Big Brother: What Are We Going To Do Tonight, Brain?

So, in case you missed it, this guy is HOH:


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The same thing we do every Thursday night, Pinky: watch a live show and pray for a malfuncChen.  

Jordan is up on the block, because The Brain didn't have The Stones to go up against The Muscle. So it's Jugs vs. Roots this week.


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And gravity is winning.

Diary room reactions from the Gravity Girls: Jordan feels betrayed. I've given up calling her Jordan because no one this dumb can be THAT boring. Laura thinks Ronnie would be stupid not to send her home, because she's "a little bit wiser" than Jordan. Only a little bit? Don't sell yourself short. Speaking of selling herself, Jugs primps in a bikini as Jordan says "Laura's a bigger threat than me, because she's smart," and Jeff agrees. "No offense, but I think she is too." LOL. Jordan thinks this is funny, which proves his point.

Brief tease of a potential showmance between Jeff and Jordan, mostly because we need it to set up later events. Jordan says Jeff "kinda reminds me of me, but just a boy version of me," which is really funny because now that I think of it, she talks just like Bobby on King of the Hill.


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Which, I guess, means Jeff is Luanne in this scenario.

Laura gives us the obligatory I'll-campaign-against-my-friend Diary Room speech. She tries to convince Ronnie to keep her in over Jordan because Jeff is aligned with Jordan, and because Laura has better assets. Like her, uh, brain. Yeah. So Ronnie calls a meeting of the Geek Squad.

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Which has a raging case of the munchies.


He wants to talk them into voting Jordan out.


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Because how can you resist a face like this?

Also, when you put two mental giants like Jordan and Jeff together, they'll have the house doing their bidding in like 25 minutes. Or a quarter of an hour, I get those mixed up. Ronnie says he should have put Mini Muscle up, because Laura says she's convinced Russell to try and sway votes for her. Laura said no such thing, of course, and Ronnie is not as smart as he thinks, because he doesn't realize that Ratalie is going to go squeal all this to Jessie. Jessie calls an emergency Athletes meeting, because maybe between the four of them they can summon up enough brainpower to figure out exactly who is throwing whom under what bus. Jeff says that nothing's adding up to him. Which comes as a surprise to no one, I'm sure.

Nope, still not enough brainpower here, so everyone ends up dragged into the convo. It's Jugs in one corner, and Ronnie in the other. Laura has the truth on her side, and an even more powerful weapon: tears. Ronnie who has never ever before had the power to make a woman cry, is speechless and flees to the HOH room.


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Deer, meet headlights.

Mini Muscle, unsatisfied with the calm and order of the proceedings, goes after Ronnie just to make things a little less civilized. Ronnie proceeds to name everyone in the house he hasn't lied to, leaving Laura and Russell out. LOL.


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Can't see me peeing my pants behind this rail. Nyaah!

Laura is smart enough to finally figure out that Ronnie's been playing half of the house against the other half. To this, Ronnie says, and I kid you not, "Lies! Vicious lies!" He runs to the HOH room to wax his dastardly mustache. Mini Muscle shakes his burly fist at the HOH spy cam.

Let's lighten the mood with some Chenbot, shall we?


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The Chenbump is going to have to get a lot bigger before she can pull off the pumpkin look.

After the break, Ronnie spends the rest of the week curled up in a fetal position in the HOH room, binging on Pringles, Special K and Sour Patch Kids. The voice of Big Brother makes a rare broadcast appearance to send Ronnie to the Diary Room. "Oh Big Brother, you like to torture me, don't you? Make me go out there to that den of serpents." LOL. Wuss. He tiptoes out the door trying to blend in with the wallpaper. Mini Muscle has been lying in wait outside the door to follow Ronnie around the house, let loose with some smack talk. If this clever strategy doesn't ring a bell, maybe the accompanying biker muzak does... oh, that's right...


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I understand Russell a lot better now, and I fear for the rest of the season.

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Comments (19)

slutty_whore:

I may be giving Ratalie too much credit, but it could have been a move to cause dissent within the offbeat/popular side. Think about it... Rat is in Jessie's confidence and he wouldn't believe she would cast that vote, therefore Jessie is going to believe one of the offbeats/Jeff/Jordan voted to keep Laura, who he hated, and in Jessie's brain, this will be a reason to take offense and make emotional picks, rather than make a decision to help himself in the game. This will also keep Ronnie in the house (Rat and Jessie's ultimate plan) in an effort to use him further in the game. Basically Rat gave him an excuse to keep Ronnie, blame the other side for something she did, and keep her profile low in the process.

I think the problem with this season is that there are too many floaters. Kevin, Lydiot, Chima, Jordan (if you can even call her that), etc.

IMHO, as a side note, Russell looks like Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter.

abaumga2:

First of all, Jesse can't put up Roid Rage, as they are both athletes. The big question is will he even put up Ronnie, since Ronnie is still claiming loyalty to the athletes. I am hoping common sense rules and Ronnie gets the boot, but since when has common sense been an integral part of this game?

copyhacker:

@abaumga2: Good point about Jessie not being able to put up someone from his cliche. I suspect those are going to get dissolved in a couple more weeks, though.

cattyfan:

Ronnie is an idiot. First, I'm not buying he was just trying to gain sympathy by hiding in his room...because none of the houseguests could see him crying while gazing at his wife's picture, so how would they be sympathetic?

Secondly, by refusing to answer whether or not Laura actually said Russell was going to campaign to keep her, Ronnie confirmed for everyone what a liar he is. He should A.) have maintained that yes, Laura said that...setting up a he said, she said and splitting the house or B.)have said yes, I lied, and at least gained some people's respect for being honest about playing the game.

Natalie was smart to sow dissent. She was the one who told Julie before the vote the house was unanimous in its decision...then she set it up so everyone else will be in doubt. There will be suspicians and finger-pointing...and none of it is likely to come her way. Far more subtle than anything the rest of the players have done to this point.

featherhead:

I laughed out loud when Russell was following Ronnie all over the house mocking him. Ronnie got himself in quite the pickle, but it was his own damn fault. Karma is a bitch. I wanted everyone to vote out Ronnie in the diary room. That would have short-circuted the Chenbump for sure. But since the meathead is back in power, Ronnie is probably safe for another week anyway. It's slim pickings for favorites this season, but I like Casey for some reason (probably the lack of personality from everyone else). And it's kind of pissing me off about the editing. If you don't follow the internet you'd never know about Jessie and Lydia. They hardly ever even show them together, but are playing up the Jordan/Jeff showmance.

philo:

The hamburglar comment killed me.

Did you notice Russell's goodbye speech where he was using his hands to emphasize that he will miss Laura and her two friends. I think the camera even panned to Laura and she looked disgusted.

sandman:

Okay, is it just me or does Ronnie look like a bloated KD Lang that's sad and mopey?

puzzlesource:

Finally! Ronnie gets exposed. I was wondering how long these idiots would take to figure this one out...not like Ronnie's done a good job covering his tracks. I was sad to see Jugs go, she seems to be the only one with a decent amount of sense. I think Russel stalking Ronnie was hilarious...there is no excuse for piss poor gameplay. How can any "student of the game", especially ones who want to lie and manipulate their way through not follow the infamous Dr. Will Kirby and THROW ALL COMPETITIONS. God, this season aggravates me!

Yanksfan24:

I have the same exact light blue deep v-neck shirt as Russell the Rage Muscle. But, I'm a female and he fills it out better than me!! Sad face.

This is the very first season I have (attempted) to watch and I must say three nights of it is kind of boring. I'd rather read the recaps from TVGASM! Thanks guys!

Mr Dangerous:

Ronnie's biggest mistake this week was not being deceitful about Jugs but rather not crying in front of the other houseguests. After he pranced around in that gold two piece number (and enjoyed it) we all know he has no shame so crying in front of the other houseguests wouldn't have been beneath him and it would have gotten him not only sympathy but pity. Never underestimate the power of pity. As a result of Russell's behavior I suspect Ronnie is safe for a couple of weeks. Now, I want Ronnie and Russell to form some sort of bizarre, on the downlow, alliance where Russell continues to terrorize Ronnie (like Robert DeNiro did to Nick Nolte in Cape Fear) that results in Ronnie and Russell going all the way to the end of the line.

If Ronnie could convince the BB producers that the BB house needs a pet maybe "Little Molly Kitty" could show up and Russell could terrorize "Little Molly Kitty" too. This would not only generate more sympathy for Ronnie but it would give Russell something to do for the summer.

Thanks for the picture of the Hamburgler. It's my new screen saver.

cattyfan:

Yanksfan24...it's a lot more toerable when you record it. Then you can fast-forward through all the preview and recap materieal...which accounts for 1/3 to 1/2 of each show.

Just hit the highlights.

Lowlights.

New parts.

mentallyretired:

Sorry to see Laura go, shoulda been you Casey!
What a lame HoH competition, except that Chenbot was stuck in a loop saying each number less than Jessie's 6 points "won't do it". The uninspired game designers went from the 2nd closest buckets being worth 7 points to the center bucket being worth a whopping 10 points but since they wiped the slate clean for each round the center bucket may as well have been worth 7.1 points, or even 1,000, or 1,000,000.

juddfan:

Loved your rhyming passage!!!

I thought Roid was so over the top in terrorizing, and I actually felt bad for the losah with the Beaker mouth. But beyond an idiot. Doesn't it seem the heavy game play out of the box gets you cut . . .

Bless you for watching and cappin, I did see some of this one . . . Jordan is so simple she's kind of adorable . . .

xoxoxoxxo

soapboxx:

Just waiting for the sweet moment when Jes/C/N/Ru/L/Ro are put up/kicked out. I really hope Jes goes out week 4 again. I also like watching the preggers Chenbot. Is it just me or are her eyes becoming more crossed? Really liked Hootie McBoobs, sorry to see her go. Ronnie's crying was pathetic. And Jessie HOH again! UGH! I kind of liked the flip the ball comp, it looked kind of fun and a fair shot for everyone. And yeah Copyhacker your comments made me laugh! Thanks.

itchy:

Don't they usually find an excuse to bring back a player after a couple of weeks? Hopefully they'll bring Jugs back in. Maybe start an 'internet' campaign (i.e., post comments on the EW site).

Also, no one has noticed that Ronnie the computer geek literally had an upside-down smiley face? :-(

I'm still hoping that Jordan is actually a super-genius playing dumb.

And yeah, Casey is an ass. Last season we (well, me) all gave that other woman tons of shit for leaving her baby to be on the show -- this guy is a total twit for doing this to his kid. Although at least this way the kid stands a chance of adopting proper speech patterns before his dad comes back and has him speaking ebonics the rest of his life.

Dirty Sanchez:

Whew, Jordan is safe for another week.

Has that scientist chick done anything yet? I don't think she has the personality or charisma to take advantage of her floating skills, but she'll last a few more weeks for sure.

angiemarie:

Help me Obi-Wife, you're my only hope. lol. Great line, copyhacker!

tommy girl:

Hey Sandman

Yes - re KD Lang! Poor Ronnie or should I say poor KD Lang!

Cherie:

Copyhacker, when flipit told me you were going to be doing BB I was plotting ways to find you and lock you in a basement. You see I was trying to get up the courage to ask flipit to let me recap with him and whatshisname (j/k love ya schoonie). Now I see I would have sucked large donkey balls because you had me laughing my ass off. So although I am usually evil, jealous, hateful and pretty much envious of other peoples obvious skills I just can't hate you. Dammit.
Absolutely brilliant recap.
(said with a serious pout)

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