Jeff was so f-ing funny in this episode, I nearly laughed my p#ssy off. Not only was he funny, but he was fine as hell. Props to Michelle, Russell, and Jordan, too.

Remember when somebody in the comments for Sunday's show said that when you're drunk your true nature comes out, and Jessie wasn't a tool when he was drunk? All I have to say is "Lydia." I rest my case.

I was actually thinking Lydia was making sense when she talked Natalie off the ledge after Chima left. She was saying it was Chima's decision and no one else's fault and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, blah blah. Then she got drunk and brought the crazy.

I'm afraid if I had been Michele, when Lydia said, "You wanna make me?" to her, I'd have said "Yeah!" Then Lydia would have jumped me and been kicked out of the house. She was so drunk she wouldn't have done much damage.

I'm guessing it was Kevin's strategy to align himself with this group of losers, since he seems to be pretty smart, but man... he's starting to seem codependent. He did seem to really care about Chima.

That episode was fierce.

I just hope that Jeff, Jordan, Michele and Russell can keep their shit together to make it to the Final Four! I'd hate to see them get all paranoid about backstabbing each other, like they could really trust anyone from the idiot clique!

Oh, and for BETTER measure...LOVIN Brett Favre right now!! GO VIKES!!!

Love it Schoonie! I was rolling all through your recap. Believe it or not all three witches N/L/C got favorable edits this episode. Chima had actually been destroying all Jeff's clothes, Lydia put red M&Ms into Michelle's food because she knew Michelle was highly allergic to red dye. The three were hogging the washer/dryer. The HGs normally line their clothes up for their turn at a wash and Jeff's were next in line and all day long they kept cutting him and doing like 3 items for 1 1/2 hours (way to go with the green theme AG). That's why she was sitting on the washer. But only after she refused to pay for the mike was she expelled. Jeff said production hated her. The part they left out of the HOH comp is after Jeff got in Lydia's face for calling Jordan a fat ho, Lydia turned that whole table upside down. And lastly the reason Michelle said "Go put on the unitard you fucking cunt" Is because Lydia wouldn't put it on and was really ragging on Michelle. The only reason Lydia finally put on the unitard is because she coerced production into giving her pink hair dye (yep, that's not a wig). I'm glad to see that peeps who don't watch the LF still get a portion of how hate filled these witches are. Lydia is so scared that Natalie will go to the jury house before her that she finally told Natalie about all the BJs and HJs she gave Jessie, including the one where Jessie insisted Lydia "dress in Natalie's clothes" and Jessie jizzed on Natalie's ASU hoodie. Lydia is supposed to really go psycho in the next day or two, she has Vicodin in there which makes for an interesting combo with the booze. She's also trying to get to the jury house to be w/Jessie on a medical because recently she has been claiming she can't stand up due to pain. I know this is LF stuff but it's already past so I hope it doesn't matter, I was just sorry they didn't show the extent of the insanity. Your recap is so funny, I'm going to read it again!

oh yeah, Fuck Favre it's over!

As I was watching the episode last night I just kept thinking of how hysterical this recap would be. Thanks for not disappointing. I was loving Jeff's comments towards Lydia last night during her drunken rant. The last two episodes have made up for a meh season!

I know I'm going to be the lone dissenter, but let me say this: Jeff is being a hypocrite and I can't fucking stand him. Where was his whole "it's just a game" mantra when Ronnie nominated Laura, Braden, and Casey.... wasn't he at the forefront of calling Ronnie a rat and taking those nominations personally? I'm not saying that Chima didn't act badly (although it was kind of bad-ass, IMHO), but Jeff has gone off the rails also this season, even if he didn't break the rules. He has been bitter himself and he has also held a grudge.

It's only a game for the people in power, but those that aren't take the nominations personally. Therefore, Jeff should be MORE understanding of Chima's feelings, rather than calling her a nuisance and a bitch.

Jeff is a homophobic asshole... why the fuck is he so popular?

On the cbs website before this season started I thought Lydia might be somewhat like Nakomis. I was obviously horribly wrong. My nickname for Lydia is NaHOmis

I guess when you got a good bod and not bad face to look at you can get away with douchy behavior. Besides it's a reality show most viewers have attention span of a gnat. As long as we get our itch scratched, who can remember what they did 5 minutes ago.

Great recap! I was so glad to see She-muh rockin her weave wearing, Omarosa wannabe, toothpick leg havin ass outta there!!!

Ding dong the witch is dead! Great recap, and GREAT episode. I like Kevin more and more, despite the fact that the only thing he ever really wins is money.

@ slutty_whore: Just because Jeff used the word "fag" once doesn't make him homophobic, it just makes him ignorant. I don't think he's a homophobe, since he obviously has no problem with Kevin. And even if he went to the DR and whined when his "friends" were voted out, he never threw a fit, refused to participate, or generally made life miserable for everyone else in the house like the crazies have done when they don't get their way. It's a big difference IMO.

Here4beer... From week 2 to the time he was evicted, Jeff complained that Ronnie was a "rat" because Ronnie made plays as soon as he was HOH. He sulked with Jordan and only wasn't nominated because of the clique situation. She wasn't nominated because she was seen as too dumb to be a threat.

You're right; Jeff didn't actively thwart the game, but his behavior was just as childish and petulant. He didn't like it when his "friends" Braden, Laura, and Casey were nominated and he made that known and lauded the fact that Ronnie was taunted and barricaded in his HOH room.

If it's just a game when he uses the coup d'etat, why wasn't it a game when Ronnie made his moves to put Jeff/Jordan/Casey at a disadvantage, but was being called a rat for it?

All I'm saying is that now that he is in charge of the game, Jeff's being an arrogant prick. I'm not excusing Chima, she obviously went too far and I guess even further on the live feeds, but the sentiment of feeling screwed within the context of the game is no different between the two of them.

THANK YOU SLUTTY_WHORE!

I'm not getting on the "pretty" wagon either.

Schoonie,

You had me at "Fuck Brett Favre"

The difference is Ronnie was playing both sides and making promises he didn't keep. Jeff never did that.

Chima being told not to bother sitting down after she FINALLY came to the DR certainly demonstrates she did NOT leave by choice, in spite of her protestations to the contrary.

How many words have been made up this season...or misused? We should start a BB dictionary. "vindiction" - noun; something between vengeance and vindication

As for Favre...I am a lifelong Packers fan. I loved Favre, and admired his gameplay. But he needs to accept reality. Additionally, intentionally going to one of the Packers biggest rivals is spitting on the fans who ferventy supported him, even in the most trying times. I packed all my Favre shirts away, and will be wearing generic Packerwear until he retires for good.

Sorry...a couple more things.

“You'd think when you sit around all day and do nothing, you'd be able to think of some more creative ways to tell someone to go fuck themselves, you know? Like, through interpretive dance or something."

That will be the new offering from Mia on this season’s SYTYCD.

“She tries to thank Russell through her blubbering, and Russell's response is great: "I didn't do it for you, I want my parents to go on the trip. KEEP CRYING." Natalie, torn between crying for the camera and being indignant for the camera, decides to try for both. It does not end well”

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

This whole episode was just hysterical…in every sense of the word. Loved it!

I'll say one thing for Jessie -- he kept those three bitches in line.

After Jordan's letter from home I want Jordan to win (or Russell).

You know I feel like I'm a Packer fan by association. My brother has been a Packer's fan for the last 20 years and every time I talk with him he talks about the Packers (or the Cubs). And for the last four years I've had two college boys working for me that were Packers fans too so every time one of them was working I would get a Packers "update." As a result, I wish Brett Farve the best -- even with the Vikings.

I agree with Cattyfan re: Jeff. Ronnie was all about telling people whatever they wanted to hear and manipulating situations to remove blame or speculation from himself. It's a perfectly acceptable and common enough strategy in the game, but when he got caught and called out on it, he refused to defend himself. His actions made enough enemies to make himself a target for eviction, and the house got rid of him the first chance they got.

Jeff, on the other hand, has made his alliances and hasn't done anything to sabotage them (yet). He's been upfront about his intentions and who he wants out of the game. He might end up regretting it later on, but for now, he's managed to pick off his competition effectively. Kudos to him! As a viewer, I respect his game play much more than anyone else, and so far, it's hard to argue with how he's going about it.

It would serve him well to quickly settle on a final 2 ally (not Jordan), because once the idiots are gone, he's going to become the main threat to everyone else.

Slumrville... I agree Jeff needs to settle on taking someone to the end, preferably Russell, who is the only other person to make as many enemies within the house. Also, if he doesn't take Jordan, we'll have Season 5 Drew/Diane/Cowboy dynamic, with Lydia being right about Jordan being Jeff's puppet.

Yeah, I can totally see how Ronnie, who lied to every single person in the house and then cried like a little bitch when he got called out on it, and Jeff are pretty similar.

Maybe Jeff pissed and moaned (as does everyone in this game) when his people got sent home, but he didn't rant around the house or act ignorant about it.

Poor Chima and her feelings.. Really? She's a despicable person. Evil Dick with a weave and a boob job.

I want Jordan to win, but I think everyone realizes that they can't take her to the final 2 because she'll win in a landslide. She'll have to win HOH when it gets to the final 3 in order to have a shot.

cattyfan:
"“You'd think when you sit around all day and do nothing, you'd be able to think of some more creative ways to tell someone to go fuck themselves, you know? Like, through interpretive dance or something."

That will be the new offering from Mia on this season’s SYTYCD. "

Totally word!!! LOLing at work right now and getting strange looks!!

Dirty Sanchez, I wasn't comparing Ronnie to Jeff... I was comparing Jeff's treatment of Ronnie when his alliance members got sent home to Chima's treatment of Jeff when her alliance members got sent home? The behaviors, AS SHOWN ON TV, were petulant and childish on both of their parts. Jeff whined over Braden, Laura and Casey, leading to the "Ronnie the Rat" scenario; Nat/Chima/Lyd cried over Jessie, leading to Chima's expulsion from the house. To me, it's the same type of behavior. Jeff is no better, except for not breaking a microphone. He's in power now, so he can play the "it's a game" card which Ronnie said to him when Ronnie tried to dismantle his alliance. That was my only point.

When Ronnie won HOh after flipping sides and voting out Braden, Jeff went upstairs to his HOH room, looked at his photos, listened to his letter and congratulated him on his win.

He went downstairs with the Loser 5 (that's what Laura, Casey, Michelle, Jeff and Jordan jokingly called themselves) and they commiserated over losing - but Jeff said - MANY times "good for Ronnie, he outplayed us" he also commented that it was nice to see Ronnie's family and that he believed outside the game Ronnie was probably a nice guy.

Contrast that to Lydia refusing to go up to see Jordan's HOH room. Plus the night Jesse was evicted Lydia was calling Jordan a whore and saying she needed kneepads to service Jeff. Lydia - the only one who was actually servicing someone in the house.

Jeff may have been grumbling when he was on the losing side but I don't think he was as hateful as Chima/Natalie and Lydia have been.

I agree, while Jeff and the "loser 5) moaned over their friends leaving as anybody would, they didn't act like a brat and throw temper tantrums, throw mics in hot tubs, get drunk and call others whores/bit*ches, flip over tables and refuse to participate in the game. I don't have the live feeds, but I do have BBAD and I've NEVER seen Jeff or Jordan behave in a way that would be an embarassment to their families. I don't think Chima, Lydia and Ronnie can say the same - nor can Russell.

Jeff might be like Survivor season 2 Colby and take Jordan (like Tina) to the end even knowing he will lose to her...because he made an alliance and is a (hot) man of his word.

Yay, glad it's you doing this schoon! I have been reading most of these, but I seldom watch and haven't commented much, but, nath, I had to tune in for this one . . .

Your comparison of the mic breaking to the cig burning--Amen, child . . . it is interesting to see what they consider a violation . . . ahem.

As to the feeds, okay, I'm so grossed out at Lydia and Jessie--ew! Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!

Anyhoo, good epi. Michelle was impressive dealing with the confrontational drama. Hearing Clamidia's on meds explains a lot, kahem, and Jordan has such a sweetness about her, it's not quite like Janelle, but I keep liking her more and more.

Great recap! Can't wait to see who gets the boot, and I bet Kevin squeaks into the top 4 and someone goes out (probably one of the dudes . . . )

Loved your "schoondication" of this episode.

shanti

Hey! I thought destruction of someone else's property was considered a rule violation. Doesn't Lydia destroying Michele's food and beer count?

Ha ha ha, you're trying to make sense of the Big Brother rules. That's funny. Hey, we should go snipe hunting sometime!

I was just aghast at Ratalie's insistence that Chia's tossing the mike into the hot tub was "accidental". Talk about delusional! Loved the funny-ass recap Schoonie, you are super-talented!

love, J-Mo :)

slutty_whore:

The origin of the "Ronnie the Rat" came from the first eviction. Everyone was going to vote 9-0 but when they thought about saving Braden they needed Ronnie's vote to make it 5-4 for the save. They didn't want to split the house but since they had Ronnie's guarantee they went ahead and voted Braden to stay. The resulting 5-4 eviction of Braden split the house. Afterwards Ronnie denied voting to keep Chima and tried to lay the blame on Michelle. Laura figured out that Ronnie was the one lying and had actually voted to keep Chima and that's where the nickname started, and it stuck. Ronnie is a vile human being in real life. If you don't believe me just google him.

cattyfan:
They replaced all Michelle's stuff. But $6 of beer and sushi doesn't compare to a $4,000 mike.

As much as I love this show I love the recaps even more!

Mr Dangerous:
I'll say one thing for Jessie -- he kept those three bitches in line.

LOL Mr.D you always come through. Zing!

I would think putting red M&Ms in Michele's food, if she is indeed deathly allergic to them, would result in some sort of action by Big Brother. Did "he" warn Michele? I'm remembering the toothbrush episode from years ago.

I'm not defending Lydia, but I think she was too drunk to go to Jordan's HOH room. And I'm sure that Jordan preferred it that way.

When she called sweet little Jordan a ho--well that was it for me. And Jordan saying in that hurt little voice, "but I'm not a ho." Just too sad. Like hurting a bunny rabbit.

Russell seems concerned that his alliance is doubting him and is going to great pains to distance himself from Natalie (I'm getting some of this from the LF). Unless he has a secret alliance with somebody, he could be vulnerable. (I'm thinking Michele for the secret alliance.)

How could you not want Jordan to win after that letter? BTW I was wondering if her constant boob-adjusting and scratching might be because of the cord from the microphone, which seems to go between the boobs.

I used to love Brett Favre, but he just needs to go away. He's wrecking his stats; the only ones he's "improving" are incomplete passes and interceptions. His tenure with the Jets was divisive and did not help the team.

Jordan had breast implants put in 2 weeks before going into the house. She was told by the doctor to massage the implants so they won't harden. She was also told quite often by Laura (The queen of implants in the BB house)that "yes" it is very important to keep massaging them.

It was funny in the early weeks she was talking to Casey while she was doing that and he stopped her to say "I can not hear a word you are saying while you do that". lol

OMFG...the best episode ever deserves the best recap ever...

best moment was when Ruscle told her to keep crying...omg, classic! I rewound that about 10 times...the look on her face of "did anyone hear that?" quickly went away when she realized no one cared that he said it! LOL

Oh, yeah, and Frack Frett Barve

Although it would have been fun to see Chima freak out more, I'm very glad they minimized it to only 10 minutes. She didn't deserve any more air time.

Poor Kevin, I really felt for him.

Jeff was great in this episode. I liked him before, but when he threw the HOH competition for Jordan I fell in love!

Soapboxx.... thanks for the reminder, it's hard to keep all the house names and details of what happened when straight sometimes. LMAO.... I still hate Jeff, hoping for Kevin for the win ( I never thought I would say that!) Jordan is more likable now, but she has to do more than ride Jeff's coattails to deserve $500k.

I'm old and forgetful. Plus, I just might not have seen it. Can someone please refresh my memory on the past "toothbrush" and "cigarette burning" incidents?

Thanks!

I don't remember any of the names or the season (it was the Dr. Will season, I know that much), but some girl got pissed at a guy and put his toothbrush in the toilet, then back in the holder. Big Brother warned him about it. Then there was the time that some guy held a knife to a girl's throat "jokingly" (same year I think) and he was kicked out of the house for it.

Why on earth would somebody get implants when they are sharing a bedroom with their mom? Jordan IS stupid. Who paid for the implants? Mom? Gramps? They are stupid, too! (Maybe they think it's an "investment in her future" but there are already too many stupid blondes with big boobs in Hollywood.)

Baffled:
Toothbrush was season 2? When Shannon took Hardy's? toothbrush and cleaned the toilet with it and put it back in the holder. Hardy? was stopped by BB before he could use it.
EvelDick blew cig smoke in Jen's face, she swatted it away and hit the fire on his cig, he didn't so much burn her as it was mutual conflict. He was standing over her though.

pixielated:
Justin in BB2 held a knife to drunk Krista's throat and said ''Wait, hang on, I'm going to slash your throat. Would you get mad if I killed you now?'' She replied, ''No. But I want some water.'' He had a very New Jersey accent, when he was kicked off and interviewed he said "I put da knife to her throat, I took it down, I put it back to her throat, Where's da threat?" They quit using knives after that incident. They only get small butter knives now.

Jordan worked two jobs and paid for her own implants (it looks like she had a bad doc) and still owes 1K. She has a salon job in the daytime and cocktail/waitress? at night.

I've watched all 11 seasons, if they told me I could go on the show and be guaranteed the 500K I still wouldn't do it.

Justin(season 2) also
had violent fantasies about the female HGS.
If you want to know what they were-good him.
I guess there was more back-story about Justin than they said on tv.
I started out liking Lydia and now I just wish she would go away.

What I've been wondering about since Chima was expelled, is: how are they going to resolve having only six jury members? Then it came to me today: make the tie-breaker America's vote. If the producers do this, they should keep it from the jury, and only reveal America's vote in case of a tie.

Yup bb11....good minds think alike. I was thinking about the very same thing the other day and came up with your exact same conclusion.