This week on Big Brother, Jesus forms a softball team.
Have another glass of wine, my child.
We start where we left off. The HG's poured water on Chelsia and watched her shrink away and screech into nothingness. Later, bitch. Nat goes to the diary room and leaves a message for Chelsia to watch from Iowa. You see, Chelsia, the jokes on you. You may think Nat's a nitwit, but she's been to college (Community? Clown? ITT?) for three years. She just pretended to be stupid so that she could trick you!! Well done.
I totally fell for that one. Der.
Then she goes on to say that this was sweet sweet vengeance for Matty Poo, who is undoubtedly sitting at home crying while watching the live feeds and writing poetry to his little brainiac. Poor Nat.
Sheila, meanwhile, is trying to figure out what "rode hard" means, and decides that it must be something people in bars say. LOL. Oh, those people in bars are so uncouth.
Diane, you're a slag.
She decides that even though she doesn't know what the term means, it's a really disrespectful way to treat a forty five year old mom who's kid has the honor of all his friends at school knowing what her giant beaver looks like. Agreed, Sheila. Where's the class?
We get a flashback to Chelsia whispering to Joshuah, but this time we get subtitles. She tells him that he shouldn't worry too much about the challenges because they require zero brain power and physically he, his muffin top and his man boobs can do anything. Aw! Friends for life. Josh says that there really isn't anyone as base and flat out shitty as him left in the house and he feels like he lost a sister. I'm sure she does too, Josh. I'm sure she does too. Who will you make dead dad cracks and dance around in severely unflattering thongs with now? A single tear is falling down my cheek.
On her way out, she kisses Hobo Hank (after he helped evict her and called her psycho on national TV) and tells him "There's a reason for everything." Um, yeah there is. The Universe wanted him to win so he could spread herpes and chlamydia peace around the world country state on his ghetto ass bike. Man. Less than a minute in and I wanna pull my hair out. Fortunately, the Universe already took it from me and I am now spared that pain. See? There is a reason for everything!
Moose puts it best. Her going out with a bang speech "was like a cap gun going off". LOL. Sheila walks around pretending to pick crumbs off the carpet and says that she know what Chelsia said and it's sad that she's so jealous. It is. I picture Chelsia unpacking in the sequester house and shouting to the Heavens "WHY GOD? WHY AM I NOT MORE LIKE SHEILA KENNEDY!" We've all been there.
Natalie is so impressed that America voted on her being the best candidate to give an inspirational speech that she squeals and shouts at the camera like she's trying to comfort a deaf baby. Josh is mortified that the country didn't pick him, and says that he would be shocked if Nat could even write a speech. or if she could spell the word speech. He's probably right, but she doesn't have to write it, she just has to give it, and as we've seen with her head bobbing up and down in night vision, the girl's a giver. Josh tells us that we got that one dead wrong and then goes on to make as many catty nasty remarks as he can about Nat. What were we thinking?This guy's a regular Eckhart Tolle.
Anyone else find the shout out to Schindler's list a wee bit creepy?
I'm just saying.
Natalie says that she is so so so excited because her win means that God vindicated her. HAHAHA. Man, if only all those people dying from starvation and AIDS in Africa really prayed, they could win HOH and eat whatever they want. Suckas. I wonder if God will add another curtain in her bedroom this week just to fuck with her.
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Comments (16)
Homo Hobo Hank sleeps in dumpsters and does gay porn. You think he wouldn't go back on his word to Nat? Besides, getting revenge for Matty Poo is worth more than 500k on planet Crazy.
It sucks more to be... Sheila's son or James' parents? I guess it's a little embarassing to have pictures of your mom's hairy bush passed around school, but it's got to be soul crushing if your child is a pink 'hawked, lying, homeless Nancy.
1 of 16 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 31, 2008 5:47 AM
The hobo would have screwed Nat again and she would then officially be the dumbest ass EVER to play the game.
What I resent about the editing is that some really nasty things have been deleted from what America gets to see on CBS. I don't watch the live feeds but do read some blogs as well as watch some clips on YouTube. This is the most vicious and nasty bunch ever, Chelsia being a complete psycho. I'm pretty sure she's manic-depressive, watching some of her rants against Nat. Horrible stuff spouted out, such hate-filled speech that earned her a rebuke fro BB. I also condemn CBS for not revealing Hobo Hank's status as a gay porn actor and do hope that these people submit to some health screenings before the show, else Chelsia may come up with some sort of STD or worse, thus earning the right to be the first reality contestant to catch one.
I have an idea for the worst of the worst to compete in a real celebrity fest: Get Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, Dr. Phil and St. Oprah, along with the cast of The View and similar shows to compete. It would be the world's biggest blockbuster reality show! Throw in some televangelists and nothing could ever top it.
2 of 16 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 31, 2008 6:18 AM
Hobo Hank would have stabbed her in the back. I don't like Nat but at least she isn't completely stupid.
I wish Ryan wasn't on Team Christ.
Oy. I like the sinners more than the faithful.
3 of 16 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 31, 2008 8:47 AM
flipit, i totally understand the hilarity of natalie, but i just CAN'T get behind loving her (even if it's for her stupidity). All of her "strategic" moves have been so that matt will be proud of her. HE HATES YOU NATALIE! i wanna scream it to her over the BB walls.
and all of the christ talk. sweet jesus! (hehe). that's my biggest pet peeve, when reality contestants bring god into their "game play" and use their faith when it pleases them. god smited chelsia for betraying you natalie? get a grip!
anyway. end of rant
4 of 16 | Posted by beccs98 | Posted on March 31, 2008 8:48 AM
i don't know what big brother's problem with editing is this year. first they don't show all the vicious crap josh, james and chelsia have done to natalie and then they decide to edit in a hide and seek game that happened when MATT was still in the house. Two weeks to wait for that?? come on! they could have easily cut one of their black and white recaps of a recap to fit that it when matt wasn't.. you know.. already evicted!
5 of 16 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on March 31, 2008 10:13 AM
I have to admit that all this "Christ" talk is really offending me. I consider myself a Christian, but I am in no way a Bible-beater. All this God talk is way too much. They sound really sacreligious. And that "Team Christ" thing?!?!?!?! What was that about? My mouth dropped open when they started with that stuff. They are all lame and stupid. All "God-talk" should not be allowed anywhere on reality tv.
6 of 16 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on March 31, 2008 10:41 AM
What is all the bullshit about how James would go back on his word because he does gay porn? What does fucking on camera have to do with being a liar? And what does fucking on camera have to do with being more likely to have an STD? (yes, you saw him suck dick, but that doesn't mean any of these other assholes haven't been a stick-in-the-mud for the past 10 years). Didn't you read that 1 and 4 teenage girls has an STD? It ain't just dicksuckers with the plague out there. These comments have the whiff of suburbia. Olive Garden anyone? Pathetic.
7 of 16 | Posted by Ladycookies | Posted on March 31, 2008 11:21 AM
I hate James too, but even I have to say that doing porn/having a pink hawk ect does NOT equal being an STD filled freak.
I think he's nasty, but only because of what he says (which CBS never f'ing shows) and the fact that he doesn't shower much or wear clean clothes.
Anywho-I don't even watch the eps that aren't live anymore. I just read and love the recaps. You guys keep me laughing all through my lunch hour. Luv you all!!
GO NAT! (even though the jesus stuff is annoying)
8 of 16 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 31, 2008 11:48 AM
Team Christ....Give me a break! I want to root for Natalie because I am from Oregon too, but she makes those of us in the "beaver state" look like idiots!
9 of 16 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on March 31, 2008 1:11 PM
If I'm not mistaken, I think that James was only getting his dipstick licked, but he never licked anyone else's. I could be wrong. And does he really sleep in dumpsters? I think I smell a bit of homophobia on the board.
10 of 16 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on March 31, 2008 2:33 PM
When Josh was going on his Allison hating rant, didn't he say something about he knows what it's like to be outed to your parents so that's why he wasn't taking it lightly she said she was gay? Maybe he has a friend it happened too, but the way he mentioned it sounded like it had happened to him. He's just an ugly, mean person.
11 of 16 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on March 31, 2008 2:37 PM
CBS should win an award for most bullshit editing, EVER.
Love ya flipiit!
12 of 16 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on March 31, 2008 2:53 PM
Team Christ!? Man, not even levitra could give me a lift for Ryan after that! I swear, I'm gonna watch one of these episodes, I will, I'm gonna, maybe even an after dark--whirlpools, ah, the wistful times of yesteryear . . .
13 of 16 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on March 31, 2008 2:58 PM
I caught a whiff of the phobia too Reese. That said, James is in fact a giver and a reciever of the blow.
14 of 16 | Posted by Tadow | Posted on April 1, 2008 12:20 AM
Natalie probably should have put up Sharon rather than James. She could use the whole "you are still a team" excuse and then she'd have a slim chance that James would not be able to participate in the veto competition, which he usually wins. And even if he did get to play and won she could at least go along with his deal and evict Joshuah. Nominating James right away has given her less options but I guess her main goal is to avenge her dear, sweet Matty anyways!
15 of 16 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on April 1, 2008 12:09 PM
Thanks Flipit!
I don't think you need have a phobia about James. He is just plain old gross so and not hygenic.
Yesterday Josh told him about the Dick at Nite Show. So last night James stayed up talking to himself. He admitted to having sex on national TV with Chels and "dropping my load in he sink and peeing in the sink".
Who does that?
16 of 16 | Posted by KutiePie | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:09 PM