One of the food prizes is pigs feet, and when it's announced, Michelle starts doing the fat guy dancing with a dead bride pig thing at Portuguese Day. That's not gonna win you any Jessie boners. Later, Rerun and April lie on the couch and try to convince each other that they read. Books. LOL. I am so. Sure. Rerun says that he has recently become "more affiliated with" self help books, and April says that she reads self help books too. Like "Codependency No More". HAHA. She says the book changed her life and now when she wants to start following a man around and checking the call log on his cell phone, she writes in her journal instead. I think this is the first time I have actually felt sorry for paper.
Rerun doesn't listen to a word she's saying. Instead, he waxes on about being a work in progress and says that he doesn't let girls in because "if you're going down the street and there's a sign that says 'road construction', are you gonna drive into danger? I keep seeing road signs!" April explains that some road signs say DO NOT ENTER and some road signs say SLOW DOWN. She leaves out the road signs that say "TOO LATE I GAVE YOU CHLAMYDIA" and "CODEPENDENCY NO MORE." Then Rerun asks "where's this slow down sign?" I fucking love him right now. Then he goes on and on about traffic (red light. Green light. Bumpy road. Curvy road. Freeway. Toll road. Deer in the road. Don't mess with Texas. Road rage. Culdisac). I don't know what the hell he's saying but it's cute that he finally has some screen time and sweet to find out why it's so rare. What a Gump.
Now give him a lube job and shut him up, please.
April leaves Rerun and goes to check on Keesha in the HOH room. Keesha wants advice on what to do so April tells her to put up Memphis because he's already won a car and that's not faaaair! Why should he get a car? Because some people are just born to pull themselves across backyards in upside down bugs and some aren't, you silly ho. Maybe there will be a donate your giant boobs to a needy old man challenge ahead and you can win something too.
Later, alone, Keesha opens her door to find Jessie sleeping on the couch outside her room. She laughs at his obvious lameness and lets him in. It looks like he has a black eye. Where did that come from? Did someone kick Jessie's ass? And why is it shaped like one of Renny's plastic madame shoes? Dear God, please let me see Jessie get his ass kicked. Love, Flipit. I think it's just a mark from laying on the couch for so long waiting for Keesha to notice him and invite him in, but a boy can dream.
Jessie sits Keesha down and gets all offended that she's putting Angie up. He tries to convince her to put Libra and Dan up by talking to her like she's an idiot, and when she finally stops trying to resist him, he just stares at her with an assholish look on his face and repeats "you understand? You understand? You understand?" He gets up to leave Keesha defiantly snacking on Fritos (the HORROR), and I am shocked that he doesn't flick her on the forehead on his way out. Well, you just made that decision easier, YOU DICKHEAD.
Let me put this in girl language for you. Blah blah shoes blah Libra blah I have my period. Got it, dingbat?
At the Nomination Ceremony, Keesha gives Dan the first key. HA. Jessie looks like he can't believe that his abusive husband act didn't charm her. And he's on the block! YES! Go, Keesha!! Love it. She stuck with her plan of putting Angie up, but she also did her a favor by putting Organiroid up...unless he wins immunity. Hopefully the challenge will have something to do with ingesting animal fats. Catholic Dan is psyched that he was spared, saying that tonight is his coming out party.
Please don't ever come out.
Jessie puffs up his chest and makes the "body and brains" face and acts like an ass, and Michelle is hellapissed that someone would mess with her imaginary boyfriend. "It's owan like Donkey Kowang!" Then she rips a foot off a pig and dips it in a side of ranch, burping dead smell into the air.
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Comments (17)
I have a feeling we're headed for another season 9. Didn't Grodner learn anything last go-round? These people are getting to be beyond stupid. And I had high hopes for Jerry, but he's turning out to be a weird old ex-military fart.
1 of 17 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:18 AM
Awesome, hilarious recap!!!
(I won't mention that Keesha didn't win the license plate veto, Michelle did; Keesha won the alien HOH comp)
I was so psyched that Jessie went up on the block, yay! I didn't think Michelle could disgust me more, and then came the pig's feet. No wonder she can handle Jessie's feet. Ugh, if those two have a "showmance" I will have to rip my eyes out of my head.
I am still kind of hoping that Libra gets backdoored this week. Or any week for that matter.
2 of 17 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:49 AM
If we're gonna f**k on national television, let's do it on the floor so I don't look like I'll just crawl into bed with anyone, k?
>>>>I think we need this on a billboard here in the Valley of the Sun.
These two are nuts and Ollie's dad is going to smack him in the back of the head.
The feeds are showing many more fights than the show which I don't understand.
These people are mildly entertaining but on a 24/7 screen.... it gets long... and it is only like what? Week three?
Nice recap Flipit......
your speed is impressing me, what have you changed? Stopped drinking? Smoking?
Something is up!
3 of 17 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:19 AM
April and Ollie - Please God, use protection if you two end up screwing. Listening to those two talk about construction signs and Chicken Soup for the Soul books made my head hurt.
Jessie is an epic douche for going up to the HOH and berating Keesha. Why not slap her on the ass and call her sugar tits while you're at it?
4 of 17 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:32 AM
It'd be awesome if Keesha turned out to be another Jannelle (i.e., smarter than everyone else in the house), but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen.
Dan seems to be hard of hearing--why is he always yelling at the camera? I get the feeling they're having a little joke on him, insisting he talk REALLY LOUD because there's a problem with the mike.
I'd hate to see Jesse go...I'm convinced that if he stays in the pressure cooker long enough, he's going to freak out and do something awesomely stupid. Please don't take that pleasure away from me.
Here's hoping this is just a way of back-dooring Libra.
But then, these people play the game even worse than last season.
Ollie's just floatin'. What a dork. Can't wait until he dumps April. Next week?
5 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 28, 2008 10:00 AM
thanks for the heads up, loiseau! it's fixed now. i get my useless challenges confused easily. xo
6 of 17 | Posted by flipit | Posted on July 28, 2008 10:18 AM
"Don't worry, Jer, he wasn't wearing a military uniform when he said it so it's totally ok." I think this may have been my favorite line in the whole recap. Totally had me cracking up! Then again, this was pretty funny too..."Let me put this in girl language for you. Blah blah shoes blah Libra blah I have my period. Got it, dingbat?" Can't wait to see what the next two shows bring. :-)
7 of 17 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:21 AM
Actually, wouldn't it be nice to see Jessie so desperate at one point that he gives in to said shomance with PigsFeet!!! I'm sure he sees her as sooo beneath him, and in their case, I hope she chews the tip off that prophylactic and traps him in her dead breath for life!!!
I did think it was funny when Jerry said, "He didn't just call the girls bitches, he called us all bitches" That's right bitch!
I'm glad weeepy cowmo is gone!
Thanks again Flippy for the lighting cap, and I can't believe giffordsaz could suggest it's less drinking . . . i'm just sayin' HEART
8 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:46 AM
Steven's probably drunkenly cheering Keesha on right now, but I think this will bite her it the ass later on. If April goes, Jesse will be gunning for her and vice versa. It doesn't seem too smart, oh wait now it makes more sense.....
9 of 17 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on July 28, 2008 11:53 AM
Ick!! Did anybody see the naked photos of Jesse on tmz.com? My eyes, my eyes...
10 of 17 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on July 28, 2008 12:12 PM
I don't know what the hell he's saying but it's cute that he finally has some screen time and sweet to find out why it's so rare. What a Gump.
CAN'T.STOP.LAUGHING. POOR BORING Goal Weight Rerun(GWR), bless his heart. At least he is not a bandanna wearing tool (Dan), an old tool (JerryAtric), a roid tool (Jessie; who has a body like Yogi and a head like Boo Boo), or a tool in a cool hat who I would find attractive were he not on Big Brother (Memphis). Also GWR reminds me of the guy who is really smart in the "hood" so the gang members respect him and don't mess with him but then there is a shoot out in the neighborhood and he gets killed and the gang member sets out for revenge but finds his soul along the way and goes to church and puts his gun int the collection plate starring at least 2 of the members of B2K and angry bald guy from Jason's Lyric
11 of 17 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 28, 2008 2:05 PM
Um, I am of the opinion that Jerry IS a bitch, so I think the word was fitting.
Jessie is a sad, annoying douche. It makes me smile to think how people will react to him when he gets out!!! Get ready for a freak out on TMZ at some random LA club. Ha!
12 of 17 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 28, 2008 2:49 PM
I think I saw that movie Fayellis1 haha.
13 of 17 | Posted by eightyschica | Posted on July 28, 2008 4:51 PM
Love jessie's girlspeak.. LOL.. and was that a freudian thing, saying that Renny tells Jessie she's like her daughter?
I was amused at ollie basically petting april's head absently like you would a small dog or cat.
Not liking Jessie anymore. It would be fun to see him in the weeks to come, though..
14 of 17 | Posted by duckncvr | Posted on July 28, 2008 6:28 PM
itchy, I, too, noticed how Dan seems to always be on volume 10. It drives me nuts! Well...if it IS because he's a bit hard of hearing, it explains why he couldn't understand Renny's screeching. hee hee
15 of 17 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on July 28, 2008 7:40 PM
Dan is the new Zach. He will make it far because everyone is so busy fighting and scheming against each other, they barely notice that he pledges his allegiance to anyone with a really big stupid key around their neck
16 of 17 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 29, 2008 7:34 AM
"Renny tells us that she thinks of Jessie as her daughter"
BEST TYPO EVER!
I think they need to stop feeding libra again. Nobody on this show is crazy enough yet.
17 of 17 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on July 29, 2008 8:47 AM