Sheila says that she's gonna barf. Then she keeps going on about it. Enough hysterics, lady. Jump. She does, leaving Nat as the only member from her side of the house still holding on. Josh tries to cut a deal with her, but it doesn't work. How long is it going to be before he starts spewing some hate her way? You know it's coming. If you have a tiny penis and no upper body strength, the best thing to do is make a girl cry. That strategy doesn't make much sense to me either, but it's kept Josh in the game so far. I can't believe he's being so calm.
Nat just keeps yapping away in her Cheri O'Teri scratch, which is now visibly making Hobo Hank insane. It's almost enough to make a guy go gay for a day. Or forever, if you have an internet connection. He asks Nat to quiet down and let him concentrate on competing. LOL. Shhhhh. I'm hanging on a chain and need to think! Sharon's down!
Don't forget to floss.
Moose has made his way over to where Sharon and Josh are sitting, which doesn't go unnoticed by Matty and Ryan. They know that he'll turn instantly, and he must be banished! Since these two guys couldn't win this challenge by a long shot, they sit on the sidelines and shit talk everyone else. Matt wonders how in the world people gave James another chance. Hey! That's the exact same thing I said about you at the end of the last episode! Small world. Then they wonder why Nat was so afraid of a mystery guest cough anyone pretty cough that she would vote Hobo Hank back in. Ryan's answer: because she's an idiot. Boooo, midget face. I'm not necessarily disagreeing with him, but I call her an idiot with love.
Matt promises to give Nat that massage, and she starts humping the chain and panting like a puppy. She tells James that neither he or Chelsia are her targets for the week, but he doesn't care. He was backdoored so he's gonna backdoor someone else! Flip flop is the only fair way to rumble. Why should he be the only person limping for a week? Chelsia hasn't said one word for two hours, and I kinda like her. Then she falls and I like her even more.
Now it's between Nat and James, who looks like he's wobbling. It's three and a half hours into the challenge and James looks like he's in serious pain. He tells us that he has a lot of pent up rage and anger and homosexuality that keeps him hanging on, but Nat has something stronger. A completely delusional crush on a roofuh. She just swings back and forth winking and staring. It's sick. And hilarious.
One way or another, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha....
James, about to lose it completely, tries to make a deal. If she puts midget face on the block, he'll drop. Nat considers it, and I wish I could press pause and drive to CBS to tell her that Ryan just called her an idiot. He is scared and actually has the nuts to ask James if he would betray him like that. LOL. Ryan is seriously one dim bulb. Nat doesn't take the deal, which is extremely stupid, because she starts getting sick and is forced into making a deal. She wants safety for Matty. Oh man. He agrees and she falls. DAMMIT!!! Matt almost loses his shit, but he says that he is gonna stick to his promise of a massage. How generous of you.
Nat is sick and panting on the ground and starts crying and saying that she's sorry over and over. Aw. Poor little nut. She looks like a drowned rat. Matt says that he's impressed with her strength and it showed him a different side of her. AWWWWWewwwww. Then James comes over to her and hugs her, telling her he loves her and will stick to his word. She throws a quarter into his coffee cup and all is forgiven. Well, not quite. Nat can't forgive one person. Herself.
I'm never gonna find a husbaaaand!!!
Matt tries to make her feel better by promising (again) a massage and adds another possible future under the covers blow job. He also says that she was like Jesus up there to him, "dying for Matty". I picture Jesus up in Heaven with a big glass of wine, sitting up in his chair and pressing pause. "Oh no he didn't!" Yes, Jesus. Oh yes, he did.
« Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Kim Achieves Her Lifelong Dream | Main | Rock of Love: Lesbian Pole Dancing In or Out? »
Comments (13)
The game gets weirder and weirder. BTW, Flipit, you are the number one speed recapper. Can't believe you posted this by 2:37 AM!
Of all,the loathsome liars in the game (and most seem to be), Matt earns my vote for the worst. He not only plays a lousy game, he's a liar and conniver (a bad one at that). I'd love to see him backdoored this week.
Keep up the awesome work!
1 of 13 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 17, 2008 5:20 AM
Hi-larious, as usual, but I think you got the Moose caption wrong - he wasn't thinking:
Dude. Your mom's a fag.
But rather:
Dude. Your mom's a retard.
Holla.
2 of 13 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on March 17, 2008 6:28 AM
Flipit,
You are the funniest person on the f'n planet! I love, love, love you!
Always spot on as well. Thank you so much for always brightening my days when you post.
3 of 13 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on March 17, 2008 6:47 AM
"I am impressed that a pink hawked hobo on a bike who's done internet porn can be stripped of his dignity."
Classic. One week after Homo Hobo Hank suggests Chelsia should go up on the block, he acts like his "betrayal" is right up there with Julius Caesar and Jesus. Get over yourself Nancy, this is Big Brother.
I shudder to think what will happen if Joshuahahah wins HOH.
4 of 13 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 17, 2008 10:26 AM
My lord, this show in recap form makes me feel such hate! Loved the letter from Mom, flipit, tho it was gross! Oh nat, nat, nat, taking the fall to protect your man, ugh! I didn't think there was someone more pathetic than me--perhaps I should have tried out for the show . . . at least I'm a nice nancy boy!
5 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:31 AM
I had to stop watching this episode when Josh pulled out the letter from home, ick. But I already knew what happened by watching feed recaps.
I have to say I don't get why people care if someone lies all the time in this game. It's a GAME. Not life. And at least Matt isn't out there calling women the 'c' word and worse, like Josh. Not saying I'm a Matt fan, but he's a good example. None of these people mean anything to you, and honestly it if was me I'd lie lie lie my way to a win. Because that is what they are there for, the money.
I just don't think telling some lies in a game reflects who you are as a person in real life. Look at Survivor-same thing.
6 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:37 AM
After all the stuff I've read from live feeds about Joshuahahaha and Chel-see-uhhh and Crazy Dirty James, I would be disgusted if any of the three of them won. Unfortunately Moose and Nat are morons and have given them majority and power by voting CDJ back into the house. That was seriously the dumbest idea.
Also, it seems like whoever you hate the most always seems to come out on top in this gd game. I wonder why that is. Yet I was so excited to see they renewed BB10 for this summer. It's a sick cruel obsession that i am disgusted by, yet can't live without.
Really hilarious recap, as always.
7 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:57 AM
Great job as usual, Flipit.
How could Josh's mom leave out how proud she was of the pics on the internet of him snorting cocaine?
Seriously, are people really this awful? There isn't one person to root for in the entire bunch. I think I may have to root for Natalie, she's just so pathetic and sad, like a little puppy looking for love.
This is completely off-topic, but in honour of Hobo Hank, did anyone know the porn awards were on last night? I was flipping around the channels and imagine my surprise to find the porn awards on SHOWTIME! WTF?! Did anyone else see this? There were more girls with fake blonde hair and fake tits than you could shake a stick at. Seriously, I couldn't tell them apart, although that might have something to do with me being gay.
Is anyone here a lawyer? I seriously don't understand the distinction between porn and prostitution. I don't undertand why one is legal and the other not. They both involve the exchange of sex for money. So why is there an awards show for porn on Showtime while Elliot Spitzer is being forced to resign? That makes no sense.
Anyway, I think someone from tvgasm should recap the show. It was seriously hilarious to listen to these girls earnestly thank their fans for voting them the best blowjob or best anal "actress".
8 of 13 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on March 17, 2008 12:34 PM
Josh is still my favorite. Sure he's a little flabby. True, he's small "down there." And yes, he's even a borderline misogynist but hey, nobody's perfect.
Plus he has really nice hair and good skin. I mean, at least Josh isn't covered with moles like Hobo Hank.
Speaking of James, I don't know why James is acting so pious. Ryan and lazy eye Matt will evict James from the house if they get a chance. James should have put up Matty and Ryan but maybe James plans on back dooring lazy eye?
That's a plan I could get behind.
I hope my sweet pea, Ryan, survives the week.
9 of 13 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 17, 2008 1:57 PM
natalie taking the fall for matt, gosh, I am beginning to feel bad for her :(. Why did Natalie and Moose vote for James, tres stupid, but seriously cbs should have told them that all voted houseguests were in sequester, cause this dumb wits thought some of the ex HG were home watching, hence they were afraid to vote them back in. Also Julie said no talking, after she revealed the twist, so why was Josh allowed to influence Natalie, if they were allowed to talk, then sheila, or ryan could have told her what to do.
ps: I saw the AVN-adult video awards too, the funniest part was watching the thank you speeches, with crying and all, priceless.
10 of 13 | Posted by nflow | Posted on March 17, 2008 2:26 PM
Flipit, you rule the effing school. hilarious AND very timely recap, as your faithful readers have come to expect. where do they even find so many unlikeable, senseless and lame losers, totally devoid of any redeeming qualities whatsoever?!? feels more like every season of The Real World post circa 1994, give or take, than Big Brother. the greatest thing about the show is the psychological warfare, and 90% of these participants couldn't even spell 'psychological' with a gun to their heads, much less engage in proper (semi-intelligent) BB conduct (battles).
bdos88 - i too noticed that the AVN Awards were on all weekend, and i thought it was cool but kind of untimely. those awards happened in January and they're just broadcasting them now?? i guess that's neither here nor there as i agree, it is a totally hilarious and awesome awards show and i was happy to watch it.
oh, and there is basically no difference between porn and prostitution - our country is just retarded like that. Spitzer should not have to resign because he paid for sex - he should resign for getting caught and, therefore, being a dumbass.
in related news, someone should definitely cover Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" when it starts in June. whether it is fantastic or completely unwatchable, it will make for superb recapping!
11 of 13 | Posted by ramona7 | Posted on March 17, 2008 2:28 PM
Just a general thanks to all the recappers...reading here has become part of my reality-show watching ritual...
Just one thing: because of the way Big Brother is set up (live feeds, after dark), I think it would be fun if you offered a small 'parallel dimension' recap where you add in the information that CBS leaves out -- no need for spoilers, but there's so much going on that CBS doesn't let through, it really provides a whole new take on each episode (which is part of what I love about 'reality' tv).
Oh yeah, I firmly believe that the 'twist' is that Natalie is actually hugely intelligent, maybe even a plant...ficus?
12 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 18, 2008 11:30 AM
I am so angry at BB. First of all they should have atleast reveal that America voted on Alex so the choice was between Alex and James. Second they should have told the evicted HG were in sequester all seperately housed. Its like they wanted James back in. James gets such good edit too. I really think James is a hypocrit, you go around biking to show that people really do love eachother and then harass and throw pickle juice on natalie. Chelsia and Josh are biotches to from the time they made the noose comment to Amanda. I am rooting for Natalie, yeah she can be annoying and phatetic. But she is a good competitor and I just feel bad for her. This season's cast sucks.
13 of 13 | Posted by nyonma | Posted on March 18, 2008 2:58 PM