In the aftermath of the Matt eviction, Natalie tells us that she somehow "feels responsible" for his eviction. I'm sure he probably blames you too, because that's just how he rolls. Sheila tells us that she's going to "seek vengeance" for the eviction. She will do this by acting batshit crazy until everyone runs screaming away from her. Oh, wait.
Natalie then tells us that Matt was her soulmate (which makes me cringe in embarrassment for her), and she feels a sense of loss. Then the cruel, cruel editors show us Natalie trying to kiss Matt on his way out the door while he brushes her off, and then she wants a hug and clings to him and it is gross. Then Sharon uses finger quotes when she says "soulmate" as she tells us about how sad Natalie is. Ha. Everything Natalie says should probably have ironic finger quotes around it.
Then we flashback to Adam winning HoH through sheer guesswork, which I find to be strangely appropriate. Natalie tells us that she couldn't be "more happier" (see? Finger quotes) that Adam won. Then she tells us that the "evil side of the house" (by which she means James, Chelsia, Sharon and Josh) can suck it. I think it might be up for debate which side is the evil side. How do you pick between one group of tools and another? It is an impossible task. Choosing a side in this particular battle is like, going to be a scene in Saw 5.
As Adam packs his stuff up to move to the HoH room, the parade of people come in to suck up to him. Sheila asks him to "be (her) hero", because everything is about Sheila. Man, she sucks. Adam tells us that he didn't want to win (which, then why did you buzz in and guess? Was he trying to lose? He's not that smart) but now he has to make a choice. Yeah, it was probably kind of dumb for him to win, because other people were definitely ahead of him in the boot order, there.
And now the sad music starts up as Natalie stares at the memory wall and tears well up in her eyes as she stares at Matt's cheeseball picture. She mopes around the house and people give her hugs as she tells us that she's only going to be emboldened by his eviction and come back twice as strong. I mean, she doesn't use the word "embolden", because...yeah.
Anyway, it's all bull as she tells us that she's not going to be sad because she's "used to getting close to guys, and then them departing". Hmm, I wonder why guys always leave her? Could it be because she collects latches onto them like Gollum from Lord of the Rings and collects locks of their hair and is Kathy Bates from Misery after five minutes? Nah, it's got to be something else.
In the pantry, Natalie tells Chelsia that she's mad at James for going back on his word to her after their agreement during the last HoH competition. Chelsia tells her that she's playing for herself and not for James, so whatever happens to him is fine. Natalie tells Chelsia that someone from her side is definitely going home this week. I hope it's Josh!
Natalie tells us how done she is with James and Chelsia, spelling "done" D-U-N, and I certainly hope that was on purpose. I mean, she's dumb, but she's not that dumb, is she? Anyone? Then she tells Ryan that she's done being "Nice Natalie" and that "Nasty Natalie" is coming out. First of all "Nasty Natalie" does not exist; people with mean sides don't have names for them. Natalie isn't mean, she's just dull, which is completely different. Also, I would like to refer you to my previous theorem regarding the use of finger quotes re: Natalie.
And now, my favorite part of the episode. Sharon starts baby-talking to the gerbils in that high-pitched voice that I swear every single girl in the entire world uses when they see something cute. Josh sits there eating his cereal shooting daggers at her while Sharon goes on and on for hours, oblivious. First of all: word, Josh. Then, Josh (in confessional) is like: "They do not understand you! They don't have the capacity for English!" I like to imagine that Josh is talking about the other houseguests and this is all editing to make it look like he's talking about the gerbils. I can name (wait for it)...four houseguests that probably don't have the capacity for English that are in the house RIGHT NOW.
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Comments (11)
I couldn't believe Natalie spelled done as dun. She is really D.U.M.B.
Adam and his baby food-CREEPY!
I really can't stand this group and barely watch it. Luckily my DVR deleted a couple of episodes(i didn't care)
1 of 11 | Posted by wincha | Posted on March 23, 2008 10:04 PM
The D-U-N is done on purpose.. i do not know why.
i am totally on board with the producers making everything nat dreams up come true. it would be hilarious!
2 of 11 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on March 24, 2008 2:20 AM
OMG! There are 8 forks, 8 plates, 8 curtains.. Retarded and pathetic have 8 letters.. Oh snap!
I could see Nat and Sharon ending up in the final 2. Sharon flies under the radar in every episoda (aside from talking to gerbils) and the HGs underestimate Nat.
3 of 11 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on March 24, 2008 5:42 AM
Ok so Adam will be Shooter McGavin in about 10 years. Finger guns!!! I mean my god....
I had to laugh when Natalie actually got one of the 21 combinations right and Chelsia didn't. There goes her calling Nat dumb constantly lol.
Also one night during the week Chelsia made a comment about how she can't respect Natalie because she was a stripper. Yes and taking part in a pool orgy while yelling "happy b-day dad" is just so freaking classy...at least Natalie owns what she did/does for a living.
I am so happy that either James or Chelsia will be gone.
4 of 11 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 24, 2008 11:36 AM
i haven't watched this episode yet, and now i don't think i want to. two words: baby food.
BABY FOOD
WHAT THE FCUK KIND OF CRAZY FOOD FETISH B.S. IS THAT?!?!?
i wouldn't even expect that from Natalie, who i genuinely believe is from another planet, much less from Adam. in fact, i can't even comment on all the priceless Natalie stuff that happened because this is so disturbing.
Adam = every shade of wrong
5 of 11 | Posted by ramona7 | Posted on March 24, 2008 12:30 PM
They are Guinea Pigs-not Gerbils!
Also-I have not witnessed anyone eating baby food(besides babies)
There is a diet where adults eat baby food.
I have no explaination for Adam and his babyfood though.
6 of 11 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on March 24, 2008 4:29 PM
Natalie is pathetic. I actually said that out loud to myself when she was trying to garb on Matt when he was leaving. She is a loser and she's embarrassing her ass on national television. I am actually embarrassed for her.
Also, she was calling herself "Nice Nattie" and "Naughty Nattie", so she was sounding even dumber than you gave her credit for if that is even possible.
7 of 11 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on March 24, 2008 5:01 PM
According to another site that updates BB feeds:
"Chelsia asks Nat why she says some her sayings (ex: git er dun, d-u-n, etc.). Nat says it's from Starsky and Hutch."
8 of 11 | Posted by serjen | Posted on March 25, 2008 12:33 AM
Why do I now have visions of Moose and Nat sitting around in diapers (no less) reading the bible and eating baby food??? Argh please put this season out of it's miserary!
9 of 11 | Posted by krut | Posted on March 25, 2008 3:26 AM
Is my boy Josh the only one making deals with Heads of Households? Do you think other people are doing it but we're just not seeing it?
Josh can't be the smartest person in the house? That would be...uh, who would that be?
10 of 11 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 25, 2008 10:50 AM
That was the funniest re-cap ever! I laughed so hard,thank-you, Schoonie, I wish you would write more. I loved how embarassed/annoyed Adam was about the baby food, like he couldn't figure out why his mom would send it to him . Uhm, you only ask her to get it every time she leaves the house,"I love my Mom and I LOVE baby food." He probably wears diapers too. Think about it.I pretty much hate everyone on this show, they are all horrible. I hate each one of them the most, at least once an episode. I think I hate Ryan the least, for now. I could care less who goes or stays,it makes no difference, at least I have the re-caps.Again, thank-you, hilarious.
11 of 11 | Posted by michele | Posted on March 28, 2008 9:25 PM