Tonight on Big Brother, the term "womanizer" officially becomes an offensive slur.
Wait til I call him a commie. That'll really get him goin'.
Jessie may very well be the hottest man I've ever hated.
Yeah, I'm looking at you. You wanna piece of me? Come on. Take a piece. Please? Where are you going? Come back here!
We begin this week with Julie catching us up on the happenings in the house while wearing a cream colored tasteful knee length pencil skirt and fitted jacket over a silk camisole. She's totally a hot tran....I mean a "holler at your boy." Jessie isn't sweating the nomination though since he has such powerful thighs. Michelle on the other hand is devastated that one of her girlfriends, either Jessie or Angie, will be going home. Michelle obviously gets more than hair styling tips from Whamber, as she also learned how to ugly-cry on queue.
I don't know who told you The L Word was cancelled, but I think they were just trying to get you riled up.
Outside Memphis talks more smack about his arch nemesis Jerry. Jerry and Memphis mix like oily skin and retained water, so Memphis hopes to take the HOH and get Jerry's surprisingly tight ass out of the house.
Angie takes a chance to campaign with Jerry for her safety. Jerry reminds Angie that Memphis, Michelle, Jessie and Angie were acting too cocky about their supposed control of the house last week. He also reminds Angie that she has nothing against her personally, but hates The Toolbelt and all of its coconspirators.
Speaking of tools, Jessie is upstairs again pleading with Keesha to save him, reminding her that he's lost weight and more devastating, muscle-mass. Memphis comes up and tells the two that he overheard Jerry tell Angie that she wasn't out of the game and had nothing to worry about.
Outside Michelle takes a chance to grill Angie once Jerry walks away and Angie runs with this opportunity to stir up some shit, since it takes the pressure off of her and her freakishly small nostrils. Michelle is livid that Jerry said she had control, considering she's never had control over anything in her life including the animals that constantly invade her apartment or her hair.
Jerry goes to the HOH room and tells Keesha that Angie was trying to sway him, so that he stays in the good graces of the power which they expect to shift back to The Toolbelt next week. Keesha asks Jerry if he told Angie that she was safe and he denies ever saying that. Luckily this is one time that something Keesha believes is actually true. Hooters is not considered "paying your dues" on a resume and sex does not equal love, Keesha. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Seriously. Stop flirting with me.
When Jerry goes to the kitchen Michelle is waiting there, looking like Dark Phoenix in a 2-piece. She confronts Jerry about what she was told she heard, but Jerry reminds her that she isn't worth his time, or mine for that matter. Angie simply sits and watches the confrontation when Jessie gets involved hearing Jerry tell them that he doesn't go where the power is because if any of them win HOH he will pull down his mail order shorts and take a steaming dump on their bed, not in as many words as that though. Angie is thrilled that her ruse to stir up the house may have actually worked.
Later, during some downtime April and Keesha are scrubbing the dead skin and *&% of their face, Renny is washing her margarita glasses, Jessie is shredding his glutes while wishing Mario Lopez was doing it for him, and the rest of the houseguests are chillaxin in the grotto when the earth starts to shake. Everyone panics and runs to the center of the back yard for safety. After a minute the trembling stops right before Jerry wanders into the backyard and says, "did anybody else notice that everything stopped shaking for a minute?"
After everything is back to normal Jessie is relaxing after a hard day of adoring himself when he looks through the window and sees Libra glancing at him. Jessie blows an adoring kiss before waving and mouthing, "You're going bye-bye." Libra is pissed and confides in her quickly crumbling coven of what Jessie did to her. I'm reminded of a line from Tom's Diner which goes, "There's a woman on the outside looking inside does she see me? No she does not even see me, she sees her own reflection." This easily explains the misunderstanding.
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Comments (17)
I can't believe you didn't mention the "Mrs. Chen is my mother" incident!! That was hilarious. I had been waiting for it ever since the dope started calling her that.
1 of 17 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on August 1, 2008 4:22 AM
Mrs. Chen? Mrs. Chen?? Mrs. Chen had to launder dress shirts and give out massages with wacky-wacky at the end. I'm Mrs. MOONVES!
Behold the 50 carat solitaire on my anorexic finger as proof of my power.
2 of 17 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 1, 2008 5:45 AM
I can't believe you didn't mention two of the funniest moments.
1) Jessie saying that Libra "thinks she is the most DEVIANT person in the house."
2)
They showed the HGS in the competition at the very end.
Right before they went to the next show, Ollie shouts "Jessie,take your shirt off!"
Oh wait, also Jessie
saying the Angie has a 'rationalizing mind."
3 of 17 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on August 1, 2008 6:20 AM
I'm over Michelle besides she looks like a man and talks like one too...woman needs to lay off the filterless cigerettes. UGH!
Jessie is dreamy!!!
4 of 17 | Posted by ThisisMarty | Posted on August 1, 2008 7:52 AM
I am sooo happy that Jessie stayed. He's way more entertaining than Angie ever was, although Angie was a much better player.
That Mrs. Chen thing was hilarious. We had to pause the show to laugh for a good ten minutes.
I love Dan as America's Player. I hope it helps him, although I can't imagine it will.
5 of 17 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on August 1, 2008 7:54 AM
Okay. I...HATE...Jessie.
Oh my gosh! Never has anyone in Big Brother history irritated me so intensely!
What is so FREAKIN' hilarious is that every time is looking up at the camera, all he is doing is looking at a two way mirror. He is just checking himself at all angles. He only does that when he has his shirt off. However, he does have his shirt off most of the time. Hmm...the two way mirror thing actually may be incorrect, but I'm going to stand behind it.
Anyhoo, I wish they had kept Angie, she seemed like a cool chick. Less entertaining than Jessie, yes...but exponentially less annoying than Jessie.
Thanks for your lightening fast recaps!
6 of 17 | Posted by jenday | Posted on August 1, 2008 8:09 AM
So it seems like everyone in the house really drank the Kool-Aid to keep Jessie. WTF?
Can someone answer me this: do the BB producers encourage the male houseguests to walk around shirtless as much as possible, even Jerry?
7 of 17 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on August 1, 2008 9:19 AM
i was kinda hoping you would mention how when Julie asked Keesha if the HGs underestimated her Keesha says "Yes i think they UNDERESTED me. they thought i was the ditzy blonde."
jessie is beautiful
8 of 17 | Posted by preppyboy6 | Posted on August 1, 2008 9:49 AM
I guess I am the only one who thinks Jesse bares a striking resemblence to Boo Boo Bear .. show of hands? Just me? Moving on. Why does this idiotic cast think they can't make up their own minds who they want to vote for and have to vote with the majority? Dan is the equavilent of dry molding cheese but I will give him props for not voting for Brian just because everyone else was. This trend is driving me mad. I hate the stupid America's Player twist (not to mention that Libra has already figured it out) but at least now we will get some rogue votes. I also don't get all the Libra hate. She is the smartest person in that house even though it only takes a double digit IQ but still, it's a victory
9 of 17 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on August 1, 2008 10:18 AM
Jerry's boobs are sexy. But then again, I sometimes have a penchant for ugly older men who fought the Kaiser.
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 1, 2008 11:16 AM
One thing I found rather funny last night -- when April, Libra and Ollie were outside discussing how America must think they are the dumbest cast in BB history for keeping Jessie -- eventually it will come back to bite them in the ass. However he is entertaining from a dumber than rocks standpoint. My 3 year-old could give a speech making more sense to save his ass when up on the block.
At some point voting with the herd is only going to get you so far. Ugh!
11 of 17 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on August 1, 2008 11:40 AM
Well, I wont miss Angie, and I thought I was going to like her. As for the shirtless, I'm hear in LA too, it be hot!!!!! Weird to see Jessie love here . . . are we being sarcastic, was it the nekid photo posted b4 . . . and WTF with them not getting him out now, wont he have a good chance at HOH . . . im just sayin' . . . they didn't even have to back door him this time . . . whatev, on with the show, and thanks Fozzie for your particular brand of disdain, you know I'm a fan!!!!
12 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 1, 2008 12:25 PM
I think the reason we didn't see Angie all that much is that she was just too smart to do anything all that camera-worthy. Loved her final speech--first time the house has seen complex sentences since Dr. Will left.
Anyone else think that Jessie becomes more and more endearing (in a 'gabba gabba we accept you' pinhead way).
I'm telling you, that Dan has a crackin' sense of humor. Mrs. Chen indeed.
13 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 1, 2008 1:28 PM
I hate Jessie! He's tool and douche bag. I am sick of the hamsters voting like lemmings. Use your own minds and get rid of the closet case. Dumb SH**s!
14 of 17 | Posted by fr94114 | Posted on August 1, 2008 3:13 PM
Angie finally showed some personality when she was being interviewed by "Juliemomma." (Thank you, Ollie for that one!)
Was it just me, or was Jessie's goodbye message in code? What the heck did he say? I don't think there was one complete thought in the whole long message! Could anyone write it out for me so I can figure it out? I honestly think that he thinks he's profound.
15 of 17 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on August 1, 2008 3:53 PM
trink621, you're disrespecting Jesse if you do not think that he is profound. He exercises that profound noodle of his just as much as the rest of his profound beefcake body.
16 of 17 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on August 1, 2008 4:09 PM
foxbasealpha, Oh man, the last thing I want to do is to disrespect Jessie...He might "flex" his power. Hee hee.
17 of 17 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on August 1, 2008 5:50 PM