This week on Big Brother, Dan takes his "suck hard" strategy to an entirely new sucktacular high.
I can't hear you. Suck louder.
I went to April's live eviction last Thursday with some friends and I was gonna write an article about it, but not much happened that you didn't see on TV. The bot is f ing gorgeous in real life though. She came out looking like she just got up off the couch (one side of her hair was sticking up in the air), but once she was placed center stage, a crew of mechanics came out and fixed it. The girl has some serious hair. She also has a big strong butt, which I was surprised at. She looks so thin on TV I assumed she would be a scarecrow in real life, but she was built very very well and no one in the audience could look her in the face because, well, none of us was worthy. Not that she looked at us anyway, because she was studying the teleprompter pretty hard and mouthing her lines to herself and pacing around. Reading "This week on Big Brother, a live eviction!" has never been said before and even a bot can feel nerves.
The stage manager was the audience wrangler, and he was nice and funny. He instructed us not to boo no matter what the results are, and then he asked us who we wanted to go home. Jerry? Two of us clapped (hell yeah). Or April? The audience went nuts. Wow. They really hate that bitch. I felt bad for April for like two seconds, until they showed clips of her being an ass and then I was back on the tar and feather the bimbo bandwagon. When she was brought into the audience for her interview with the bot, ladies in the crowd snickered at each answer she gave, and there was quite a bit of muffled laughter. If this were Roman times, that audience would insist she fight a tiger or some shit like that. I mean April's annoying and everything, don't get me wrong, but the crowd mentality was a little harsher than she probably deserved.
That is, until she gave her second interview, the one that was shown on the Early Show the next morning. Whenever ChenChen would ask her a question, April would begin her response with "well, Julie, if you watch the show, then you know..." LOL. I had never thought about it before, but I suppose it's entirely plausible that the bot has never seen an episode of Big Brother in her life. Every single thing she says is written down. I figured there was at least a little improv, but oh hell no. Anyway, in the second interview, April kind of sidesteps the question about people being jealous of her, saying that she thinks that there was jealousy but it's only because she's got such a big heart. The lady in front of me almost had a silent lung collapse at that one. April continued that there was lots of jealousy, but not from her because she grew up with someone who looks exactly like her so she's very confident in her looks. This girl is really a piece of work.
There was a trivia game where audience members could win t-shirts, but the wrangler only chose one guy, and it wasn't me. BASTARD! I wonder how many times that guy gets laid by members of the audience who win free shirts. I'm guessing a lot, because he was really making an effort there. So I didn't get a t-shirt, but I got this picture! That's my giant bald head in the back. I wasn't hired for my looks, k?
I glued this to my fridge. It will never leave me.
That's enough of that. On with the show!! When we left on Thursday, the HGs were being slammed up against a big padded wall in the HOH comp. Seems a little dangerous to me, but if you can't slam a 75 year old vet repeatedly into a wall on national tv, then what's the point of all those wars we fought over freedom? After reading all the coverage of the Olympics in Beijing, it's nice to see mild violence and elderly abuse unfurl so unabashedly.
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Comments (30)
LMFAO! That was some seriously funny shit! Except now I have a picture of Jerrys big Wipeout balls in my head! Thanks! This is definately going to be an interesting week.
Love ya.
1 of 30 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:05 AM
In typical true BB fashion - at this point - I get tired and bored watching all the idiots in the house - except Renny! (TEAM RENNY)
But Flipit - I continue on just to enjoy for your recaps even more!
2 of 30 | Posted by steveninseattle | Posted on August 25, 2008 4:03 AM
Did Dan's girlfriend look identical to his sister from a few weeks ago, or am I just crazy?
3 of 30 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on August 25, 2008 5:47 AM
It just amazes me when people over think the BB game. "Rerun is shivering and shaking and couldn't win a contest to save his life, so maybe I should make a deal to give him all the power this week? That way I can piss off my alliance AND not get to compete for the next HOH! Brilliant!"
Note to Dan: You don't need to keep up the "make the other houseguests think I'm a weak pussy" charade. Trust me bro, they're convinced.
4 of 30 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 25, 2008 5:49 AM
Ted: OK Wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Future Bill and Ted: 69, Dudes!
5 of 30 | Posted by Scarlet | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:24 AM
"He considers putting Rerun and Michelle up, but he knows that whoever stays in the house will be coming after him. Yeah, but guess what? Neither one is aligned with ANYONE, so who cares?"
If he were to put up Ollie and Michelle, he would lose 2 potential jury votes. This way, he only loses Memphis, who may still vote for him, depending on who else is in the final two
Did anyone notice near the end when Memphis made that remark about Fr. Dan. I did not understand what it was supposed to mean but I think its safe to say that it was a cheap shot at Dan's religion...Wasn't it Memphis who was mad about people taking shots at Dan's religion a few weeks ago. Yet, now that you are mad at him, you have a right to make similar remarks? What a hypocrite. I'd be happy to see him go soon, although Jerry needs to go first.
6 of 30 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:31 AM
Dan can still save his alliance if he or memphis win the veto.
The deal was simply that Ollie picked someone on the block and the other person for the veto.
IF dan thinks strategically, he could either play to win the veto and take off Memphis (OR simply assure that memphis wins the veto) so that Ollie (as stated in the deal) pick the replacement for the block which wouldn't be Memphis!
Again, thats wishful thinking because Dan is in fact an idiot!
7 of 30 | Posted by sowhat1234 | Posted on August 25, 2008 6:54 AM
Yes, Memphis said if he had to put his faith in "Father Dan," then "God save us all." I thought it was pretty funny. I can see why it might seem hypocritical but he was making it in a diary room confessional and not yelling SCREW YOU PEOPLE HOOOONK JUDAS BURN IN HELL to his face, so that's why I thought it was funny.
8 of 30 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:09 AM
how did these two d.r. gems about the competition not get mention
memphis: "i busted one right in michelle's face."
michelle: "i got pounded"
9 of 30 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:26 AM
ok next season can we get a nix on people who swear on the bible, catholic schools, or their children and then go back on it? i'm sick to death of that crap. i have no problem with lying in big brother but swearing on things that are supposed to mean something to you is kind of sick.
also.. what was up with the hoh contest? was dan the only one who got the dress in warm layers and wear your rain slicker memo? everyone else seemed horribly unprepared (save ollie with april's gloves but really that was all her doing)
10 of 30 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:32 AM
VNeck needs to suck it up and quit being such a victim about being on the block. He is as good as safe. No one will be sad to see Jerry go, Renny will vote with Keisha and Keisha wants him to stay. Even if Hoooonk wins Veto and Keisha or Renny goes up, they have the numbers- they are safe. So except for Dan not making a deal about being safe next week, this might not have been as big as a bonehead deal as it appears.
Time will tell if Dan goes down as the #2 (Dr.Will will always be #1) strategic player in BB history or one of the biggest boneheads in BB History. If he can convince everyone he just HAD to see his Monica and they were as good a safe and survive next week, I think he will take it.
11 of 30 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:42 AM
Actually, Dan's deal is not so bad....and remember, he only swore on everything for the FIRST deal that Ollie didn't take. On the second deal, he didn't swear on anything/anyone to Ollie. Plus, he made Ollie promise not to tell anyone about the second part of the deal, and Ollie broke that. IF he finds out that Ollie broke that, than he can have an excuse to break his part of the deal.
He's not too stupid, in my opinion. At this point, he's got EVERYONE who wins veto wanting to use it. His alliance would use it to get down Memphis and put up Ollie or Michelle, and Michelle and Ollie would use it because now they think that Ollie will have choice over who goes up. It's pretty genius, in my opinion.
12 of 30 | Posted by serjen | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:56 AM
Thanks for the show update. Since I live in Los Angeles I had thought about going "to be part of the live audience" but after your BB report I know I can pass now. Did they ask the audience to smile whenever the camera was on? You look very happy! Almost crazed. I hope Julie has lots of security.
I'm glad everyone is concerned about Jerry's big balls. Maybe, he's got something going on down there and that's why he's been happily married for 50+ years?
Didn't find the Fr. Dan comment offensive.
13 of 30 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on August 25, 2008 7:59 AM
Mr. Dangerous, if you read b-side's BB blogs @ bsideblog.com, he has gone to two live tapings and blogged about it- and he makes them seem like a really great experience. But he's also a HUGE BB and Chenbot fan, so that could be why.
14 of 30 | Posted by serjen | Posted on August 25, 2008 9:05 AM
Dan's plan could be genius...if he thinks it through.
It didn't matter who Ollie chose to put up. Ollie and Michelle are only two votes. Jerry is on the block. That leaves Renny, Memphis, and Keesha. As long as the remaining two of them vote for Jerry, Dan has the tie-breaking vote.
If (God forbid) Jerry wins the veto, Dan can put Ollie up. Deception and back-stabbing are part of the game, and all the players have used those methods to one degree or another. All the posturing about "ethics" is just that: posturing.
But if all goes as planned, Dan can send Jerry home.
Loved Dan's "covert" shout out to his fellow "Renegade" Memphis during Dan's "why I nominated you" speech.
15 of 30 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on August 25, 2008 9:26 AM
Is Dan forgetting that Ollie totally broke his word week one by turning on his alliance with Dan and Brian? Dan's an idiot for making the deal in the first place but even more so if he sticks to it. Grow a pair, win the veto and put up Ollie, Dan!
16 of 30 | Posted by carriec | Posted on August 25, 2008 9:38 AM
Dan will keep his word and not put up Ollie if the veto gets used.
The only way the veto gets used is if Memphis or Jerry wins it (chances? slim to none), because nobody else wants to go up in his place. I would love to see either Ollie or Michelle win PoV, use it on Jerry and put either Renny or Keesha up for eveiction. How great would that be? I guess if Jerry wins PoV that scenario plays out as well.
How do so many people use words inappropriately? Reiterate, Rerun? Come on.
And Dan, I expected more out of you... recluse instead of reckless? I don't think you meant Renny lives in seclusion from the rest of the world...but I guess that does kind of describe the houseguests at this point in time, doesn't it?
17 of 30 | Posted by Hey Buddy | Posted on August 25, 2008 11:13 AM
mrsc: "Vneck" LOL
18 of 30 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:13 PM
Dan's plan will be brilliant or blow up in his face. Either way, it makes for more interesting BB than it has been lately. So, thanks Dan.
Memphis's gray v-neck shirts are driving me crazy!!!! I keep getting flashbacks to Dustin! Yuck!
19 of 30 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:34 PM
I love the recaps
Just wondering....did anyone else find themselves turning down the volume when Dan came on last night then having to turn it up when the other houseguests came on
His students must be deaf.
20 of 30 | Posted by brittanyro | Posted on August 25, 2008 2:33 PM
Okay...
Dan is definitely related to that insufferable screaming Billy Mays.
I do not have a doubt in my mind.
21 of 30 | Posted by badassbtch | Posted on August 25, 2008 9:22 PM
I think if people watch the live feeds, their opinions of a lot of the houseguests would change immensely.
22 of 30 | Posted by serjen | Posted on August 26, 2008 9:00 AM
Serjen - Without giving away any gameplay or results, give us a little thumbnail sketch of what these people are like on the feeds.
23 of 30 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on August 26, 2008 9:07 AM
I watch BB After Dark and it has made me think differently in two ways:
1. It's a lot more boring in the house than they portray in primetime and
2. Michelle is a future alchoholic, if not already.
24 of 30 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on August 26, 2008 9:07 AM
dirty sanchez
Without giving away the game here you go
Keesha: talks about the others all the time, bad bad drunk
Reeney: super cool
Michelle: sulky (always)
Ollie: Blah
Jerry: Talks about others all the time
Dan: smart, never gets emotional
Memphis: Blah, hangs with Keesha alot
25 of 30 | Posted by mistichristie | Posted on August 26, 2008 11:29 AM
Thanks Flip it! Loved the letter from home!!! And how adorable you look, even out of focus in the audience!!!
Hmmm, does that mean April is up there with most hated like Jessie!?
I wish Dan was secretly trying to rid himself of Memphis w/out doing the dirty work, and I agree, it's pretty safe unless Renny flips--loved the Dan exchange, we all know she's his first and only GF--why pretend!
26 of 30 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 26, 2008 11:31 AM
I think the deal Dan made was pretty dumb, because even if Jerry is the one to go home Memphis seemed pissed and definitely didn't trust him anymore, AND he can't compete for HOH. What I really don't understand is if he's not trying to shake things up and really evict Memphis, why did he give so much power to Ollie to not get his "hands dirty". Like anybody cares or would be mad if Jerry left. And Jerry is only one jury vote who probably wouldn't vote for Dan to win in the end anyway. It just seemed really unnecessary.
"I knew he was a tool, but I didn't know he was this big of a tool. He's a fucking tractor." BEST closing line EVER!!!
27 of 30 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on August 26, 2008 5:00 PM
"I think if people watch the live feeds, their opinions of a lot of the houseguests would change immensely."
I actually disagree. When I've watched the feeds (on Showtime), it actually reinforces what I already think about all of these people from watching the show. For instance, I definitely find Michelle more annoying than I already did. I find Dan just more cheesy and awesome than ever, Memphis as bland, Renny as ridiculous and hilarious, and so on.
28 of 30 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on August 26, 2008 10:11 PM
I'm still rooting for Dan actually using his brain to psyche people out. His 'loser' strategy is a bit annoying, but it definitely seems a good way to play with these people -- so far, anyone who has shown even a bit of assertiveness has got himself voted out. The rest of the crew are sheep, they're looking for a shepherd, not a wolf.
Though Renny seems pretty cranky lately.
Anyway, I fell behind in watching the eps, this is going to be old news pretty soon...
29 of 30 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:20 PM
Dan is a tool. I think we was being recluse with his strategy this week.
30 of 30 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on August 28, 2008 6:32 AM