Previously on Big Brother, all the jerkfaces were eliminated, and now there are five people left and I really like four of them. That's not how it's supposed to happen on this show! Don't you know I'm supposed to despise every last one of you by now? DON'T YOU? Quick, one of you call somebody a racially charged name or burn somebody with a cigarette or something so I feel less awkward! Do it, NOW!
The show begins with Michelle getting evicted. Okay, so when I tell you that the entire first segment is composed solely of previouslies, I do not lie. It is alarming. It's like recapping Sportscenter or something. So, anyway...Keesha tells us that she felt genuinely bad that Michelle went out the way she did, but it had to happen because Michelle was a solid player. After Jessie, Michelle has quickly risen in ranks to become my second least favorite houseguest. Nothing like dreaming a bunch of conspiracy theories while you wear a tank top designed for twelve year olds.
Then we get a hilarious DR by Ollie in which he promises Michelle that he will avenge her eviction. I guess he's going to accomplish that by leaving twenty minutes after she does. We get a flashback to the extremely tense HOH competition from Thursday, after which I was jumping around the living room in celebration like it was Season Six. That's how I know this season is awesome: for the first time in three years, I actually care what happens. Once Keesha became the HOH, Ollie tells us that he wasn't worried because he performs his best "when his back is against the wall", which is pretty much the only position that he and April didn't do it in.
After the veto competition (in which they insert a ding noise when Dan wins where there was not one during the live show), Dan and Memphis have a quick strategy meeting in which they try and figure out what would be best for them. Keesha tells them that she wants Ollie to leave, so that's going to be that. My favorite part of Thursday (well, other than the totally rad evictions of two assholes) was when Julie was like "Let's listen in on some strategy!" and it's just Keesha screaming about something or other for like three minutes.
And then, Ollie is evicted and all of a sudden it's the fun people and Jerry. He tells them that he just wants to be able to talk to them and have some conversations so he doesn't feel so alone. Then he pins Renny down in the kitchen and starts yapping about how awesome he is for being 75 and doing so well in the game, because that's all he talks about, EVER. I wonder what he talked about before he was old? I bet he just sat in his living room and listened to the police scanner. Renny tells us that she absolutely hates talking to Jerry; not because he's old, she says, but because he's just "not her type of person", which is true. Renny has a personality, and Jerry has a vast collection of jorts.
After the commercials, it's time for the Awesome Filler Segments of the Evening. Awesome Filler Segment Number 1: the captions tell us that it's 8:00 PM in the house. Dan asks Renny what time it is in New Orleans, and she hilariously tells him that it's 6 in New Orleans because they're two hours behind. Memphis and Dan both start laughing at her, and then Dan corrects her by telling her that it's actually 10 PM in New Orleans and not six. She becomes more and more animated and convinced that she's right. "Quit making an ass out of yourself in front of America, Dan!" she yelps at him in her crazy voice as Memphis and Dan collapse into laughter.
Awesome Filler Segment Number 2: Keesha asks Dan to imitate her laugh up in the HOH room. There's a montage of everyone making fun of and then imitating her in the diary room. It's all good fun until Jerry impersonates her, and it. Is. TERRIFYING. Just the face he makes, and the noise? It gave me shivers. He makes it sound like the Grim Reaper, but if the Grim Reaper thought Dane Cook were funny.
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Comments (13)
Thanks Schoonie for laboring on Labor Day to get this recap up.
I was not happy when Jerry won HOH - I wanted him gone!
I want Dan and Renny to be the final two. Dan better hope he wins veto!
1 of 13 | Posted by taxgirl | Posted on September 1, 2008 10:51 AM
God Damn is Jerry annoying. Yeah Jerry, you've survived all these weeks on the block because you're an awesome player.
I'm so bummed because every time they show my beautiful Keesha, all I can see is that missing tooth. I guess Hooters' dental plan is a little lacking.
It will be a shame if Dan gets sent home this week. He is by far the best/smartest player this year.
2 of 13 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on September 1, 2008 10:55 AM
The HOH competeition left my husband and me laughing from the outset. The minute we saw a carnival game, we started talking about how easily they can be fixed...so we knew Jerry would win it. And sure enough...after a throw from Dan where his ball made a suspicious leap to another number down the row, Jerry was ahead. What a shocker.
On the other hand, taking Jerry to the final would be good strategy for anyone else. His only argument to win is, "I'm old."
3 of 13 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 1, 2008 11:15 AM
Cheer up. In the Keesha's laugh montage she didn't have always have the gap -- so she has a false tooth she wears on occasion.
I still say that they'll be smart to take Jerry to the final two. He's such an asshole, pretty much anyone could win against him. I'm so proud of myself for recognizing what a dickhead he was from the very first episode, I could just go to a shopping mall and whip out an AK47.
I didn't think about the HOH game being rigged -- I have no contact with the Big Brother viewing audience, other than through TVgasm --why would BB want Jerry to win? Is it possible that in middle America Jerry's a hero?
Shit, that means another four years of goddamned republicans fucking everything up...
4 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 1, 2008 12:12 PM
I understand liking Dan, Renny, and Memphis. But, Keesha? Really? What single thing has she done that is redeemable? She's Danielle-lite, and I really hope she somehow goes home this week.
5 of 13 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on September 1, 2008 1:25 PM
Schoon: I found it interesting that with editing, Dan's bell now rang when he won (and he only had to bang on it once, not twice.) If it had rung during the live show, Chenbot wouldn't have been so flustered!
I think Keesha's voice is way worse than her laugh. Jerry's imitation of her laugh WAS creepy though!! Yikes!
Is Renny the first houseguest to sleepwalk? I don't remember ever seeing anyone else in all these years. She was so funny!
6 of 13 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on September 1, 2008 1:35 PM
itchy...I don't think it was so much the producers wanting Jerry to win as wanting to throw a monkey wrench in the alliance's plan.
Keeps things interesting.
7 of 13 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 1, 2008 1:36 PM
Dan's ball leaping down 10 spaces was VERY suspicious. I am not a big conspiracy theorist...but that one just didn't look right at all.
Oh well, I wanted a Renny/Dan final two, but if it works and somehow they do get Renny put up after the Veto- it is the smartest thing. No one would win against her in the F2.
8 of 13 | Posted by serjen | Posted on September 1, 2008 2:20 PM
I think Memphis is hilarious, and Dan too. I cracked up when he was talking about Jerry's hissy story and how his stories are "not exciting, usually don't make sense and aren't funny."
And then Dan saying at the end of a long day, how the last thing you want is to hear one of Jerry's story. He is the typical old guy who thinks he is more important than everyone else and just because he's old, he can say and do whatever he wants and people care what he thinks. (Thankfully my grandma doesn't have the internet or else she'd know i was talking about her too!)
9 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on September 1, 2008 2:39 PM
I am sooooo thankful that the editing team chose to give us the abbreviated version of Jerry's Hissy story. It was boring enough as it was! The looks on the houseguests' faces as they feigned interest were great...especially Keesha's when Jerry finally finished.
10 of 13 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on September 1, 2008 4:17 PM
Cattyfan--that's what I was thinking too. Although it could have been interesting to see this alliance implode.
I thought Keesha played pretty well -- she won a lot of key competitions, influenced a lot of crucial votes and definitely helped steer the course of the game. And of course she's pretty easy on the eye, in that weird sort of reality television show way.
At any rate, she's been much more important to the show than Memphis who, frankly, hasn't done squat this entire time.
I'm still hoping it's Dan for the win. He's the only one who seemed to have an existing and consistent game plan. And he's pretty likeable for a religious republican idiot.
11 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 1, 2008 10:57 PM
When I first read Dan's CBS BB profile I thought I would HATE him. Surprisingly, I don't.
I would have preferred to see the fantastic four (did they ever decide on a group name?) be the final four but Jerry's win will make the final episodes more interesting. They ALL did their parts to get this far. The most important being; sticking to their word and being loyal to the other three. Dan, of course, deserves to win.
12 of 13 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 2, 2008 7:49 AM
Keesha's damn tooth. It's just scary....HOLD ME Fozie!
I HOPE DAN GETS BOOTED OUT!!! Yeah he's a good player I just want RENNY TO WIN!!!
GOOO RENNY!!
GO BUCKEYES!!
13 of 13 | Posted by thisismarty | Posted on September 2, 2008 11:47 AM