Josh meets Sharon in the pantry and asks if she thinks he will be put up this week. HAH. I love seeing him so insecure. Sharon assures him that Moose's head will be on the chopper because Hobo Hank knows how honest and true she and Josh are. Rigggght. Ryan finds Nat and asks her what the hell she was thinking when she voted James back in and she says that she was terrified that Allison was gonna come back and she had little boobies, but boobies are all the same and she needs Matty to focus. Ryan shakes his jowels at her like she's the biggest moron in the world, and I wonder if this is the first time he's ever had the pleasure of feeling intellectually superior. Good for him!
Ryan sees that his mistake was not programming her before the vote. She kept squealing over and over again that she didn't know what to do, and Josh was the only one with enough smarts to shout/whisper "JAMES!" as he passed her in the hallway, so she voted for James. Duh. Ryan tries to explain that she just handed power to the other side of the house again, and she's like, woops sorry where's Matty? My shoulders hurt and momma needs milkin'.
Wow. How did you get such an angular jaw?
And now for the best reason to watch this show two years running: The Bible! Moose and Matty lie around and read the pink Bible, trying to add up cubits and spans to figure out how big Goliath was. Nine feet? "He was one big dude." "Ya man, that's a big dude." Then Matt gets a tiny boner when he finds out that Jacob married two chicks in one week. Midget face comes in and they tell him that Goliath was nine feet tall. He's all "Really? And David took him out, huh?" Ryan is happy that his friends are studying the great book, because there are a lot of references to David and Goliath in real life. If church service was given on the Staten Island Ferry, I'd like to think this is how it would sound. Magdalene was one hot bitch, yo. How the Earth hasn't been flooded or set on fire yet is honestly beyond my comprehension.
Madonna's in the Bible! That bitch is old, brah.
James shows the HG's his HOH room, and on the wall are quarters he's earned panhandling all across the Midwest. Look! It's the Georgia peach! He tries to sell the Peanut M and M's from his snack basket to his friends, claiming it's for a charity, but no one buys it. Oh, crazy James, you're crazy. Does it smell like dried pee and unwashed underwear in here? The room clears pretty quickly.
And finally, Nat gets her massage. Matt tells her that he loves her NOT IN THAT WAY and appreciates her hanging on so long for him. Then he tells her to put her boobies away and gets a ten foot pole to attach to massage ball rollers. How romantic. She's in heaven, and thinks hanging from a disco ball for five and a half hours is a small price to pay for that sweet squeak squeak squeaking sound the rollers are making as her roofuh rolls his eyes and halfheartedly does his duty. He must have a huge one.
Later, Josh and Sharon hang out with Matty in a bedroom and Josh tries to figure out who the third vote against James was. Matt, red in the face and shifty eyed, swears up and down that it wasn't him, and Josh is actually kinda convinced. Dumbass. He thinks that it might be Matt, but it could also be Moose, and he's gonna put on his Nancy Drew tude and crack this case so Hobo Hank will gun for "them guys" this week.
He goes to find Moose in the kitchen and questions him. It takes a second for Moose to realize he's being accused of lying, but when he does, he believably and confidently claims it wasn't him.
Oh shit, was it me?
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Comments (13)
The game gets weirder and weirder. BTW, Flipit, you are the number one speed recapper. Can't believe you posted this by 2:37 AM!
Of all,the loathsome liars in the game (and most seem to be), Matt earns my vote for the worst. He not only plays a lousy game, he's a liar and conniver (a bad one at that). I'd love to see him backdoored this week.
Keep up the awesome work!
1 of 13 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 17, 2008 5:20 AM
Hi-larious, as usual, but I think you got the Moose caption wrong - he wasn't thinking:
Dude. Your mom's a fag.
But rather:
Dude. Your mom's a retard.
Holla.
2 of 13 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on March 17, 2008 6:28 AM
Flipit,
You are the funniest person on the f'n planet! I love, love, love you!
Always spot on as well. Thank you so much for always brightening my days when you post.
3 of 13 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on March 17, 2008 6:47 AM
"I am impressed that a pink hawked hobo on a bike who's done internet porn can be stripped of his dignity."
Classic. One week after Homo Hobo Hank suggests Chelsia should go up on the block, he acts like his "betrayal" is right up there with Julius Caesar and Jesus. Get over yourself Nancy, this is Big Brother.
I shudder to think what will happen if Joshuahahah wins HOH.
4 of 13 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 17, 2008 10:26 AM
My lord, this show in recap form makes me feel such hate! Loved the letter from Mom, flipit, tho it was gross! Oh nat, nat, nat, taking the fall to protect your man, ugh! I didn't think there was someone more pathetic than me--perhaps I should have tried out for the show . . . at least I'm a nice nancy boy!
5 of 13 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:31 AM
I had to stop watching this episode when Josh pulled out the letter from home, ick. But I already knew what happened by watching feed recaps.
I have to say I don't get why people care if someone lies all the time in this game. It's a GAME. Not life. And at least Matt isn't out there calling women the 'c' word and worse, like Josh. Not saying I'm a Matt fan, but he's a good example. None of these people mean anything to you, and honestly it if was me I'd lie lie lie my way to a win. Because that is what they are there for, the money.
I just don't think telling some lies in a game reflects who you are as a person in real life. Look at Survivor-same thing.
6 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:37 AM
After all the stuff I've read from live feeds about Joshuahahaha and Chel-see-uhhh and Crazy Dirty James, I would be disgusted if any of the three of them won. Unfortunately Moose and Nat are morons and have given them majority and power by voting CDJ back into the house. That was seriously the dumbest idea.
Also, it seems like whoever you hate the most always seems to come out on top in this gd game. I wonder why that is. Yet I was so excited to see they renewed BB10 for this summer. It's a sick cruel obsession that i am disgusted by, yet can't live without.
Really hilarious recap, as always.
7 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 17, 2008 11:57 AM
Great job as usual, Flipit.
How could Josh's mom leave out how proud she was of the pics on the internet of him snorting cocaine?
Seriously, are people really this awful? There isn't one person to root for in the entire bunch. I think I may have to root for Natalie, she's just so pathetic and sad, like a little puppy looking for love.
This is completely off-topic, but in honour of Hobo Hank, did anyone know the porn awards were on last night? I was flipping around the channels and imagine my surprise to find the porn awards on SHOWTIME! WTF?! Did anyone else see this? There were more girls with fake blonde hair and fake tits than you could shake a stick at. Seriously, I couldn't tell them apart, although that might have something to do with me being gay.
Is anyone here a lawyer? I seriously don't understand the distinction between porn and prostitution. I don't undertand why one is legal and the other not. They both involve the exchange of sex for money. So why is there an awards show for porn on Showtime while Elliot Spitzer is being forced to resign? That makes no sense.
Anyway, I think someone from tvgasm should recap the show. It was seriously hilarious to listen to these girls earnestly thank their fans for voting them the best blowjob or best anal "actress".
8 of 13 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on March 17, 2008 12:34 PM
Josh is still my favorite. Sure he's a little flabby. True, he's small "down there." And yes, he's even a borderline misogynist but hey, nobody's perfect.
Plus he has really nice hair and good skin. I mean, at least Josh isn't covered with moles like Hobo Hank.
Speaking of James, I don't know why James is acting so pious. Ryan and lazy eye Matt will evict James from the house if they get a chance. James should have put up Matty and Ryan but maybe James plans on back dooring lazy eye?
That's a plan I could get behind.
I hope my sweet pea, Ryan, survives the week.
9 of 13 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 17, 2008 1:57 PM
natalie taking the fall for matt, gosh, I am beginning to feel bad for her :(. Why did Natalie and Moose vote for James, tres stupid, but seriously cbs should have told them that all voted houseguests were in sequester, cause this dumb wits thought some of the ex HG were home watching, hence they were afraid to vote them back in. Also Julie said no talking, after she revealed the twist, so why was Josh allowed to influence Natalie, if they were allowed to talk, then sheila, or ryan could have told her what to do.
ps: I saw the AVN-adult video awards too, the funniest part was watching the thank you speeches, with crying and all, priceless.
10 of 13 | Posted by nflow | Posted on March 17, 2008 2:26 PM
Flipit, you rule the effing school. hilarious AND very timely recap, as your faithful readers have come to expect. where do they even find so many unlikeable, senseless and lame losers, totally devoid of any redeeming qualities whatsoever?!? feels more like every season of The Real World post circa 1994, give or take, than Big Brother. the greatest thing about the show is the psychological warfare, and 90% of these participants couldn't even spell 'psychological' with a gun to their heads, much less engage in proper (semi-intelligent) BB conduct (battles).
bdos88 - i too noticed that the AVN Awards were on all weekend, and i thought it was cool but kind of untimely. those awards happened in January and they're just broadcasting them now?? i guess that's neither here nor there as i agree, it is a totally hilarious and awesome awards show and i was happy to watch it.
oh, and there is basically no difference between porn and prostitution - our country is just retarded like that. Spitzer should not have to resign because he paid for sex - he should resign for getting caught and, therefore, being a dumbass.
in related news, someone should definitely cover Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" when it starts in June. whether it is fantastic or completely unwatchable, it will make for superb recapping!
11 of 13 | Posted by ramona7 | Posted on March 17, 2008 2:28 PM
Just a general thanks to all the recappers...reading here has become part of my reality-show watching ritual...
Just one thing: because of the way Big Brother is set up (live feeds, after dark), I think it would be fun if you offered a small 'parallel dimension' recap where you add in the information that CBS leaves out -- no need for spoilers, but there's so much going on that CBS doesn't let through, it really provides a whole new take on each episode (which is part of what I love about 'reality' tv).
Oh yeah, I firmly believe that the 'twist' is that Natalie is actually hugely intelligent, maybe even a plant...ficus?
12 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 18, 2008 11:30 AM
I am so angry at BB. First of all they should have atleast reveal that America voted on Alex so the choice was between Alex and James. Second they should have told the evicted HG were in sequester all seperately housed. Its like they wanted James back in. James gets such good edit too. I really think James is a hypocrit, you go around biking to show that people really do love eachother and then harass and throw pickle juice on natalie. Chelsia and Josh are biotches to from the time they made the noose comment to Amanda. I am rooting for Natalie, yeah she can be annoying and phatetic. But she is a good competitor and I just feel bad for her. This season's cast sucks.
13 of 13 | Posted by nyonma | Posted on March 18, 2008 2:58 PM