Tonight on Big Brother, we get to watch everyone get slammed into a wall over and over again. I wish this had happened in Season 8.
We begin our show tonight with a black-clad Julie looking classy as ever as she summarizes the previouslies for us. It's like Cliff's Notes of Cliff's Notes. You know, for that kid who just copied the back cover of his assigned reading for his book report in third grade. Meanwhile, Renny is inside looking like she just got done with a rousing bout of sexual activity.
As we color in on Dan not using the veto, Dan tells us that his goal in mentioning the money offer was to create chaos and create speculation, since Jerry and April both have money. Michelle tells us that she wants to find out who it was so she can get them kicked out. I'm not sure that would be a factor for me, but it's Michelle. She was friends with Jessie, people. JESSIE. Michelle talks to Dan about it to try and get something out of him, and he manages not to give anything away whatsoever while Michelle looks on dumbly. Michelle tells the others that she thinks that it was April, because her face looked fake during the veto ceremony. Not to quote Juno or anything, but that's just how her face looks, Michelle.
Michelle then tells us in the DR that it's definitely Jerry who offered the money. See, this way she's right either way! It's foolproof. Keesha is in the backyard, telling pretty much everyone that there's no way in hell she's going to be changing her vote to evict April. She tells them that she would be an idiot to get rid of Jerry. Memphis affirms her sentiment, saying that he can't stand Jerry, but he's not changing either. "Everyone needs to stop assuming something's going on and just get her out," Memphis tells everyone. What's going on, why? I don't understand. This is how you can tell that April is most definitely going home this week: the editors don't even have enough material to create any sort of doubt about it, so they've pulled together random crap to make it look like people are waffling.
April and Ollie are in the hot tub. April starts whining to Ollie nonstop, yapping about how much she doesn't deserve to be on the block because she's such a nice person. "I've been nothing but nice," she says. "All I've done is do dishes and make cakes." Yeah, cakes made of HATE. What about two weeks ago when you turned into a complete skank once Michelle won HOH? What about when you started eight million fights by being two-faced? What about all the shit you talk? April tells Ollie she needs to turn Memphis and Dan in order to stay. April says that after everything Jerry said about Dan, she'd be shocked if Dan voted to keep him. Yes, because Dan is so obviously playing the game to spite people instead of being strategic, which is how he is still here after being targeted about eighty times. "If Dan didn't vote to keep me, America would ask 'What kind of a person are you?'" A loud one?
Inside, Ollie works Michelle. Ollie tells her that keeping April around is best for Michelle, because she'd be safe if either of them won, and if anyone on the other side wins, there are no guarantees. This makes sense, but it also involves keeping April around, so there's that to think about. But at least there will be lots of cake! April, who has mysteriously entered the room through the magic of editing, tries to get Michelle to work Dan for the other swing vote. Michelle levels with them, saying that if Dan wants April out and that's the way the house is going, she's going to have to vote with them and evict April. But cake, Michelle. CAKE!
In the backyard, Ollie works on Dan while they play some basketball. He says that April and he have "never had anything against" Dan. Well, except after Jessie left when you called him a traitor, and possibly a scallywag. Dan says that he's pretty sure Jerry is a bigger threat to him, on top of that, having April and Ollie on his side wouldn't be a bad deal. Dan is honest again, telling Ollie that if he does get rid of April, he doesn't want Ollie to come after him. Ollie hilariously goes, "Well, you won't have to worry about that if you keep April!" Yeah, but you will have to worry about EVERYONE ELSE. Idiot.
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Comments (21)
I'm so glad that week's over. You're right, there was almost no drama this week, so the editors had to make stuff up to get things interesting.
I was shocked that Chen didn't cut Renny off during her HOH interview. Julie had a great show last night, especially since Dan didn't call her Mrs. Anything. Was he warned?
Speaking of Dan, please stop wearing that red St. Mary's shirt. Pretty please with a cherry on top. If I have to see that one more time I'm going to go insane. Seriously, do you have seven of them?
1 of 21 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:06 AM
I can take your uncomfortable about April's sister and raise you one.
April talked about making out with her sister because someone dared them to.(really,honestly)
Great recap as usual!
2 of 21 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:33 AM
"My NUTS!!" I always say that when I'm getting slammed into a wall!
3 of 21 | Posted by krut | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:40 AM
Hi! How about when Jer-Jer corrected Julie? Kinda harsh! She asked him how it was to be on slop for "almost half" of his time in the house - and he rather gruffly replied that "26 is more than half of 44, Julie..." Sheesh! Lesson-y!
4 of 21 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:44 AM
I've got a BB logistical quesiton here. I know Jerry only has his Marine muscle shirt and Dan has his school shirt, but do the houseguests really fit all all of their clothing/toiletries into a duffel bag?
5 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 7:06 AM
One mystery solved is that, based on April's twin sister, the boobs are in fact real, unless they went to the same plastic surgeon. The sister's actually looked even bigger. Her sister seemed a little prettier because her face looked less plastic and pasty.
Worst thing about that large group watching April and Ollie strategize and dry hump in bed was the little kids watching. Ugh. I wouldn't let my daughter anywhere near this show.
Will be interesting to see which group/person Ollie attaches himself to. I could see Dan and Memphis bringing him on board, and then they wouldn't have to rely on Renny, who they clearly can barely stand.
6 of 21 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on August 22, 2008 7:14 AM
JasonR, I think April's sister was sporting "new mom" boobs.
7 of 21 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on August 22, 2008 8:30 AM
If Dan can could get Memphis on board as his "final 2" partner, I think he could lock this game up.
I'll say it... I'll give Renny a rousing bout of sexual activity. Especially if she's weather one of her feather boas.
8 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:32 AM
Weather is also known as wearing here in the MD area.
9 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:33 AM
Dirty Sanchez
please do not speak for all of maryland. i live in montgomery county and have never heard the term "weather" used as wearing
10 of 21 | Posted by preppyboy6 | Posted on August 22, 2008 12:56 PM
Wow. Is what just happened here real?
11 of 21 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on August 22, 2008 2:25 PM
Totally agree with JasonR. If Dan, Memphis & Ollie were to form a tight alliance the game is over.
Does anyone think they need to worry about Jerry breaking a hip on these competitions? Also, how clear is it that this endurance challenge is tailored for Ollie. Lord knows he wouldn't win any other kind!
12 of 21 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on August 22, 2008 2:33 PM
Two things...
First, I don't think Michelle ever thought it was April who offered Dan the money. When Michelle said, "Did you see her face?" (in reference to April at the veto meeting), I think Michelle was thinking that April looked as shocked as the rest of them.
Second, I thought it was actually funny when Dan he wanted to evict "Jer...April" I didn't find it dorky at all. Well...except that he yelled it.
13 of 21 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on August 22, 2008 4:31 PM
Between my grammatical errors and preppyboy's thick-headedness, I'd say The Old Line State is being strongly represented here.
14 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:05 PM
How come Dan came prepared with a raincoat and gloves for the HOH Competition? Why didn't the rest of the houseguests do the same thing?
Did Dan bring a raincoat and gloves when he entered the house?
--Eric
15 of 21 | Posted by ericantaki | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:06 PM
Ollie was wearing gloves too, so...
16 of 21 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:34 PM
WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THE PICTURES OF FLIPIT FROM THE AUDIENCE?
GET TO WORK GEEZ.............
17 of 21 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:59 PM
trink621- You're right! Michelle always did believe it was Jerry. The editing about her suspicions (and Michelle's overall lack of clarity) made this confusing.
ericantaki - I wondered about the gloves, too! The coat Dan's wearing I thought was just a hoodie sweatshirt or windbreaker that he was smart enough to strap on in anticipation of a messy endurance competition (wondering if they can hear the massive construction out in the yard and figure out when this big stuff is coming...)
Also FYI schoon, I believe it might have been DAN who yelled, "OW, MY NUTS!" at the end of the episode. Which makes it loads funnier, in my opinion
18 of 21 | Posted by woollykatie | Posted on August 23, 2008 5:01 PM
YES! LOADS funnier!
19 of 21 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on August 23, 2008 6:19 PM
Okay the last comment that follows is pretty funny but I've always been a sucker for gay prison jokes!
"On camera. Jerry then gets asked about how he's reacting to being on slop for so long. He says that you just have an open mind, take your punishment, and swallow fast. Hey, just like being in prison!"
Sorry to see beautiful APRIL go but we still have big butt Keisha (she should think about dieting!), Renny who I'm sure is a TRANNY and of course Michelle who has never been and will never be "the pretty one."
I'm liking that Dan more and more. He's no Jessie and he's no Memphis but he's pretty cool anyway.
Oh, one last thing. That April looked AMAZINGLY SEXY in her blue eviction night dress. YOWZER!
20 of 21 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on August 24, 2008 12:51 PM
lickity split:
A few weeks back, after Dan called Julie "Mrs. Chen", she said "I am married, but Mrs. Chen is my mother." How does he not know she's "Mrs. Moonves"? Doesn't he listen to Howard Stern?
And Michelle did say at some point that April definitely looked surprised about the money thing, and that Michelle def thought April wasn't the one who tried to bribe Dan.
Very squicked out about April/Ollie being watched by her whole family..
Sorry, just watched this last night, so I'm just getting here now...
21 of 21 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on August 25, 2008 4:43 AM