Tonight on Big Brother, I became a cutter.
Say it ain't so!
The Chen is adorable in her little white sweater and knee high black boots, and it's really hilarious hearing her give Operation Condor credence by saying it over and over again. Dumbest alliance ever? You wouldn't know it from the way she's acting. Whatevs, lady. As long as they don't repeat the clip of Hobo Hank making that screechy cawing sound over and over again, I'll be fine. At first it was annoying, but when he tried to lure Chelsia into bed last episode by using that screech mixed in with baby voice mixed in with repeated requests for loose change, it passed annoying and became downright creepy for me.
Matt and Alex are conflicted, because they are in bro love and don't want to have to campaign against each other this week. Instead, they do a musical number.
Amanda stumbles into the kitchen and in her best "I'm sick like Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias so don't get mad at me for eating peanut butter" voice, comes into the kitchen with ITALIA printed on her butt and rummages through the fridge for anything that's not slop. As you may remember, Amanda went into convulsions after her blood sugar dropped in the last episode and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was worried while it was happening, because I am kind of in love with her on some weird level. But now, in flashback, it's kind of funny watching Hobo Hank get called a hero for offering her a glass of milk and seeing Moose freaking out and trying to make things ok with the offer of a big square bowl and cartoon-like bugged out eyes. LOL, Moose. I can't wait til this guy is married and waiting in the delivery room for his first Moose baby to pop out.
Push, Ma! I've got a bowl of Cheerios for you if my baby makes it out alive!
Natalie comforts Amanda while Chandler Bing with his teeth punched out watches from afar, visibly annoyed. Nat is in like with Alex, so why does she get more busted with each episode? I know you're in lockdown, but take care of those split ends, girl! Drowned rat look aside, I can't help but think if the real Cheri O'Teri got cans like these installed, she'd work a lot more.
Oh darn. My contacts are dried out and I forgot my saline at home. Would you mind?
Matt sits outside with Moose and gets a vote promise. At least that's what I think happens. All I can hear is "bro, yo, yeah, yo bro hells yeah yo bro". Moose, smooth operator that he is, also says he will try and sway everyone in the house. There's a weapon you want in your arsenal. Moose could sell ice to an eskimo.
Take the ice, ya retahd!
Allison lies on a deck chair and eats while she glares at Matt and Nat working out. Seeing all that weight lifting, Allison realizes that the roofuh and the bikini barista are strong. Quick on her feet, that one. I'm not saying I want Amanda to have another reaction and possibly die or anything, but I have to admit I liked it when her tongue was too swollen to talk.
She comes up with a brilliant plan and makes her way up to the HOH suite, where she tells those assembled that maybe since Matt and Nat have been eating real food all week, they are stronger than Alex and Amanda. This short circuits Moose's brain. He doesn't want to mess with Operation Condor (LOL. That will always make me laugh) and can only mumble "CAW CAW" to himself under his breath. Hobo Hank, on the other hand, is drunk with power and tells us that he might just put CAwCAw on hold to form a new alliance called "Bro Down". Hasn't he already done that film? PS, James. Do whatever you want, but please do it with pants on. Those pink short shorts are killin me.
EW. I would like to make it through this hour with my homosexuality in tact.
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Comments (15)
"I never would've thought to rhyme "I give sweet blow jobs" with "You're team was robbed"."
I have a hard time believing this...
1 of 15 | Posted by Treadingonme | Posted on February 28, 2008 6:42 AM
LOL love you Flip!
I can't believe they didn't mention the lap dance/pool orgy.
Also did you see how much Chelsia's friend looked like her. It was really creepy. Same haircut, slightly heavier.
I'm sad Amanda and Alex are gone. Besides his stalkerish thing a week ago, he seems to have chilled out. Now we're stuck with blow job Barbie and "wicked" sexist Ken. Ugh.
One last thought: I always love how people want to "avenge" the ones they vote out....
2 of 15 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 28, 2008 7:41 AM
Great recap! No bueno, indeed. I will miss Amanda.
I do not get why Sharon was so upset about the eviction. I understand why she and Joshuah (man, I hate that last 'h') would decide to keep them, but really, was all the sobbing and revenge talk necessary? I guess BB orgies do bring people together.
Chen was certainly on for that episode. As much as I love her malfunctions, I think I like it even more when she digs into the HGs (a la her comment to Alex about his lack of campaigning).
3 of 15 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on February 28, 2008 8:30 AM
Chen starts to ask Chelsia another question, but Chelsia cuts her off, snapping "because I need a BOYFRIEND, OK? GET OFF MY ASS, BITCH!"
perfect. just perfect.
also, i have to express this pet peeve: i guess it's just inherient in belonging to a big brother cast that you're an absolute moron (save dr. will) but can these people PLEASE learn the correct uses of "me, myself and i." good heavenly god, if i have to hear one more "natalie and myself went out to the back yard" or "there were pictures of my family and i." holy shit. put it into the singular and figure it out, bitches. rant over
4 of 15 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on February 28, 2008 9:07 AM
Flipit, great recap as usual!! I just read somewhere that Moose lost his job with the retard remark, he just doesn't know it yet. If you ask me, he's a bit mentally challenged. Also read that Lowe's pulled their commericals because of his mouth. Sucks for him. I haven't watched the episode yet, but I am glad that Amanda is gone. Now she can go back to hanging with Parker. Also, I think you may want to change Ma to crazy pants, the woman is a loon!!!
5 of 15 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 28, 2008 9:28 AM
Featherhead, Sheila is definitely a lunatic. I think Schoonie said that she was the type that always needed to have something to whine or bitch about... case in point: at the end of last night's episode when they go into the house after HOH, Sheila goes up to Sharon and goes "Thanks for voting ME out FIRST" and Sharon is like huh? i voted out Allison first. Sheila was then like....oh, ok. She sucks.
When i saw "no bueno" was the title and moose was featured first, i was scared to think that he might have won HOH and we'd have to see pictures of the whole family of New Jersey moose clan, and maybe even Sheila's penthouse pictures. But then I remembered he's an idiot.
Great recap.
6 of 15 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on February 28, 2008 10:31 AM
I am so sick of those lame boring ass speeches the nominees for eviction give. They are so fake and stupid. And I think every speech so far has used "each and every one of you"...seems to be the go-to phrase this year.
7 of 15 | Posted by aholic | Posted on February 28, 2008 11:21 AM
Nice recap.
I haven't seen this mentioned yet but have I become so cynical that I'm the only one who found Amanda's fainting spell questionable? I'll freely admit to being a misanthrope but c'mon. "Ooh, Allison's sick...hey, evictions tomorrow...I think I'm gettting an idea...THUNK!"
8 of 15 | Posted by helltoupee | Posted on February 28, 2008 11:49 AM
I like Joshua but he probably didn't help himself by being such a bad winner.
What the HOH competition pointed out was how stupid the rest of the house is. Though, to be quite honest, I don't care how dumb Ryan is because he's got it going on.
9 of 15 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on February 28, 2008 1:09 PM
i was SO mad when they kept saying james was a hero. COME ON! all he did was hold her! he did NOTHING SPECIAL, its not like he fucking saved her life. i hate chealsia, her dumb name, her dumb hair, and her yelling all of the time
10 of 15 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on February 28, 2008 1:17 PM
When Amanda first went down, I definitely thought it was fake. But then the rest of it looked pretty real. If she faked those convulsions, then....impressive!
11 of 15 | Posted by aholic | Posted on February 28, 2008 2:15 PM
Genius! Pure genius!
Pixi: As soon as they announced "Chelsia's best friend," I felt the urge to add "and stunt double."
James is really growing on me. It had nothing to do with him rushing to Amanda's side or pouring milk down her throat, it was more when he realized Matt and Alex were talking about him in the storage room and he walked right in to watch them stutter and clam up. Ballsy.
12 of 15 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on February 28, 2008 2:25 PM
Love you, Flip!
I was praying that you would include the image of Moose with that stupid, gaping cake hole of his. Instead of taking away their drinking glasses, they should have removed all sharp objects so menopausal Sheila and her crazy-eyed partner don't go and kill everyone.
Fozzie: James walking into the storage room and calling them losers was, by far, my absolute fave part of the show! He's like that Amy Poehler character on SNL with the one leg that thinks she is great. He's all "I've got pink hair, no home and do cheesy gay porn and all of you pretty boys can suck it!" LOVED IT!!
13 of 15 | Posted by sbm713 | Posted on February 28, 2008 4:19 PM
Wait, how is riding around the United States riding around the WORLD? Sounds to me he's got a scam going so people donate to "peace" (Hank's hotel room and tequilas for the night).
14 of 15 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on February 29, 2008 5:20 AM
Sounds like do-it-yourself Welfare.
15 of 15 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on February 29, 2008 9:39 AM