April then catches Dan in the spa room, and then asks him if Jerry offered him money. Does she have amnesia? Is this Memento? April then makes a bold play, offering him, straight up, two weeks safety from April and Ollie and some money for his vote. Considering that April and Ollie have won a grand total of zero competitions so far, I'm thinking this offer is not exactly a ticket to the finals.
Coming up, we'll hear from April and Ollie's family and friends! Wait, make that...right now. Ollie's dad looks like Cleveland from Family Guy if Cleveland were a preacher. He delivers a sermon from the pulpit as he tells us that he's never known Ollie to be in an actual relationship. In the hot tub, April tells him to be prepared when he moves to Arizona, because in Phoenix that everyone looks like her. This theory that Arizona is populated with an army of April clones is backed up by the sudden appearance of April's twin. She makes the weirdly incestuous statement that April likes Ollie so much because Ollie is a lot like her. Wait, what? April's sister then reminds us what "showmance" means, because we haven't quite heard it enough on this show. Ollie's dad is like "Showmass? Is that when you expose your behind?" And then there is an entire room of people in April's sister's living room watching Ollie and April make out in bed. That? Is some creepy shit. How odd is it to have your whole family watching you make out in bed in night vision? This is all very Flowers in the Attic, and I am uncomfortable.
Back in the studio, it's time to talk to the houseguests! Ollie gets to go first, and he is sporting a yellow bandana on his head, because when you're bald and bandanas cannot serve their functional purpose of holding your hair back, you might as well use them to look like a superdouche.
Julie shows him a montage of all of his scary bird shenanigans and all the houseguests crack up laughing. Julie then congratulates Dan on winning his "first competition" in the house. If you think Julie is not paying him back for calling her "Mrs. Chen" then you would be mistaken. He tells Julie that it felt good to finally win, since it's no secret that he sucks. I'm paraphrasing. Renny then gets asked about her parents, which causes her to get very emotional and give one of her signature long-winded answers. That was mean, Julie. Don't pull an Amber on Renny and try to make her cry live! That shit should be reserved for people who pray out loud. On camera. Jerry then gets asked about how he's reacting to being on slop for so long. He says that you just have an open mind, take your punishment, and swallow fast. Hey, just like being in prison!
Renny's HOHerview. Julie asks Renny if the other houseguests underestimate her. Renny starts talking in one long, run-on sentence. Somewhere in the galaxy, a star is born. Renny continues to talk. Thousands of years pass, and the star grows large with age, heating the planets around it and fostering the birth of several alien civilizations. Renny continues to talk. More years pass. The star becomes a red giant, and then a white dwarf, creating a supernova. Renny talks. The light created by the supernova travels across the galaxy at the speed of light, crossing great distances as years pass. Somewhere in the Southern Andes, a family of bean farmers picnick on a hilltop with their three children. They see the stellar explosion and enjoy a quiet moment, just the five of them. Renny? Still talks. As the star fades out of view, clothing a world in darkness and again becoming part of the vast black expanse of space, as if nothing were ever there, Renny finally wraps it the fuck up. GOD.
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Comments (21)
I'm so glad that week's over. You're right, there was almost no drama this week, so the editors had to make stuff up to get things interesting.
I was shocked that Chen didn't cut Renny off during her HOH interview. Julie had a great show last night, especially since Dan didn't call her Mrs. Anything. Was he warned?
Speaking of Dan, please stop wearing that red St. Mary's shirt. Pretty please with a cherry on top. If I have to see that one more time I'm going to go insane. Seriously, do you have seven of them?
1 of 21 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:06 AM
I can take your uncomfortable about April's sister and raise you one.
April talked about making out with her sister because someone dared them to.(really,honestly)
Great recap as usual!
2 of 21 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:33 AM
"My NUTS!!" I always say that when I'm getting slammed into a wall!
3 of 21 | Posted by krut | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:40 AM
Hi! How about when Jer-Jer corrected Julie? Kinda harsh! She asked him how it was to be on slop for "almost half" of his time in the house - and he rather gruffly replied that "26 is more than half of 44, Julie..." Sheesh! Lesson-y!
4 of 21 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:44 AM
I've got a BB logistical quesiton here. I know Jerry only has his Marine muscle shirt and Dan has his school shirt, but do the houseguests really fit all all of their clothing/toiletries into a duffel bag?
5 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 7:06 AM
One mystery solved is that, based on April's twin sister, the boobs are in fact real, unless they went to the same plastic surgeon. The sister's actually looked even bigger. Her sister seemed a little prettier because her face looked less plastic and pasty.
Worst thing about that large group watching April and Ollie strategize and dry hump in bed was the little kids watching. Ugh. I wouldn't let my daughter anywhere near this show.
Will be interesting to see which group/person Ollie attaches himself to. I could see Dan and Memphis bringing him on board, and then they wouldn't have to rely on Renny, who they clearly can barely stand.
6 of 21 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on August 22, 2008 7:14 AM
JasonR, I think April's sister was sporting "new mom" boobs.
7 of 21 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on August 22, 2008 8:30 AM
If Dan can could get Memphis on board as his "final 2" partner, I think he could lock this game up.
I'll say it... I'll give Renny a rousing bout of sexual activity. Especially if she's weather one of her feather boas.
8 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:32 AM
Weather is also known as wearing here in the MD area.
9 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:33 AM
Dirty Sanchez
please do not speak for all of maryland. i live in montgomery county and have never heard the term "weather" used as wearing
10 of 21 | Posted by preppyboy6 | Posted on August 22, 2008 12:56 PM
Wow. Is what just happened here real?
11 of 21 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on August 22, 2008 2:25 PM
Totally agree with JasonR. If Dan, Memphis & Ollie were to form a tight alliance the game is over.
Does anyone think they need to worry about Jerry breaking a hip on these competitions? Also, how clear is it that this endurance challenge is tailored for Ollie. Lord knows he wouldn't win any other kind!
12 of 21 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on August 22, 2008 2:33 PM
Two things...
First, I don't think Michelle ever thought it was April who offered Dan the money. When Michelle said, "Did you see her face?" (in reference to April at the veto meeting), I think Michelle was thinking that April looked as shocked as the rest of them.
Second, I thought it was actually funny when Dan he wanted to evict "Jer...April" I didn't find it dorky at all. Well...except that he yelled it.
13 of 21 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on August 22, 2008 4:31 PM
Between my grammatical errors and preppyboy's thick-headedness, I'd say The Old Line State is being strongly represented here.
14 of 21 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:05 PM
How come Dan came prepared with a raincoat and gloves for the HOH Competition? Why didn't the rest of the houseguests do the same thing?
Did Dan bring a raincoat and gloves when he entered the house?
--Eric
15 of 21 | Posted by ericantaki | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:06 PM
Ollie was wearing gloves too, so...
16 of 21 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on August 22, 2008 6:34 PM
WHERE IN THE HELL ARE THE PICTURES OF FLIPIT FROM THE AUDIENCE?
GET TO WORK GEEZ.............
17 of 21 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:59 PM
trink621- You're right! Michelle always did believe it was Jerry. The editing about her suspicions (and Michelle's overall lack of clarity) made this confusing.
ericantaki - I wondered about the gloves, too! The coat Dan's wearing I thought was just a hoodie sweatshirt or windbreaker that he was smart enough to strap on in anticipation of a messy endurance competition (wondering if they can hear the massive construction out in the yard and figure out when this big stuff is coming...)
Also FYI schoon, I believe it might have been DAN who yelled, "OW, MY NUTS!" at the end of the episode. Which makes it loads funnier, in my opinion
18 of 21 | Posted by woollykatie | Posted on August 23, 2008 5:01 PM
YES! LOADS funnier!
19 of 21 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on August 23, 2008 6:19 PM
Okay the last comment that follows is pretty funny but I've always been a sucker for gay prison jokes!
"On camera. Jerry then gets asked about how he's reacting to being on slop for so long. He says that you just have an open mind, take your punishment, and swallow fast. Hey, just like being in prison!"
Sorry to see beautiful APRIL go but we still have big butt Keisha (she should think about dieting!), Renny who I'm sure is a TRANNY and of course Michelle who has never been and will never be "the pretty one."
I'm liking that Dan more and more. He's no Jessie and he's no Memphis but he's pretty cool anyway.
Oh, one last thing. That April looked AMAZINGLY SEXY in her blue eviction night dress. YOWZER!
20 of 21 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on August 24, 2008 12:51 PM
lickity split:
A few weeks back, after Dan called Julie "Mrs. Chen", she said "I am married, but Mrs. Chen is my mother." How does he not know she's "Mrs. Moonves"? Doesn't he listen to Howard Stern?
And Michelle did say at some point that April definitely looked surprised about the money thing, and that Michelle def thought April wasn't the one who tried to bribe Dan.
Very squicked out about April/Ollie being watched by her whole family..
Sorry, just watched this last night, so I'm just getting here now...
21 of 21 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on August 25, 2008 4:43 AM