Previously on Big Brother, I got a new picture for my fridge.
After James nanny boo booed and pranced and IN YOUR FACE!ed around during the veto meeting, Chelsia took some private time with the cameras to tell us what a spineless wimp Moose is for letting Nat, "one of the most pathetic people to walk the Big Brother house", tell him how to play. I hope when she gets booted, the bot shows her some pics of her hobo bf doin a twink for a six pack of PBR.
Moose goes to find Sharon and get her approval for nominating her. He sits and pants and wags his tongue, and when she tells him he did a good job by putting her on the block, he rolls over and then goes and sits in the corner to lick his half lipstick. Sharon and Moose should make babies. Bug eyed, dumb ass, sweet as pie beeeebbbieeeeees!!!
Yes! She likes me!
Chelsia tells us that people are jealous of her and Hobo Hank's relationship and that's why she's on the block. That and her completely crappy game play. One day you're stripping and rubbing up against your friends with a girl, and the next she's conniving behind your back to get you ousted. Have you never seen Showgirls? Consider yourself pushed down the stairs.
She cuddles in bed with James and cries about not wanting to leave. He tries to cheer her up by telling her a sweet story about a little whorish bitch from Iowa and a crazy hobo on a stolen bike who dashed her chances of winning five hundred grand, but it doesn't work.
Because that pit your face is in probably hasn't seen a bar of soap since a rest stop in the outskirts of LA forty something days ago.
Montage of Natalie telling endless, annoying stories where she laughs like The Nanny and uses terms like All-timer's disease while Chelsia stands in a corner and starts to craaaaaack! Finally, when they are decorating Easter eggs (Jesus is like, I rose from the dead for this bullshit?), Chelsia slams an egg into the table and starts laughing like a psycho. She tells us that if she's gonna go out, she's gonna go out with a bang. She takes another egg and throws it on the floor. Nat is stunned, and she knows what's coming so she gets the hell outta there.
In her diary room, Nat says that if she acted like that, her family would never talk to her. She draws the line at lap dances and squirting breast milk out for entertainment on the internet. Nat, what's with the tan, babe? It looks like you skinned Simon Cowell and zipped him on. Stay inside and count wood chips in the gerbil cage. Less of a chance of skin cancer.
That performance sounded like a toddler being torn apart limb from limb.
James comes up to Chelsia and giggling, asks her if she wants to go to bed so they can brush each other's hair and she gets all bitch. She says no, she wants to smash more stuff. Then, she walks over to the bowl of Easter Eggs and smashes them all while laughing and laughing. Sheila watches her in shock and tells us that there is a cruel side to Chelsia that she's never seen in a person before. Uh, when did you start watching this show? You've seen cruelty before. It's just never had such a bad haircut. Nat goes to her room to do her nails and tattle tale.
I'm sure he's got it on TiVo.
Chelsia starts yelling about crushing the Beaver State egg that Nat made, and when she doesn't get a reaction from anyone, she sits down to do a puzzle. Hobo Hank rubs her shoulders as she shouts that she's not smart enough to do the puzzle and needs Nat's help. NAT! She goes on to call her white trash and stupid. The best thing about all this is that no one reacts. Nat sits in her room and repeats "sticks and stones" over and over while she finishes off her mani and Ryan and Moose lie around in the HOH suite making fun of Chelsia.
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Comments (26)
omg.....i am now on team Natalie. I saw it coming but wow! Go Nat!
1 of 26 | Posted by mistichristi | Posted on March 27, 2008 7:24 AM
ha what a perfect episode for Team Nat! Chelsea still gets the dream edit though because she was far worse then they showed. although so were josh and james at one pt not that you'd know it from the cbs show. j/j on the block this week for sure!! haha!
2 of 26 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on March 27, 2008 8:14 AM
This is funniest recap I ever read, I couldn't stop laughing.
Yes, I am Team Natalie now, she's still the most ridicolous person on this show, but she's probably the most likable one too. I would root for Ryan but that racist thing always gets me.
3 of 26 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 27, 2008 8:14 AM
Chel - SEE YA! I couldn't stand her from the get-go.
GO NAT GO!
4 of 26 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on March 27, 2008 8:21 AM
You know things are bad when even Hobo Hank doesn't want to be associated with you!!! I am routing for Ryan right now. I just don't believe that racist thing. I think Jen just talks out of her ass.
You crack me up, Flipit!!!
5 of 26 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on March 27, 2008 9:34 AM
Great recap Flipit!! I love Natalie. She is just so HUMAN. I love watching her figuring out all her clues. At least she tries. So glad to see "C" go and I do not mean Chelsia. Has this creature taken a good luck in the mirror lately? She has some nerve calling other people names and putting them down. What an immature child. The show tonight showed that. She did the deed for all of TV world to see and with JAMES..YUCK !! I am pulling for Team Nat to go all the way. Good bye Joshua I hope, he is just another nasty person.
6 of 26 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:01 AM
Great recap Flipit!! I love Natalie. She is just so HUMAN. I love watching her figuring out all her clues. At least she tries. So glad to see "C" go and I do not mean Chelsia. Has this creature taken a good luck in the mirror lately? She has some nerve calling other people names and putting them down. What an immature child. The show tonight showed that. She did the deed for all of TV world to see and with JAMES..YUCK !! I am pulling for Team Nat to go all the way. Good bye Joshua I hope, he is just another nasty person.
7 of 26 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:01 AM
Great recap Flipit!! I love Natalie. She is just so HUMAN. I love watching her figuring out all her clues. At least she tries. So glad to see "C" go and I do not mean Chelsia. Has this creature taken a good luck in the mirror lately? She has some nerve calling other people names and putting them down. What an immature child. The show tonight showed that. She did the deed for all of TV world to see and with JAMES..YUCK !! I am pulling for Team Nat to go all the way. Good bye Joshua I hope, he is just another nasty person.
8 of 26 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:03 AM
OOPS!! sorry for the triple comment. Computer at work is going crazy today.
9 of 26 | Posted by Rvrctylady | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:07 AM
I kind of felt bad for Adam's mom because you know his family knows he was fired, but they can't say a thing. So instead they talk up all his good deeds to try and redeem him, but in the meantime call him Rain Man lol.
I am so happy the C is dead. Her outburst was laughable, but she probably thought she was just so cool. She's only 21 and needs to desperately grow up. And, yes Nat may not be that bright, but telling someone that they need an education is lame. At least she's doing something with her life, and doesn't fall for skanky hobos.
If Josh or James leave this week I'll be very happy.
GO NAT GO!!!!
10 of 26 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:19 AM
Why does every picture of Nat look like she's absolutely bat-shit crazy? Oh wait...I know why.
11 of 26 | Posted by wattage | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:24 AM
The rode hard and put away wet comment totally went over Sheila's head. I was watching the live feeds last night after the show and she was whining about it saying that it must be something those biker-bar-type-people must say. James just sat at the table shaking his head and smiling. For anyone else who don't know, it's an equestrian phrase. When you give a horse a good workout ride, they salivate profusely. If you don't give them a cool-down, that's known as being put away wet. The phrase has transformed into a sexual euphamism. Oh! Those biker bar people!
12 of 26 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on March 27, 2008 11:00 AM
Was Sheila really in Penthouse? I thought she was being funny when she said that. LOVED-LOVED-LOVED the comment about Sheila and finishing school. HAAAAAAAA!!!!
Did anyone else notice that Adam's brother looked like Mike "The Miz" from REAL WORLD: New York? I was wondering if Coral was going to show up as his "sister". I was so repulsed when Adam came out of his bedroom adjusting his junk. He is a disgusting ogre.
Did anyone else notice Joshuah jumping like a baby when Evel Dick came into their room? He's a tool.
13 of 26 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on March 27, 2008 1:15 PM
GREAT RECAP.
These people are all so unlikeable!! And unworthy!! They don't even play the friggin' game. I'm sorry, but just because Nat was brutalized by the Biatch Chelsea, I do not have amnesia that she was handing out BJs and remains absolutely delusional that she is in a "relationship" with Matt. NATALIE, THE WHOLE WORLD WATCHED YOUR HEAD BOBBING on night 2! Stop with the bible thumping already. I'm pretty sure Jesus isn't down with the BJs!
I'm gonna have to start rooting (half heartedly) for Sharon. Yes. I said it...Sharon. Ryan would get my vote, but his awful girlfriend Jen would benefit if he won, and my next choice is Adam, but he's just so damn freaky in a special needs kinda way. James/Josh are both scum.
Sharon, while incredibly boring, is the least appalling. And she has flown under the radar pretty successfully.
14 of 26 | Posted by MissThing | Posted on March 27, 2008 6:37 PM
Anybody watching the live feeds would argue with Chelsia that she never breast fed off anyone. She did. Natalie with icecream on her nipples. Not kidding.
I'm rooting for Nutty Natty all the way!
Love ya flipit!
15 of 26 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:06 AM
Loved the recap! I look forward to reading it after every show. Those of you watching the live feeds sure are getting a different view of the people than what we see. What else have we missed?
16 of 26 | Posted by tammy | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:22 AM
tammy-one thing they never showed, for obvious reasons, was Chel and James getting it on all the time, and I don't just mean foreplay-eww. And she was probably one of the nastiest people I've ever seen in the house. I don't even want to write all the gross stuff she did. Also apprently there was a hook up early on between her and Allison, not just kissing either.
Sharon IS actually that boring, and isn't just edited that way. Although she did participate in the pool orgy. And she admitted she cheated on Jacob first.
I don't watch the feeds, but I read Morty's every day. I'm addicted while bored at work lol.
17 of 26 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 28, 2008 8:38 AM
Such a funny recap! The Ballad of Baller was the best part. His brother was such a weirdo!
I am not on Team Nat at all. I agree completely with MissThing (#14). Natalie is an IDIOT and I cannot in good conscience root for her in any way. Chelsia may have been a bitch and a slut, but at least she owned it. I was actually rooting for Josh to win, because I wanted to see a really really good Sheila freak-out. Oh well, maybe next week.
18 of 26 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on March 28, 2008 8:38 AM
I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Chelsia gets back to "real" life and sees the articles and pictures of James' past life. No disinfectant will fix that, girl! Usually people who think they know the most actually know the least. She will find out the hard that she was played worse than Natalie by Matty.
19 of 26 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on March 28, 2008 10:17 AM
I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Chelsia gets back to "real" life and sees the articles and pictures of James' past life. No disinfectant will fix that, girl! Usually people who think they know the most actually know the least. She will find out the hard way that she was played worse than Natalie by Matty.
20 of 26 | Posted by wornsey | Posted on March 28, 2008 10:17 AM
this article sucks..its almost as immature as Chelsia smashing easter eggs..
Natalie fucking sucks..she's ugly, psychotic, and a bible thumper..hope she fucking chokes on the easter eggs she made
21 of 26 | Posted by john_rober | Posted on March 28, 2008 11:48 AM
this article sucks..its almost as immature as Chelsia smashing easter eggs..
Natalie fucking sucks..she's ugly, psychotic, and a bible thumper..hope she fucking chokes on the easter eggs she made
22 of 26 | Posted by john_rober | Posted on March 28, 2008 11:48 AM
thanks pixi-stix, it sounds interesting.what's morty's?
23 of 26 | Posted by tammy | Posted on March 29, 2008 1:04 AM
Id like to meet the asshole who wrote this! fucking kick their ass! peice of shit! a loser like you doesnt deserve to write about big brother, since you suck at it. fucking douche
24 of 26 | Posted by youreanidiot | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:01 AM
tammy-morty's is a site that types up what is going on on the live feeds. Just Google bb udpates, it comes up there.
And I think some of the c's and hobo's loser friends found this site. Suck it asses.
25 of 26 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on March 30, 2008 3:30 PM
Couldn't have said it better pixie-stix.
26 of 26 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on March 30, 2008 4:08 PM