"Nay!" says Ollie, "I do not share your opinions, oh wise, 31-toothed woman. In contrast, I hope to see Dan. He makes a mockery of this game, and more importantly, your very existences by his continued presence in that house, and I should hope that this situation will have been rectified by the time this jury's seventh member has been initiated."
"I am afraid that I must interject," said Libra. "While I heartily respect the opinions of both your popped collar and your giant boobs, it is at this point on the great road of collaborative discussion that we must choose divergent paths. Jerry hath played the role of the innocent elder statesman for far too long, and I hope to see him hoisted on his own petard."
Fuck him. I'll cut his pruney misogynist ass if he shows his face here.
Word to Renny for breaking script.
Of course, Renny's comment sets of a whole discussion about how annoying it was to be around Jerry, including how there was something called "Operation Avoid Jerry", and I'm sorry that the editors didn't have a little fun with that and include some spy music and sneaking into the proceedings. While Keesha's in the middle of saying, "Yeah, and whenever he came in it was always like 'last one out of the room loses'!" and then he walks up at exactly the wrong time.
Hey guys!
Hayell no. I never wanted to push an old man down before I met that jerk.
HEY!!!
Seriously. Kinda makes you root for the Japs.
Oh look. It's Jerry. How bout that?
silence
silence
silence
ankle cracking
Check please.
Jerry stands there awkwardly, greeting them all and waving, waiting for his hugs which are never coming while the rest of the jurors sit there and stare at Jerry like he's that one socially awkward kid with the trenchcoat that went to your high school.
Jerry, of course, is oblivious to the entire thing and takes his seat. He tells them what happened in the final competition, causing everyone to start playing "what if" about various points in the game when they had the chance to get Memphis and/or Dan out and didn't take the opportunity. Finger pointing ensues while Jerry talks forever over everyone, to the point that Renny, awesome as always, just tells him to shut up. "I don't buy what you're saying anyway, you fool!" she says. I would like to buy her a shiny new wig.
Jerry: Can I feel your boobs?
April: NO!.....later.
This causes Jerry to yell at her all "let me talk!" just like he did that one time when she called him "inappropriate" on Keesha's 30th birthday. They start yelling at each other, and at one point I think Renny calls him a pig. I love that Renny's just like "Eff this, it's the end of the season. You, sir, are a douche."
I spite you, harlot!
That's it! Hold my pearls!
So, discussion ensues about the relative merits of both Dan and Memphis. Renny calls Memphis insensitive, and Keesha points out that this is what got him so far in the game, an ability to be cold-hearted and sell people out without thinking of their feelings. Keesha says that while she knows Dan did largely the same thing, and yet she respects Dan's game more and loves him, for reasons she cannot explain. Um, because Dan is awesome and Memphis is boring? Michelle mentions that she'd respect Dan more if he had been more straightforward about what he was doing.
Seriously. Why don't men just know how to tawk to meeee?
Um, Michelle? You were on the opposing side. Dan is not responsible for telling you what he's going to do. April takes this time to interject with her leather bodysuit (she has to get out of here, given that she has an appointment with her lesbian motorcycle gang later), repeating Ollie's opinion that Dan disrespected all of them by making them party to some big joke during the Nominee Roulette Veto Ceremony. Way to think for yourself, Catwoman.
Mocked me.
Mock! Disrespect!
Disrespected and mocked.
You mocked me because I'm prettier than you. Disrespectful!
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Comments (32)
Loved it, loved it, loved it! And great call, if they ever remake Thoroughly Modern Millie, I want Renny to pay Muzzy. I'd put money on her already knowing the words to Jazz Baby.
1 of 32 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:34 AM
"Wait until she hears about Sara Palin." That is comedy gold. :)
Love the Renny.
You two are fine writers.
XO
2 of 32 | Posted by Furiousflipper | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:39 AM
Wow what a night for Jerry. He came in 2nd for the jury prize, didnt get one hug at the jury house and had to watch himself look like a complete dickhead on tv, smiling happily and obliviously.
I too noticed that April wore the same designer dress that she had on when she was evicted and wondered what happened to the promise of multiple plural outfits. Also, why was she so mad about Dan "disrespecting" everyone with his jury house roulette - she wasn't even in the house when it happened. What a dumb bitch.
Michelle definitely poured herself into that outfit for Jessie. She has no idea how awful she came off all season, and she was trying to play off like they didn't laugh at Keesha even though it's on tape. oh well, at least she looks so GREAT on camera!
Great season - i was really happy with the outcome and happy that April/Michelle could be pissed that Keesha was the favorite juror. Who knew America would like a girl that had gotten so incredibly FAT??
Thanks for all the funny recaps.
3 of 32 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:58 AM
When Monica ran up on the stage after Dan came out of the house, I thought for a split section it was Julie because she had dark hair and a black dress on. I was thinking "Wow Julie sure does like Dan." Oops.
4 of 32 | Posted by shmoopy32 | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:00 AM
Schmoopy - I thought the same exact thing! It looked like the chenbot was all over father dan. I'm still reeling from Renny's entrance...it seemed to take like 45 minutes. Between that and her comments it was like a bad Tennessee Williams play. Wait...maybe Im thinking of Tennessee Tuxedo...or maybe Tennessee Ernie Ford...shit - I'm confused.
Anyway, it was a great season and you guys ROCKED it! seeya for BB11
5 of 32 | Posted by OYWHATNEXT | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:12 AM
havent even read the whole recap, but i have to give flipit kudos for an Into The Woods reference! Awesome!
6 of 32 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:18 AM
great recap! you guys had a great season. Loved the picture of Dan and his eyebrows. He looked like he was imitating Eric's Eyebrows. And the picture of Ollie and the caption (someone said my name!) = genius
My 3 favorite moments this episode:
Dan's reaction when Michelle revealed her final 2 deal with Memphis
When Monica ran up and hugged Dan, I thought it was Julie Chen. Take a moment to picture this
April's fake smile when Keesha won the jury prize.
7 of 32 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:52 AM
I have to be honest here (and this may seem blasphemous to fellow gasmii) but I have never once watched this show. Not one time in all the seasons it's been on have I tuned in and turned on. Somehow I seem to gravitate more towards my reality-show contestants living with one another starting out as seven strangers, picked to live in a fabulous house rent-free and get puking drunk and having unsafe sex with one another while whining about who left a dribble of pee-pee on the toilet seat...
However, because of thy divine talents of ye Holy Trinity of Father (Flipit) Son (Fozzie) and Holy Spit (Schoonie) have been recapping it, I have actually been able to follow what's going on and laugh along with the veteran viewers (and even partake in some watercooler discussions on it) and for that I've been truly grateful to all three of you (and the other commenters who have been cracking me up along the way). Thank you guys, shit like this is why I love this site so...
love always,
xoxoxox
J-Mo :)
8 of 32 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 17, 2008 8:10 AM
Who would have thought in the begining after reading Dan's CBS bio that anyone would be rooting for him to win!
While this is one of my favorite seasons... Im so glad not to have to hear these people anymore! With Michelle's terrible accent, Dan's yelling, Jerry's old man voice, and Keesha's screeching.
Great Recaps! All season long since Im typically too lazy to post.
9 of 32 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on September 17, 2008 8:32 AM
Flipit, Foz, and Schoonie - you guys have done a stellar job of recapping BB10! I truly wish Renny would've won America's Fav but oh well - we all know she's the true fave.
Love and kisses,
Judas Krut
10 of 32 | Posted by krut | Posted on September 17, 2008 8:43 AM
"Back from another commercial, I'm pretty sure that Samm Levine from Freaks and Geeks is sitting right behind Julie, no shit. If he is not, that is his doppelganger."
OMG! i was sitting there looking at the guy like... who is that? hes so familiar. that was TOTALLY him. had to be. great call!
11 of 32 | Posted by wormfood33 | Posted on September 17, 2008 9:32 AM
My personal favorite of Flip's:
"I love my two kids! Three kids. Two kids? I love my family!"
12 of 32 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on September 17, 2008 9:55 AM
My fav recap caption:
Hebededhebedehebede
That's our Memphy, always so coherent and succint!!!!
Great job with the recaps guys. You were the cherry on top of my lovely BB sundae (and tuesday and thursday)! Thanks for the awesome job. Until next time...
13 of 32 | Posted by midwesty | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:10 AM
I agree, this was a great season and for once in reality television show history, the right people (Dan and Keesha) won.
But what made this season truly awesome were the great recaps -- so a huge huzzah to the recap crew (and the live feed recappers too, got to give them props too, buncha weirdos that they are).
14 of 32 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:17 AM
OMG, I so totally meant "Holy Spirit" instead of "Holy Spit".
I. Am. A. Dork.
love, J-Mo :)
15 of 32 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:55 AM
"Samm Levine from Freaks and Geeks" - I totally thought that was him, too!!! I was like, "No. Why would he be there?"
Loved-loved-loved the INTO THE WOODS reference. I laughed out loud when I read it.
I also loved the THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE reference for Renny. I have to say I loved Renny and she was totally "Who the f*ck cares?" at the jury house. Loved it.
Ollie is a stupid tool. Why would you laugh like a special needs person while Brian tells you exactly what everyone else thought. He is an idiot. I am so glad I never have to see him or Jessie or that old f*ck Jerry again. Too bad Jerry missed Hurricane Ike.
16 of 32 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on September 17, 2008 11:12 AM
What a great season.... what a great recap... what awesome pictures. I'm gonna miss you guys. Cudos for a job well done. Love you guys even tho I never say it.....
17 of 32 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on September 17, 2008 11:51 AM
I'm one of those "live feed" weirdos and I have to tell you that on top of HI-larious and timely, I'm amazed at your insight, all season long, since (I'm pretty sure) you guys prefer not to "spoil" anything with the feeds. It is not easy to know just what a complete dickhead Jerry is just from the "crotchedy grandpa" footage the CBS opted to show everyone and THAT can be the only reason that he came in second to Keesha...if that's really true. I wouldn't put it past CBS to lie about it. :)
Thank you for a fantastic season of recaps!!! I love you guys!!
18 of 32 | Posted by kimbubbly | Posted on September 17, 2008 1:46 PM
Loved the recap and all the extra pics! I stumbled upon this website during last season's Big Brother and must say I'm so happy that I did. You recappers are all awesome and I love coming to read what you've got to say about all the shows I watch, not only Big Brother. So thank you for doing such a great job and I'll be tuning in for the Survivor recaps Schoonie! :)
19 of 32 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on September 17, 2008 2:52 PM
I thought the girl that rushed Dan was his sister - then I realized it was his girlfriend. But I think it's creepy that they look so much alike. It reminds me of Brooke Hogan and her Dad's new cooter - they could be sisters.
Did Angie say anything? Anything at all? Brian and Steven enlightening the hg's left out the "Michelle lied about the banner" revelation.
Poor Memphis - you are the first hg in BB history to get ZERO votes. Suck it mix-boy.
20 of 32 | Posted by gitgo | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:30 PM
Loved loved loved these recaps and the season. Thank you for the fantastic job you guys did.
So happy that Dan won. They didn't even show every thing he did, like throwing the last POV. Great episode all around.
Please, dear Big Brother, have Renny be on the next all stars edition!!!!
21 of 32 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on September 17, 2008 6:46 PM
Excellent show! Excellent recaps! Excellent photos! Excellent captions! Excellent feed recapping!
It's unanimous - TVGasm rules!
I'm happy that Dan won! Can't believe Jerry got 2nd place in America's favorite juror contest. Even the stuff they showed on TV made him very unlikeable.
See you all next year!
22 of 32 | Posted by taxgirl | Posted on September 17, 2008 7:15 PM
Thanks to Flipit, Schoon and Fozz for a great season of recaps. Love you guys!
23 of 32 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on September 17, 2008 10:32 PM
Glad the Republican won. That's one for their column. Dan is, without a doubt, the best BB player ever.
Ollie is offically a DORK. What was that breakdancing tumbling move? He is such an idiot. Note to APRIL: there are smart men out there. Ollie's going to be bagging groceries at the A&P for the rest of his life. Dump him now.
Not surprised that Jerry came in second. I have a friend who kept emailing me and asking me to vote online for Jerry.
Great job with the recaps all season. They were very funny.
24 of 32 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 18, 2008 7:59 AM
Aren't Republikkkans cold and ruthless by nature? Why is everyone so shocked?
I'm shocked that Renny didn't when an award for most meaningless end speech in Big Brother history.
25 of 32 | Posted by publickskoolboy | Posted on September 18, 2008 8:27 AM
Yeah, it's too bad Jerry didn't win...we missed a great opportunity for one last: "Screw you people!" from America's sweetheart.
26 of 32 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:00 AM
What an awesome season! Many thanks for the great recaps and comments everyone, so enjoyed it all!
In the beginning, never thought it'd of been Dan that I'd want to win. But he just kept on impressing me with his game play. And like Brian said- he didn't take things personally (that "Judas!" crap woulda pissed me off) and kept it as a GAME. I love the fact that he is a BigBrother fan and not only watched but learned from other seasons. And he can still go back to being Coach Dan with his head held high.
We had some bitter jury members alright so I was surprized it was a sweep, but glad they saw it for what it was at the end.
Survivor can't get here fast enough! Can't wait for the recaps and all of your comments.
27 of 32 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on September 18, 2008 11:02 AM
amazing job recapping to all three of you! what a fantastic season, and it's about time. for such a clever show, they sure have been effing it up the last few rounds.
my favorite moment of the finale is a two-parter: Brian pointing out how petty and idiotic Ollie, April, Michelle and Jerry are, accompanied by Michelle continuing to prove that she is the dumbest person alive by not getting it AT ALL. close second: Jessie semi-realizing that America hates him (i still think he's confused on that front), while Michelle - again - illustrates that she doesn't get that America loathes her beloved Jessie. Michelle is the new Amber. i hope i never, ever have to see or hear her again.
oh, and the faces when Keesha won - a shade beyond priceless.
i'm appalled that Michelle shoved herself into one of April's designer dresses, while April wore that tired, offensively blue Bebe dress* that everyone's already seen.
*i just realized that i own that same dress in black; it is reserved solely for requisite Vegas skank attire; i am burning it immediately.
good times, thanks recappers for rocking so hard!!!
28 of 32 | Posted by Ramona | Posted on September 18, 2008 12:02 PM
Tivo missed this for some reason, but it's just as well. Just wanted to thank you 3 gasmi God's for all your speed and snark this season, and all you gasmi commentors for your wit and observations!!!! HEART!!!
29 of 32 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 18, 2008 3:55 PM
Love that both Dan and Keesha won but how the heck did Jerry come in second?
Was it hanging chads, does America not know how to vote? I don't get it.
I'm guess that April was a pagent baby. Her fake smile and the way she positioned herself beside Keesha once she saw the tide turning. Love how Brian and Steve outed them all. The whole show should be outing them and a by the way this is who won at the end. If you don't agree with me it is just because I'm prettier than you!
30 of 32 | Posted by Evergreen | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:00 PM
i'm pretty sure this is the best recap i've EVER read, and i've been reading for years!!!
-that TOTALLY WAS sam from freaks & geeks!!!
-referencing into the woods, pure genius.
you've made my day, grazie!
31 of 32 | Posted by matzboy | Posted on September 19, 2008 2:16 PM
Flipit, Fozzie, and Schoonie.....
It has been a long long season and I am having withdrawls. Luckily they make drugs for that.
I have enjoyed feedcapping as weel as your recaps. I will be watching you guys elsewheres, keep up the great work.
Giff
32 of 32 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on September 19, 2008 4:20 PM