Okay, apologies for that cheese-tastic "Shark Summer" line. I don't know what overcame me. Point is that the knives are out hardcore this time around (knives? Sharks? I sound like Cappy with all my mixed metaphors). Granted, there is a lot to be said about watching a group of strangers slowly feel each other out and test the waters. The element of surprise in a normal BB season is one of the added perks. Watching Janelle blossom from ditzy blonde to cunning strategist was one of the delights of Big Brother 6. In many ways, it's about peeling away the layers, discovering new personalities and twists along the way.

Buuuuttt... there's also something to be said about packaged goods. We know what we're getting this time around, and as a result, the show full-on plunged into intrigue within minutes. The "strategery" we saw tonight was the sort of stuff we normally have to wait two or three weeks for. Let's just hope it keeps getting better.

BUT FIRST (I'll say it because Julie Chen wouldn't): let's recap tonight's big premiere.

Unlike last year when we tried and miserably failed to "live blog" (the old sense of the term, not the new, video-enhanced version we like to throw around) the premiere, we're going to stay traditional this time around with your standard recap. Translation: go to the bathroom, eat a danish, check your email. This might take a while.

Tonight's big premiere started off with the Chenbot standing in front of the household, all smiles and awkwardness. "Good evening. I'm Julie Chen, and this is the Big Brother we've been waiting for!"

AND HOW!!!

Julie then made her trademark trek from the front door to the studio, and by the way, let's talk about that front door for a sec. It looked like it had been pieced together from every high school musical set in a fifty mile radius. My sophomore year production of Brigadoon had more professional-looking facades than that thing.