The girls sit around in a bedroom and Keesha takes the floor to explain why she loved Stephen and then she goes on about how hard it's gonna be to choose someone to put on the block. Her innocent act is pretty good, but Libra's on red alert immediately. She knows the girl is squirrely, and when she doesn't immediately tow the company line Libra gets all head rolly and suspicious. "Is she sleeping with the enemy?"
She better not be, or I will freeze her with my stare.
Jessie and Memphis are pretty confident that they're safe cuz Jessie works out and Memphis doesn't have to take the bus anymore, but Keesha isn't going to nominate Renny, Jerry or Dan just because her team tells her to. Why would she get rid of nice old people or the guy doing lunge jumps in a cholo costume? Who doesn't like West Side Story? Animals, that's who.
When she's done acting all devious to us, she puts on her kindergarten teacher nasal cutesy I wouldn't harm a fly tone to invite everyone to check out her HOH room. She ignores the Hooters Employee of the Month photos on the walls and goes straight for the one of her tiny purse dog, Gizmo. They say people subconsciously choose like minded personalities in their pets, and as some of you might know, Gizmo is the sweet cute thing that turns into a slimy green Gremlin when he gets wet.
I am so excited for this.
Keesha also got a letter from her parents, so everyone uses that as an excuse to leave. After seeing Joshuah break down like an out of control wussy drama queen last season, I think it's a good general rule to leave the room during the family letter. I'm tempted to fast forward through. No one wants to watch a car crash. It's more fun to see who got splattered all over the freeway when it's all done.
Splat. See?
Renny stays behind to see the crash, which perturbs Libra because she would want to read her letter by her own damn self. I would too if I was you, girl. No one wants to get schooled by a couple of neglected five month old twins in front of their peers. "Dear Mom, we won't remember what you look like by the time you come home so piss off. xo" Keesha's letter is much gentler than that. Her folks say that everyone back home watches her walk the line between ditz and psycho three times a week and they're real proud of her for not taking one tip in her bra for an entire three or so weeks. Love, mom and Dad. PS We're still waiting for a side of celery sticks with these wings, slut. Chop chop. Kidding! Call us.
Renny tells us that she thinks of Jessie as her daughter, and listening to the letter was like listening to a letter she and her husband would write to their own daughter. Then she hugs Keesha for a long time and plays with her hair and tells her how proud she is of her for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I mean getting a scholarship to Harvard. I mean making a wild guess about useless trivia and winning a game involving rubber aliens. Same diff.
Wait. Was that your tongue?
Once the wreck has been cleared and Renny is done stroking Keesha's hair and telling her how pretty she is, it's time to get down to business. Renny says that Keesha ceean't trust Leebruh cuz she'll stab ya in the beack. Keesha agrees and says she doesn't appreciate Libra being up her ass and trying to get control. Before they can form a master plan, though, April is at the door squealing and jumping up and down. Keesha tells her it's tough when everyone's acting like her best friend and then April giggles like she just heard the funniest joke ever and nods. Is she drunk or retarded? Renny has to leave or throw up. "Boobs and blonde hayuh whatevuh. To me she's just a pain in the eass." LOL and Amen, Ren.
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Comments (17)
I have a feeling we're headed for another season 9. Didn't Grodner learn anything last go-round? These people are getting to be beyond stupid. And I had high hopes for Jerry, but he's turning out to be a weird old ex-military fart.
1 of 17 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:18 AM
Awesome, hilarious recap!!!
(I won't mention that Keesha didn't win the license plate veto, Michelle did; Keesha won the alien HOH comp)
I was so psyched that Jessie went up on the block, yay! I didn't think Michelle could disgust me more, and then came the pig's feet. No wonder she can handle Jessie's feet. Ugh, if those two have a "showmance" I will have to rip my eyes out of my head.
I am still kind of hoping that Libra gets backdoored this week. Or any week for that matter.
2 of 17 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:49 AM
If we're gonna f**k on national television, let's do it on the floor so I don't look like I'll just crawl into bed with anyone, k?
>>>>I think we need this on a billboard here in the Valley of the Sun.
These two are nuts and Ollie's dad is going to smack him in the back of the head.
The feeds are showing many more fights than the show which I don't understand.
These people are mildly entertaining but on a 24/7 screen.... it gets long... and it is only like what? Week three?
Nice recap Flipit......
your speed is impressing me, what have you changed? Stopped drinking? Smoking?
Something is up!
3 of 17 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:19 AM
April and Ollie - Please God, use protection if you two end up screwing. Listening to those two talk about construction signs and Chicken Soup for the Soul books made my head hurt.
Jessie is an epic douche for going up to the HOH and berating Keesha. Why not slap her on the ass and call her sugar tits while you're at it?
4 of 17 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:32 AM
It'd be awesome if Keesha turned out to be another Jannelle (i.e., smarter than everyone else in the house), but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen.
Dan seems to be hard of hearing--why is he always yelling at the camera? I get the feeling they're having a little joke on him, insisting he talk REALLY LOUD because there's a problem with the mike.
I'd hate to see Jesse go...I'm convinced that if he stays in the pressure cooker long enough, he's going to freak out and do something awesomely stupid. Please don't take that pleasure away from me.
Here's hoping this is just a way of back-dooring Libra.
But then, these people play the game even worse than last season.
Ollie's just floatin'. What a dork. Can't wait until he dumps April. Next week?
5 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 28, 2008 10:00 AM
thanks for the heads up, loiseau! it's fixed now. i get my useless challenges confused easily. xo
6 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 28, 2008 10:18 AM
"Don't worry, Jer, he wasn't wearing a military uniform when he said it so it's totally ok." I think this may have been my favorite line in the whole recap. Totally had me cracking up! Then again, this was pretty funny too..."Let me put this in girl language for you. Blah blah shoes blah Libra blah I have my period. Got it, dingbat?" Can't wait to see what the next two shows bring. :-)
7 of 17 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:21 AM
Actually, wouldn't it be nice to see Jessie so desperate at one point that he gives in to said shomance with PigsFeet!!! I'm sure he sees her as sooo beneath him, and in their case, I hope she chews the tip off that prophylactic and traps him in her dead breath for life!!!
I did think it was funny when Jerry said, "He didn't just call the girls bitches, he called us all bitches" That's right bitch!
I'm glad weeepy cowmo is gone!
Thanks again Flippy for the lighting cap, and I can't believe giffordsaz could suggest it's less drinking . . . i'm just sayin' HEART
8 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:46 AM
Steven's probably drunkenly cheering Keesha on right now, but I think this will bite her it the ass later on. If April goes, Jesse will be gunning for her and vice versa. It doesn't seem too smart, oh wait now it makes more sense.....
9 of 17 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:53 AM
Ick!! Did anybody see the naked photos of Jesse on tmz.com? My eyes, my eyes...
10 of 17 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on July 28, 2008 12:12 PM
I don't know what the hell he's saying but it's cute that he finally has some screen time and sweet to find out why it's so rare. What a Gump.
CAN'T.STOP.LAUGHING. POOR BORING Goal Weight Rerun(GWR), bless his heart. At least he is not a bandanna wearing tool (Dan), an old tool (JerryAtric), a roid tool (Jessie; who has a body like Yogi and a head like Boo Boo), or a tool in a cool hat who I would find attractive were he not on Big Brother (Memphis). Also GWR reminds me of the guy who is really smart in the "hood" so the gang members respect him and don't mess with him but then there is a shoot out in the neighborhood and he gets killed and the gang member sets out for revenge but finds his soul along the way and goes to church and puts his gun int the collection plate starring at least 2 of the members of B2K and angry bald guy from Jason's Lyric
11 of 17 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 28, 2008 2:05 PM
Um, I am of the opinion that Jerry IS a bitch, so I think the word was fitting.
Jessie is a sad, annoying douche. It makes me smile to think how people will react to him when he gets out!!! Get ready for a freak out on TMZ at some random LA club. Ha!
12 of 17 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 28, 2008 2:49 PM
I think I saw that movie Fayellis1 haha.
13 of 17 | Posted by eightyschica | Posted on July 28, 2008 4:51 PM
Love jessie's girlspeak.. LOL.. and was that a freudian thing, saying that Renny tells Jessie she's like her daughter?
I was amused at ollie basically petting april's head absently like you would a small dog or cat.
Not liking Jessie anymore. It would be fun to see him in the weeks to come, though..
14 of 17 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:28 PM
itchy, I, too, noticed how Dan seems to always be on volume 10. It drives me nuts! Well...if it IS because he's a bit hard of hearing, it explains why he couldn't understand Renny's screeching. hee hee
15 of 17 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:40 PM
Dan is the new Zach. He will make it far because everyone is so busy fighting and scheming against each other, they barely notice that he pledges his allegiance to anyone with a really big stupid key around their neck
16 of 17 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 29, 2008 7:34 AM
"Renny tells us that she thinks of Jessie as her daughter"
BEST TYPO EVER!
I think they need to stop feeding libra again. Nobody on this show is crazy enough yet.
17 of 17 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on July 29, 2008 8:47 AM