy, he was the only one who didn't nab a seat at the musical chairs-esque selection process for nominations and wound up sitting pretty with a peeved Natalie on the chopping block. With any luck, Michael's consolation prize will be a trip to Young and the Restless, but I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out about that.

I have just worn out the repeat button on my ReplayTV making sure I saw correctly. Someone needs to recalibrate the Chen-Bot.

In tonight’s HOH Competition there were 2 elimination rounds of Mini-Golf. Chen-Bot announced the rules as:

"The first person to sink a put, and whose ball goes all the way to the bottom of the tube, wins the round."

In the second round Marvin sunk his put 1st, but Karen’s ball made it "all the way to the bottom of the tube" first. To this, I call SHINANIGANS as Chen-Bot called Marvin victorious as his ball was still spinning in a circle waiting to drop and Karen’s ball was falling down the tube. Upon replay after replay I never even saw Marvin’s ball enter the tube.

On a personal note, I was rooting for Marvin to get HOH, but not like this. Julie has made it ugly.

Sweet Sassy Molassy! Julie Chen was flubtastic tonight. Whether it was her voting play-by-play or her color commentary on a rousing game of miniature golf, the Chenbot was messing things up left and right. Luckily her misfortune is our entertainment, but in tonight's case, the casual Chen flub may have actually changed the course of Big Brother 5. As we here at TVgasm have already noted, Julie Chen clearly did not listen to this season's ponderous mantra, "Do Not Assume", which is why she blew her wad (if that's possible) on Marvin's successful putt. But clever eyes and well-worn Tivos discovered a twist that not even the producers had anticipated. Karen's ball actually dropped before Marvin's. Project DNA THAT, Julie Chen. Gotcha, Chenbot!

Michael may not have won a trip to the Young and the Restless, but he sure knows how to execute that sappy dialogue. In tonight's episode of Big Brother, Cowboy won the America's Choice prize of getting to talk to his loved ones for five minutes. Why people? Why do the fathers always get to call home? Are we supposed to feel badly that they left their child to pursue fifteen minutes of fame on reality TV? Okay, maybe it isn't as simple as that. I know in the case of Michael he's trying to win the money for his family; so if you're about to send an angry missive about my dispassionate disposition - there's no need. Besides, I just attended a poetry slam; so I have a whole new set of disses and comebacks. Bring it!

Heading into tonight's episode of Big Brother, we all pretty much knew what would happen. Adria would bully people around, CBS would try to misdirect us into thinking she'd have a shot at staying in the house, and then the roommates would vote her out unanimously. Yawn. Oh, but this ain't no Bunim/Murray production. With firecrackers like Adria and Marvin hanging around and malfunctioning robots like Julie Chen ready to wreak havoc, we should have known that tonight's episode would be full of bizzaro fights, schemes, and facial expressions - mostly on live TV. And honestly, isn't that what we really want out of life?

As we get down to the last few weeks of this season's Big Brother, the game grows more and more intense. What many considered the last two forces of evil in the house, Natalie and Adria, were evicted from the house and Julie Chen promised us another eviction this past Saturday, meaning three people would have left the house in a span of just nine television days. Marvin did the admirable job of nominating Adria, and the house voted her out unanimously. As Adria left, Marvin had enough of her bible references and called her out on the idea that anybody could consider the two women separate players. With all the good Marvin has done for the house, we all waited anxiously to see how the rest of the house would reward him.

Just when things were getting chummy and predictable in the Big Brother house, occasional strategist Diane comes along and shakes stuff up. No, she didn't do anything crazy like dump Drew for Cowboy - although such romantic intrigue is always welcomed. Instead she did what we've been waiting for someone to do: she thought ahead a few steps. With all sorts of potential allies such as Marvin, Adria, and Natalie waltzing out the front door, Diane at long last saw the light and realized that Karen and Nakomis would only take her so far in the game. After that epiphany, it was just a matter of moments before Diane officially became the third Horseman.

When Scott left the Big Brother 5 house a month ago, he was so humble and well spoken that I actually changed my perception of him. For better or worse, I actually think he might be a decent guy. But then Scott does something ill-advised, like post this goofy message on his new website, BeSavage.com. Here's an excerpt:

This is the Savage here just checking up on the post and messages i have received from fans and haters....Seems the haters are dissapearing more and more so FANS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

I would like to say that if people have an interest in the playgirl and mandanas signed and worn that i will try to post something on Ebay here in the next few weeks.....Ive received an overwellming amount of request for a signed playgirl and the mandana.

I do hope Scott realizes the term "mandana" is one of mockery and contempt. Oh well. I guess you can take the Savage out of Big Brother, but you can't take the Big Brother out of the Savage. I don't know what that really means. It just sounded cool.

The reason why we love Big Brother is the unpredictable nature of the whole thing. Alliances form early, and then fail. People are nearly unanimously loved in the house, then hated with a pure wrath. A person is in power one week, then they are gone the next. A person has great strategy at one point, then it goes horrible wrong later. All the opposites of these scenarios are true as well. If you had bet me at the beginning that Michael would be among the last five contestants, and Nakomis would have won three HoH competitions plus a veto, I would have taken those odds. After lamenting that nobody was thinking far enough ahead, Diane finally stepped up and decided to take a chance. There hasn't been a lot of back stabbing among the final group left in the game, so it was going to be interesting to see what lengths people would go to in order to extend their tenure in the house.

Admit it. You saw that CBS was going to promote "Project DNA" this year on Big Brother, and you probably let out an audible groan. Why must the producers continue to push these gimmicks and twists on the show? It's not like the obsessive Big Brother fan needs anything extra to feed their already copious conspiracy theories on the secret hidden agenda they want to believe the producers have. I completely understand how people feel, it seems as if the punny name is created before the twist is created. Although Project DNA may have seemed stupid going in, I have to admit it has been pretty effective. We were on our seats until Natalie finally came into the house. Once in, Natalie and Adria enjoyed about as much love as Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane chasing the General Lee. People were so intent on getting them out, they forgot that they also have to try and make it farther into the game themselves. When the dust settled from that, everybody realized that the other two siblings in the house were still in the house. We've come a long way baby.

It's almost time to close the books on another chapter of Big Brother, and I will admit that the last few episodes are not that exciting. From the time the final three begin their quest for the Final HoH to the time during the finale when the members of the jury start laying the smack down on the last two house guests, there is really not that much to get really excited about. The HoH challenge takes place over a couple of days, so there really isn't any shenanigans with that. With only three days from the last episode and only three people left in the house, there isn't that much drama to get excited about. There are no reward challenges, so that really isn't a distraction either. With all that being said, there are ways to make sure the viewers check in, and CBS certainly cashed in on one of those. And the rest of the episode ended up being really exciting as well.

We knew tonight's much anticipated season finale of Big Brother 5 was going to be a doozy when Julie Chen managed a fantastic flub within the very first ten seconds. I mean, this wasn't just the standard slurring of the words or minor stutter. The Chenbot algorithms actually fizzled on the spot, and Julie spewed forth a bizarre guttural sound that sounded like she was momentarily being choked by some unseen attacker. The closest I can come to spelling the sound was "Plahgh". Oh, but what fun is me describing it when you can just hear it for yourself? Click here to get the full Chenbot experience. The more you listen to it, the funnier it gets. When you're done, follow me after the jump as we dive right into this snark-inducing finale...

Every now and then, the lines between audience and performer blur in Los Angeles, and sometimes it can be a little weird. You know, like when you spend an entire summer making fun of fourteen people and then you go to a party in their honor. Oy vey. Last night, the TVgasm staff attended the wrap party for Big Brother 5, and man was it interesting. On the whole, everyone was very friendly and eager to talk about the game. And by "talk about the game", I mean bash Jase. Talk about a hated man. Half the house guests I spoke to didn't even need any prodding to begin their attacks on Jase. We could be talking about the weather and they'd be like "Yes, it is a lovely night. Speaking of night, Jase is a terrible human being." One cast member went so far as to say that his relationship with Holly is an act to divert attention away from his blatant homosexuality. Of course, we knew it all along. Cue the Scott & Jase video...

By now, you know that TVGasm was able to infiltrate the ultra exclusive Big Brother wrap party last night in Studio City. OK, I lied. I could have walked in with a three foot bong and some BDSM gear, and nobody would have looked twice. That's the advantage of going to a party on the same lot as That 70's Show and Will and Grace. And about the exclusive part, it wasn't exactly like the line outside of Shelter. Still, it was great fun to see everybody from this season's cast, and television parties are always assured to have plenty of free booze.

My experience at tonight's BB5 wrap party was a little different than that of B-Side and J-Unit.

At the party, they had ceramic pigs, paint, magic markers, glitter and several other things that would make even Nikomis declare "Cool Beans!" Rather than painting my pig, along side a slightly inebriated (AKA completely schnockered) Karen, I decided to kidnap a pig and have the entire cast of the 5th season of big brother sign it.

What follows is my account of what transpired between myself, and each of the houseguests and the impressions they left on me. Some have changed, some have remained the same and some...oh I guess those are really the only 2 options.

UPDATE
NOW YOU CAN BUY THE PIG. Due to high volume of email requests, I am actually now selling the pig.

All profits will be donated to the charity of my choice. Most likey the Anheiser Busch Foundation, the Tmobile Monthly Bill Foundation, or the Pizza Hut Foundation.

Looks like we brought home the bacon with our ebay sale of the now famed ceramic pig.

Turns out this pig is almost as valuable than Adams spare-rib. One week after going online the auction block, the pig sold for $401, which is nothing to snout at.

I almost avoided posting this, but I thought, "What the hell, might as well ham it up." That's all I wanted to share. just a quick update article. So I will end it here as to be brisket this post.

It has been just under two weeks since the finale of Big Brother 5, but stalking reality stars is a year-round affair, and TVgasm is always up to the task, whether it be observations from parties, celebrity memorabilia, random information posted on the internet, television guest appearances, or anything in between.

Holly, not content with her previous work has been an enterprising young actress since leaving the Big Brother house. This past week, she appeared in an episode of Nip/Tuck on the FX cable network, popping up for a small segment as "Porn Nurse Kimberly", although they call her Fantasia on screen. She doesn't speak, but has a chance to display some other talents in a role that will "go down" as the best television appearance of anybody from this cast, really "spanking" both of Jase's appearances and is more of a "happy ending" than what Marvin experienced while on The Young and the Restless.

Enjoy all the pictures after the jump.

A few months ago I went on the record that Karen was the 1st big winner of bb5. Eventhough at the wrap party I was less than impressed by Karen, and began to lose my crush, I still feel a commitment to my one time TV crush to display her art made in the sequester house at the expense of her former house guests.

I know in the past I have shown and art for long drawn out puns, but tonight I will forgo those and let her pictures speak for themselves.

The complete cast (sans "The Don") after the jump.

Ever wonder if a pointsettia and a raccoon had a love child? Well, look no further than the Kennedy Center Honors where fashionista Julie Chen debuted her latest sartorial debacle. Granted, the six-pack rings were conspicuously absent, but the good news is that Julie's patented awkward fashions are still intact. I particularly like the Asian woman behind her desperately trying to corral in the Chenbot before her determined gait leads to some sort of red carpet disaster. But despite her friend's intentions, Julie Chen seems to be giving one giant "But first" as she plods towards some inevitable awkward moment. Alas, not even the shiniest of women can stop the Chenbot once her mission coordinates have been set: "MUST FOLLOW LES. MUST ATTEND KENNEDY CENTER HONORS."

Big Brother in six months...

Well, it was bound to happen. The Les Moonves/Julie Chen union has finally morphed into holy matrimony. Yes, as Defamer first warned us last week, Chenbot and CBS president Les Moonves skipped town last week for a romantic getaway in Mexico where the couple was officially anointed Husband and Robot. Wedding guests included friends and family of both parties such as Dan Rather, Sumner Redstone, and HAL. While most said the ceremony was "lovely" and "charmingly rigid", others expressed confusion over the format. Rumor has it that Julie Chen greeted guests at the door by saying "Hello, and welcome to the Moonves/Chen wedding. Tonight we'll watch as Les, the CBS executive from New York City, and Julie, the idle chatter cyborg from Dell Laboratories, join their hands in marriage. But first, please find your seats."

Others said it was odd how during the ceremony, Julie would occasionally turn to the audience and say "The rabbi has now asked us to share our vows. Let's listen in!" One guest, who wished to remain anonymous, felt momentarily awkward when the rabbi asked Les if he wished to take Julie 'til death do they part. Apparently Julie snapped at her future husband, saying "I need an answer Les. LES. There's no more time!" When he finally said "I do," Julie allegedly refused to accept his commitment until he raised a green or a red paddle.

In the end, all was well as Julie conducted an awkward exit interview with her new husband. Later, the Chenbot got drunk off of sangria and threw up on Early Show cohort Hannah Storm, who laughed it off by saying "Don't worry. I'm immensely forgettable!"

Thanks to TVgasm reader Kristen for the heads up.

Six weeks ago, I made the mistake of telling a girl that under no condition would I ever be devoting any time to The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. Apparently this girl put a little "We'll see about that" hex on me because now here I am, giving my umpteenth update on the lives and times of the Bachelorette guys. Man, this sucks.

Anyway, long story short, the photo to the left is Fabrice, and yes, it was taken with my camera phone.

Mild Bachelorette spoiler after the jump...

UPDATE: Another comparison after the jump.

With Big Brother nearing in just a few weeks, CBS was kind enough to give us this warm and fuzzy look into Julie Chen's less robotized life. Yes, in this clip, our hostess with the mostest forages into her photo album (ChenPhoto) and proudly displays an archival image of her two nephews (Chenbot Gemini v.2.0.3) for the world to see. She admits that she spoils the kids, but then asks "What's an aunt for?" Seriously, she wants to know. She doesn't have that algorithm. Finally, as the spot concludes, Julie raises another photo album tantalizingly and asks "Wanna see more?" Before we can answer (YES!), the spot fades to black, and so do our hopes of ever seeing the famed Chen/Moonves sex album. Oh well...

Click on the Chenbot to play.

WANT TO SEE MY NEPHEWS???

9 countdown days remain until CBS unveils its televised summer-long orgasm of joy that is Big Brother 6, and TVgasm will have a daily numerical countdown in a weak attempt to induce hype.

Another way to induce hype is to give free shit away, which is where my last minute, making-it-up-as-I-go-along contest, comes into play. For an explanation of how to win free stuff, click on the link...this also gives me time to think of what the contest is....

Zoe H. takes time out of her stuffed animal orgy to help us with our countdown.

With only 8 days remaining until the new season of BB6, CBS has revealed the new cast, which in TV foreplay terms...well, if revealing photos of the house last week was our first kiss, they just leaped directly to tickling the balls. I wasn't ready for it, I thought we had agreed to go slowly, then BAM! Ball tickling I hadn't felt since before Father O’Leary got transferred.

As I begin to ache for the glory of BB6, I looked back into the vaults of BB5 and have found a few diamonds worth bringing out, one each day until the delicious premier next week. Today's, Big Brother 5: Sex, Lies, Videotape & A Hand Job - The Things They Don't Want You To See. For those who haven't had a BB TVgasm before, these should work you into the mood quite nicely.

Remember, we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; tomorrow obviously is "7." If you see a 7 in your surroundings and shoot it, simply send us the photo and you are automatically entered to win an Amazon Gift Certificate courtesy of STA TRAVEL...ok, so it comes from J-Unit's wallet, but it would be way cooler if we had corporate sponsors.

The New Nose <-----------------------> The Old Nose

Let the condescension, speculation and perversions of BIG BROTHER contestants' pasts begin.

Sadly, today has been a busy day in my non-TVgasm life, which is preventing the in-depth research and dirt digging I prefer, but in a season dubbed "The Summer of Secrets," I'm really in no rush to uncover them all on day one.

Though I couldn’t let a full day go by without at least one quick background check. So off I went to use my highly skilled top secret researchers to find some dirt. A Google search later, and I did uncover an interesting tidbit on BB6 contestant Ashlea Evans. The CBS-described "Fashion Design Student" is, shockingly, an aspiring model/actress according to her ExploreTalent.com Model's page.

I am going to also go on record to say based on her photos (which can be found after the jump, or on her site), one of the season's secrets is that when she got rid of her old nose, she also shaved down her twig and berries. Ashlea can also be a dude's name, no?

It's Big Brother time! In case you haven't heard the latest, this season will feature fourteen houseguests, and each contestant will have a pre-existing relationship with one other roommate. However, they will be instructed to keep their alliance secret because they'll be under the assumption that everyone else in the house doesn't know each other. Very tricky. Can't wait to see Julie Chen slur her way through that twist! I wonder what they'll call it anyway. After "The Ex Factor" and "Project Do Not Assume," I'm hoping for a similarly silly name. "Mission: Accomplice"? "Operation Buddy System"? "Secret S.A.N.T.A." where the acronym stands for "Special Alliance Not To Announce"? Actually, according to Reality TV World, this season's big tagline is "Summer of Secrets." Secrets, eh? Might we finally see the Chenbot's inner-wiring?

To read more about this season, check out the article here. And hey, the new houseguests' bios are up. Noticeable trends: lots of Florida folks, lots of Cinnamon Toast Crunch fans, and lots of people who LOVE water. Also, so long you old fogeys. The most senior cast member is only 36. Boooo. Anyway, let's take a look...

Dave tries to blend into the wall using "Jock Camouflage."

The camouflage didn’t work, quite frankly; I don’t think my lame caption worked, and speaking of things not working, today we will go deep into the vault in order to relive when the Chenbot 2004 model malfunctioned on live TV as well as other Chenbot '04 defects.

Be it running on weak batteries or a complete shut down, the reliability of the Chenbot 2004 was less than stellar, though the leather interior and built-in plasma screens and DVD player make for an enjoyable ride.

I am eager to see the release of the new Chenbot 05, which according to their early promos is less sporty and more of a family bot.

God I've missed my Chen Moonves.

It's not too late to get your photo into the countdown to BB6 - as of now, we have a lot of great #1's but not a single #6!! Simply take a photo displaying a number in the countdown, mail it to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a gift card to Amazon.com.

That's right. Only Denver days left until BB6

In today's look back at a great moment from BB5...well, I'm having the same issue now that I had when I posted it last year; you can't really say much to set it up. I guess someone left their luxary item in a high place to hide it, but didn't pay attention to where the camera was in relation to the object. If Jase had time, Im sure he would have had a better hiding spot. The picture really speaks for itself.

It's not too late to get your photo into the countdown to BB6 - 5's and 4's & 3's are kinda low in submissions (guess people dont like winning on long weekends). Simply take a photo displaying a number in the countdown (if you're in it, or pointing to it, B-side loves those), mail it to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a gift card to Amazon.com.

Cruising down to a mere 5 days remaining, Holmes!

With 4 days left before BB6, the Eisman family trades the love and respect of their children for an Amazon.com certificate.

We'd like to thank PFC Lynndie England and Rossad Al Sharif for sending this one in.

Um, B-Side, J-Unit....seriously guys,

I think we have too much influence. I mean, funny's funny and all, but come on, there's a point when we are just being dicks. Seriously, why are you people still reading this? Someone stop reading and write your congressmen; we need to be stopped. HELLO?!? Good god, have you people no heart?

Here at TVgasm, we really like to give our readers a chance to win free stuff. During most of the reality shows that require some kind of elimination, we like to give people the opportunity to win something from the TVgasm store, just by picking out who is going to last the longest. And with the new season of Big Brother, things are no different. You pick the last three houseguests, and we'll send you some clothing.

The Rules:

1. Go to the Big Brother 6 homepage, and review the people who will be living in the house this year.

2. Choose the three people you think will finish one, two, and three overall.

3. E-mail your answers to contests@tvgasm.com.

The winner will be the person who gets the three houseguests, and the overall winner of Big Brother 6, correct. In the event that more than one person gets the correct answers, the tiebreaker will be who picked the second and third place contestants correctly as well. If more than one person has all three correct, the person who e-mailed their answers first will be awarded the prize. For their great victory, the lucky individual will receive one free item from the TVgasm store.

Only one entry per person/e-mail address will be accepted, and TVgasm will never give away your name or e-mail to anybody. If you've won something from TVgasm before, you can still enter again! Entries will be accepted until Thursday, July 7th at 9PM EST. Any questions or comments e-mail contests@tvgasm.com.

2 more days until BB6 hits the boob tube

Today's highlight still pisses me off to watch: who can forget last year when we were down to our final few houseguests and Karen was robbed of HOH by a miscall by the production team. It was a basic game of put-put golf and, as told by the Chenbot 2004, the first person to not only sink a ball but have the ball reach the bottom of pipe would be named HOH, or get POV or some such reward. As you can see in the video, though Marvin was given the title, it should have gone to Karen. A year later, and this still kinda pisses me off.

It's not too late to get your photo into the countdown to BB6. Simply take a photo displaying the number "1" for the countdown (if you're in it, or pointing to it, B-side loves those), mail it to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a gift card to Amazon.com. We have a lot of great ones, but Day 3 raised the bar

We received an odd little email last night. Someone claiming to be Michael Donnellan from the upcoming Big Brother 6 cast wrote: "We'll swear we have nothing to do with this until the mystery is solved. Watch your live feeds and learn the Secret." He then provided a link to "The Official Big Brother 6 Blog, Featuring Michael Donnellan," which allegedly is being updated from inside the Big Brother compound. Now, it's hard to say whether or not this is a hoax, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt (because we're bored and need something to harp on).

No clever caption, I just pee'd myself in anticipation. 1 MORE DAY!!

With one day left, I think its obvious which BB5 story is coming out of the vault. It's the one that really put us on the map last year. When a group of young men live in lockdown together, bonding is enevitable. Jase and Scott's bonding became somewhat gay as depicted in B-Side's video Scott and Jase: The Love Below.

ONE MORE DAY!!!

And with raised arms, Julie Chen invokes the wrath of the sky!

With only a few hours to go before the premiere of BB6, TVgasm's coverage of the event has kicked into high gear, causing some of our readers to say, "Well this is good and all, but where's the mind-numbing lame stuff / hysterical recaps that I rely on to get me through the day?"

It is for those people that I have compiled a small list of links and stories to calm the palette of eager Big Brother Six viewers.

Paulie shore is offering $1 to anyone who can watch 30 minutes of his new TBS show, Minding The Store, and not laugh. Putting to rest America's snipe "if I had a dollar for every time Paulie Shore didn't make me laugh..." To find out how you can get some of Paulie Shore's cash, simply by watching Minding The Store, click here.

After the incredible success of Finding Farrah and the fantastic resurgence of a faltering career unseen since that Jesus guy, TV's Batman, Adam West, has signed on to do a reality show which will follow the one-time celebrity as he does everyday former celebrity activities. I can't wait for the weekly trips to Social Security to pick up his check, the food stamp fight with the checkout clerk, and the nightly salting of his bedroom pillow in tears for years gone by. Editor's note: Adam West provides the voice of Mayor West on TV's funniest show, FAMILY GUY, and any mockery of Mr. West is out of the petty jealousy of the author and denotes a small penis.

Our esteemed president has called on Senator Fred Thompson to head a quest for Sandra Day O'Connor's replacement on the Supreme Court. Bush has chosen Senator Thompson "after watching him put bad guy after bad guy away, as a District Attorney on Law & Order. Bush has also appointed Kimmie Gibler and Lisa Turtle as Secretaries of Information.

For some random nude photos of I WANNA BE A HILTON day player Nikki Hilton, click here, here, and of course here!

If anything else comes up throughout the day, I'll toss a link in here. Otherwise, together we can make it through these last few hours of waiting until BB6.

It's a big night in the world of TVgasm. J-Unit, Madeyoulaugh, and I have decided to join forces for tonight's premiere of Big Brother 6 and liveblog the entire first episode. Since we are on the West Coast, a significant portion of the TVgasm readership will have already seen the show, but we still encourage you all to gather 'round the computer and refresh frequently as we post our comments.

Look forward to the liveblog beginning at 8 pm PST / 11 pm EST.

J-Unit Adds: If you need to talk about things that have already happened, do not post them in this article or any other article on the main page. USE THE FORUMS. You will be banned from comments for writing spoilers on the main page.

We've hyped it up for weeks, and now it's time for the Big Brother 6 premiere. Some might argue that this is more exciting than digging into a parfait or finally ridding yourself of constipation. Sorry, that made no sense. Madeyoulaugh made a bet that "parfait" and "constipation" couldn't be used in the same sentence in this intro. You see, that's the sort of giddiness Big Brother brings out in us. If we wait any longer, who knows what dumb bets we'll make, so let's just start this thing!

It's only been a mere five days since the last installment of Big Brother, but I swear, without the essential Saturday episode, I could hardly make it to today. Was CBS mad??? The season premiere was like a junkie rediscovering heroin -- or crack (like Big Brother, it's a socially maligned drug). It's pure, instant addiction. Once you've had that first taste, you can't go back. That is, until CBS forces you to go cold turkey in September, quietly weaning you off with a steady diet of Survivor and Amazing Race. Point is, I was happy to have a fresh Big Brother waiting for me on the family TiVo. Yeah, there's no clear villain yet, and yeah, there's no one particularly funny yet, and yeah, the cast is fairly pretty but bland, but who cares! This is just the beginning of the most socially complicated reality show out there. What's not to love?

I simply LOVE Thursday nights during Big Brother season. It has only been a week, which means that we still have a lot of time to go with our "Summer of Secrets" (every time I write that down, I have to say "secrets" in this whisper-like voice. I don't know why, but I enjoy it. Try it for yourself). Thursday means that we will have an eviction, and the first eviction is always the most difficult. It's not necessarily a bad sign to be nominated first, because those people often make it far, but it is quite the slap in the face to be evicted first. The first elimination is pretty much a popularity contest to see who among 14 people is the worst at making friends. Would you want that distinction? I don't think so.

Big Brother Season 6 "But First" counter WEEK ONE: 4

Send in your "butt first" photo to appear in next week's "But First" post. Winner will get something, unless J-Unit finds some moral or ethical reason to not allow this contest. But until that happens, send in your clever submission to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com.

Kelly Ripa's crotch, gumming its way through her pants."

Kelly Ripa is taking note of the CT Theory made popular by the Book Of Chen. The CT Theory states "the more Camel Toe, the more Camera Time." Chen was a virtual unknown who got her lucky break, after allowing a Lonely Les Moonves to masturbate with her body. But her real succuss came way after Les did. It was with the Camel Toe exposure of Big Brother 5. After that, the Chenbot was a household name.

Unsatisfied with the exposure of her daily morning show and the weekly showing of her sitcom, the Ripa-ff artist stole Julie Chen's trademark. Yes, like having the tribe speak, or telling someone they're fired, in classic Chen fashion, Rippa wore tight tight pants to expose her loose loose toe. For a woman who has had 9 children in 3 years, its tough to make jokes on the elasticity of ones' nether parts, but when Rippa not only wears the tight tights on her loosey loose sans panties, but also then squats for the camera crotch forward...it's cause for a TVgasm.

Why is the camel toe such a common occurence on TV and why do we accept it? Had Regis been squatting to change a tire in tight pants and showed off his Mammel Toe, I dare say I would call the FCC.

When it comes to Big Brother, there's a little theory that J-Unit and I have devised: after sitting through three episodes, you'll be hooked. I'm happy to report that after Saturday night's installment, I'm officially addicted to this season (as if I wouldn't be, right?). Yeah, the first three shows were decent, but any Big Brother fan knows the first week is essentially the murky start-up period; the time when people are still civil, alliances unformed, and the drama fairly tepid. Rarely does anything noteworthy happen during these early days. Occasionally we'll get a dustup -- Gerry's salad mishaps on season three, Jase's attack on Mike last year -- but for better or worse, it can be rough going, especially for newbies. This season was no different. I've enjoyed the first three episodes so far, if only to see the Chenbot back in primetime, but I couldn't say that I was wholeheartedly involved beyond my role as a recapper. But now... now things are different.

The first eviction always causes the knives to come out. Alliances become more clearly drawn, power-mongers rear their heads, and bitter outcasts begin rustling their feathers. Plus, the facades drop and the true personalities come out (anyone remember Marcellas during the first week of Big Brother 3? Imagine where we'd be had he not survived that first eviction.) This week's discovery comes in the most unlikely of places: Janelle. We love Janelle.

The Summer of Secrets continued tonight on Big Brother, as Head of Household George nominated Judge John Roberts for eviction. The first 15 minutes of the show (at least on the East Coast) were dominated by George droning on and on about what a "good heart" John has (or "Judgey," as Ivette calls him) and how the nomination was, of course, "nothing personal."

Kaysar, meanwhile, has been bombed.

Some people believe that this season of Big Brother is not as stellar as seasons past. On the surface, I would have to agree. Up until this point, there really hasn't been all that much in terms of conflict. But come on, having to follow the first few weeks of Scott and Jase is a big challenge, and things will get moving. Eric nominated Janelle and Michael because he saw them as a threat, and they were. Those two are the only ones who aren't falling all over themselves to kiss Eric's ass. As any good fascist knows, you can't let the people go against you and start coming up with their own ideas. You know, like eating the ice cream within eight hours or complaining about people doing badly in food challenges. But don't worry, as Eric proved this week, he will do anything to keep his little one-week monarchy going strong.

Big Brother fans had a special treat last night. Not only did we get to see a near-brawl in the household, but our favorite prime time robot Julie Chen showed up on Letterman to gab about her life, her career, and of course, Les Moonves. It was kind of odd seeing the Chenbot running her "relaxed banter" program, and while her tales of backhoes in Dayton, Ohio were fascinating, I found myself oddly transfixed by her billowing helmet of hair that refused to move, no matter how often she shook her head.

More pics of the Chenbot after the jump...

The Smoking Gun is reporting on Janelle's criminal past. Thanks to TVgasm reader Sandy for pointing this out. Thanks to Officer Carter for arresting Janelle, and thanks to Janelle for being dumb.

So tonight was the big eviction episode of Big Brother, and while the results may not have been shocking, the Head of Household competition has still moved me to ask one of the more clichéd questions out there. To all you newbies watching Big Brother, are you not entertained???

Please make note that that is the first time I have ever quoted Gladiator. You must realize that it takes something very special for me to join the masses who think they're oh so clever by rehashing this dumb Russell Crowe line. Don't fear, though. I have no intention of going all Braveheart on you too, unless Julie Chen does something really amazing this season. She is on pace to have the most flub-tastic summer yet.

Anyhow, let's take a stroll down recent-memory lane and relive all those fun moments from tonight's telecast.

Click on the picture of Julie above for a digitally enhanced version of her happy place.

Does the carpet match the curtains or did Julie throw the carpet out altogether? To find out, click the picture of Julie above.

SUMMER OF SECRETS!

When Kaysar won Head of Household this past Thursday, we here at the TVgasm offices found ourselves presented with almost the perfect scenario for this stage of the game of Big Brother. The house was one large conglomerate of an alliance whose only bond was the persecution of the outcasts. Those outcasts included Kaysar, for his friendship with Michael and any number of reasons the mad midget Eric came up with, and Janelle, for her closeness to Michael and the fact she wanted to get back at everybody for voting out her secret partner Ashlea the first week. Now that the outcasts are effectively in power, they had a chance to stir shit up or play it safe. It looks like Kaysar and his crew decided on option A, and that is a wonderful thing.

After the jump: some modeling pictures from James, and another TVgasm Photoshop enhancement!

The Summer of Secrets continues on Big Brother 6, and here's a secret I bet you didn't know: Eric is an idiot. Oh wait, that's not really a secret. More of a given, right? Yes, the righteous fireman was up on his high horse again (which for him requires a rope ladder, given how high his horse is and, well, how short and trollish he is). Truth is that nothing gets me more riled up than a bombastic, sanctimonious player, but when cold-as-ice strategists like Kaysar, Janelle, and James are around, the resulting conflict is nothing less than transfixing television. Tonight was no exception as the household imploded in the wake of Kaysar's shrewd nominations. Heck, I even thought we'd get Fight Night Part II.

Unfortunately, there were no fisticuffs tonight, but we had plenty of anger, spite, and backstabbing to keep us pacified -- at least until Thursday when our bloodlust renews again. Three weeks in, and this is already turning into a mighty fine season. Who woulda thunk it?

Big Brother's Beau on Made and The Cut

Feeling like Beau's been fading into the background on Big Brother this season? Maybe that's because he's a bit tired from his other Viacom appearances. Just last night he appeared not only on the Tommy Hilfiger disaster, The Cut, but also MTV's Made. A Big Brother contestant whoring himself out for reality TV? Well, now I've heard it all!

When we caught our first glimpses of Big Brother 6, a lot of people were worried. We saw all of the beautiful people and lamented at how boring they would all be. We learned that each of the houseguests would have a partner going into the house and decided that it was the dumbest twist ever, made only worse when we learned that the whole thing was going to be wrapped into what the producers were calling "Summer of Secrets." Yes, my confidence wavered a little bit - until I remembered a few things. First, the house was full of humans, and whenever you get enough of us in one place, we make sure to destroy everything in sight. Second, I was still going to get a healthy dose of Julie Chen, and that is plenty to keep me happy for the summer.

Don't worry, all of you rabid Big Brother fans, B-side is hard at work pumping out his recap of last night's episode. However, I wanted to first take a little stab at something that bothered me during last night's episode. The results of the food competition were about as much in doubt as a UNLV basketball game in 1990. In other words, the fix was in. Now perhaps it doesn't bother anybody else and I was just getting worked up over nothing - people have accused me of being very petty at times. However, since I have a platform to have my opinion heard and I can't seem to sleep past 9AM on the weekends these days, I thought I would pontificate a little bit.

More after the jump. WARNING - mild spoilers from last night's episode (ie, the results of food competition).

Big Brother turned 180 degrees again last night as the power in the household shifted back to Maggie & Co. amongst a flurry of giggles, hugs, and spazzy "Omigods!" Yes, just when King Kaysar had it all figured out, the ole Karma Boomerang clunked him in the head and sent him scrambling for cover all over again. Such is the way of Big Brother. One week you're on top, and then the next, you're toast, as Kaysar might say. Surely this tug-o-war will end bitterly, and TVgasm will be there to document it meticulously.

I am about to call shenanigans. But before I made my declaration of "shenanigans" on Big Brother public (or should it be CHENANIGANS?), I thought I would see if my issues are shared by the masses.

This past Thursday, Chenbot 6.0 (now with vibrating tongue) shocked the nation by announcing the show was cast with....dun dun dun...secret pairs!!! It was as shocking and unexpected as the cancellation of LIFE ON A STICK. That is not my problem; my issue comes in the million-dollar prize if any partners make it to the final 2.

Upon rewatching the first few episodes of BB6 this weekend, my suspicions were confirmed. Initially, it was announced that if a pair could make it all the way to the end without any of the other houseguests finding out about their secret alliance, they will win. After about 9 1/2 minutes in the house, that seemed to be unlikely when everyone immediately put together that people knew one another. So, without addressing the change in the rules, BB just decided to ignore their previous rule and state instead that now the secret pairs must make it to the final two in order to get the million dollars. Now, I get the fact that their million dollar hook was shattered in less than a month, and by rewriting the rules they get to keep that hook going a while longer. The problem I have is that by changing the rules and not acknowledging it, it negates the point of the rules.

It makes me want to call CHENANIGANS!!! Am I alone?

Also, while I'm griping, what is the deal with Chen's "teasing" us with the possibility a houseguest may return. Ashlea said something to the affect of "I wish I could come back" and Chen replied with a "well, you never know, it is the Summer of Secrets." Ok, I can buy that little hint, it was directly related to an Ashlea comment, but since then anyone who leaves the house could be talking about anything, and Chen randomly blurts things out. Michael talking about his hoping Eric leaves, and Chen blurts out "WELL MAYBE YOU CAN KICK HIM OUT WHEN YOU GET BACK IN THE HOUSE IN 4 WEEKS!! Not that that will happen, but it could. I'm just sayin' SUMMER OF SECRETS! KILL, KILL, KILL, CHENBOT MAD!!!"

My point is, rules that are so recklessly abandoned dilute the suspense. Why care about an outcome, if Big Brother can change the rules to make the outcome null and void? And Chen needs to learn that a SUMMER OF SECRETS is a huge opportunity for surprises. Don’t ruin prom by telling Jimmy he’s getting a hand job at the end of the night, all he’s gonna wait for is the end of the night instead of enjoying your company. (and by "your" I mean the generic "your" and not the Cheneric "your" as no one could possibly Chenjoy your company; I mean...you’re kinda creepy).

Has anyone noticed all this? Am I being too picky? Or is it time to call... Chenanigans!

The hardest part of watching a reality show is that at some point, you are going to find your favorites. Big Brother is no exception, and considering you can invest yourselves into the contestants with the help of a 24-hour feed, watching a favorite of yours get nominated or compete in a competition gets nerve-wracking. It's probably no secret that I love the schemers. One of the reasons I wanted to start TVgasm was the hope of being able to rally other people to get behind my folks, and if somebody I don't like wins, shower them with plenty of petty insults. With that said, it has not been a good Big Brother week for me. Although Kaysar was the man with the plan, his plan was demolished by Maggie when she won HOH. It made for some great television, but my god did it piss me off.

There are plenty of reasons to vote for Kaysar. He is a good player and a good schemer and in general is just enjoyable around the house. But there are even bigger reasons than that, and they have to do with keeping Eric out of the house. Eric is annoying, but he is also a menace. Let's be honest, we knew he was trouble from the first time we saw him and his beady little shifty eyes. He judges people on their morals and their integrity in the game, but is too dumb to see he was the most morally bankrupt person in the house. Better than that though is that we will get to see the faces of "The Friendship" when they realize their knighted Cappy was not the most loved person in the house.

Still, there are even more important reasons to vote for America's Choice, but vote a couple hundred times before you continue after the jump. UPDATE: I have changed all the "Vote for Kaysar" links to direct votes for Kaysar, plus a Vote for Kaysar picture with code that you can put on your own site! [Thanks Jon]

UPDATE II: Reality Blurred says Multiple Votes Are Not Allowed. This is clearly a method for CBS to ursurp the power of American People. COUNT EVERY VOTE.

Going into tonight's Big Brother, I felt a certain amount of dread and depression. This was, after all, my "Sophie's Choice" of episodes. One that would force me to choose favorites between nominees Kaysar and Janelle. Surely I would wake up and discover it was all a hideous dream. My two favorite players forced to walk the plank together? It couldn't be. And yet, by the episode's end, even though one of my beloved nominees had already departed, you'd think I'd won the lotto. That's because a divine mix of good luck and the Summer of Secrets had somehow brought the promise of justice and hope to this downtrodden viewer. Plus, everyone made fun of Eric, and we heard some pee-pee on the live show. How can you go wrong?

Many TVgasm readers alerted us to our fair Chenbot's Letterman appearance a week or two ago, but no one seemed to notice her appearance last night on The Late Late Show with that Scottish Guy on CBS. Fortunately, I did.

I've never seen Craig Ferguson's show before and, quite frankly, I didn't even give him a chance this time around. I simply couldn't contain myself from fast forwarding straight to the good stuff. But first... just kidding. I've always wanted to do that, and since I don't handle the Big Brother recaps, that was my only chance.

The time came and Ferguson introduced Chenbot 6.0 to resounding applause. She even got some hoots and catcalls. I was shocked - SHOCKED I tell you - to see that her handlers dressed her in the same gold C3PO dress with the super high front slit that she wore a mere two weeks ago on Big Brother. This "woman" is married to Les Moonves, the President and CEO of CBS television and she is paraded out on the network wearing the same very noticeable dress a mere 13 days apart? Laziness, Forgetfulness...or evil devious Chenbot genius?

What better way to show your support for Kaysar than by snagging one of these sweet Save Kaysar magnets for your fridge. You can buy one, or for a better value, get a whole ten-pack! Spread the word! I'll personally vote twenty times for each one sold. Go Kaysar!

Watching Big Brother 6 this summer is really a test of patience. In general, the twists this year have kind of sucked, but let's be honest - it was sort of expected that they would suck. We had to endure the agony that was Eric as head of household, followed by the bliss of having Kaysar in power. Our happiness was short-lived as Maggie won HOH, and promptly orchestrated Kaysar's ouster. This week, we got to start back off on a high note because Howie was able to secure himself a win as HOH, meaning we kept "The Friendship" from power. On top of that, we learned that Kaysar has a chance of making it back into the house, at least as long as CBS decides they want to do what the majority of fans want. Although the prospect of Eric coming into the house is a tough pill to swallow, at least we know Howie is going to keep the Friendship at bay, right?

I'm a slut. I admit it. I'm a TV manslut. It really doesn't matter about the length of a show, I don't care about a show's lineage, hell, I don't even have to like the show. If I'm alone, and a TV show comes along, I will watch it. From Survivor to Trauma: Life in The ER, it doesn't matter. I will watch anything.

So when a show comes along and offers me joy, laughter, and unconditional happiness, I get a little excited. This is the one. This is the show I can grow old with. This show satisfies so completely on all levels, I don't feel the need to whore myself out to TLC, or worse, VH1. I don't need a Xanax and beer chasers to jump into bed with any old show that comes along. Big Brother is one of those shows. I remember my first time, it was.....incredible. Initially, I just thought is was a good looking show, but as I learned more about it and really got to know its content, I fell in love. It is this love I wanted to share with the world, and I wish everyone could experience. Even still, and this may just be the scorned pessimist in me, I know it won't last. In two months time, BB6 will just leave me, all alone, and curled up in the arms of another show. Thankfully, knowing this ahead of time, I already have my rebound set up. A hot little bitch I call The Amazing Race. A 'no strings' passionate romance that always get's me off before I turn it off.

This love affair is one of the many reasons we promoted the hell out of this show. But what I want to know is, did it work? For those who have never seen Big Brother before and were drawn to it for the first time this year, what do you think? Is the romance there? Do you feel the addiction to love?

Comments welcome, and then of course there is the poll in TVgasm's Big Brother 6 Forums.

Tonight's Big Brother can be summed up in two words - well, two hyphenated words plus another word, in any case: Eighty-Two Percent. Take that in, everybody. First an eight, then a two, then a percent. If there was any question as to just how much America loved Kaysar (and absolutely hated Eric), it was answered tonight. On behalf of all of us here at TVgasm, we want to thank you for helping make the rest of the season all that much more enjoyable. And on a personal note, you have restored my faith in a higher power. After all, it couldn't just be an accident that Kaysar is back in the house. Somebody heard our prayers (and screams) and put Kaysar back in the house. Let's call it the Chen Corollary to Intelligent Design. Well, now that we have all of that out of the way, is there any reason to stick around for the rest of the recap? Well, of course; this is TVgasm, after all.

I was very happy about two things this week. First, our favorite Big Brother contestant Kaysar returned triumphantly to the household with an astounding eighty-two percent the vote (and considering there were five million votes, that's a lot of lovin'). Second, I received my "Save Kaysar!" magnet in the mail. Granted, by the time my new refrigerator trinket arrived, Kaysar had already won the vote, but I was happy to know that with my little magnet, I had supported the greatest non-political movement of the summer.

In honor of these momentous occasions (Kaysar winning the vote, me getting a toy), I decided to place my Kaysar button smack dab in the middle of the hallowed TVgasm magnetic poetry region of the fridge. As you can see, the pre-existing poem serves as quite the caption. Oddly appropriate, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, for those of you nostalgic for last week's activism, feel free to buy a magnet or ten at the store. Otherwise, you can just check out mine.

There were so many titles I could have used for Saturday's episode of Big Brother: "Under Pressure," "Man in the Box," um, some other song title I thought of four hours ago but have since forgotten. Point is that some of these people spent twelve hours in a plastic box, or "pressure cooker" as Julie Chen noted, and when you think about it, that's a really, really long time to stand around. I mean, what were you doing twelve hours ago? I was watching La Bamba on Encore. Man, that movie gets me every time. Lou Diamond Phillips and Esai Morales? It doesn't get any better than that.

Is it me, or have other people lost count of how many times James was supposed to be evicted on Big Brother? Last week, we were all as high as rollers at a rave after the return of our man, Kaysar. Almost immediately, he was poised to take a leadership role in the house. One week after he was evicted, he had the chance to win HOH and get revenge on the people who sent him home. We hadn't seen so many Americans pulling for one cause since they were taking Prohibition off the books. Then inexplicably, Kaysar gave up his power and put control of the game in the hands of another person. Is the Behrooz fro somehow preventing Kaysar from thinking clearly? That's what we were trying to find out.

It seems as though there's chaos in the Big Brother house. In the wake of last night's tumultuous veto debacle, the warring roommates have been cursing each other ceaselessly.

First, clips of Janelle calling Beau a cokehead who sleeps with old men surfaced yesterday on the internet. Now Reality Blurred and Joker's Updates are reporting that Howie and April have been sparring viciously. Meanwhile Ivette has returned to her tradition of anti-Muslim hate mongering. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like any of this will wind up on the air, but man, I sure hope it does.

This may be CBS's best ploy to get subscribers to their live feeds in years.

For more information about the house meltdown, check out:

• Reality Blurred
• Joker's Updates - blow by blow transcript
• Bedazzled - live feed clips (thanks to Defamer and Sorry I Got Drunk for the heads up)

I know. I know. You are leaping to the PC crotch a-moistened to see what B-Side has come up with for tonight's TVgasmic Big Brother recap. But alas, you are only stuck with I, Madeyoulaugh. I consider myself merely the fluffer for that which is B-Side, I am the Bass to his Timberlake (did I just mix up boy bands??). I accept that.

But to keep you occupied until B-Side, or BS as his friends call him (Mr. Side to me), finishes his post, I thought I would take you down memory lane. Like the Calico before the Xbox, and the book before the television, all great technological advances allow for great change. Thus, it is true with The Chenbot. From the beta version of the mid-90s to the concept Chenbots of the future, follow the jump to see where she was, where she is, and where (technology willing) she will go.

Photo essay after the jump

All aboard the Big Brother roller coaster! Maybe it's the adrenaline coursing through my veins, but I'm not sure I've seen a Big Brother season where we've swung from extreme lows to extreme highs so frequently. It seems like every time we're psyched about something (cough, Kaysar returning, cough) we're immediately smacked in the face with a big sack of suck (cough, Kaysar getting re-nominated, cough). And just when we're thinking we might swear off this whole reality opera once and for all, something amazing happens that has us jumping up and down and screaming at the TV.

To all the people who say Big Brother is boring, you don't know what you're missing. You don't know what you're missing at all.

Still need another fix of Big Brother after last night's explosive show? Well, don't worry. We have some fun stuff to keep you occupied.

First, there's Team Kaysar, a website first brought to our attention by our friends at Sorry I Got Drunk. The site's lofty ambition is to raise $2 million dollars to give to Kaysar as a consolation gift. When I checked yesterday, readers had donated about $650 worth, which is pretty impressive considering how silly the site's premise is. As of press time, the balance has swollen to $3,167.43. This would all be well and good if there were any way to verify that the guy running this site isn't going to just skip town with a nice little paycheck. Still, if you're feeling adventurous and don't really care who winds up with your dollar, check it out.

Also, About.com has an interview with Kaysar where he reacts to this fundraising campaign. As always, he's diplomatic and polite. Kaysar's the best! (found via Reality Blurred)

If you're still bored and needing to suckle on the teat of depravity that is Big Brother, Entertainment Weekly has an amusing take on the past week's events, written by Lynette Rice who was lucky enough to have this season's notorious "DOR" banner fly right over her house.

And lastly, if you feel like taking action but not actually spending money, you can always check out Jen Vasquez Sucks, a site that invites you to vent all your frustrations. I also recommend giving Jen repeated ones on the CBS popularity poll (where she already ranks dead last with a score of 22 -- that's lower than Cappy!). But the best way to take out your rage is in the TVgasm forums. You like that? It's all about us in the end...

This was the episode of Big Brother that I was waiting for. Janelle was Head of Household and had the power to decide who was going to be up for eviction. It wasn't hard to tell by her initial reaction that Janelle was gunning for Jennifer. I don't know what it was that first tuned me in to that theory, but it might have been all the times Janelle managed to call Jennifer a bitch after she won. Sadly, this is a double eviction week, which means that Janelle's time in power would be less than 48 hours. It also means we had to pack a lot into this episode including a veto competition, veto ceremony, live vote and eviction (sort of) and a new HOH competition. So let's not waste time, and get started.

What a strange beast Big Brother is. It can make us so happy and optimistic that good will prevail in the universe, and then a heartbeat later dash all our hopes, leaving us with nothing but a dystopian view of our miserable future. Such was the case tonight (and to be fair, at the end of Saturday as well) when Beau-Beau won HOH and once again lit a fire under our favorite alliance, the Sovereign Six (or Sovereign Three, really). All in all, it was a fairly humdrum episode, made interesting only by the continued idiocy that has become a trademark of The Friendship. But hey, at least the Cappy shrine made a triumphant return, and that's always got to count for a few laughs.

Once again, it's time for America's Choice on Big Brother 6. A few weeks ago, viewers had the wonderful opportunity to vote an evicted player back into the house. Thanks to a grassroots campaign partially stirred up by TVgasm, we managed to return the beloved Kaysar back into the compound (where he instantly botched his good fortune and wound up on Julie's couch a mere one week later).

This time around, CBS has offered us a far less important choice: who gets a phone call from home? Normally, I wouldn't mobilize the TVgasm readers again over such a trivial prize, but seeing how The Friendship appear to have a lock on this unforgiving game, it seems only fair that they realize just how much America hates them.

And so we implore you to vote for Janelle. Even if you were turned off by Janelle's antics last week, you must admit that the one way to drive Ivette, April, Beau, and Maggie crazy would be for their flaxen arch-nemisis to win the call.

It's your civic duty. And if you're still not convinced, here are more reasons to cast your vote Janelle's way:

• To see the looks of shock, disillusionment, and confusion on The Friendship's faces when Janelle wins.
• To make April cry.
• To make Ivette cry.
• To make Maggie cry.
• To make Beau cry.
• To make The Friendship realize they are hated.
• To make The Friendship realize America detests anything advocating or representing Eric "Cappy" Littmann.
• To avoid five minutes of April yapping to her husband about Pepperoni.
• To avoid five minutes of Beau's annoying squeals.
• To avoid five minutes of Ivette's idiotic yelling.
• To make TVgasm proud.
• To restore any glimmers of justice this universe has in store for us.

Vote early and vote often. Janelle all the way!!

This has been a very trying season of Big Brother. I really love this show, and quite clearly I love to talk about it, but I have never had so much of an emotional investment in a reality show since - well, I guess since Naima won ANTM a few months ago, but I think you get the idea. The last month has been great, with HOH and nominations swinging back and forth every week. Unfortunately, there has always been that creepy feeling in the back of my head. What would happen if my side didn't win? We got to bring Kaysar back after his eviction, but since Howie was in charge, things have never been the same. My giddiness at the greatness of this season has been tempered by the slow realization that the numbers are skewed in favor of a Friendship win, a scenario I would guess about 82% of America would find a complete disaster.

Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... a Super Kaysar Fan! Yes, another message has flown over the Big Brother house. TVgasm reader Spotdog just caught a glimpse of a plane carrying a banner which read "KAYSAR — MOST LOVED IN BB HISTORY".

Spotdog also took a picture of this airborne bullying, but alas, camera phones can only do so much. Just trust us when we say that little spec is not an errant buzzard.

Bliss. Pure bliss.

Anyone who watched tonight's episode of Big Brother knows exactly what I'm talking about. It was a pure TVgasm. The timing of this season has really worked out perfectly for me. I've been lucky enough to ravage some of the juiciest episodes this summer: Kaysar's big chess coup, Janelle's "Bye Bye Bitches" triumph, and now this, the divine moment when The Friendship began to realize that America does, in fact, hate them.

Words cannot express how much fun it was to watch the tears, the disbelief, the rage. Once again, the good people at Grodner/Shapiro have delivered us a nugget of reality goodness, and for that, I have to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So, I've been saying it for a number of weeks now, but I have to say it one more time: things are looking grim for me in terms of Big Brother. The side in which I have chosen to invest all of my emotional well-being is now down to two people. Their enemies number four, and were in control of the house this week. When Howie and Janelle were put up for eviction, I thought it was going to take a small miracle to save them both from eviction. Well, that small miracle came when it looked like the Friendship had decided to once and for all get rid of James, and backdoored him into the nomination chair. On paper, it looks like you can chalk up a win for the Friendship, but as long as either Howie and Janelle are in the house, our hope springs eternal.

CBS touted last night's episode of Big Brother as one whole week of reality crammed into a single hour. I guess that's about right since the show proved to be as exciting and frustrating as any given week this season. Plus, for added fun, CBS decided to spice things up by throwing in a dash of Holly from Big Brother 5. Possibly the only thing more grating would have been if she and Beau had bayed at the moon like some unholy deleted scene from 101 Dalmatians. Thankfully, they didn't. But that didn't stop me from capturing a precious (READ: grating) sound clip of our dearest Holly (as well as a golden one of April sobbing). All the goodies plus the recap after jump...

I think that it is safe to say that the promised "Summer of Secrets" has kind of fallen flat when it comes to the secrets part. Sure, we had a secret room, and everybody had secret partners, but all of that excitement didn't last more than a couple of weeks. Even Ashlea was able to guess that a houseguest might be coming back, and while the contents of a gold safe might be a secret, it's not necessarily interesting. Thankfully, the rest of Big Brother has been very much worth watching. It seems like I am hanging on the outcome of every single competition, and I will continue to do so just as long as there is any fight among the last two standing members of the Sovereign Six.

What a joyous night of television. Between the launches of The OC, Reunion, and the NFL season, old summer stalwart Big Brother 6 almost got lost in the shuffle. Almost.

Of course, you can never forget about Big Brother because it's turned out to be the most unpredictable, exciting, addictive, and riveting television show of the summer -- and dare I say, year. Okay, I won't get carried away because in all truth, I have not had the hindsight or frame of reference yet to make such bold statements. By late December, however, don't be surprised if I'm still singing the praises of this latest BB season. At the very least, it's been a hell of a lot more enjoyable than The OC this year, and that definitely includes tonight's season premiere. But I'll let J-Unit regale us with his thoughts on that. In the meantime, join me as we remember all the wonderful moments of tonight's live Big Brother, including the biggest Summer of Secrets revelation: THE GOTHBOT.

First, my apologies that this recap is out so late. You know how crazy those Saturday nights in Los Angeles can be. Authentic Schezuan in Monterey Park, a house party with a bunch of boring assistants and writers in Los Feliz followed by some pitchers of beer at Birds. By the time you return to your apartment at 3AM, you can't keep your eyes open long enough to watch Big Brother even though you know you are going to really enjoy Janelle's reign of power. You wake up, realize that you have three fantasy football teams, and it's early evening before you even start your recap. You snuggle into your cubicle at the TVgasm offices and prepare to document the continued descent into insanity that the final three members of the Friendship are facing.

Let me take the time once again to thank everybody who hopped onto the Big Brother Bandwagon with TVgasm this summer. We hope that it was mucho enjoyable, and the thought that we might have created a few addicts is also quite welcome. We've received emails that were quite heartwarming, like the woman who says her husband would never watch reality TV with her until he started reading TVgasm, to the very humbling, as people have said that reading printed-out versions of TVgasm have helped put a smile on their face as they go through pregnancies and recover from surgeries. But enough of that sappy shit, we have but one week of Big Brother left, and the action will be fast and furious.

TVgasm has never been a huge fan of spoilers, including on Big Brother. Part of watching the show is the anticipation of what is coming next, good or bad. Fans have been able to watch on the internet through Real Player, and the live feeds always give you up-to-date action and an unfiltered view of the guests that can really change how you feel about them. This week marks the last of HOH competitions. If precedent stands, Janelle and two other people will be competing in an endurance challenge for the last Head of Household.

The live feeds are courtesy of the Real Player Superpass, and if you sign up, you get a 14-day trial for free, meaning your Big Brother feeds will come free of charge. I mention this only as a service to our readers, because I personally can't stand Real Player software. TVgasm isn't getting paid for signing people up either. I offer this information solely to help out those people who may be in dire need.

With all that being said, I will not tune into the live feeds, and please

DON'T POST SPOILERS

Here's two ways to know if it's a good season of Big Brother:

1) You hang onto every moment, regardless of how insignificant or humdrum the episode.

2) You look forward to every eviction episode, even if there has not been one exciting, close, or unpredictable vote all summer.

Good reality TV, like anything of high quality, is like catching lightning in a bottle, and this year, CBS caught a lot of lightning. (Except for The Cut. That was more "static electricity.") First, we watched with increasing awe, fascination, horror, and amusement as Rob and Amber clawed their way to the final three on The Amazing Race. It was inevitable that they'd advance each round, but we still came back for more. On Survivor: Pulau, things were even more predictable as the hapless Ulong tribe lost immunity week after week after week. And yet, we couldn't get enough. Finally, there's Big Brother 6, a show that's been unpredictable in its competitions but thoroughly unsurprising in its evictions. With all these relatively un-twisty eliminations, you'd think these shows would have fallen by the wayside. But luckily, good casting has made this a golden year for CBS, and the powerful human drama (and comedy) has been more riveting than many other things on TV. Maybe even film. But hey, this is supposed to be a funny recap, not an academic dialogue on the nature of modern entertainment. Here's what really matters: the bitches cried tonight. They cried their eyes out. And we laughed.

Prior engagements once again kept me from pulling off a timely Big Brother recap. I would go into more detail but let's just say one part of it involved prosciutto, arugula, and Rose McGowan. Anyway, on Tuesday, three women entered the ring, or at least stood on top of the ring, and on Friday night, one woman left. It was a modified version of a Thunderdome, and although the stakes were not life or death, millions of Americans would be watching to see if their worst fear, an all-Friendship finale, would actually come to pass.

In honor of tomorrow night's finale of Big Brother, I've decided to compile every single Julie Chen "But First" of the season into one, easy to digest montage. For those of you who don't watch Big Brother or for those of you who simply don't understand why we call Julie Chen "The Chenbot," simply take a gander at this montage, and maybe you too will understand the robotic precision that thrills us all. From the nearly identical vocal tones to the perfectly tuned blocking, Julie Chen is both amazing and scary in her consistency from week to week. Bravo Chenbot on another wonderful season!

This looks kind of like the end of SNL. Or as I like to call it, S-Chen-L.

I write to you with great sadness tonight. Our dearest Big Brother 6 has come to an end. It's been a long, strange journey, and as I write these words, I regretfully realize that this most wonderful of reality show seasons has now been sealed into memories. A present tense turned past. Like the legendary Richard Marx sings, "Hold on to the night. Hold on to the memory. I wish that I could give you something more. That I could be yours."

With that said, hows about that Chenbot? Are you with me, people? Something happened to her. She seemed almost... human? No, that's saying too much. Surely she's incapable of having a Pinnochio moment. No, I think it was less drastic. Maybe someone switched her system software. It's like she went from Microsoft Word to Leisure Suit Larry. Whatever it was, Julie Chen was en fuego tonight. Aw, CBS. I know we can see her every morning on The Early Show, but we like the 'bot best in primetime. Bring back Big Brother this spring! Make it bigger and badder than ever before! Do it, CBS! Do it!

Last year, we regaled you with stories of the Big Brother 5 wrap party. It was great, except the lack of a camera really put the kibotch on our style. This year, however, we decided to go full force. Yes, we have exclusive pictures from inside the Big Brother 6 wrap party, featuring every single cast member and then some (sorry, no Julie Chen). With the help of our usual accomplices as well as newbies FauxMichael (the fake Michael Donnellan blogger) and RealMichael (also known as Michael from BB6), we were able to catch some noteworthy photos, and dare I say, some shots you won't find anywhere else on the internet. J-Unit will have the full analysis, but for now, check out the photos...

By FauxMichael

One never knows what one will run into at a Hollywood party, but one thing is certain: free booze. To put it mildly, I had my share, so only now am I really gathering my thoughts. I'm not sure how exactly to go about this and still successfully plug my new website YAYsports! so I think a bullet-point list will have to do.

A full rundown after the jump...

Sometimes a little Julie Chen can go along way. We're still about seven months out from the next season of Big Brother, but thanks to TVgasm reader Jash, we've got another dose of that goofy Chenbot -- this time modeling some sweet-ass shades on The Early Show. It always seems like Julie Chen does something particularly odd at this time of year. Let's not forget last December's epic appearance at the Kennedy Center Honors.

A few more photos of the trendy Chenbot after the jump...

The other day, I was trolling about MySpace looking for reality stars, when I came across the profile of one Jase Wirey, former villain of the Big Brother 5 household. His site had little by way of worthwhile information, but his blog featured a quote so stirring and thought-provoking, it just had to be shared. The following text may be too powerful for some readers. It speaks certain truths of the human condition that are so salient, not even the binding shackles of proper grammar can contain it. Prepare to have your lives changed. You might need a facial tissue.

In this life your path is chosen before you can walk or talk, it is written across the stars  If you have lost your way, take a moment and look up  The gift was etched in your soul from the first moment  It may be scary to expose this part of you  Deep inside the mear thought of failing at who we really are can be horrific, but the reward is worth taking  We were born and will one day vanish, but what we do in the middle is ours  Its never too late

Wow.

It's official. Summer 2006 will be remembered as the summer of ALL STAR BIG BROTHER. According to Entertainment Weekly (via Reality Blurred), CBS will be bringing back a collection of favorite Big Brother stars to once again fight, claw, and seduce their way to $500,000. There's no word on who will be in the cast (viewers get to vote in contestants from a pool of twenty), but with any luck, we'll get a second helping of Kaysar, Janelle, and/or Howie. Come to think of it, why don't they just recast all of season six and let us watch it over again.

Of course, I'm not going to get too too excited. We all know that All-Star seasons tend to disappoint (Survivor anyone?), but still, how can I resist just a little enthusiasm? Truth is, any news about any upcoming Big Brother seasons get me all hot and bothered.

And speaking of Big Brother, our old friend Marcellas (from season three) is trying to raise some money for charity. If you want to help him reach is goal of raising $5,000 for Project Angelfood, check out his blog. It's a good cause. You might even snag a rubber duckie. (Insert NBC "The More You Know" here).

Click on the picture to play

BUT FIRST: A photo with the fans. Chenbot-ilicious!

Last week was upfronts time -- the big, annual event when the networks unveil and preview their fall lineups. Of course, it's never as simple as that. This ain't no Power Point demonstration. Upfronts come with a fresh dose of pomp and circumstance. Networks haul out singers and dancers, renting out lavish facilities (Radio City Music Hall, Lincoln Center) and throwing major parties in the process. As one of the added benefits for us, the stars usually come out to play too, and luckily, some of our secretly embedded TVgasm fans / cousins were able to infiltrate the CBS upfronts. Not only were these ravishing damsels able to see all the action up close, but they managed to find the TVgasm Holy Grail (note the Chenbot, above). They also snapped a shot with The Hippies, Jeric, and Raylonda from The Amazing Race. That image (along with a brief description of the event) after the jump.

And if you have any fun photos from the upfronts, email them to me at b-side@tvgasm.com.

This is probably the most wonderful thing I've woken up to in quite some time. From today's Page Six:

June 1, 2006 -- IS "Big Brother" hostess Julie Chen actually an android? An Internet compilation clip of CBS boss Les Moonves' wife robotically uttering the phrase "but first" has led some to dub her "The Chenbot" - and even she seems to agree. "My best friend from college called one day and said, 'They call you "the Chenbot" on the Internet. You're like a robot,' " Chen tells Entertainment Weekly. "And I'm like, 'What?!' I watched that Internet compilation of every 'but first' I've said on 'Big Brother.' You know, my inflections are the same every single time. The turn is the same every single time. The facial expressions are the same every time. I am the Chenbot!"

It's days like these when being a blogger is the best. To check out the video, click here. And to buy a Chenbot t-shirt, visit the TVgasm store here.

Thanks to TVgasm readers Nancy, Lisa, Courtney, Wendy, Whitney, Debbie, Michelle, and Jash for giving us the heads up!

It's Big Brother season, and since this year is all about the All-Stars, we decided to see what some of our favorite past-contestants have been up to. Well, a quick hop, skip, and a jump on the Internets, and we found this silly picture of one of the most shifty, acerbic, and amusing male contestants. And what, pray tell, is he doing? Oh, just slurping down custard and happily enjoying the metropolis of otherworldly wonders that is Milwaukee. In other words, living out his "Door County dreams," as the cover suggests. We reveal the mystery man after the jump...

One week from tonight, Julie Chen will be hosting the official casting special for Big Brother All-Stars (which we will be live blogging), thus officially kicking off Big Brother season earlier than ever (well, not the official season, just the season in spirit). We couldn't be more excited to see the Chenbot back in action (in primetime, that is). Her robotic way of engendering awkward moments will never cease to entertain us. It's no easy feat. I mean, anyone can create an awkward moment, but not like Julie Chen.

Take for instance the hostess of Australia's Big Brother. Her name's Gretel, and she sure knows how to create an awkward moment. But she's more of a cringing-awkward as opposed to Julie's more lovably-stilted-awkward. To see for yourself, check out these clips from Australia's Big Brother. The first clip shows an incident between a straight man (Michael, white tank top) and a gay man (David, blue tank top) in the house. Michael is eventually evicted, and the second clip shows his exit-interview with the rapacious Gretel. It takes exactly 43 seconds for things to turn sour. Just try to imagine the Chenbot asking these questions. It would be pure bliss. Thanks for TVgasm reader Greg for the heads up.

With Big Brother All Stars, or BiBAS, on the horizon, the TVgasm office is in a frenzy in preparation for the new season. In years gone by, we have uncovered the shady, humiliating or otherwise odd pasts of BB houseguests. This year however, poses a new challenge as we already know Marvin dates online, Jase was an extra and Holly did a leather fetish video. So instead of digging into their pasts, we are digging into their "what have they been up to's."

That said, we bring you Hurricaine Howie. Until he comes to terms and accepts his homosexuality, Howie is searching for his true love. As most of us do, Howie realizes love can't be found in clubs or bars; you're not going to find the woman of your dreams on the Internet, no! True love can only be found on a syndicated weekly strip like Blind Date. Here we see a more sensitive, giving, and shockingly down-to-Earth side of Howie, the likes of which were never shown on Big Brother 6. Howie, if things don't work out with this one, may I introduce you to my sister?

This is actually pretty amazing. For those of you who remember Marvin from Big Brother 6, you will likely remember him as something of a cliché, one note even.

So, I was shocked when I jaunted over to his website and came across a video clip of a new show he is doing for HBO. While initially I was shocked he was working with HBO, I was quickly distracted by the sheer beauty of the cinematography and editing of the pilot. I liken it to Gladiator with a dash of Schindler's List set in the urban landscape. I was lost in Marvin's performance and blown away by his range. It actually took me a good 15 seconds to even realize which person in the cast was Marvin he blended in to his character so well.

I for one can't wait for this to appear on HBO. A well-placed source inside HBO tells me this will be the fall replacement for Entourage.

Sick and tired of missing those Saturday Big Brother episodes? (That was mainly directed at you three people without a DVR.) Well, great news. CBS has pushed the Saturday edition of BB7 to Sunday, a significantly higher profile night. The move is a nod to the show's growing popularity and the cachet of an All-Star cast (which will be revealed this Wednesday on a Chenbot-hosted casting special, and of course, we'll be live blogging it). Additionally, CBS is hoping that Big Brother will warm up the timeslot for The Amazing Race, which will take over on Sundays this fall. For more information, check out the article at Variety.

After last year's HUGE response to our countdown clock contest, TVgasm will begin it's official countdown to the move-in date on Thursday June 22, 2006. The first number will be "14", so start thinking of your entries. Winning submissions will receive a free Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. More details on the contest after the jump.

The Early Show, CBS

Here's a little tidbit to warm you all up for tonight's Big Brother casting special...

Don't forget you can still participate in our viewer countdown and discuss everything in the TVgasm forums!

It's going to be a Chenbot summer!

The full list of possible house guests is available here, and you can stalk your favorite house guest as they will all be making various appearances to plead their case. Our choices come after the jump.

UPDATE: Join J-unit in the tvgasm chat at 2PM EST/11 AM PST to talk about the Big Brother nominations!

When you peel back Chenbot's lifelike humanoid polymer, you reveal Chenbot's LCD.

14 days until move in!! Helping us kick of the B-BAS(that's Big Brother All Stars) countdown is Tinkerbellapixie, whose entry wins her an item from the TVgasm Chenbot store. Tink, I highly recommend the limited edition HENBO ORNAMENT. While we wait for all new episodes, let's take a look back at some vintage BB with Janelles famed BYE BYE BITCHES episode from last season. After a painful Kaysar elmination, Janie and Howie had no chance of survival, unless one of them won HOH. After Janie won a three way tie, she uttered the magic words that made their way into the Big Brother history books. Enjoy!

We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; tomorrow obviously is "13." If you see a 13 in your surroundings or perhaps have some other way to contribute a number 13 and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

Last night, CBS revealed which twenty former Big Brother contestants would be vying for our votes to send them back into the Chenbot-guarded household. We couldn't be more excited about this opportunity. In fact, just about the only people we imagine are more thrilled about this are the contestants themselves, which is why we're formally inviting all the viable houseguests to campaign for their reality careers right here on TVgasm. If you're one of the twenty candidates, just email me at b-side@tvgasm.com, and I'm sure I'll be able to provide you with some free exposure, just like Marcellas here who hit the campaign trail hard last night, brandishing a "Team Marcellas" T-Shirt out in Hollywood. Funny, anticlimactic story: as you can see, I ran into Marcellas last night. He told me where all the potential Big Brother All-Stars were hanging out last night, and like a good blogger/stalker, I sought them out. But alas, the bar they were in was too packed, and thanks to it being karaoke night, I knew I'd have to wait in line for about 90 minutes just to get in. So sadly, I don't have more stalker photos. I did, however, stumble upon a random reality star; so it wasn't a total loss. Pic after the jump...

13?! Im Kvetching!!! Sima Tov a Mazel Tov a Mazel Tov a Sima Tov.....

13 days until move in!!

Ok I admit, despite the literally hundreds of entries to our B-BAS countdown contest, not a single person submitted a thirteen. This not only lead to my stealing an image from Google, but an item from the TVgasm Chenbot store will not be able to find its way to a new home. It's not too late to enter for the number 12 and beyond. Just email me your submissions to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, its that simple!

Bib Brother is a drug. For those of you who are dissatisfied with the doctor recommended 3 weekly doses CBS will deal out this summer, I know a guy who can get you what you need man. He'll even hook you up with what you need, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Oh sure it'll be free the first few times until you're hooked, but then he charges some cash. Before you get addicted, you should understand....live feed watching is a very different experience that waiting for the produced triweekly stuff. It's a different high filled with uncensored language, and occassional (googleable) nude moments. And sometimes, maybe sometimes, you will be graced with a little bit of a budding lesbian romance like in BB5.

We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; tomorrow is "12" then come the weekend run, "11" & "10".....If you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

After watching Wednesday's Big Brother casting special, we were a bit disappointed that the Chenbot went the entire hour without uttering the phrase "But First" even once. Surely she knows this is her catch phrase. Programmers even installed algorithms that allowed her to laugh about it on The Early Show today. We therefore have come to the conclusion that the Chenbot, for better or worse, may have been malfunctioning. Luckily, we're a pretty tech-savvy group here at TVgasm, and we've managed to restore Julie to her natural glory. Click above to see the fixed Chenbot.

If only Chenbot came with a Nav system!

While normally photoshop isn't encouraged, this one was just too good to ignore.

We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

Buy the US Mint's 11 days to Big Brother Commemorative eleven dollar bill

This countdown is taking forever. 11 days seems farther away than 14 did! I need B-BAS!!!!! Perhaps we should use this time reeducate ourselves in preparation for what will inevitably involve a summer of Jase. It's been a couple years since the Mandana had a national voice. Well, as we did back in 2004, TVgasm is going to help you play along in the Big Brother game, by teaching what Jase is trying to convey with his Mandana code and sample photos for you to try to crack!

When used properly, the Mandana can help spawn young love.

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

Big Brother, CBS

With Big Brother All Stars poised to take over our brains in just over a week, special attention has been given to all our favorite cast members from years past. As a result, nostalgia has been running rampant in the TVgasm offices, which is why we decided to resurrect this loving tribute to Big Brother 5's Jase and Scott. Rumor has it that Jase has seen this video and absolutely hates it, which is all the more reason to embrace it. For us, this montage has a special place in our hearts because at the time (July, 2004), it was our biggest post ever -- our first foray into viral video. The clip brought in so many visitors that we pretty much had to shut the site down and mirror the file on Fleshbot. Of course, that was back in the old days of TVgasm when we weren't equipped to handle more than three people viewing a movie at once. But enough about TVgasm. This is about Big Brother; so please enjoy for the second time (or perhaps the first) Scott and Jase: The Love Below.

This submission is BANANAS!

With 10 days to go until Big Brother All Stars, we have entered the phase of animal shaming. Now, before we get any calls from PETA, let it be known that Ramses the gorilla has access to a 60 inch HDTV, Tivo & broadband connection to TVgasm.

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

Actually, Sadie, TV is more entertaining when you are facing the otherway.!

OK big BIG news! We are now in the single digits!

Big Brother is all about the passion, and what better way to stir up passion than with a good controversy? Remember back in BB5 the put-put HOH competition. Karen needed to win as did Marvin, it was down to the final 3 competitors. Chenbot called the rules as the person whose ball made it to the bottom of the whole first would be declared next HOH champion. While Marvin's ball made it in the hole first, Karen's clearly as shown in the TVgasm video analysis made it to the bottom first. Marvin was declared the winner for that round and a loser in life. Moron Marvin of course screwed everything up as HOH potentially altering the outcome of the season.

How long do you suppose it will take for BBAS to create its first big controversial moment? I put the over under at 8 days.

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

"Dammit Billy smile!! Papa needs a Chenbot track suit!!!

The countdown continues and more great contributions are flowing it to win free swag. Sure an official TVgasm Chenbot store item may only be $30 on the high end and child therapy can run in the thousands; but, can you really put a price on familial pride in Big Brother? I think not.

While we here state side are at just over a week from the Chenbot, Big Brother-UK has already been underway for several weeks and clips of the series are boppin' around the internet only adding fuel to the fire that is BB fervor. In one such clip it seems the cast of Big Brother-UK, or B-BUK, have to sing some homemade anthem at seemingly random intervals which has made one of the house guests none too happy. the video after the jump.

The polls are about to close! Only a few scant hours left to vote for your favorite Big Brother All-Stars! To see the official endorsements from TVgasm and Reality Blurred, click here. And to place your votes, visit the CBS website here.

Time is of the essence!

Big Brother always comes back!

People have emailed me asking whether or not they should get the B-BAS LIVE STREAM. In a nutshell, here's the skinny on that. When you watch the live stream, you are entering a whole new world of BB watching. It is a completely different experience to watch the unedited lives as they happen than it is to watch the streamlined & edited footage but have to wait a few days in between. If you get the live stream expect your participation in the forums to increase, your sex life to decrease, and body odor to steadily grow. I personally prefer a Chenbot guided CBS produced navigation through the season of BB rather than the live feeds. Having said that, there are some majorly cool benefits to the live feeds, a video of which can be seen after the jump.

Caution, NSFW.

So you think you know Big Brother do you? You've seen every season? You know who Chicken George is and are a fan of Doctor Will? Hey, that's great. Really, I have nothing but admiration for the devoted Big Brother fan. But did you know that Ivette was warned by the producers for calling Kaysar a "sand n____r"? Did you know the real reason Scott freaked out and threw chairs was because of a case of genital warts? And does everyone remember when Howie started calling Jennifer the "BJ Queen" after April said that she gave oral sex to an entire frat house (consisting of 26 guys) in one night?

"But EdHill" you say, "that was never on any of the episodes. You are making that up. You sir, are a damn dirty liar." Hey, I may be many things. Raconteur, entrepreneur and a student of history, but one thing I am not is a liar. Not when it comes to reality TV at least. All that and more did happen in the Big Brother house. But it never made it to air on CBS. Apparently the Murder, She Wrote network has a thing about oral sex and genital warts (snobs). No, all that and more was revealed on the Big Brother live feeds. Four separate camera feeds on 24 hours a day within the Big Brother house. Hours of drama and crazy stuff that never makes it to air happens and it's all caught on the live feeds. The downside is that you have to pay 10 bucks a month and it forces you to watch it using the positively evil RealPlayer. This is where TVgasm comes in. This season we will be doing periodic updates from the live feeds on the things that weren't included in the show. You'll get all the X-rated craziness, the 3 AM confessions, and most importantly, the stray shots of a naked Cowboy. Don't pretend like you're not curious.

The ground rules for comments still applies. If you want to discuss anything spoiler related in the live feeds (i.e. things that haven't been aired on CBS yet), go to the nifty TVgasm forums. If you want to contribute to the live feed craziness, e-mail j-unit and let him know you want to be a moderator.

You have a better chance of getting struck by lighting than you do winning B-BAS!

TinkerbelleAPixie, congratulations on your two-peat victory in the BBAS countdown.

Hopefully this season the Chenbot has been repaired since last season, but as B-BAS is shot in the valley during the california summer heat, even the chenbot may fall to roaming blackouts.

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

If I had a nickel for everytime I did a countdown entry.....

5 days and wicked close to B-BAS. There's not much time left to get your free chenbot attire!!

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

ARGH! Due to technical difficulties (read MYL's full blown case of retardation) I have lost several emails from the past year...ok all of them.

As a result, if you have submitted a photo for the B-BAS countdown, please resend it to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com. Also if you were one of our talented winners thus far, please resend me what your Chenbot selections were from the TVgasm store.

Thanks, and I'm an asshole.

MYL

I want this!

Available in time for X-mas! (click on picture for larger version)

4 days left of nothing to do and idle hands are coming up with some creative submissions. So much so that #4 was so good, we have two winners!!!

Only 3 more winners after today and the entries are getting better and better, so think smart and send in your submissions!

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

"Why, daddy. Why?" (click on picture for larger image)

I love the familial shaming, but more over I love that you have not one but three people showing us their chenbot! Well done sir, well done.

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

It's rare you can tell exactly what a dog is thinking. But this is the clearest case of "take that photo and I am humping your pillow while you're at work" I've ever seen.

ONE MORE CHANCE TO SEND IN YOUR PHOTO AND WIN!!!

To those of you who have submitted entries and have not been picked, u can still send in more! Even if you have won already and want a whole Chenspired wardrobe, continue to send in entries. We have had some AMAZING entries from some of our creative readers. But we are still looking for numbers to help us with our countdown; if you see it, make it and shoot it, simply send us the photo or video to madeyoulaugh@tvgasm.com, and you are automatically entered to win a Chenbot item from the TVgasm store. Multiple entries accepted!

No, this post will deliver the goods. As reported in Reality Blurred , from a report from the unfortunately titled website Jam! Showbiz, the live feeds accidentally opened up their audio feed for an hour on Tuesday revealing the houseguests already in the house (every season they put the houseguests in the house a week before the season starts to get a head start on editing the first few episodes). And since there are Big Brother fans even more fanatical than those of us here at TVgasm, i.e., the kind the watch the live feeds a week before they start, they caught it all. On the audio, they heard the distinct voices of all 14 houseguests, as well as the first big twist of the season.

Dying to know what the twist is? Want to know whether Madeyoulaugh is going to be forced to do the wasabi thing? For all the spoiler filled goodness, go to the forums and find the answers you seek. (You didn't think we'd reveal it on the main site and spoil the Live Blog did you?)

Star of Big Brother 26, Kyle is:
a) showing us his "chenbot"
b) reaching for his ba-ba his parents are so cruelly dangling just out of frame
c) trying to block something large from falling on him, while his parents, clueless, snap a photo.

Thank you to all those who contributed to this years countdown and congratulations go out to all the winners. It was hard contest as there were so many great entries from a drunken cat drinking quervo, to the guy who sent in a fecal photo for #2, to the topless girl with the glow in the dark body paint. This was great time filler a distraction leading up to B-BAS which is now A DAY AWAY!!!

Be sure to pop in to TVgasm for our Live Blogs and Post Show Reviews, of course Recaps like no where else, , Real Player Live-Feed Commentary (SPOILER SECTION OF FORUMS ONLY) Contests Forums and hopefully for the 3rd year running, the BB TVgasm atthe BB wrap party. TVgasms is the place for coverage like no where else. (God that was so masturbatory)

Big Brother draws nigh, and what better way to celebrate the beginning of the new season than by purchasing your very own piece of Chenbot apparel? I've got my Chenbot T-Shirt. I even wore it on TV! Where's yours? Order here!

Can you feel it? That strange sensation seeping into every corner of your body? It's the lifeblood returning, restoring me once again after nine months of a waking-life hibernation. Yes, Big Brother returned to the airwaves tonight, and while there were two or three casting disappointments (not to mention a complete lack of the two words "BUT FIRST"), I was very, very happy with what looks to be in store for us this season. This game hit the ground running -- a Big Brother anomaly considering that it usually takes about three episodes before the knives come out. You see, unlike seasons past, we don't have to sit through a boring week of pleasantries and small-talk. These people don't want to get to know each other. They want to play. They want to exact revenge. They want to shine once again. Discovery may have Shark Week, but Big Brother has Shark Summer.

For those of you still out there wondering if the live feeds are worth it, or think that it's too boring and not worth your time. Let me just give you a brief sample of what I saw on day 2. And for those of you thinking I am giving something that might be aired on CBS, trust me. After you see what happened you'll know that this stayed in the house. And you'll never look at Jase the same way again.

Two weeka ago, I made my stone cold picks for the big brother house. Rather than listing exactly who would be in the house, my lock listed the 8 houseguests who would not be included in the house.

My picks for exlusion from the B-BAS house included:

Bunky
Chicken Goerge WRONG
Marcellas WRONG
Lisa
Boogie WRONG
Nakomis WRONG
Monika
Dana

Somehow Chicken Goerge, Marcellas, Boogie and Nakomis made it into the house.

I said something silly like "if I'm wrong I'll eat a 1cm cube of wasabi for each one I get wrong." I ASSUMED the TVgasm reader would be saavy enough to know when I'm kidding..... but nooooooooo. So now Im stuck having to eat four one by one centemeter cubes of wasabi but I do so only after voicing my call for Shinanigasms!

Click on Picture for Unpixelated Version

Artist interpretation of our impending Internet union.

Cool news from TVgasm land (at least, for those of you who care about Big Brother, and I hope that's all of you). I've been booked to be a call-in guest on the CBS internet show, House Calls, with Gretchen Massey. I'll be on during the July 11th show (which airs at 1:00 PM EST /10:00 AM PST) and will be babbling away about the various house guests. Hope you can check it out, and if not, no fears because as always, there'll be plenty of Big Brother discussion right here on TVgasm too. To check out the show, click here.

So, it's been four days since our first episode of Big Brother. I am not sure why CBS decided that we didn't need a Sunday episode and I hope that weren't too many of you that went into withdrawal. I myself did OK, but if it wasn't for the live feeds, I probably would have chewed my nails until my hands bled. Any disappointment that may have lingered because Julie Chen refused to say "but first!" has been exceeded by the pure joy of the return of the show. Jase and Janelle set the tone by nominating two very strong players, and I can feel the intensity building already.

Jase mentions tvgasm.... and talks about some video they made on the site that implies Scott and Jase were gay. Jase and Howie start to sing the song so we get FLAMES.

To see the video Jase was talking about click here. To sign up for the live feeds (free two week trial!) click here.

Tonight was the first live show for this season of Big Brother All Stars, and it did not disappoint. The Chenbot had a major malfunction -- so big that it required multiple apologies -- we had a fairly exciting eviction, a nifty little HOH competition, some on-air swearing, and of course, the season debut of "BUT FIRST." And if that wasn't wonderful enough, the Chenbot said her catchphrase twice. Oh, what a glorious day!

Big Brother, 7/13/06, CBS

Not to be indulgent, but we really had to share the euphoria we felt upon hearing Julie Chen utter her famous catch phrase, "But First."

When Big Brother All Stars was announced, we had the potential for one of the greatest events ever or a complete disaster. Yes, we were going to get to see a lot of our favorites come back into the fold, but would the show become stale since we all know how most of them are going to play? So far, I have loved this season, because the people in the house know they are going to have to play the game to get farther, but everybody is so self-aware of what's going on that the people who actually try and play the game pay the price, as evidenced by Danielle and Alison being put on the block last week.

This week, Kaysar was named HoH, which made around 82% of America happy. I was happy to see him win because it means our beloved Janey gets to stay in the house another week, but I think Kaysar has a lot to prove. Say what you will about how intelligent he is, the last thing of importance he did on the show was get double-crossed by a woman who by all accounts did only one thing very well, and even then only until her knees bled. The way he handles his week as Head of Household might be the way he cements his legacy as genius mastermind, or overrated chump. How did he do? Let's find out.

One of the best things about Big Brother is how utterly unpredictable it can be, even when it's being totally predictable. Last week, I was going around like a loudmouth drunkard saying how Diane and Nakomis would go to the final four (of course, that's assuming that loudmouth drunkards go around talking about Big Brother). Now, seven days later, it's a whole new game. Kaysar put both women up on the chopping block on Sunday -- but would they earn a reprieve with the veto? And would Kaysar ever realize that he's become the new Howie of 2006?

Oh how the mighty have fallen. One of the great things about Big Brother All Stars was that we were really going to see what kind of strategy would work best. At first, it looked like the schemers were going to be targeted as Alison and Danielle went up the first week, but the floaters got dealt a huge blow when Kaysar decided that he was going to put up Nakomis and Diane. Unfortuantely for the viewer, this wasn't a great week for nominations. It doesn't matter if you are with the Kaysar is a King or Kaysar is a Choad camp, when the two nominees aren't gunning for each other and making deals, it usually makes for a slow week. Then again, we get to do it all with Julie Chen, which more than makes up for all the rest.

Coming into tonight's episode of Big Brother, I was optimistic that new Head of Household James would right the wrongs that Kaysar had committed last week. Surely "Chill Town" would finally find itself on the hot seat, forcing Dr. Will and his loyal sidekick / hetero life-mate Mike Boogie to sweat a bit. But then again, that's sort of what we were expecting last week when Kaysar first came to power. Would the conniving doctor wriggle himself free once again? Or would James finally listen to that crazy concept of "logic" and nominate him? Gosh, I sound like the Chenbot reading a promo.