I saw you with your pants down, and my soul made that exact same face.
A neutral-toned Julie tells us that it's day 66 in the Big Brother House. She looks pretty classy, except for the fact that she obviously just discovered a sunken ship full of gold doubloons. Robots don't have to breathe underwater, so she can explore heretofore uncharted waters.
Man, look where I went with that. And I haven't even been drinking tonight! Anyway, here we are at the endurance competition where we left everyone on Tuesday night. Everyone blah blahs in confessional about how they really want to win. Memphis still hasn't figured out that he should be losing everything. Dan starts talking shit to Memphis, trying to sell the fact that he's pissed at Memphis for the Keesha eviction. I'm pissed at Memphis for the Keesha eviction. I can't blame him, because it was smart to do (for Dan), but Keesha was awesome. How can you not love someone who refuses to hide their light under a bushel? And when I say "light", I mean "blinding, cuss-riddled rage".
We flashback to said eviction as Jerry tells us idiotically that when Memphis sent Keesha home, it was "the first time anyone's done what they promised." Yes Jerry, Memphis got rid of Keesha because he was so eager to keep his word to you. Dolt. We see Dan whisper in Keesha's ear again, except this time we're treated to helpful captions telling us what we already knew: that Keesha knows Dan went on the trip with Michelle. He then tells her "finish it", which was supposed to mean that Keesha needs to lobby the rest of the jury members for votes. I had no idea what that meant at the time. I thought he wanted Keesha to rip the heart out of his opponent's chest.
Dan then tells us what a great move it was to throw that last veto, which it totally was. Everything that Memphis has done for the last week has benefited Dan more than Memphis himself, and that's really all Dan's doing, which is pretty impressive. I really hope he takes this home on Tuesday. Man, someone I actually like might win Big Brother! Last time that happened, I was enjoying the smooth sounds of Craig David. Thanks, Wikipedia!
Memphis tells us that he's pretty sure they're selling the whole hatred thing pretty well as Jerry stands in the kitchen after Keesha's eviction with the worst poker face ever, clearly enjoying what's going on around him. He might be the least perceptive 75-year-old ever, and that's saying something. I can't believe he would actually buy this terrible acting job. Wait, yes I do. Nevermind.
Back on the planes, Memphis half-heartedly tries to sell his Dan hate to Jerry, telling Dan that he used to practice his balance on skateboards in his friends living rooms or something. Worst shit talk ever. I hope he never gets into a freestyle rap battle, because it would be pathetic.
Of course, Jerry falls off first. We don't get an elapsed time, but according to my research, he lasted for roughly ten minutes. What a tough old man you are! Instead of running down and getting those bulls, why don't you walk down there and...fall off of the hill after ten minutes. Jerk. After he falls, Memphis and Dan exchange winks, and the editors are helpful enough to include accompanying winking sound effects. It's either that, or there is some sort of pink eye spreading rapidly throughout the house. Wash your hands after you use the bathroom, for God's sake. There's already enough bacteria in that house just from last season.
Soon the planes start flailing about wildly, and it appears that Dan is having some trouble holding on. Apparently the plan is for Memphis to throw this competition and beat Jerry at the next one, so Dan is getting a little bit anxious about the whole thing. He really does look like he's about to fall on more than one occasion. Memphis eventually does throw the competition somewhat convincingly, leaving Dan as the victor. Memphis tries to sell his loss and look distraught, but it's more terrible acting, just like most of the shows on CBS, save for How I Met Your Mother. I'm looking at you, David Caruso.
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Comments (25)
How great to have the recap up before I go to bed! The show has been really good this season and the recaps have been great. Dan deserves the win, even though Memphis hasn't been as "under the radar" as it appears. But Dan has also played Memphis. His plans all work!
I laughed when Michelle made the comment about telling the evicted houseguest about the beach trip. Oh too bad, Dan already did. And the look on hers and April's face when Keesha came in---jealous little skanks. April has a lot of nerve saying anything bad about Keesha.
Thanks for the great recaps. I am going to miss them.
1 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 11, 2008 11:29 PM
And one question---Are they called jorts because you are combining Jerry and shorts or does it come from something else?
2 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 11, 2008 11:31 PM
Thanks for the fast recap! Jeans + Shorts = jorts!
3 of 25 | Posted by tadow | Posted on September 12, 2008 2:57 AM
Seriously...the "dignified" April would have given her vote to Jerry? SO high school.
To all the jury members except for you, Keesha: blah, blah, blah, "it's just a game"..."it's nothing personal"..blah, blah, blah. THAT has been your biggest lie.
Dan clearly played the game the best. I am in awe. GO DAN!
Oh...and GO RENNIE for the 25 Grand!!!
4 of 25 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on September 12, 2008 5:25 AM
Definitely, best season of BB in a long time. No way that Dan doesn't win after his masterful play this season.
Renny for the 25k! Boas and wigs for everyone.
"Have a nice weekend April, C-U-Next Tuesday.
Wait, I'll be here on Monday.
I know, but C-U-Next Tuesday."
5 of 25 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 12, 2008 5:57 AM
Old MacDonald bought the farm eeyiieeyiiyooooo
6 of 25 | Posted by OYWHATNEXT | Posted on September 12, 2008 6:44 AM
I've already voted for Renny like 40 times on CBS's website - watch Jerry win it though.... VOTE FOR RENNY PEOPLE!!! There is no limit for the votes online!!!
DAN FTW!!
7 of 25 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:22 AM
Love Renny -- but Memphis wouldn't be in final 2 if it weren't for Keesha, plus she was the one woman to make it the farthest in the game. Voting for keesha to get the $25K.
8 of 25 | Posted by midwesty | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:23 AM
"The second the door closes behind Jerry, Memphis and Dan jump all over each other in celebration. The whole display is gayer than one of Fozzie's recaps. Zing!"
Okay, that was funny. (P.S. Love your recaps Fozzie.)
My favorite part of the show was watching Memphis run around without his shirt on. A close second would be Dan's bad acting.
Good thing Jerry was the odd man out because no one else would have bought it.
The editors certainly earned their money this week with that Michelle/April shot. That was funny stuff. I'm starting to think that April and Michelle might be b*tches. I'm probably wrong though. How could someone as beautiful as April be a b*tch?
Go Dan! Go Memphis.
9 of 25 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:55 AM
The LONG wait until next Tuesday begins. Why couldn't they just to a Sunday finale like Survivor? Why the dumb clip show?
Anyway, clearly the most entertaining/least nauseating summer since BB6. Dan put on a hell of a performance. This guy's alliance fell apart on week one and he had NO ONE. He was as good as dead, nominated in week two, went on to gain peoples' trust and/or getting them to underestimate him.
Note to Dick Donato: this is how you win Big Brother without being a hateful, disgusting piece of shit.
10 of 25 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on September 12, 2008 8:15 AM
I love Renny, too, but I think I'm going to vote for Keesha for the 25K just to see the look on April's face if she wins. That would be glorious.
11 of 25 | Posted by leenie | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:29 AM
Word, JasonR.
Dan mos def was not my favorite person in the house, but he played a great game and deserves the half mill. 50G will still buy Memphis a lot of dorky hats and plenty of Dapper Dan to keep the faux hawk standing at attention.
12 of 25 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:43 AM
YES !! Loved the David Caruso comment. So glad someone else agrees with me.
Renny for the 25K. She was a pleasure to watch amongst all the idiots this season. LOL
I am hoping for a Dan win of the 1/2 Million. He deserves it.
Great recap. Thanks for all of them.
13 of 25 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on September 12, 2008 11:08 AM
"bitchfaces" loved that one. I am voting for Keesha not only because I like her but because I want to see April's head explode. I wish they would have a reunion show after everyone has had a chance to check out websites and watch the show.
14 of 25 | Posted by Krystalsaunt | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:19 PM
Thank you so much for all the fantastic and fast recaps this year, so incredibly awesome of you 3 to put aside your own needs and focus on the needs of us gasmi!!!! HUGS and KISSES!!!
Too funny, gayer than a Fozzie recap!!!!
Loved April's face when Keesha got there--I should head over to Hooters and see if she's still working there . . . it's right down the street, no lie!!!
Renny must win 25k!!!! I really hope to see her again, somewhere, somehow . . . . if Jerry wins the 25k, it'll be time for a new TV, coz that suckah wont survive what I'm a gonna do to it!!!!!!
15 of 25 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:22 PM
Between Jerry's undies and the bitch-glare from Michelle and April, that episode had my head spinning.
Fantastic recap!
16 of 25 | Posted by licketysplit | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:43 PM
seeing april's head explode when keesha wins the $25k is yet another reason why I'm voting for her to get the AC moolah.
Thanks for the added incentive leenie and krystal
17 of 25 | Posted by midwesty | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:08 PM
Oh yeah, I hope Keesha gets the money--she deserves it. She actually seems like a pretty likeable person, definitely honest and non-malicious. If only she were a little smarter...sigh. Oh well, she's going to be a great mother one day.
And yeah, I'd love to see April's head explode too.
Also, I really liked the way they made the boxing Jesse significantly shorter than all the others. I think the production staff really enjoyed themselves this season.
18 of 25 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:10 PM
I'll have you know, jerk, that I was.....who am I kidding? My recaps are really gay.
I'm all for Dan to win. It's about time a Republican Christian got ahead and this society! Score one for the right wing. WOO HOO!
Your move, Satan.
19 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:55 PM
May I add, deliciously gay!!!! And I mean in a good way!!!!
20 of 25 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 12, 2008 2:15 PM
This season has been fantastic. It is just the right combination of people. I hated the last season of people believing they had to be dicks to win. I love people like April that have no idea how horribly disgusting they are.
I want to watch an episode where BB reveals how bad or good these people are. I would love to watch a show where they read tvgasm recaps and comments to them all; as well as, showing the well edited clips. I don't care if it takes 10 hours and they have to clockwork orange their eyes it would be the best. Then a follow up show where we see how the real world has responded to them. Is Ollie's family happy who is coming to dinner? I need closure.
If either Keesha or Renny win the money I will be happy. No question Dan deserves the win, I'm sure Memphis knows it too.
21 of 25 | Posted by evergreen | Posted on September 12, 2008 4:54 PM
Great recap; I loved this season. Dan FTW!
22 of 25 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on September 12, 2008 4:55 PM
Right after Jerry gave that dumb speech I knew those stupid people watching who have no idea what a cockface he is will vote for his dimply old ass. I would like to see Renny win it or even Keesha.
Why didn't you mention Jerry screaming when he fell off the plane? I laughed my p#ssy off and rewound it like 5 times. Haaaaa!!!!
23 of 25 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:31 PM
Thanks tadow, somehow I overlooked that all of Jerry's shorts were jeans.
After reading all of the other posts, now I am changing my vote for the 25,000. I thought I would vote for Renny, but the vision of April finding out Keesha won is worth it.
24 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:48 PM
25 of 25 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 15, 2008 1:26 PM