Tonight on Big Brother, we can an extra big helping of Natalie. Mmmmmmmmm.
With special guest: the most desperate shlub in the world:
We open with a nose shout. Natalie is pleased as punch that Jeff is out, and tells us that she's been waiting for the opportunity to get rid of him ever since he turned the tables on Jessie. She knows now that Jessie spooged all over her sweater after getting favors from Heather Mills' nanny, and she's still clinging on like the scrappy little idiot she is. I smell marriage! Nope. Just dried spooge. Do your laundry.
Jordon cries and says she wishes that she had gone home instead of Jeff cuz he would have done better than her and won this thing. Uh, he got kicked out so that means he lost, which technically means you are the better player, right? Right? I don't get how people keep referring to the evictees as strong players. THEY'RE GONE!!
After Jeff leaves the house, the HGs stand around the picture wall and watch his commercial color headshot turn to the old musical theater black and white. So sad. Kevin says that if Jeff had approached him for a vote, he probably would have kept him. Jeff never approached him? WTF? If he was wise, he would have offered some glory hole action, or at the very least a lap dance. But he didn't even ask. Who still thinks he's a smart player?
Michelle knows she's screwed, but she thinks it's cuz she's the strongest player in the game. I think it's cuz everyone left is jealous of her hot husband. Blueback of Natalie winning HOH. This hurts more every time I see it. She jumps up and down and squeals about how not only did she win, she did it while being a good person!! Please excuse me while I use a cheese grater on my inner thigh. HATE. She says that it's finally time to make a name for herself in the game. If she had internet access in the house, she would know by now that she's already made plenty of names for herself: Ratalie, Bratalie, Gnatalie, and my personal favorite, Stupid Ho Face. Ok I added that one in there, but I scream it every time she comes on screen.
Speaking of screaming, why does she talk so goddamn loud? All she does is yell in that nasal voice with her choppy English and I wanna see her cry. As she celebrates and loops "I earned it!" over and over again, Kevin tells us what she's also earned. A head roll, a finger snap, and a fug face montage. He says that she acts like she won an eight hour endurance challenge. I get why he's over her stupid ass, but a win is a win. As the other HGs stare awkwardly at the grass and try not to cry, Natalie continues her jumping and nasal shouting and "I'm a good person" bs. She needs to put a sock in it. You can't win BB if the other HGs kill you in your sleep. That would be the best. Twist. EVAH.
Natalie goes straight to the wall of pics to make her evil plans. Kevin isn't acting like he's very excited for her, but she doesn't even notice. She promises that it's them in the final two and Michelle needs to get out of the house next because there's no way she wants to be stuck in the final three with someone who has an education, is physically strong, and who can speak entire sentences in proper English. Kevin's like "ooooohkaaaaay." Kevin's moping. Having Natalie as your salvation isn't as confidence inducing as it might seem from afar.
Jordan goes to lay down on a couch and cry. She doesn't wanna scheme, she doesn't wanna talk. She just wants to wipe boogars on herself. The music is sad and soft as she starts to make out with the bend in her arm. Meanwhile, Kevin and Natalie sit around and talk about how Jordan could have won that HOH competition. Then Natalie slips in "You have to go up." Kevin looks like he's about to have a gayxplosion.
Girl fierce oh no she didn't disco pillow bite.
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Comments (16)
Oh please. Let's get this straight: There is no way in hell that that guy is Ratfuckface's boyfriend. And the proposal is just part of the lie the two (three, with her dad) cooked up before the season started.
It's the Johnny Fairplay's Dead Grandma move.
A pretty good play -- let her dangle Jessie without having to give it up.
And it has a psychological edge : people assume that, since at least one person in the world supposedly loves her, then it just might be possible for her to be lovable, despite all the evidence to the contrary.
The thing is, the other people are just so fucking stupid, I almost hope Nastylie does win. And even though Kevin supposedly sees through her lies, he's suck a wet-ragged wimp, he won't do anything about it anyway.
The producers were stupid -- in exchange for the box, she should have had to give up her immunity as HOH. THEN it might have been possible to get her the fuck out of there before it's too late.
1 of 16 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 7, 2009 4:18 AM
Thanks for the quick turnaround on the recap Flipit. You have my sympathies on having to watch the rest of season. I decided to quit watching after Nastylie won HOH. Big Brother is dead to me. But I will continue to read your recaps!
2 of 16 | Posted by oliverandharry | Posted on September 7, 2009 5:08 AM
I have watched this show religiously since the season of Diane, Nakomis, Cowboy, Jase, and those fugly twins, but I could not stand to watch this episode. Seeing so much of that twat, Natalie, made me want to wretch. I literally could not look at the screen. I opted to watch Spiderman 2 on Fox which I have seen like a thousand times. I just couldnt take her. This got me wondering, though. The people who are hated and despised on the show, do they ever discuss this after the show is over? Like those losers in The Friendship. Did they ever acknowledge that people wanted them dead because I sure as hell did. Does anyone know?
3 of 16 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on September 7, 2009 5:22 AM
What could be worse than watching a Natalie-centric episode? Not much, except proposing to her after the whole world finds out how nasty and conniving your soon-to-be wife really is. I'd hold off on booking that reception hall just yet.
Stupid Jeff, this is all your fault.
4 of 16 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 7, 2009 5:44 AM
I agree with itchy...the proposal seemed very scripted.
re: Flipit's remark about how she said she was giving up fighting for Kevin's safety and she could just not nominate him...It doesnt matter at F4 who she puts up. If Natalie wins the veto, she can change the nominations in whatever way she wants. If anyone else wins the veto, the other two are automatically nominated.
5 of 16 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 7, 2009 8:24 AM
the engagement thing was so weird. i don't think it was scripted, i just think gnat isn't all that excited about it. she's weird.
and it wasn't a skunk, it was a "copy cat." lol..
ugh. this IS all jeff's fault.. dumas!
6 of 16 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on September 7, 2009 8:47 AM
I'm not saying the proposal is scripted (by the producers, anyway), I'm saying it's a lie planned out by Ratface before the season got started.
She's been using the idea that she has a boyfriend the whole season, just like she's worked the 18 year old angle.
And people bought it. Who in their right mind would believe that anyone could love this person enough to want to marry her? Only the losers in the crew this season.
7 of 16 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 7, 2009 9:10 AM
I agree that gnat is the one person I would love to see in person be drawn and quartered. I feel that would make my life very complete and I could die a happy man. I like your lil blog. Reminds me of me :)
Anywho! In a way Jeff was a strong player until he eliminated Russle. That should have been later because by this point Gnat and or Kevin would be at the Jury house by now and I would be wallering in self appreciation of how smart I was guessing at how jeff would play. But he ruined that for me so to me he is dead.
To see what my total scheme was for the best power move in the whole game would have been had I been there go to...wait..I dont have a web site :)
8 of 16 | Posted by bloodncarnage | Posted on September 7, 2009 11:46 AM
The nerd herd wasn't this bad.
I thought the skank's boyfriend was kinda cute. He probably didn't want to kiss her because he suspects she has herpes. I feel sorry for straight men. They're so desperate.
I'm assuming Kevin's going so I want the final HOH competition to be a CAGE MATCH WITH NO RULES between Michelle and that dirty, ugly skank.
Michelle, please put a stop to our misery.
9 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 7, 2009 2:04 PM
Great recap, Flipit, of a really tough to watch episode. So much Natalie-ick! Loved the skeeball screencap.
Either this guy really thinks she's gonna win the half-mil, or he's got horrible taste in women. And hopefully, for his sake, just as horrible a sense of smell.
10 of 16 | Posted by Annieo | Posted on September 7, 2009 5:56 PM
Flipit, you are a Master of Restraint if all you do when Gnat comes on is shout, "Stupid Ho Face!" at the screen; her voice makes me want to break things and shout obscenities. So far, I've broken a pen and accidentally ripped a hole in the pad of paper I was jotting something down on. And I'm pretty sure my roommate didn't like that ugly brown pillow anyway.
And, you know, I hadn't noticed Kevin's thong while watching the show, so thanks for sharing. This episode made me want to scour my ears and eyes.
Nata-LIE is King Idiot in a house of idiots. Way to keep your integrity and be a good person. How is it she can lie about something stupid and inconsequential like her age nearly the entire game and yet not be able to pull off a simple lie about Pandora's Box? I love that she was hogtied, handcuffed and ear-muffed. Oh, and lost any chance to win the game. Yeah, that makes total sense. Apparently, the bad habit of opening her mouth too widely and ejaculating various guttural sounds doesn't only occur when she is eating. What a twit.
As for the boyfriend, he is proof that love is truly blind ... deaf and dumb, as well.
I did like that Jordan said something about liking the challenge of "modeling" the clothes being a chance to really show her personality -- and every shot made her look like a sad, lost troll. Aw. Nope, still don't feel sorry for her and that control-freak dope she is mooning over. They were handed the keys to the house and everything they needed to get to the Final Four, but no, they had to use their gut instincts, which are apparently no smarter than their combined 2.5 brain cells. Ugh.
11 of 16 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on September 8, 2009 9:15 AM
Great recap and great photos Flipit.
Final two reversal is awesome. This show is so secretive about revealing twists to the "players" but she thinks everyone else is dumb enough to believe they'd tell them what this alleged twist is and plan accordingly, but even Jordan knew she was lying.
I hope Chenbot announced that there is a final two reversal and the rules are whatever it takes to get Gnat out.
I'd love to play poker against her at a high-stakes mandatory-earplugs 18+ table.
12 of 16 | Posted by mentallyretired | Posted on September 8, 2009 10:24 AM
Are you frakin kidding me? No way those two are together. NO. FUGGIN. WAY. I have had girls break up with me with more emotion than that. I have seen better acting and more love in porno movies. Seriously, who are they fooling?
Now, if on the off chance this is real, Wtf is that douchebag thinking???? Did you not see your little skankwhore docuekabob trying to bang jessie all season? Wtf??? You two deserve each other....asshats....
13 of 16 | Posted by pappy44 | Posted on September 8, 2009 11:15 AM
Wow. Nappy and her b/f seem really in love...and what was up w/ the blow up crown? I hate her.
14 of 16 | Posted by plockeness monster | Posted on September 8, 2009 1:58 PM
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thought the proposal thing was bizarre. If I hadn't seen my significant other in 70 days, I would have cried at least. I thought that her convo with her dad was scripted enough.
And why is Natalie blaming Michelle for Chima??? If she's gonna blame anyone, why not blame Jeff? I have no words for her.
15 of 16 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on September 8, 2009 6:07 PM
I was watching this episode with my husband (a miracle he would even watch this shit) and I remarked to him that Nastalie and boyfaux seemed so awkward together and he was like 'yeah'. This was before the albino even proposed. It was werid. And KLASSY...'hell yeah' to the proposal. What a pig she is.
Flipit!!! "and a fat Mexican dude dressed like a baby comes out". That made me laugh my ass off.
And above, pappy44, amen to you second paragraph.
16 of 16 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on September 9, 2009 3:07 PM