Because she has no one to blow or massage or pass her around in the hot tub like a beach ball with big ones, Nat does what any good girl does to pass the time. She learns a lesson from the Bible. Yay! I love Big Brother religion. I hope she tells someone their mama's a bitch. She checks out the book of Joshua and gives it an "oh, snap!" when she reads "what goes into a man's mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes out of his mouth, that makes him unclean." So, swallow, then? You're all clean, Nat. Skip to Revelations. Now that's some scary shit.
Since God really hasn't gotten much time this season so far, his guest appearance is extended for another scene. While "Jameka's Lament" plays, Josh sits in the hot tub and prays deeply. He apologizes for the way he's responded to the evil people around him, and then asks for help losing weight and growing a penis that doesn't look like a baby's pinky (if you want help with your diet, you can look at his teeny weeny here. Don't say I didn't warn ya).
He ends his conversation with the Almighty by promising to tithe 10 percent of his winnings to the church if he takes this whole thing and another forty percent to his poor dealer, who must be all out of sorts with one less customer for three months. That Josh is a true giver. There is thunder and lighting, but I don't think God's mad. I think he's rolling around on the floor laughing his ass off.
Dear God, please make Joshuah wear some fucking clothes once in awhile so I can stop hating the male form. Love and Amen, Flipit.
After he's done praying, Josh joins the rest of the HG's to check out Ryan's HOH room, where he disses Jen, Ryan, and Ryan's bland ass family. So I guess that whole Christianity thing didn't work out, huh? I'm shocked. Ryan gets two baskets of junk food. On the downside, the walls are covered with pics of Jen making out with black dudes.
Matty stares at a picture of Ryan's sister and tells her through the camera to call him. I'm sure she's writing you a love letter as we speak. Who wouldn't wanna date you after watching you on this show? Chelsia sees a Buckeyes t-shirt in Ryan's basket and throws it down on the ground, because she's a Hawks fan. This is all gibberish to me, but I'm assuming they're talking about sports and bonding because they're giggling and hugging. James is standing all dejected in the corner. Aw. I mean, hahahahahahaaawww.
How can she not love my tattoo of a crying priest with a hardon and all the moles on my back that spell out "Do you have a quarter?"? Some chicks just don't get it.
Later, Moose lies down and watches Sheila cry because Allison's departure was so hard on her. WHAT? SHUT UP, SHEILA! Moose goes to cut her hair, but she insists that she's not a retard, she's just sad, so he's like whatevs and just sits there staring at her like a wreck on the freeway. She says that she could tell Allison "eeeenything" and now that she's gone there's no one to trust. She asks point blank if Moose will have her back when the other HG's turn on her and he just says "We'll see what happens." LOL, buddy. Smooth as ever. Then she asks how he feels about the whole playing solo twist and he says he feels good. She stares at him slack jawed and I have to pause the dvr so I can LOL again. This show is killin me tonight.
James catches Chelsia alone and says that he loves her and still wants to win with her. She gently tells him that she trusted him because she had to and now that she doesn't she feels like a piece of her has been taken away. How romantic. He seems truly broken up about her, and she looks at him like "uh....ew." She promises to have his back as long as it doesn't put her at risk in any way or get in her way of nailing Ryan and/or Matt to a wall and getting the bejeezus banged out of her. Hobo Hank looks deeply at his Chelsia and assures her that they can only come out of this stronger. Not really true. You could also come out of this humiliated on a national level instead of just the local street corner kind of way you're already used to, but why dwell on the negative?
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Comments (10)
Secret brilliance between the misogynist, the homeless guy with a pink mohawk, mr. crazy eyes, and that big lump Ryan? I'm kind of doubting it.
I do hope that Adam and Nat get it on and spawn a child though, because that kid will have eyes that could bore through steel.
1 of 10 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 10, 2008 5:56 AM
Ryan gets a free pass from Josh, next week, if Josh wins HOH. That's a good reason not to nominate him.
Of course, Josh could still be back-doored.
I hope God answers Josh's prayers and helps him with his diet.
I wish Ryan walked around the house, without his shirt on, more often.
2 of 10 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 10, 2008 8:21 AM
Mmmmmmm, Little Ceasars.
3 of 10 | Posted by sandman | Posted on March 10, 2008 9:02 AM
LOL sandman. My thoughts exactly!
4 of 10 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on March 10, 2008 10:03 AM
You guys -- you've gotta check out the DISGUSTING article about Josh, gay sex, cocaine, etc etc on www.realityblurred.com. He is disgusting. Keep those gross thoughts to YOURSELF, loser. Oh, and have fun getting AIDS.
5 of 10 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on March 10, 2008 10:06 AM
At this point I will only be able to stomach a win by Ryan, Nat, Adam, Sheila, or Matt.
When you read the transcripts of the live feeds you see how vile and disgusting Chelsia, Josh, and James really are. And honestly I just don't care for Sharon.
Natalie is starting to grow on me though. She's dumb, a bit stalkerish, but she seems genuinely nice lol.
6 of 10 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 10, 2008 11:30 AM
i can not even figure out why ryan did not put that freak josh on the block this week. what is even more odd is that CHELSEA is on the block. what is going on in that house? i know that josh does coke, but i think ryan is smoking crack.
7 of 10 | Posted by kaf0220 | Posted on March 10, 2008 12:11 PM
I'm with Weasel, more shirtless Ryan, esp if he sweats all the time, couldn't it help? Anyone ever watch his intro interview where he's repeatedly wiping sweat off his face, apparently, he know's it's an issue, so all you fans, prepare for a slip and slide in the sack . . . I'm just sayin' For me, I'm content to admire from a distance, and dream of correcting that faux chin line. And if he took the razor to his chest again, I'd slap it out of his hand . . .
So, considering I'm not watching, what a Douchey season. Nat is beyond bonkers from what I can see, tho I have suffered from "he hit me, so I know he loves me" delusions in my past, so I can't judge. I'm gonna read that post, C Mackenzie, I'm enjoying hating Josh with a passion!!!!
Flip it, I hope God hears your prayers, but I'm not expecting flub-a-dub to shed any, and I say flub-a-dub, coz that's what they called me as a pudgy adolescent!
8 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 10, 2008 1:01 PM
Oh flipit when they started playing "Jameka's Lament" I thought of you! I also thought, "Man I miss last season". Natalie might just have enough crazy in her to make things much more entertaining though. Great recap!
9 of 10 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on March 10, 2008 3:25 PM
Did anyone else notice this? When the HOH competition was going on and it was just Moose and Ryan left, you see Moose look to the left (everyone else was seated to the right) and it looks like he is listening to someone that you cannot see on camera, and then he puts in his anwer, yet Julie had not finished asking the question. When she was done, he didn't change his answer and it was obviously wrong. Maybe they wanted Ryan to win for some reason. Natalie is definitely looney tunes. She kept insisting that Matt still wanted her in his bed, even though he flat out told her that he didn't. I hope he didn't give her his home address, I can see her stalking him for a long, long time.
10 of 10 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on March 11, 2008 5:27 AM