pic by Nick the Intern
Flipit: Welcome to the special Winter edition of Big Brother, Gasmii! As usual, we here at TVgasm will be giving you around the clock coverage of our favorite show. To obsess all day long, check out the round the clock coverage in our forums, led as usual by the lovely, talented, and truly sick TVgasm regulars. Also, check back here in the recap section for day after recaps.
Schoonie and I will both be back this season and this time we will be joined by the gasm's own, incomparable, FozzieBare. Schoonie is on vacation til next week (nice timing, dude), so Fozzie and I will start Season 9 off with a live blog and begin our regular recaps on Weds (tonight). So that's enough bs, let's get this show on the road! Thanks for being here, and welcome to BIG BROTHER 9!!!!!
Flipit: Hey Fozz!! I can't believe we're talking for realsies! We've only spoken over email til now, so this is like our first date.
FozzieBare: I am a very cheap first date. And quite frankly, a bit of a tramp.
Flipit: No kidding. Watching TV together from different coasts while chatting on AIM. I didn't even have to buy you a Coke.
FozzieBare: I wouldn't complain if you bought me a coke...
Flipit: No I'm poor. But seriously. You're hot.
FozzieBare: I am quite aware.
Booming Announcer Guy greets us for the first time this season and tells us that for the first time in history, every Houseguest is single and they will be paired up to play in teams. The season is called Til Death Do Us Part, because the teams will play together, be eliminated together, and get ragged on by us together.
Flipit: I'm glad Big Brother has finally decided to twist the dating show genre. Now if only they could all be chained together and let their parents choose their perfect fit.
FozzieBare: My grandma Yenta would rule at that game. And why exactly is the set a log cabin? Was Abe Lincoln a big reality show fan?
Flipit: I think that's rude after the fire season we just had here in Los Angeles. It's like one giant f u to Malibu. Wait. What am I saying? I'll second that!
FozzieBare: That's what they get for continuing to elect ex-TV stars as Mayor. "Ladies and gentlean, please rise for Mayor Dustin Diamond!"
Flipit: YAY CHENBOT! She's an S&M Barbie Bot for Valentine's Day. Black leather boots, a gold dagger broach, and a whole lotta pink. I didn't know there were that many shades of pink. There really shouldn't be. One is gross enough.
FozzieBare: This whole early season has to be totally messing with her circuits. "What is this thing you call love? Beedy beedy beedy."
Flipit: I know. She needs to warm up. You shouldn't run a computer in the cold. They crack. First up is Sheila, the older woman. A former Playmate! Like, way former. Why are slutty cougars all named Sheila? And why is she sitting at home reading a magazine with her boobs all pushed up to her chin? Put those things away!
FozzieBare: There's nothing sadder than a former Playboy Playmate. Oh, wait. She has a kid. That's sadder. "What does your mom do?" "She's a FORMER beaver model." Not even a current beaver model. For shame.
Flipit: Oh, your mom's Sheila? I really admired her vagina back in the day. You have a lot to be proud of, kid. Hope she had a 401K.
The role of Sheila will be played by Stockard Channing.
FozzieBare: There are two out gay guys this season, Neil and Joshua. It's so cruel to name your gay son Neil. It's like naming your lesbian baby Spread Eagle, or your Mormon kid Missionary.....
Fozzie and Flip
FozzieBare: ... A lot of the other guys seem gay too. Maybe that's wishful thinking.
Flipit: It's TV. Every cute guy looks gay. It's the whole metro thing. Still so angry about that all these years later. Our grooming habits have been stolen by the guys who beat us up in school! The real tragedy is all the gay guys look like metros now. It's a sick cycle. Joshua looks like Matthew Perry before he got all addicted to drugs and gained all that weight and then lost it and cleaned up and got all skin hangy. He always looked gay to me too.
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Comments (13)
Flipit, just wanted to tell you that about a month ago I was watching Iron Chef on the food network and Julie Chen was one of the judges. When they introduced her, they added that her fans call her the "Chen Bot" and I instantly thought of you. I figured you'd get a kick out of it!!!
1 of 13 | Posted by featherhead | Posted on February 13, 2008 10:51 AM
You don't have to wait until Sunday...it is on tonight at 8 and someone is getting evicted. How can there be an eviction every week if there are only 8 couples and it is a 3 month show? Did they do the couple thing to make it a shorter season?? Too many questions...
Love the recap.
2 of 13 | Posted by air376 | Posted on February 13, 2008 11:13 AM
something in the photo of pink-haired James reminds me of CarrotTop...and will probably cause me at least a week's worth of nightmares.
Thanks for the great recap!
3 of 13 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on February 13, 2008 11:32 AM
man i am a bimbo. yes there is in fact a show tonight! thanks for the heads up. i changed it! xo
4 of 13 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 13, 2008 11:37 AM
Sheila was actually a Penthouse Pet, which in a way is worse lol.
And the minute I saw Amanda all I could think was why did they bring back Jessica and dye her hair brown?? They look (and sound) exactly alike. It's kind of freaky. I'll be referring to her as Jamandica through the whole show =)
And air to answer your question, the show might not be 3 months this time since the writers strike is over and quality programming will be returning around late March. So they'll have to shorten it up.
5 of 13 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 13, 2008 12:24 PM
- Cut to Amanda getting a manicure and repeating really bad offensive Spanish at the Mexican manicurist -
I'm pretty sure the manicurist was Asian.. which makes it even worse...
6 of 13 | Posted by nestofvipers | Posted on February 13, 2008 2:09 PM
so for some reason Amanda looks exactly like Janelle to me. But w/ brown hair. I'm convinced Janelle dyed her hair and changed her name to get back on the show.... am I just crazy?
7 of 13 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on February 13, 2008 2:15 PM
the fact that she was asian makes it worse for both amanda and me!! haha
and also, nick the intern made the same comparison to janelle! you two should become friendsies.
8 of 13 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 13, 2008 2:43 PM
I too think that Amanda is actually Janelle! Oh flipit my love I am so glad to be reading your BB coverage again! And Fozzie you are a great addition!
Love you both!
9 of 13 | Posted by CheriesTake | Posted on February 13, 2008 2:55 PM
You guys crack me up...
And I am not crazy...
what else did you call me??
beautiful...
yeah, that's the ticket.
xoxox
10 of 13 | Posted by Giffordsaz | Posted on February 13, 2008 3:52 PM
FozzieBare: But it's harder to hold a man than a woman. I know from experience. I have never been able to hold onto a man.
LOL!
Ryan is not fat! He's big boned, and he can sweat on me anytime. Unless he turns out to be a bullying douchebag.
11 of 13 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on February 13, 2008 4:42 PM
OMG i thought amanda looked like janelle too! the way she parts her hair is WHACK. its worse than a middle part, poor poor girl. There was this girl that me and my friends hated last year at school who parted her hair like that and so we refer to that hairstyle as a C-Rog, so far i only hate like 3 people on the show
12 of 13 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on February 13, 2008 6:49 PM
Uncle Scarr? LMFAO! That was classic! GREAT recap and I am so glad to have my favorite recap of all times back! LOVE LOVE LOVE you Flipit and FozzieBare!
13 of 13 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on February 14, 2008 7:43 AM