First of all, Julie has stolen a sweater from my grandma, but she's wearing it with only the top two buttons clasped. It's like she wants to be warm and cozy, but she also wants to dress like an East LA gangster circa 1994. If you look into her eyes, you can seriously see how mad she still is about Rodney King.
She tells us it's Day 35 in the Big Brother house, and then she spends about five minutes telling us everything that Ominous Announcer Voice just told us over the previouslies. What is with this show and doing that? Oh yeah, it's because they're lazy and have foolishly spent half their budget on asparagus.
Julie also tells us that America has voted for the houseguest that they want to have a chance to come back (or something). They keep saying "chance" a lot, just like they've been all week, so you know there's some shenanigans involved here. Julie then segues us into the house goings-on for the week, all "the house exploded with rage!" because these people feel rage in much the same way that you and I occasionally need to eat. Their food pyramid is built on a healthy diet of unsolicited rage. And carbs.
So, to catch you up, Matt is like "It's on!" and then he throws it in Josh's face, which is awesome because Josh sucks. Wait, am I on Team Matt? Holy crap, I think I am! Great, now I hate myself.
So Matt is going all Jase in the backyard and screaming and whatnot while Natalie is following him around like a puppy all, "Did I do a good job master?" She calls him "her partner" and it is weird and gross because she is always looking for confirmation and acceptance, and yet I think she is sort of awesome in this backwoods, oblivious way. Wait, so I like Natalie now, too? Man. You know that part in Fight Club where Edward Norton realizes that he is also Brad Pitt, and it completely blows his mind? That exact thing just happened to me.
Up in the HOH room, Chelsia is totally pissed! She's like "You had a guaranteed two weeks! And you blew it!" and her arms are flailing and she's just berating him. Ryan just keeps repeating what she's saying back to her verbatim, which is how you can tell that he's kind of dumb. I feel like every time I write anything about Ryan, I end the sentence with "...which is how you can tell that he's kind of dumb." You know why? Hint: it's because he's kind of dumb.
Then he further propagates my theory by trying to yell at Chelsia, all "I could have took your veto away! I could have took your veto away!" over and over again. Conjugate that verb, Ryan! You'll get it eventually. Proper English: It's Not Just For Non-Racists Anymore.
Ryan then asks to talk to Josh privately, telling him that just because he didn't go along with the plan to boot Matt does not mean that he's not a man of his word, because he did not nominate Josh just like he said he wouldn't. Josh is like, "Yeah, we can totally keep working together because now everyone will think I'm mad at you," but you can see in Josh's eyes that he cannot wait to stab a fool.
Downstairs, Sharon is telling everyone that she'll "see them in sequester". Natalie and Shiela try to console her, promising their votes to her. Matt does the same, telling us that he's now shown Josh what the deal is. Because Matt had exactly...what to do with not being nominated? Ryan just repeats the very last thing he is told, and the last thing he was told before the ceremony was to put up James. It's not strategy, it's like one giant game of Capture the Flag, except in this instance, the Flag can't read too good.
Later in the backyard, Chelsia and Josh come out and set themselves up on either side of Shiela, trying to sort of harass her a little. Matt's over in another part of the yard working out and overhears this, coming to her defense. Matt, she is batshit crazy. I'm sure she can defend herself by throwing cats at them or something. Matt starts berating Josh while Sharon sits there trying to hold Josh back, trying to keep him from having another blowup. Josh tells us in confessional, "If you really want to set me off, tell me to shut up." I can only imagine the passionate response that 'I know you are, but what am I' will incite.
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Comments (12)
I would love to have Madeyoulaugh and Flipit come to my house with or without their tire irons. I would grill up some fresh salmon and Alaskan King Crab, open a few local Alaskan ales or imported California chardonnays and invite the bears in to watch Big Brother with us.
1 of 12 | Posted by caughtdoinit | Posted on March 13, 2008 8:04 PM
Tonight's episode has restored my faith in BB. This season might not be a total waste after all. My favorite part was Chenbot freaking out when everyone was talking over her. It was hysterical.
Oh yea and my boyfriend rewound the show 5 times and kept asking 'Who's the dude in the yellow shirt?' when all the evicted guests where on the porch. What was up with Parker's dp?
2 of 12 | Posted by mere2142 | Posted on March 13, 2008 8:15 PM
Tonight's episode has restored my faith in BB...this season might not totally suck afterall.
Chenbot freaking out over the people talking over her was priceless.
My boyfriend replayed all of the houseguests on the front porch and kept asking who the dude in the yellow shirt was because he didn't even recognize Parker.
3 of 12 | Posted by mere2142 | Posted on March 13, 2008 8:17 PM
alex's buuueeeennoo killed me.
i also love natalie. she's great tv.
i think if sharon was evicted alex would be in the house right now (no cbs box twist at all)
4 of 12 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on March 14, 2008 12:59 AM
Hey Schoonie, conjugate your verbs!
"There ARE sparkles and disco balls and unicorns."
Teehee ;-)
So, Adam and Nat totally boned it by voting James back in, right? While they still have the numbers on their side, what could be worse than a nerd herder scorned? "Mystery Contestant" would have totally been psyched just to have the opportunity to return.
5 of 12 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on March 14, 2008 6:41 AM
Loved the part when Natalie found out about Matty kissing Sharon. That whole sequence which ends with Matty eventually apologizing was fascinating. I didn't know there were people like Natalie in the world and then I looked in the mirror.
Josh will never stab Ryan in the back. Josh is to Ryan what Natalie is to Matty.
6 of 12 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 14, 2008 8:56 AM
I really hope other people noticed this: near the end of the show, when the houseguests were on their disco balls, there was a quick close-up camera shot of their hamster (or gerbil)!! It was a RIOT! It was when Julie was asking James something.
Did anyone else catch this?!
7 of 12 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on March 14, 2008 9:37 AM
Scarlet, I agree. It made no sense for Adam (and especially Natalie) to vote James back in, when they'd just voted him out. He obviously knew his only vote was from Chelsia. I bet Natalie is so dumb that she thought he wouldn't be mad at her since she voted to bring him back in.
I would much rather have seen Alex back in the house than James. Ryan's HOH week was basically useless and now he is going to be targeted unless Matt win HOH basically.
8 of 12 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 14, 2008 10:46 AM
You're right. Natalie is lovable because she's so vulnerable. Airhead, yes. Sweet, also yes. She was picked for the show precisely for those reasons.
Now, Chelsia has developed some serious jones for James, but how will she feel when she discovers he's a gay porn actor? I'd like to see THAT follow-up after the show! Frankly, with all the dangers involved in that profession, I think it was bad of CBS to pick him or not reveal the "guests" true professions before the show.
I honestly don't understand the thinking behind bringing James back in immediately after bouncing him out. Ryan was the only one with a justifiable reason to vote to bring him back, because he was afraid he may have been voting Jen away, but I can't see anyone else's earthly reason to do so.
Ah, well, this ship of fools continues on its merry way. Does anyone else think Matty is serously in the closet? NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT!
9 of 12 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on March 14, 2008 11:19 AM
I was pretty pissed that again they omitted something that happened. After the POV, Josh and James poured stuff over Nat's head. Pickle juice and water. And then Josh, of course, attacked her. So did Chelsia, and the stuff she said that day is one of the reasons she disgusts me. I won't even repeat it here.
Honestly I think they came up with the mystery box idea that day, after the contestants casted their votes and the producers knew James would be going home. Why not make more drama by giving him the chance to stay??
I would have loved to see Alex back =(
10 of 12 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 14, 2008 12:10 PM
That episode was a waste of my time. I intend to read solely the recap from this point forward!
I don't care how cute you all think Natalie is...she's an idiot! Her I.Q is comparable to a plant or a gerbil! If any of these idiots (Adam and Natalie) had some brains, they would have voted for the mystery houseguest. They had the numbers. If Alex was swarn in, he would have allied himself with the Matt and Ryan alliance.
I think its understood that none of these fools are playing the game properly or are playing the game at all!
You may all disagree; but, Chelsia, James, Joshua and Sharon are the new nerd herd!
11 of 12 | Posted by sowhat1234 | Posted on March 14, 2008 2:59 PM
You're so right Schoonie! Natalie IS Ralph Wiggum. I can totally picture her sad face as a train Valentine falls to the floor and she says, "But Matty, I choo-choo-choose you." So true, hilarious and kind of sad all at the same time.
12 of 12 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on March 15, 2008 4:58 PM