Tonight on Big Brother: Ratalie finally pulls her own weight.
Kidding!
I hate to break it to you guys, but this week looks to be just oozing with filler material. The only real action is the competition and live eviction. So I'm not a bit surprised when the announcer says that past BB greats are going to be guesting tonight. Depending on who they dug up, this could be the best part of the hour by far. Unless Ratalie is evicted, which will be the best part of the whole season.
EXCEPT... ***DUN DUN DUN***
Chocolate Macramé Chenbot rolls on set and drops a bomb:
No one's getting evicted tonight.
"Nothing to see here. Please fast-forward to Tuesday."
Whiskey tango foxtrot, over?
You heard right. In Chenbot-speak, "it's the conclusion to Part 1 of the final HOH competition." Which means, in a nutshell, that it's the end of the beginning of the end. Which means all the good action will happen next Tuesday, and tonight will be pretty much ALL filler. So bite me, Grodner.
Ratalie's nose tells us for the 48th time how much she hated Michele. "Every time I would see her or hear her voice, I would boil up inside." If that's like throwing up in your mouth, I boiled up inside when Chenbot told me there was no chance of Ratalie leaving tonight. Rat claims the evil is gone from the house, and immediately disproves it by heckling Jordan on the log. She says Michele's probably excited to go to the jury house and get some quality booger time with Jeff. Jordan isn't taking the bait. "You're a little instigator" is all she says. We're finally seeing what passes for Ratalie's game, now that she's forced to play for herself. She was doing a lot better when she had Kevin to hide behind. And Chima. And Jessie.
Elapsed time: 55 minutes. Kevin almost falls off as the log stops. Much rain commences as the log starts rolling backwards. The Houseguests stagger along, just trying to survive, like in the previews for that movie The Road. Which looks terrific, BTW. I just finished the book and spent two days curled up in a fetal position afterwards. And yeah, I just compared a summer reality show to a post-apocalyptic struggle for survival. Irony? Decide for yourself. Ratalie almost falls, but makes a miraculous recovery.
If you squint, you'll probably see a PA's hand pulling her back into position.
The rain machines stop, and the wind machines start blowing fake leaves all over the place. Then after the fake leaves come fake snow. The fake snow is made of real ice, according to Jordan, but she's from Charlotte and has probably never seen real snow anyway. The log starts switching directions at random in an attempt to hurry stuff along. Yes, please, let's get this suspenseful competition over with so we can get back to the filler.
Elapsed time: 3:02. Ratalie attempts to talk some more smack.
BORING.
Kevin tells Jordan she looks cold, and she should keep shivering to warm up. He thinks that if she shivers enough she'll let go of the key. Puh-leeze. That'll never work, even on Jordan.
Right?
So it's down to Ratakev again. Jordan goes inside before she has to put up with all the gloating. Ratalie starts running her mouth (except in her case I guess it would be her nose) about how she could stand on the log for like the next 12 years if she has to. BUT, according to Kevin, Ratalie is supposed to throw the first round so he can win it. There are so many Ratalisms in effect here that I just threw up in my mouth again. She doesn't want to play hard in an endurance competition? She told Kevin she'd let him win, but now she's trying to beat him? So much for keeping your word.
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Comments (14)
This has nothing to do with the episode, but I saw a test screening of The Road last year and it is honestly one of the most depressing film's I have ever seen. So depressing, I'm pretty sure that I will only be seeing it once like I did with Schindler's List and Boys Don't Cry. When I first read the book, I was so distrurbed I was mad at Oprah for suggesting it and mad at my friend for letting me borrow it. That being said watching The Road and watching an episode of Big Brother that heavily features Natalie are quite comparable.
1 of 14 | Posted by reesewitherspoon | Posted on September 11, 2009 1:29 AM
The book was excellent, at least the writing style. The conclusion--that religion could somehow survive a catastrophe like that, is pure hypocrisy. Really disappointing and completely and totally ruined the book. If he insisted on bringing religion into it, the only way for that to work would have been to make the religious leftovers the cannibals. Not doing that negates the entire premise of the novel. Shame on McCarthy.
Anyhoo. I loved how Ratalie immediately started making excuses for herself to the Chenbot on live television -- really shows exactly the type of game-player she is.
I have a nephew like that. He's a great athlete. Except, when he messes up on the field/court/wherever, he immediately falls to the ground and grabs his ankle.
But the achilles heel of her 'strategy' --that of letting everyone else do the dirty work, win the challenges, etc.-- finally got exposed in a big way. She needed to step up and prove she could win. And she didn't.
Which makes her just another floater in the end. And a damn nasty person to boot.
I found it amusing that the audience was cheering Jordan -- could the HGs hear that?
And a real treat it was seeing Janelle again.
I'm kind of sorry I never saw the Evil Dick season, what with all your comments about him.
2 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 11, 2009 4:23 AM
LOVED this episode. Mostly because Jordan (whom Natalie only counted as half a person as far as the competitions were concerned) kicked Natalie's widening, dirty a** and probably got herself into the final two! I did a happy dance. I admit it.
So does this mean that the Rat's only one fourth of a person?
3 of 14 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on September 11, 2009 5:31 AM
Really, J/K need to take each other to the end, so really, Nat is SOL on Tuesday.
4 of 14 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on September 11, 2009 5:58 AM
Those of us live chatting the episode last night decided that Jordan's victory in the HOH, Part 2 was a pure, unadulterated TVGASM!!!!
First of all, Jordan lasted 3.5 hours on the log thing. She may have been the first one to drop, but that's pretty damn impressive. Even though she mostly floated through the game, she did win that veto, and several other times, she finished respectably. Last night, the pressure was on and she totally came through. How awesome would it be for Jordan to beat Kevin in Part 3 on Tuesday?!?!?!?!
RATaLIE got SERVED!!!!
5 of 14 | Posted by slumrville | Posted on September 11, 2009 6:26 AM
I have this fantasy that Jordan will show up on finale night with her hair in a bun, glasses and a three piece suit..."Acutally Natalie, you may be 24, but I am a PhD and have been playing an idiot all season...now who got played?"
For all that is holy Kevin...if you win HOH...kick that little skank to the curb. PULEASE!!!
6 of 14 | Posted by mommaz2boyz | Posted on September 11, 2009 6:37 AM
I would love to see Natalie go, but I think Jordon could only win if she took Nat. Of course, she has no idea the jury hatees Nat now either...
I also think its a huge disadvantage that the last jury member will have zero time to reflect on the season and gossip with the rest of the jury. Let's say Jordon is the last jury member...she will probably vote for Natalie, bc she won't know the jury has turned against her over the age lie and whatever else they seem to be pissed about.
7 of 14 | Posted by shelley | Posted on September 11, 2009 6:51 AM
some of the HGs' disgust for NataLIE will come out in the Question/Answer portion before voting...so the last jury member won't be COMPLETELY clueless as to what the others' feelings are. I'm betting Nat's lies (should she make it final two) will play heavily in the questions.
I'm rooting for Jordan for the win...
8 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 11, 2009 7:36 AM
Where was Kaysar? If Janelle's there Kaysar should be there too. Janelle looked GREAT though and so did Mike Boogie.
Best lines in BB HISTORY
1) BYE, BYE BITCHES!
2) Who wants cake?
Evil Dick needs to stop smoking. He doesn't look too good.
When Natalie was explaining why she lost THIS TIME I was just laughing.
9 of 14 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 11, 2009 7:40 AM
SO excited about jordan. it seems that the popular opinion of the house would be if natalie gets to the end, she'll win. so if that's the case and kevin is confident jordan will take him and not natalie, it would be a smart move for kevin to throw the final part of the HOH. let jordan evict natalie without getting any blood on his hands.
it's also a bit of a pipe dream of mine that natalie doesn't even get 50 grand. can't wait to see what boyfriend thinks of that when a broke, smelly stick figure that everyone i nthe country hates comes home without even the runner up prize. might make someoneeee consider taking the twisty tie back.
10 of 14 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on September 11, 2009 8:32 AM
tootsie blouse. awesome
11 of 14 | Posted by prissy | Posted on September 11, 2009 9:14 AM
Guess Natalie's game wasn't that good after all. She couldn't beat Jordan in a hugely important one-on-one comp. She wouldn't have won even if she didn't make the dumb mistake, Jordan beat her in time, too.
And I'm not sure the jury house is as pro-Natalie as everyone thinks. It would be great if the "18 years old" lie jumped up and bit her. And how dumb was it to lie, then tell Jesse and Chima the truth, did she think no one talked to each other in the jury house? It would be great if St. Jesse's blabbing cost her the half-mil!
Anyway, now when I read the live feed on Joker Update and she says something annoying, I just to the the CBS website and vote against her 10 or 15 times. Feels great!
12 of 14 | Posted by User Name | Posted on September 11, 2009 10:08 AM
Don't know why my user name didn't come up.
13 of 14 | Posted by Annieo | Posted on September 11, 2009 10:10 AM
Itchy - count yourself lucky for missing the Donato season. My skin crawls just thinking about it!
And please - Boogie as an expert in this game?!? There's only one reason he won, and that's called Dr. Will.
Kevin ftw!
14 of 14 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on September 12, 2009 4:48 PM