Heading into tonight's episode of Big Brother, we all pretty much knew what would happen. Adria would bully people around, CBS would try to misdirect us into thinking she'd have a shot at staying in the house, and then the roommates would vote her out unanimously. Yawn. Oh, but this ain't no Bunim/Murray production. With firecrackers like Adria and Marvin hanging around and malfunctioning robots like Julie Chen ready to wreak havoc, we should have known that tonight's episode would be full of bizzaro fights, schemes, and facial expressions - mostly on live TV. And honestly, isn't that what we really want out of life?
Where to begin? I suppose we can start with Marvin who won the award for most devious scheme of the week. This crafty guy decided to rot the Drew/Diane alliance from the inside out. No, he didn't start a rumor that Diane hates American Eagle. Even worse. Marvin made a pass at Diane. Well, not a pass, but a little kiss on the forehead. Of course, this was carefully executed in the presence of Cowboy, who's about as observant as a toddler with a blindfold on. It didn't take long for Michael to report back to Drew that Diane kissed Marvin. To the amusement of all viewers, Michael made it sound like the two swapped spit for about twenty minutes by the bathtub - former romantic stomping grounds for Scott and Jase. Note to self: one Michael is the equivalent of twelve kids in the game of Telephone.
Upon hearing of his honey's cheatin' ways, Drew promptly cut the ripcord and send Diane packing (mixed metaphors, I know). In a tense showdown which was nicely augmented by Big Brother's best selection of "DUNH DUNH DUNH!!!!" music, Diane sat speechless as Drew stonefaced dumped her ass. Around this time, we all were praising Marvin for one of the best reality schemes ever - that is until Drew let out his inner Ashton Kutcher and revealed that he had Punk'd Diane. Who would have thought that Drew would pull of such a fantastic bit of misdirection? It sort of put a damper on the Marvin adulations though. Even so, maybe Marvin's scheme wasn't that effective off the getgo, but I have faith it may lead to a Drew/Diane meltdown. I just don't know why Diane's first response to Drew's interrogation wasn't "Dude, me and Marvin?" That should have been enough for Drew to realize that no woman could intervene in Marvin's ongoing love affair with his stupid cigarette holder.
When Marvin wasn't honing his inner Iago, he and the rest of the household were diligently avoiding Adria, who had been sweetly dubbed "The Plague". The only person who couldn't avoid The Plague was Karen, who managed to get cornered at every instance by Adria. I personally think Karen should run for public office; she managed to come up with some of the most creative ways to be noncommittal. If Adria had asked "Are you going to bed now?", Karen would have replied "I don't know. I really can't think that far ahead. I sort of have to look after myself. But who knows? Maybe I will go to bed."
At the end of the day, despite Adria's best attempts to bully Karen to her side, the house guests all voted to kick out the floundering twin. She seemed to take the eviction well, merely saying "let me squeeze out" once Julie read the results. Of course, no one realized she meant "let me squeeze out this piece of emotional shit on you" because that's pretty much what she did next. Adria let loose a rambling speech that was sort of vengeful, sort of condescending, sort of heartfelt, and almost completely nonsensical. "I've always kept my word" she proclaimed. Yeah, Adria always kept her word, except, you know, for all those times when she didn't keep her word.
When Adria appeared to be finished, Karen swooped in for a "goodbye, now shut up" hug which didn't seem to work because Adria remembered she had one last zinger left: "Oh and Natalie says 'That's coming from both of us' so that's two more votes on the jury." I'm confused. Did Adria have Natalie on the phone or something? "Hey guys, Natalie also says she left her sock somewhere in the house so could the next person voted out bring it to her? It's her favorite."
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Comments (8)
I dont think I've ever laughed as hard as the clip with Julie's bizarre expression. Thank you for making me pee my pants again.
1 of 8 | Posted by Pat | Posted on September 3, 2004 6:30 AM
Me too, Pat! I have now watched that clip at least 27 times - thanks, B-Side!
2 of 8 | Posted by Caroline | Posted on September 3, 2004 6:57 AM
Well, I knew we were going to have to tolerate at least one more rambling, sports-cliche ridden, self-righteous and patronizing rant from Adria, but I couldn't have dreamed how beautifully disastrous her last little huddle speech would end up being.
And I must also give a shout out to B-side for the excellent Chenbot analysis--clearly CBS' sinister programmers (Clint Howard! Perfect!) are edging closer to making Artificial Intelligence a reality.
But I have to say, despite my admiration for Marvin's Shakespearian plot to spoil the love between pretty-boy Drew and potty-mouth Diane, I'm afraid it's going to backfire now that Drew is in power. There's nothing a lily-white frat-boy Ohio cracker like Drew hates more than the idea of a big black stud like Marvin coveting his woman. As Paul Mooney would say, "brothers is packin'." And let's face it: Diane ain't the kind of girl who even pretends to think size doesn't matter. Beware, Mandingo! The walking Abercrombie & Fitch catalog is out to get you!!
3 of 8 | Posted by jack | Posted on September 3, 2004 9:05 AM
I really thought I was the only one who noticed these little flourishes - the fake laugh, the awkward diarrhea moment, the extra kick during last week's episode..... I'm so glad to have TVgasm in my life.
4 of 8 | Posted by Greg | Posted on September 3, 2004 10:18 AM
oh my gosh! lol @ jack!! dude you are hilarious!
and so on point! i thought for sure adria was going to bust out diane about Will's nomination.
5 of 8 | Posted by CHICA MONTEZ | Posted on September 3, 2004 11:13 AM
Chica, I think Diane thought that was going to happen, too. While Adria was going on her tirade, Diane leaves the scene and starts randomly opening kitchen cabinets.
Great recap B-Side
6 of 8 | Posted by Bloob | Posted on September 4, 2004 3:59 PM
This is brilliant. Why? Because I was thinking the exact same thing. It's redundant. You aren't a dork, I appreciated it and thought that I was the only one that noticed it. Thank you B-Side, thank you.
7 of 8 | Posted by its_me | Posted on September 10, 2004 9:34 AM
And I quote:
--Meanwhile, Will kept his stupid karma boomerang saying alive and kicking. Now, it's a neat catch phrase, but I've really had some issues with its logic. I mean, Karma is like a boomerang - what goes around comes around. Will should have really said "If Karma exists, I'll be seeing you real soon" --
This is brilliant. Why? Because I was thinking the exact same thing. It's redundant. You aren't a dork, I appreciated it and thought that I was the only one that noticed it. Thank you B-Side, thank you.
8 of 8 | Posted by its_me | Posted on September 10, 2004 9:35 AM