Jerry continues to talk and talk reminding Dan that he, Jerry, is Dan's best shot at winning a half million dollars. Jerry says that Memphis is a sneaky snake and Dan can't stand toe to toe against either of the women, mostly due to his poor lower body strength. Jerry, confident that he has finally talked some sense into Dan, wanders off to watch the bug zapper in the back yard.
Later Dan and Keesha are gossiping in the storage room, hunt a little, peck a little, about Jerry's conversations with both of them. Dan is in the middle of his Jerry impression, which sounds an awful lot like his Darth Vader impression, when they hear noise coming from outside the door. Both freeze and then scramble to look casual before Memphis finally busts through the door. Keesha catches Memphis up on the Jerry-hate and tells him that Jerry told her that he, Memphis, has deals with every person in the house. Memphis freezes momentarily but thinks quickly on his feet, a skill he learned from grifting at Nascar rallies when he'd skip school, and says, "Well you both know that's not true," before adjusting his mesh hat and running out of the door. When Memphis and Dan reconvene in the bedroom Dan whispers a sweet nothing in Memphis's ear saying "we have to be careful around her," just before the "Taken" shirts and cargo shorts go flyin'.
You might need some paper towels for this one, Jer.
In the kitchen Renny and Keesha share a glass of white wine, more precisely Keesha has a glass while Renny sticks a nipple on the bottle and nurses it while smiling. Renny and Keesha share a moment, fueled by the alcohol, and commiserate about how different they will be when they leave the house. A little more wine later that start sharing their feelings about each other and Renny tells Keesha that she wants to see Keesha be a "mothuh" and Keesha says that she has never met anyone like Renny and will be friends with her for years to come. The two embrace and cry and thank the other for her support during this game. And while it's not shown I'm pretty sure they later lip sync "Aint No Mountain High Enough" into their hairbrushes.
Back at Julie, the Chenbot poses the question if there is more to Memphis than meets the eye. The answer is no. Memphis's time in the house has made him reevaluate his relationship with his girlfriend. No more will he take her for granted. No more will he grab her hair and wax his Camaro with it. We also find out that Memphis's daddy issues are what prompted him to mildly overreact to Jerry calling him a womanizer as Memphis dad was married 5 times and Memphis doesn't want to be like that. Who wouldn't want to be a stud? Memphis's best friend, who shares Memphis's penchant for novelty hats and V-neck T-shirts, says that Memphis is 100% dedicated to his girlfriend and has never once cheated on her during their relationship, but what else is he going to say? He's bound by the bro-code to stick to that story.
Bonded in cheesy hats.
Back in the living room Mrs. Bot interviews the houseguests. First up she reminds Jerry of his fateful tumble into the swimming pool and we are treated to a playback of the event. While hilarious, Jerry's hips are fully intact and he is able to laugh about it now. Of course he was also seen laughing at the towels in the bathroom on more than one occasion. Mrs. Bot moves on to Dan and asks him about his constant antagonization of Renny. Dan states the obvious, that he does it because it's hilarious, and Renny mildly agrees. She realizes her place in the house, that of comic relief, and appreciates Dan's sense of humor. She also points out that occasionally Dan ends up in bed with her. Of course Renny means this in the most chaste way possible but Mrs. Chen runs her bawdy humor program, which was written in 1994, and replies "too much information." Thankfully she doesn't abbreviate it.
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Comments (23)
Great Recap! Loved April discussing how she is walking away with her self respect. If self respect is basically making porn on live TV then I want to live in her world.
1 of 23 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:32 AM
Wow, the Bitter Jury House did not disappoint. Yes Michelle and April, Keesha is an ugly, fat pig and no man would ever pick her over you two charming beauty queens. If having your dignity equals getting knocked up on reality TV and 20 Youtube videos of you getting spooged on, then you've got that going for you! Don't worry, those are tears of joy that your parents are crying every day.
It was Libra, not Keesha, in the BJ House with the other two.
2 of 23 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 5, 2008 5:47 AM
So Sumo Guy is sitting on the information they need. Just wait a few hours, then lay down a trail of doughnuts. I'm pretty sure Sumo Guy will follow them wherever they may lead.
3 of 23 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 6:52 AM
I know you are in love with Rennie and all, but you didn't even mention that her veto speech was so rambling,long and incoherent that I had to flip to another channel and watch another entire show and when I came back she was still talking...
And some of us DO find Memphis' accent charming! But maybe that's 'cause I'm from Canada and we don't get to hear that sort of thing often.
4 of 23 | Posted by tigercub | Posted on September 5, 2008 7:41 AM
I must be a smitten kitten because I didn't even notice. Every word was like a snowflake falling from heaven, being licked by kittens, on top of space mountain, while I was getting laid.
5 of 23 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:16 AM
"Before going to commercial Julie informs us that there is something surprising waiting in the living room before showing a picture of what I think is Amber from season 8." ROFL What makes it even funnier is that you're right!!!
Did anyone else notice that Renny practically jumped on Keesha to hug her during their drunk "I love you man" talk? It was a bit uncomfortable to watch. (but I still love you,Renny)
I think Renny should do a sitcom remake of Laverne and Shirley. She could play Shirley's cousin from New Orleans.
6 of 23 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:46 AM
Hope Jerry sticks around longer so the houseguests can hear more stories about Hissy the Snake.
7 of 23 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on September 5, 2008 9:03 AM
Fozzie, every season, even a pretty good one like this one, when we get under 5 HG's it gets pretty slow, so your hilarious recaps are even more appreciated. So many gems in this one. It's obvious the producers hate April, given that out of all the hours of footage and interviews they probably did in the jury house they picked only clips that emphasize what a C-U-Next Tuesday she is.
God help Libra and Michelle, now that April and Ollie don't have 24/7 cameras to restrain them at all.
8 of 23 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on September 5, 2008 9:48 AM
Jason - I didn't want to be the one to say it, but C-U-Next Tuesday is the most appropriate adjective in the world for April. I put the over/under for the number of guys at her work that have banged her at 15.
Everyone says that Dan has no shot in the final 2, but I think if he can articulate how his gameplay got him that far he might be able to get the votes of the more stable jury members. Michelle, April and Jerry are a lost cause, but he might have a shot with the less psychotic and bitter voters.
9 of 23 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 5, 2008 10:13 AM
PAGE 3: from the point where you start talking about what's happening inside the BJ House to the end of the page --- was very funny. I was laughing at that stuff.
Uh, I don't know why all you people are attacking my girl April? She was gettin' some luvin'. She has needs. There's nothing wrong with that. If we're going to call out people who've had sex in front of other people -- who amongst us wouldn't be called a whore, a skank or a skeeze?
And what's up with Jerry? I liked the old Jerry. The one who would get into a yelling match at the drop of a hat. The one who wasn't even sure someone had insulted him or not -- but was yelling just in case. Now, he seems like a prison b*tch. Somebody needs to slap that old man.
Go Dan. Go Memphis. Go Keesha.
10 of 23 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 5, 2008 12:33 PM
Wow, everything is funny to me today, despite my desperate sadness at seeing Renny go . . . "I love you Man" made me weep, And Fozzie, your post here is hysterical, like all your recaps!
So glad to be spared anymore camera time with Ollie, and I loved the Keesha bashing in the JH, too funny!
My end got cut coz of the Hooter's hater--or was it her secret lover, ahem, I mean, running mate . . . I dunno, hate to be ignorant, but I can never ever watch a convention ever ever ever . . . no, it wont happen and you can't make me . . . . esp when there's so many educational choices like all the programs on gasm!
And lastly, whoever gets POV is in top 3 so Jerry could make it, Seems Dan is hated by all, can't see him winning. I suppose the best strategy in this show is to be side man to the evil one, let them take the hate and the heat, while you bask in the sidelines and settle for people's vote coz they hate your buddy worse! Who knew Memphis was on to something . . .
11 of 23 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 1:39 PM
Michelle is delusional. I could't believe she said she looked good on TV. Watching her be a bitter bitch just reinforced the fact that she will always be single.
It cracked me up when she jumped into Ah-leee's arms before April did.
12 of 23 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 5, 2008 2:33 PM
Mr. Dangerous I don't think anyone is attacking April. If she wants to dog out other people for having "no self respect" then she is fair game.
13 of 23 | Posted by Baxter | Posted on September 5, 2008 4:54 PM
How has nobody commented on that photo of Memphis? I mean, SERIOUSLY.
14 of 23 | Posted by mikeleeuk | Posted on September 5, 2008 7:14 PM
I'll happily attack April. She is a C-U-Next-Tuesday.
I feel sorry for Rennie having to live with those people for the next two weeks. She dosen't deserve that horrible fate!
15 of 23 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:33 PM
Even if they hate Dan, they should acknowledge his superior game play.
Oh...I'm sorry. I forgot the Bitter Jury House People we were dealing with.
Doesn't matter that he was the best player. Most of these egotistical selfish people will never admit that.
16 of 23 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:46 PM
Maybe it was just my brain trying to make sense of the Sumo wrestler but it seemed he was speaking pig latin. ook-lay under-ay y-may ass-ay.
Speaking of asses, I don't understand why the jury house folks still pretend to be nice to each other. You don't need their votes anymore. Libra should have slapped down Wolfman and Evil April (reminds me of the Cappie cult)for their jealous high school behaviour. Grow the hell up and act your age April. 45 is too old for those comments. At least Renny will add some class to the joint.
17 of 23 | Posted by Evergreen | Posted on September 5, 2008 9:35 PM
The before and after photos of Memphis proves that he is in love and is faithful.
Dan would probably win if this were Survivor, but these people are too stupid to recognize that it's his superior gameplay that got him this far -- his only chance to win is to go up against Jerry, because there's no way anyone could possibly let that asshole win. Memphis and Keesha just don't seem hated as much.
18 of 23 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 6, 2008 7:07 AM
Nooooooooooooooo, I really wished Renny could have stayed, my favorite by far. She was kooky and funny and overall just seemed like a good person - even it's sappy - I would have loved to see her win because she at least seemed to be a decent human being.
Fozzie, the Sumo / Amber-flashback caption is hysterical!!!!
Yes Trink621 I did see how Michelle leaped into Ollie's arms before April had the chance to - it just goes to show what a self centered literal ass-face Michelle is - something we have seen all along on the show.
"Back at Julie, the Chenbot poses the question if there is more to Memphis than meets the eye. The answer is no." RIGHT ON FOZZIE!!! Even though I think Dan is a huge tool, my spite for Memphis is even greater. I hope Memphis does not win. I don't see a lot of Memphis-bashing here, which I find surprising because he is so vile and vapid. Love his best friend's matching V-neck and hat. What a fucking riot!
And April going on about leaving with her dignity as compared to Keesha, oh my. Perhaps April will realize someday that she asked a practical stranger to blow a load on her on a network show!
19 of 23 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on September 6, 2008 10:27 AM
FozzieBare: "Next up we finally get a glimpse into the Jury House. KEESHA enjoyed her week of solitude, finally having time to catch up on her booty knitting and sassy head rolling classes, until April walks in."
I keep thinking "Keesha" is the black name on the show too.
20 of 23 | Posted by PanamanianPettingZoo | Posted on September 6, 2008 11:24 AM
FozzieBare:
Brilliant as usual. You forgot to mention Rennie's comment about the tragedy in her life. What do you guys think that was? Does it have to do with her mother who died. The mother that is caputured as a 30 something 40's movie star?
Did Rennie have cancer?
I will miss her terribly! She was a class act!
21 of 23 | Posted by ffooter | Posted on September 6, 2008 3:09 PM
Oh, another thing...kudos to Keesha for the great cleavage this time out.
Although, of course there was no way in hell the guys would vote her out while wearing that getup. It's doubtful they were even able to hear.
Wonder what she'll be wearing for the veto comp?
Sigh. If only she weren't so thick. Sigh.
22 of 23 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 6, 2008 5:19 PM
ffooter - I was assuming the tragedy Renny talked about was Hurricane Katrina. I'm sure that for those of us that weren't living in the midst of it have no idea how horrific it really was. Anyway, that's what I thought of when she mentioned it.
23 of 23 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on September 7, 2008 3:45 PM