I noticed the chenbot malfunction early on also. When she looked back at the TV screen, then jerked her head back around, it was hysterical. I knew TVgasm would catch it!

I also love the shot of the houseguests in the living room, watching the chenbot head on the TV screen. Too funny!

Michael going was predictable, but now I love Janelle even more, she's hot and a bad girl (according to smokinggun anyway).

If possible, Kaysar's comments were spliced together worse than Homer's when he appeared on "Rock Bottom" to defend himself against the accusations of sexual harrassment.

I am so happy Kaysar won HOH. Bye, bye Ivette!

Good, altough predictable show last night. I hated to see Michael go but kinda iffy on Janelle now.

Last week Janelle destroyed any stereotypes of blonds I may have had and this week she not only reinforced those stereotypes but added a new dimension. How can you break up with your boyfriend on national TV? And for a guy (Michael) whose not an investment banker? Janelle, you are officially a dingbat.

Somebody upgrade the Chenbots' RAM asap.

PS. Was that a Real Doll on Holly's bed? Nasty girl.

PS 2. Did anyone notice Howie hugging Micheal several times during the departure and then pinching his butt as he left. Wierd. Implode Howie...implode. Your time is coming Mr. Elimidate.

PS 3. I have several problems with changes in the shows format. I HATE THE THEME MUSIC. And during the questioning sessions they cut out the "I vote to evict..." leaving me in a tizzy during the commercial breaks waiting for the results.

I cannot believe I have been sucked into the Big Brother vortex! AARGH!

Did anyone notice at the beginning when Ivette and James were sitting next to each other on the couch, she had her hand casually draped over his leg? We all know that she isn't into boys (or IS she? Summer of Secrets!!), but Sarah strikes me as the jealous type and I can't imagine she'll take this casual touchy-touchy thing lightly.

BTW....nobody probably cares, but they said that Jace actually moved back to his hometown Decatur, Illinois.

Yah Jase is in Decatur, IL. The smelliest town in America. There's an ADM plant and tire plant there and it smells really bad.

BTW, it's not really country there. More like White Trash down by the river - type feeling.

I must admit, I have started watching Big Brother because of tvgasm (and because there's nothing else on non-cable TV during the summer) and I'm officially hooked.

I can't help but get all nervous for the Chenbot. You just KNOW she's the type who would go home and burn herself with lit cigarettes if she had a big fuckup. Is she reading off a teleprompter? I can't tell for sure.

I love Janelle too. She's so evil and manipulative and vindictive ... it's awesome. I hope she wins HOH sometime. That would surely make things interesting.

I HATE Ivette. She's beyond annoying. Does she honestly believe she's smart? GOD. I hope Kaysar votes her ass off pronto.

I'm starting to like Howie more and more. I think he's slowly starting to realize that he's not the most attention-getting, interesting, controversial house guest on the show like I'm sure he arrogantly assumed he would be.

I love how Julie Chen asked Ashlea and Michael - after they were evicted and she informs them of the $1,000,000 pairs-at-the-end twist - "What is your reaction to that news?"

What kind of reaction are they supposed to have? They got kicked out so they can't win it!!

Don't you mean, "NO ONE SAYS THAT ABOUT MY F*CKING SPATULA!" ?

I am so glad Kaysar got head of household. I hope he nominates Eric and either April, Ivette, or Maggie. Not that I dislike Maggie, but she is Eric's not-so-secret pal.

Greg's comment reminded me of something..

Does Julie not watch the show? Does she not read the recaps posted all over the internet?

Yeah? Then why does she ask the evicted houseguests if they are surprised to learn that they are not the only secret pair in the house?

Oh...but the best Chenbot malfunction of thenight was during the HOH competition when she mistakenly said wrong color for one of the answers. She was on the verge of total short circuit, but her programmers must have hit the reset button, as she moved on without even acknowledging her mistake, leaving the houseguests totally confused.

AND! If Howie gets his way, we'll be seeing Janelle break up with Michael 'on a television show' in an upcoming episode.

Howcum no comments about Howie hugging and kissing Beau in the background for no reason at all? Hello?

a) Howie likes wearing women's clothes

b) Howie hugs and kisses the guys whenever he can

Summer of Secrets indeed! Everyone's pretty transparent, looks like. Oh-Janelle's not a blonde, is she? That hair came out of a bottle, ergo, no dumb blonde analogies, please!

Interesting; during the show Michael, Janelle's true LOVE told her to "stick with Kaysar". Sage advice. I think Kaysar will pick off Eric and Maggie, just to destroy that pair. My guess, though, is that the guests will not vote Eric out. They'll keep him around as a henchman (and general entertainment value) for a while, then kick his ass back out to the Strip.

No doubt, this is THE most maladroit "reality" show on TV. The fun is in the stupidity, the flubs, the twisted logic and, of course, Moonves' squeeze. The chenbot is priceless. I'd love to see Sugar Daddy get her a talk show. OMG!

BB hooks all types and ages, folks. I'm in my 60s and love this mess.

Tony A. you're right.

I apologize for offending any real blonds.

Great recap (as usual), but I think you missed a great Chenbot moment. There was a spectacularly robotic handshake attempt when Michael exited the house. Julie reached out to shake his hand just as he turned to drop his bag. Although she didn't have his hand she still seemed to handshake the air as is the default in Microsoft's Handshake 6.0 . . . You could practically hear the servo-motors in her arm whirring. I was really hoping to see a video clip of it here this morning so I could relive it. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who saw this.

I know that the CBS execs must be shuffling their feet dejectedly as the Summer of Secrets has been completely figured out by some of the most dim-witted reality "stars" (and by stars I mean whores) to date.

I think a great surprise would be if they decided to have Ivette's jaw wired shut for the rest of the summer.

When Chenbot went to sit down on her little couch the first thing I thought was, "Awesome! They'll totally have a screenshot of her flashing us her crotch on TVGASM tomorrow."

And yeah, zander, I agree her most glorious fuck up last night was when she totally gave the wrong answer to the "not washing dishes/laundry" question and everyone just ignored her.

B-side,
LOVED the lesbian, Indigo Girls comment. I laughed so hard I actually wheezed out loud like an 80 year old with emphysema. You kill me!

Great recap, always love a Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel ref!

I loved seeing the faces of Eric, Ivette, and April when Kaysar won HOH. And... Maggie? Picking an ODD number of coconuts? If anything could be assumed about the number of "coconuts" on the "trees" it's that there was an equal number on each tree. I assume Janelle's answer of 30-something (correct answer:100) was an attempt to lowball it, The Price is Right style.

Another awkward Chenbot moment: When Michael tried to look at the monitor to his LEFT to see Kaysar's video. Chen was all, "to the right! to the right!" combined with one awkward pointing gesture. Geez, everything she does is comedic gold.

Blast you TVGasm!

I only watch this stupid show so I can be "in the know" when I read your awsome recaps and now I'm hooked!

I knew you guys would catch the "money shot" of the Chenbot right before she crossed her legs! Les is bitch slapping some camera man right now! And did you notice last week when the fight broke out there was some weird editing going on? When Eric comes out of the chair heading towards Michelle, Kaysar his holding him back but if you slow it down frame by frame you'll see that in one edit Kaysar is gone and Ivette is holding Eric back?

I think the doll on Holly's bed was Madame. Don't you remember her mannequin that she dressed up? I loved Holly. I thought she was hilarious.

I still think that Cowboy needs to be shot. He's white trash. Plain and simple. He needs to be eliminated. And not inviting your sister to your wedding. For shame. For shame.

I'm glad that someone else saw Howie with his arms around Beau. They looked awfully close. I knew this straight guy that was in acting school with all these gay guys and none of the girls were interested in him. He and his "best friend" used to "wrestle" ALL the time and sleep in the same bed. They would "nap" and "cuddle" all the time. The whole time, though, he said he was really into girls. And I did believe him. He was just so f*cking horny, he would screw an inflatable pool float of he could get his hands on one. I think that's like Howie, too. I wouldn't be surprised if he boinked Beau's red balloon knot before the summer is over...SUMMER OF SECRETS>>>

Awesome recap! I gotta disagree with you though brother. Julie Chen is smokin hot. And, my girlfriend told me that gold dress was Versace.

Jase gave up and went home? HI-LARIOUS! Did anybody else get the impression that he's living with his mother? I wonder how many West Hollywood back alley blow-jobs he had to give to buy that chopper. I guess he traded in the rouge and eyliner and scarf-and-blazer-in-august look for BDSM biker-chic. Lookout, folks: Jase Wirey and his Village People tribute band, coming soon to your local gay bar!

Good thing they dragged in the old houseguests, 'cause between the utter predictability of michael's eviction, eric's circular logic and pathetic rationalizations, and michael's velveeta come-on lines, this one was pretty much a snooze. i'll never get tired of watching the chen-bot's hard-drive freeze up (maybe les has been downloading too much virtual porn), and watching janelle remorselessly blow off her sugar-daddy on national TV was a treat (she may yet endure long enough to become the best reality TV vixen since Aimee the lipstick-lesbian feminazi from Survivor). but BB is best when the scheming is intense, and after tuesday, we knew how this one was going to go.

but, praise allah, kaysar saved the day (and his own ass, for at least a week) by winning HOH! salaam! it's going to be fun to watch cap'n cue-ball and his xenophobic lackeys grovel. lookout, god and jesus--muhammad's in the house!

BB is the free-base coke of reality TV shows: you know it's not healthy, but it FEELS SO GOOD.

you all have seen the pre-hot Julie vs. current Chenbot, right?

http://www.goodplasticsurgery.com/archives/004877.html

excellent recap! I too watch only for the tvgasm treatment.

B-Side - you disappoint me! How can you not even mention Michael's turned up collar?

Did anyone else think Diane looked like Juliette Lewis? Also, not only did Jase have to move back home to Decatur, IL, he's also a used car salesman now! Oh, how I love sweet karma.

I always thought Diane looked like Juliette Lewis from Jump Street. She pre-repulsed me even before learning what an incredibly foulmouthed, tore-up-from-the-floor-up skankweed she was.

I could easily go the rest of my life without seeing those thick-necked bruiser twins or ever hearing their Brad Garrett-like baritones ever again.

Jase recently turned up on MySpace, claiming in his profile to be a hardcore Christian now. At least Scott, as evidenced by his "manifestos" at The Fishbowl is still keeping it real, batshit-style.

Was I just drunk? No one's mentioned what I thought was such a TVgasm-esque highlight:

After Kaysar won and they were running the end credits music, I swear Howie said something to the effect of, "Be good this week. No boobie talk!" Anyone else catch that?

Alice, that can't be Julie Chen!!! OMG she was not upgraded but totally redesigned. Chenbot Optiplex 3000 baby. Fortunately for us her motherboard hasn't been touched.

I am so happy that Kaysar won HOH. He should nominate Ivette and tell her she was nominated because he doesn't respect loud-mouthed, ignorant women. But, alas, he's much too nice and probally won't say a mean thing about whomever he nominates. He's still my favorte and I hope he goes far.

You are correct! Howie did say "No boobie talk". Very doubful that he will be able to follow through with it though. I guess he will just have to keep his focus on Beau and have more "penis talk" this week.

OMG, Jack... "lookout, god and jesus--muhammad's in the house!" That is TOO freakin' funny!!!

I was SO excited to see Kaysar win HOH. Just to rile some sh*t up. I was listening to a morning radio blowhard talk about BB6 (and thanks to TVgasm, I am now super attuned to ANY BB6 snark) and he said that he was against Kaysar from the get-go because he is "different" and a "Muslim." He went on to say that as a Muslim, wouldn't going on BB6 be against Kaysar's religion? Basically, ANY religion is against lying, sneaking and pimping for money. (Except, of course, Catholics!) I think it is awesome to have Kaysar on TV if only to get more middle-Americans to show off their collective ignorant asses over anything outside of their comfort zone. (And, yes, I am an ex-Catholic and a current American. :P)

Kaysar be Praised!

Down with the Cuban Bitch from Hell!

I subscribed to RealPlayer so I could watch them 24/7 and this season has been worth every penny so far. They are conniving more than any other season. The dynamic in the house is the best yet and I think I love Kaysar! They have been filming him sleeping lately and the cameraman/woman seems to be obsessed with his long eyelashes. Now I am too! James is a pig and I hope Sarah learns this before marrying him. He is trouble in an all-american boy costume.
I no longer like Eric because he seems to think he is the leader and everyone else should follow his command.

Hopefully, Eric's old followers will turn on him now that he's not HOH anymore. Seriously, they were only kissing his ass because they were afraid of him. Well, maybe April is dumb enough to keep listening to his lies.

I hope Kaysar and Janelle find each other and stick together. They are the only bearable houseguests and now they are both alone.

Why does Chenbot get so giddy when she's interviewing the evictees and she gets to tell them that they "never know what might happen"? She is so damn obvious!

I tried madeyoulaugh's yes/no game. That is so fun. I was cracking up.

"If Kristi Yamiguchi and an Oscar statuette had a lovechild, it would be Julie Chen". Summer Of Secrets!

The spatula thing was awesome!

How can we picture you playing a bugle if we DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE B-SIDE?! STUPID CENSORS!

This is my first season and I can see why you hated Holly so much.

The HOH game was so fun to watch.

Predictions for nominees: Ivette and Eric

Boot prediction: Ivette

okay long rant is over.

Watching Nikomas and Cowboy sit and attempt to make conversation was painful and harsh. She wasn't at his wedding? OUCH! Good to see that discovering your unknown brother on reality tv turns out to be so healthy. Chentastic Big Brother!
I hope Kaysar shows some balls and nominates some of the loudmouths. Glad he is HOH - I predict Crappy's paranoia will peak this week. However, I think any smart player in this house will keep Crappy around for the last vote "no one will vote for him" factor, because by the end, they all will hate him.
Go Kaysar! You are the shiite!
PS Brat Camp recap????

also, as michael was walking out, notice that howie grabbed for his ass.

How about Cowboy's long and dirty ( extremely dirty ) fingernails? Musta been scratching his ass....

First season ever watching bb and I'm loving it. This recap is hilarious.
>>raycho the correct number of coconuts was actually 184 100 was the closest answer without going over by of course Kaysar.
Has anyone else notice that crappy, the fireman, after the first pov competition was lying on the ground exhausted while others were walking around. Then in the second competition he had the slowest time?