Big Brother: Well, At Least I'm Leaving With More Hideous Clothes Than I Came With!

Tonight is the night! WHO WILL WIN?? The twit, the flit, or the shit? Find out, on this special two hour tag team recap of Big Brother 11!

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Give you a hint. This guy? Loses.

This has been the most fun we've had on Big Brother yet, and we couldn't agree on who would get to recap the finale. So, to compromise, we are all doing it together! Let's start off with...

Schoonie

Julie Chen is wearing...I don't even know how to describe it. It is an Haute Couture Snuggie, possibly. It is the graduation robe for your small town's alternative learning facility, the one where the pregnant girls go, where they can earn their GED without dealing with the judgmental eyes of their classmates.

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The audience has (been provided) signs that cheer on people such as Russell. I mean, come on, we are supposed to believe that an audience member liked Russell so much that he or she took the time to decorate and prepare a sign in advance of tonight's festivities? Yeah, go Russell, cast that vote!

Julie tells us that seventy-three days ago, the Big Brother houseguests entered the house. You guys, we have been watching this show for seventy-three days. Noting all the ways in which that is depressing would take almost as long as the previouslies segment.

We're going to find out who wins later, BUT FIRST (sniff?) the houseguests are all lobbying to secure a spot in the final two. We flashback to Natalie's bitchface from when she lost part two of the final HOH competition, which I could watch over and over and never tire of. To those of you that mentioned that Natalie was somehow trying to be terrible at all the competitions this season and that this constituted some sort of strategy, I submit to you this moment. Jordan tells us that she didn't want to rub it in Natalie's face, which is nice because Natalie hasn't exactly been gracious in victory.

Kevin says that this situation is perfect for him, because it gives him a much better opportunity to get rid of Natalie. Natalie tells us that her only focus at this point is to work both of the other houseguests and get them to take her to the end. After the last live show, Natalie mopes in that stupid bed she's been lying around in all season, which should be lit on fire immediately at the conclusion of this hour.

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Burn it.

She whines that she thinks Kevin isn't going to keep the deal. Here's the exchange, roughly: Natalie: "I really hope that you've been loyal and faithful to me, Kevin, and will take me to the Final Two." Kevin: (blank stare of utter disdain)

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I think that about covers it.

Natalie gets called to diary room, and Kevin takes the opportunity to try and close the deal. Jordan tells him that it's a bit scary, because she doesn't think that Kevin will take her at all. He tells her that he's "one thousand percent" sure that he's going to take her to the end. Oh, Kevin, that will only confuse Jordan, bringing percentages into the deal. That's like trying to teach your dog to read. Jordan tells us that she's lying to Kevin, and she's actually planning on taking Natalie to the end because Kevin's won so many more competitions than her, and thus will look more favorable to the jury. Good for Jordan, even though her logic is a bit off. She's unwittingly benefiting from the jury's increasing hatred for Natalie.

Later, Kevin goes to take a nap in the backyard and Natalie tries to bond with Jordan. "I hope we stay friends after this, because you're just like my girlfriends back at home," Natalie says. That is bullshit for two reasons: 1)if that were true, you would have been hanging out with her the whole time, and 2)I'd like to meet these "girlfriends" of which you speak, because I bet they're actually DUDES.

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"You remind me of my girlfriends back home! Wait, where's your Adam's Apple?"

Apparently, Jordan really is planning on taking Natalie, because she spills everything Kevin has said right to her. She says her deal with Nat is genuine because it gives her a better opportunity than taking Kevin would. They also say that they'll give their vote to the other person if they end up evicted. Yeah, can't you see Natalie voting for Jordan over Kevin? I totally can. I bet she puts the key into the box with her nostrils.

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Comments (24)

slutty_whore:

I don't like the fact that Jordan won, but I do think she showed her mettle at the end. It's not enough, after 73 days, to deserve a victory IMHO, but I don't think there was much that Nat could do to convince Lydiot, Jeff, or Michelle.

I wonder why Jessie voted for Jordan, although my theory on that is: Jessie respects challenge winning versus any type of strategy, therefore, Jordan earned his vote.

I'm glad that Russell recognized exactly what I was trying to say on these boards: that Nat may have lucked into a strategy after being inept at challenges, but once it worked, she rode it to the end. Whereas Nat had a strategy of some sort, Jordan had Jeff. It was funny when Lydiot pointed this out to Jeff and he basically said: "So what?" What a dumbass!

I wish we could have heard from Chima and her feelings of being banished; I wish Laura would have cursed the Jurors for calling her Horseface during the Face Morph competition, and I was glad to see even Ronnie was palatable.

It seemed to me that everyone took things within the spirit of the game (except Lydiot and Jeff) and there were very few hard feelings. I was glad to see that maturity does exist within the BB House.

LuckyLouie:

I don't think I've ever typed this exact sentence before, but...

I agree with slutty_whore.

Jordan was the lesser of two evils, and thank all that is good that Nat didn't win, but even Kevin winning would have been more fulfilling.

I didn't start watching BB until season 6, but I don't remember a less deserving final 2. Even Adam beating Ryan a few years ago was more justified than this one.

Oh well, here's looking forward to next season! Thanks for all of the recaps to Flipit, Schoonie and Copyhacker, they were more entertaining than most of the actual shows!

slutty_whore:

LuckyLouie, as a BB fan since pretty much the beginning (although I didn't watch the Winter Season), the least deserving final two was Season 4's Jun & Alison. Jun rode coattails to the end and Alison had a type of slash and burn strategy, which was to align with someone only to cut their throat at her first opportunity. Other than Season 6, I don't remember a more tense, emotional, question & answer session with the Jury. I'm not sure if the season is on DVD or if it's available on the Net, but definitely check it out.

chooch850:

When Jessie said "Hakuna Matata" to Jordan when he voted, it meant "no worries". I think that was his clever way of saying he oted for her.

Loved you guys & your recaps all season. Without them, the BB experience isn't complete.

Here's hoping Jessie gets another chance on BB12!!!

shantigal:

Lydia enters dressed as 5 different infections. Priceless!

Thanks Flipit, Copy & Schoonie for a great season of recapping. I'm sending you all designer Snuggies.

copyhacker:

So according to Flipit's first 3 sentences, I would be... the twit?

Or were you talking about the Houseguests?

panamanianpettingzoo:

slutty_whore: I'm going to Eternal Sunshine you right the fuck out of my brain, not even kidding.

slutty_whore = Natalie. Who gives a shit if you keep saying she had great game play. "Natalie had great game play." "Natalie had great game play." "Natalie had great game play." "Natalie had great game play." Shut up all ready. Nobody cares. Everyone hates the skank. Nobody wants to hear what she repeatedly had to say. Take the hint.

Thanks Flipit, Schoonie and Copyhacker. So very entertaining.

slutty_whore:

@ Panamanian.... Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one, and this is mine.

I hate the fact that Jordan won, but I can respect the fact that she earned it in the end. Clearly, you didn't read what I first posted.

Nor did you address my main point... Russell recognized the point I was making about her gameplay! She altered her original strategy of winning comps when it clearly was failing and took a new tact. That is actual gameplay, whether the majority of the blogosphere fails to recognize it or not.

It's funny; I don't make negative comments of other posters who derogatorily refer to Nat as a skank, whore, bitch, dyke, etc. because they don't like her. But because I did like her, and don't have a problem with the majority of her game, why should I have to shut up?

I don't give a fuck if you agree with my minority opinion, but address valid points I made and not just the points you believe I made.

Mr Dangerous:

My mother left a voice message on my answering machine yesterday. She said she "didn't want the blonde girl to win but wanted the gay man to win." I have to call my mother. I have a feeling she's going to be upset this morning.

Kevin deserved to win but I'm perfectly happy with Jordan winning. And while I'm not a Jeff fan (though I would still do "it" with him) I have to admit that he says some funny stuff sometimes.

Thanks for all the recaps guys! I enjoyed reading them.

LOSTbean:

If Natalie just graduated from ASU, shouldn't she be more like 22? Random thoughts.

Never would have predicted Jordan winning, but of the 2 remaining houseguests, I am glad she did.

southern_essence:

Gotta say...out of the final two, I'm so freaking glad that Nastalie did not win the Grand Prize!

Been a pretty good season...at least better than the last 2...but of all the craziness, scheming, backstabbing, crying, and cursing (and that was all in my own livingroom), my absolute most favorite part of Big Brother 11 was reading the recaps here at TVGasm. You guys and gals deserve a Pulitzer for the insanely hysterical recaps on all the reality shows! Even the stinker shows were tolerable because I knew the recaps would be a blast.

Thank you all sooooo much for making me laugh so hard and so often.

Big *MWAH!* and round of applause for all the writers here!!!

Baxter:

Originally I thought out of the three Natalie deserved it because the other two seemed to do nothing in the game but the last week has really changed my mind. Kevin grew on me and Jordan is likable so it is hard not to root for her. Plus she ended up winning the comps that really mattered without Jeff's help. Natalie just talked and ranted but didn't make big plays. She lied about really stupid things and played dirty for no reason and with no game play behind it. The big "Russell" lie that was told that actually worked was Kevin's idea. I wish it would have been Kevin and Jordan in the end but I’m really happy with the results.

slutty_whore:

@ Baxter, if my memory serves me, I thought Kev came up with the idea of a lie, but Nat came up with the actual lie of telling Jeff Russ/Michelle had a F2 deal. I could be wrong, but that's what I remember of the clips from last night's episode. Either way, it was a team effort between the two to get rid of Jeff. They both deserve partial credit.

itchy:

Well, all three of them did pretty much the same thing, that is, float through the first half of the season.

I lost a lot of respect for Kevin when he aligned with Ratso. She's scum, and he could see that easily enough, and went along with it anyway. I also could not stand the way he spoke (and people's hypocrisy: why he is he allowed to call all the women 'bitches'? Just because he's gay?) and those stupid facial expressions of his. And the racing stripes in his sideburns.

Although I agree with slutty_whore, in terms of an active strategy, only Ratso appeared to have one. But her strategy was just too slimy, and wasn't helped by her own sliminess.

Jordan definitely lucked out in two ways: 1) That Chia quit, forcing an America's Vote, and 2) That they let Jessie back on this season, and of course he'd turn on his own alliance in the end, because he's that kind of douchebag.

I had no problem with her hitching up with a strong male for most of the game. It's as valid a strategy as any in what is, after, largely a social game.

And she was right: when she finally had to, she pulled out a couple of crucial wins.

The best part of the season was, of course, the recaps. I came into BB only late (season 6 or 7 I think), and got hooked only because of TVgasm. So I guess I'm blaming you guys for all of the time I've lost.

alicethemaid:

Regarding not asking Natalie about her age 18 lie: I think they did, and it was a test that she failed. Michelle very pointedly said "Natalie, you're 18 and engaged.....". The group came up with these questions and I think they worded it that way to see if she would confess to the lie: if she did, they would vote for her, if she stuck with her lie, she lost thier vote. But I may be giving that group of ninnies too much credit.

alicethemaid:

I agree with slutty_whore that Natalie had much more 'game play' than Jordan. Just about every word out of her mouth or conversation she had had some sort of 'play' involved, at least in her mind. But she was so unlikable, sore loser, snotty winner, liar, that it was hard to respect the game play and want her to win.

Jordan went in with her big dumb eyes wide open and was herself and was very likable. Not a great strategist through the whole thing, but did win comps when it counted in the end and really had to put her thinkin' cap on when Jeff left her to herself the last few weeks.

So that's why I think 'nice' won out over 'game play' this time.

Yay Jordan!

tv freak:

I wish they had shown the clip of Lydia watching Jessie in his sleep during the "fill the jury in" segment.

puppet:

I guess Jessie is always damned if he doesnt and damned if he does. HATE

annieo:

First off, you guys make this show so much fun with your recaps. I can't wait to read them after each show, they are awesome! So thanks for a season that started out awful, with the return of Jessie, and ended great, with Natalie's loss, helped along by the wonderful Jessie.

But anyway,just wanted to mention a few more of Natalie's great stratigic moves: screaming and rubbing it in when she finally did win a compitition, trashing Michelle for no reason right before she left the house to be on the jury that would judge Nat, and telling a needless lie about her age, and then telling the truth to a few people, because, you know, no one ever changes sides in this game. Jordan not only beat her in the end, she was a nicer person throughout. What do you have to lose in this game by being nice to people, even if it's only to their faces? And what about thinking about how you come across to America, since you know they can watch you 24/7, and they might be given a say in what happens? She was lucky to get as far as she did, and she got more than she deserved. Kevin should have gotten the $50,000. And she could have been happy with just getting engaged.

Way to go, Jordan!

TaxGirl:

Thanks so much for all the great recaps!! This season has had it's ups and downs but the recaps always made it better.

Jordan and Natalie both attached themselves to stronger players and sort of floated their way to the last few weeks. Since then, Jordan played better. Not to mention that Natalie is just plain unlike-able! I agree wholeheartedly with alicethemaid above (#16):
"But she was so unlikable, sore loser, snotty winner, liar, that it was hard to respect the game play and want her to win."

Of the three, Kevin probably deserved the win and I wish Natalie got -0- money. But, if Jordan had taken him - she would have been in second place. She made the right decision for herself.

It was funny to hear the audience cheer Jordan's speech and then do nothing when Natalie spoke! Jeff and Jordan were clearly the fan favorites.

Jeff is hot and I have copied some of the pictures posted for my own use!

Thanks again for the great recaps!

Baxter:

slutty_whore-
You are right Kevin said we need to come up with a lie and Natalie came up with "the" lie and then Kevin put the plan into action. I think I forgot that with all of her other pointless lying that did nothing but hurt her game.

pappy44:

@ slutty - falling into a strategy isn't a strategy, its just being lucky. She had no strategy and just happened to be there at the end. Its like going to a bar, getting shot down all night, then taking the last fat chick left in the bar home and calling that a win...its not...you just got what is left over...

Question: what is the danielle rule about the diary room? I don't recall that...

Congrats to Jordan...hopefully she will use some of that money and get a brain...

classy drunk:

@ pappy44

The Danielle rule: Danielle and Lisa were the final two (season 3 I believe) and it was said that b/c the jurors got to see the diary room interviews the votes were swayed in Lisa's favor.

pappy44:

ah, yes, that rings a bell now...thanks

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