Inside after the competition, Jerry talks to Memphis in the kitchen. "I want to thank you for today," he tells Memphis as he voices over about how nice Memphis is. Man, Memphis and Dan really did a good job on the whole divide and conquer thing with Jerry and Keesha last week. Dan enters after Jerry leaves, and they worry about tomorrow's second heat as Memphis vows to win it. Yeah, not to spoil anything, but I'm not sure you're going to have too much trouble with that.
Back from the break, Dan is coming out of the diary room with instructions for the second portion of the competition. It seems to involve boxing, and Jerry tells us that he hopes he doesn't have to box Memphis, because he didn't want to die. Well, Jerry, you know what they say: Float like a butterfly, sting like a pair of acid-washed jean shorts.
So in the backyard there are cutouts of each houseguest on springboards (and they're all wearing boxing gloves, even April), and the challenge is to begin with Week 1 and punch everyone out except for the HOH for the week and the final nominees. For instance, for the first week you would leave only Jerry, Brian and Renny standing, and so on all the way to the most recent eviction. The buzzer sounds, and we cut back and forth between Jerry and Memphis. There is lots of punching as they progress through the weeks. Memphis told us that his strategy is "to go as fast as possible". Man, what a novel idea! That just blew my mind. Did he come up with that himself? Because WOW, he is smart.
Apparently, going fast as possible will not be Jerry's strategy. You know, walk down and bang all the cows or whatever. Or go so slowly that they die before you arrive. Jerry's talks to himself in third person just like he's Suede as he tries to remember shit that just happened like a week ago.
Time to see how they did! Memphis has a time of 8 min 35 seconds. Jerry's time? Is 51 minutes 22 seconds. Memphis could have watched an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, taken a short nap, and still beat him. Way to go, old man! Bang those cows! He does have the good sense to be embarrassed about it in confessional, at least. Not that I'm going to give him any credit for it.
After the competition, Memphis and Dan celebrate their almost certain trip to the final two in the living room while Jerry...depantses himself in the bedroom. Wow, the guy has literally become a walking metaphor. That is...impressive.
Back with Julie, it's time to talk to the houseguests! Julie asks Jerry what it feels like to be the Tonya of the Big Brother house. "I guess when I fell in the pool, my brain got a little water-logged," he says. Are you a narcoleptic? Because that's the only way a time of 51 minutes is even remotely acceptable.
Julie asks Memphis about evicting Keesha. Memphis tells her that it was hard. Man, Memphis is just full of quotable moments this evening. Julie then asks Dan about the mood in the house, and of course he talks forever and uses the phrase "smell the money", because he is exactly that kind of guy. Dan is awesome, but also cheesier than hell. What until he gets out and hears about Sarah Palin.
Time to visit the jury house! Renny plays cards with Libra and Michelle. "Being in the jury house SUCKS!" she says hilariously over shots of her not knowing the rules of the game. Michelle gloats to us that the next person that comes in is going to have no idea that she went on Dan's island excursion with him, so she's looking forward to divulging that piece of information. As everyone makes dinner, April says that she's really hopes that Jerry doesn't come through the door. Renny is like "Yeah, I don't want to see Jerry either!" but she means it in an altogether different and more hilarious way. I love her. April does want to see Keesha, calling it "karma". So, when Keesha walks in and gets a hug from Renny, on goes the bitchfaces of Michelle and April.
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Comments (25)
How great to have the recap up before I go to bed! The show has been really good this season and the recaps have been great. Dan deserves the win, even though Memphis hasn't been as "under the radar" as it appears. But Dan has also played Memphis. His plans all work!
I laughed when Michelle made the comment about telling the evicted houseguest about the beach trip. Oh too bad, Dan already did. And the look on hers and April's face when Keesha came in---jealous little skanks. April has a lot of nerve saying anything bad about Keesha.
Thanks for the great recaps. I am going to miss them.
1 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 11, 2008 11:29 PM
And one question---Are they called jorts because you are combining Jerry and shorts or does it come from something else?
2 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 11, 2008 11:31 PM
Thanks for the fast recap! Jeans + Shorts = jorts!
3 of 25 | Posted by tadow | Posted on September 12, 2008 2:57 AM
Seriously...the "dignified" April would have given her vote to Jerry? SO high school.
To all the jury members except for you, Keesha: blah, blah, blah, "it's just a game"..."it's nothing personal"..blah, blah, blah. THAT has been your biggest lie.
Dan clearly played the game the best. I am in awe. GO DAN!
Oh...and GO RENNIE for the 25 Grand!!!
4 of 25 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on September 12, 2008 5:25 AM
Definitely, best season of BB in a long time. No way that Dan doesn't win after his masterful play this season.
Renny for the 25k! Boas and wigs for everyone.
"Have a nice weekend April, C-U-Next Tuesday.
Wait, I'll be here on Monday.
I know, but C-U-Next Tuesday."
5 of 25 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 12, 2008 5:57 AM
Old MacDonald bought the farm eeyiieeyiiyooooo
6 of 25 | Posted by OYWHATNEXT | Posted on September 12, 2008 6:44 AM
I've already voted for Renny like 40 times on CBS's website - watch Jerry win it though.... VOTE FOR RENNY PEOPLE!!! There is no limit for the votes online!!!
DAN FTW!!
7 of 25 | Posted by MargotTenenbaum | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:22 AM
Love Renny -- but Memphis wouldn't be in final 2 if it weren't for Keesha, plus she was the one woman to make it the farthest in the game. Voting for keesha to get the $25K.
8 of 25 | Posted by midwesty | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:23 AM
"The second the door closes behind Jerry, Memphis and Dan jump all over each other in celebration. The whole display is gayer than one of Fozzie's recaps. Zing!"
Okay, that was funny. (P.S. Love your recaps Fozzie.)
My favorite part of the show was watching Memphis run around without his shirt on. A close second would be Dan's bad acting.
Good thing Jerry was the odd man out because no one else would have bought it.
The editors certainly earned their money this week with that Michelle/April shot. That was funny stuff. I'm starting to think that April and Michelle might be b*tches. I'm probably wrong though. How could someone as beautiful as April be a b*tch?
Go Dan! Go Memphis.
9 of 25 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:55 AM
The LONG wait until next Tuesday begins. Why couldn't they just to a Sunday finale like Survivor? Why the dumb clip show?
Anyway, clearly the most entertaining/least nauseating summer since BB6. Dan put on a hell of a performance. This guy's alliance fell apart on week one and he had NO ONE. He was as good as dead, nominated in week two, went on to gain peoples' trust and/or getting them to underestimate him.
Note to Dick Donato: this is how you win Big Brother without being a hateful, disgusting piece of shit.
10 of 25 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on September 12, 2008 8:15 AM
I love Renny, too, but I think I'm going to vote for Keesha for the 25K just to see the look on April's face if she wins. That would be glorious.
11 of 25 | Posted by leenie | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:29 AM
Word, JasonR.
Dan mos def was not my favorite person in the house, but he played a great game and deserves the half mill. 50G will still buy Memphis a lot of dorky hats and plenty of Dapper Dan to keep the faux hawk standing at attention.
12 of 25 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:43 AM
YES !! Loved the David Caruso comment. So glad someone else agrees with me.
Renny for the 25K. She was a pleasure to watch amongst all the idiots this season. LOL
I am hoping for a Dan win of the 1/2 Million. He deserves it.
Great recap. Thanks for all of them.
13 of 25 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on September 12, 2008 11:08 AM
"bitchfaces" loved that one. I am voting for Keesha not only because I like her but because I want to see April's head explode. I wish they would have a reunion show after everyone has had a chance to check out websites and watch the show.
14 of 25 | Posted by Krystalsaunt | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:19 PM
Thank you so much for all the fantastic and fast recaps this year, so incredibly awesome of you 3 to put aside your own needs and focus on the needs of us gasmi!!!! HUGS and KISSES!!!
Too funny, gayer than a Fozzie recap!!!!
Loved April's face when Keesha got there--I should head over to Hooters and see if she's still working there . . . it's right down the street, no lie!!!
Renny must win 25k!!!! I really hope to see her again, somewhere, somehow . . . . if Jerry wins the 25k, it'll be time for a new TV, coz that suckah wont survive what I'm a gonna do to it!!!!!!
15 of 25 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:22 PM
Between Jerry's undies and the bitch-glare from Michelle and April, that episode had my head spinning.
Fantastic recap!
16 of 25 | Posted by licketysplit | Posted on September 12, 2008 12:43 PM
seeing april's head explode when keesha wins the $25k is yet another reason why I'm voting for her to get the AC moolah.
Thanks for the added incentive leenie and krystal
17 of 25 | Posted by midwesty | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:08 PM
Oh yeah, I hope Keesha gets the money--she deserves it. She actually seems like a pretty likeable person, definitely honest and non-malicious. If only she were a little smarter...sigh. Oh well, she's going to be a great mother one day.
And yeah, I'd love to see April's head explode too.
Also, I really liked the way they made the boxing Jesse significantly shorter than all the others. I think the production staff really enjoyed themselves this season.
18 of 25 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:10 PM
I'll have you know, jerk, that I was.....who am I kidding? My recaps are really gay.
I'm all for Dan to win. It's about time a Republican Christian got ahead and this society! Score one for the right wing. WOO HOO!
Your move, Satan.
19 of 25 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on September 12, 2008 1:55 PM
May I add, deliciously gay!!!! And I mean in a good way!!!!
20 of 25 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 12, 2008 2:15 PM
This season has been fantastic. It is just the right combination of people. I hated the last season of people believing they had to be dicks to win. I love people like April that have no idea how horribly disgusting they are.
I want to watch an episode where BB reveals how bad or good these people are. I would love to watch a show where they read tvgasm recaps and comments to them all; as well as, showing the well edited clips. I don't care if it takes 10 hours and they have to clockwork orange their eyes it would be the best. Then a follow up show where we see how the real world has responded to them. Is Ollie's family happy who is coming to dinner? I need closure.
If either Keesha or Renny win the money I will be happy. No question Dan deserves the win, I'm sure Memphis knows it too.
21 of 25 | Posted by evergreen | Posted on September 12, 2008 4:54 PM
Great recap; I loved this season. Dan FTW!
22 of 25 | Posted by Lime23 | Posted on September 12, 2008 4:55 PM
Right after Jerry gave that dumb speech I knew those stupid people watching who have no idea what a cockface he is will vote for his dimply old ass. I would like to see Renny win it or even Keesha.
Why didn't you mention Jerry screaming when he fell off the plane? I laughed my p#ssy off and rewound it like 5 times. Haaaaa!!!!
23 of 25 | Posted by Reesewitherspoon | Posted on September 12, 2008 7:31 PM
Thanks tadow, somehow I overlooked that all of Jerry's shorts were jeans.
After reading all of the other posts, now I am changing my vote for the 25,000. I thought I would vote for Renny, but the vision of April finding out Keesha won is worth it.
24 of 25 | Posted by tammy | Posted on September 12, 2008 10:48 PM
25 of 25 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 15, 2008 1:26 PM