Luckily Diane will never be considered an actual Horseman, which is good because that would have really screwed up Cowboy's math. Towards the end of the show, he tried to do a little numbers game, but wound up tripping over his words when he proclaimed "Two happy men, two... uh... two four horsemen... in the final four." I feared that if the producers hadn't stopped him, he would have rattled on with random numerical facts: "The four horsemen are down to two but I have my half sister which brings it up to two and a half, or maybe down to one and a half. But April and Chason are two more and then you got to figure Julie Chen, so now we have twelve, but I forgot me. Shewt. Where was I?"

When Michael wasn't trying to develop his own version of The Twelve Days of Christmas, he was displaying his tour de force karate skills which mainly boiled down to a spastic dog-peeing stance. His signature move was standing on one wobbly leg and unevenly kicking out with the other, all the while rotating his body 360 degrees. It was about as graceful as a jerky lawn sprinkler. The good news is that if Cowboy gets into a fight because of his amazing freak-dancing, he can always finish off his attacker with these martial arts moves, provided his opponent is either a man with no arms and no legs, or simply a fluffy pillow.

Still, Michael has come impressively far in the game, which led him to tell Nakomis that "our real father should be proud". Why's that? Because his kids wound up exploited on a reality TV show? Or because Michael was about to embark on the most convincing flamingo fakeout the world had ever seen?

A flamingo fakeout, you say? Okay, I gotta backup a little bit. Remember all that jive about Diane getting her act together? Well, I said that because she hatched a brilliant plan to turn the tables on Nakomis. Assuming that Michael and Drew would go up on the chopping block (which is what happened), Diane could use the veto to save her and Drew, forcing Karen up. And then Karen, of course, would be sent packing to the Jury House From Hell, courtesy of the house's resident couple: Driane (or Diew, haven't decided yet). Fantastic plan, but of course it hinged on the very risky stipulation that Diane win the Veto.