Do you ever lose faith in humanity? Do you ever think that idiots hold entirely too much power, and bigger idiots let them have it? I’m not really a cynic, but after last night’s episode of Big Brother, I may have to change my outlook on life. Sure, it’s only a reality show, and sure, the outcome doesn’t really affect my life beyond the world of TVgasm, but as the epic power struggle between Jase and Diane continues to shift towards the bandana’d one, there’s a nagging sense that we’ve hitched our ride onto the worst kind of leader: an idiot.
Diane, until this most recent episode, has proven herself to be a ballsy, cutthroat gal who’s not afraid to take on the bad boys. That’s all well and good, but if tonight’s episode taught us anything, this poor girl doesn’t have the mental fortitude to take the Four Horsemen down. This was most evident during the veto competition, which in this case was designed specifically to keep the power of veto away from people. The concept was simple: contestants gathered coins in their piggy bank. If someone accumulated more than twenty coins, they would be eliminated. So of course the logical thing to do would be stuff Jase’s piggy bank full of coins and be done with it. Everyone seemed to figure out that strategy, even Scott (who probably thinks a piggy bank is a where swine take out loans). Unfortunately, Diane spent so much time trying to figure out how she could win the veto that she never thought of how to keep Jase from NOT winning it. Therefore, the misguided girl diplomatically gave everyone one coin and then gave Jase a kind boost of four coins or so on top of that. It wasn’t enough to put him over the edge, but just enough to make sure he could clinch the victory.
Oy vey, Diane. It seems like when Holly left, she took Diane’s brain with her. Maybe Holly has some strange Frankenstein project with her creepy mannequin roommate. Anyway, the good news is that Diane is at least forthcoming about her lapse of brainpower. Even she had to ask how she got through four years of college. And by the way, Diane, we’re still waiting on that answer.
Sadly, this was not Diane’s only dumb move of the night. Her parting gift to the Horsemen, after assuring Jase’s veto victory, was nominating Marvin in his place. The mortician with the 1990 fade (the first and least offensive new hairstyle debuting this episode, but more on that later) was Scott and Jase’s first pick to go on the block. Adria – or actually Natalie – wisely pointed out to the women that obliging Scott and Jase on this nomination pick will just reaffirm the guys’ egos, but the twin unfortunately didn’t realize that Diane was going through a moronic phase, which meant she was going to put up Marvin anyway. My only hope was that this was a plan to completely blindside Scott, whom Diane had previously said was safe. If the Horsemen do think that they are sending out Marvin, and Scott goes instead, it will be priceless.
Now even though Diane takes the cake for making the stupidest decisions of the evening, the winner for biggest idiot is still up for grabs. As usual, Jase, Scott, and Michael are the nominees. The girls almost nabbed the title for their goofy attempts to unlock the secrets of the spy screen. Nakomis urged Diane to get in her sultan robe and slippers and command the spy screen to appear. Amazingly, this approach didn’t work. Maybe that’s because today’s technology isn’t robe powered. The girls did find the remote eventually, and with it came the realization that the guys have been hiding this semi-powerful tool from the rest of the house all this time. Adria was definitely not happy about that, but I digress. I’m supposed to be nominating biggest idiot, not angriest spy screen viewer.
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Comments (12)
I too think Jase & Scott made complete and utter asses out of themselves this week. I was actually disgusted by their antics at the PoV ceremony; I'm still having a hard time comprehending two grown men thought that was cool and acceptable behavior-even for reality tv. Diane made two stupid moves in last nights episode, and I hope they dont bite her in the toosh-until later. I dont think I could stomach a week of the Whoresmens gloating if Marvin exits.
1 of 12 | Posted by Rachel | Posted on August 4, 2004 6:11 AM
Cowboy is the biggest idiot. What man cries this much? Geez..
2 of 12 | Posted by John | Posted on August 4, 2004 9:07 AM
biggest idiot=julie chen
btw, its wasn't so much sultanish as it was more czarist
i feel like stalin and jase would have gotten along very well.
3 of 12 | Posted by jash | Posted on August 4, 2004 10:09 AM
diane putting up marvin was not a mistake, folks. trust us. read the live feeds, you'll understand. things are going along as planned.
btw, upon further viewing, i now believe jase's dishwashing glove was in tribute to brad pitt in fight club.
4 of 12 | Posted by sam | Posted on August 4, 2004 10:27 AM
Decoys rarely work. Occam's razor - the simplest solution is the best. In this, the year of Project Do Not Assume, don't make more assumptions about your opponents than absolutely necessary. The simplest and smartest play was to nominate Michael.
5 of 12 | Posted by J-Unit | Posted on August 4, 2004 11:16 AM
Jase and Scott tie for biggest idiot. If I did not dislike them so much, I would be embarassed for them. Why these 2 think they are such hot stuff is a mystery to me.
6 of 12 | Posted by Sara | Posted on August 4, 2004 11:44 AM
I thought they were funny at the Veto ceremony. It's about time someone lightened things up during these ceremonies. I'm tired of them having to explain the rules every friggin time they do something. WE KNOW how it works!
I think the biggest idiot is Diane. Anyone else notice that she always says the nicest things about Drew in and out of the Diary Room, but Drew NEVER Says the same type of stuff about her?
He is totally playing her!
7 of 12 | Posted by Stacy | Posted on August 4, 2004 11:49 AM
I thought their get-ups at the PoV ceremony were an homage to Dumb and Dumber, which was fantastically fitting, if you ask me.
8 of 12 | Posted by Kit | Posted on August 4, 2004 1:55 PM
Biggest idiot = Scott. Cheesse people, cheesse! Then again, Jase and Holly probably had the combined IQ of the pivotal Cheese-it that was used in Scott's breathtaking analogy. The idiot a la semaine was probable Diane, but over all, Scott and Jase take the cake.
9 of 12 | Posted by Rara Avis | Posted on August 4, 2004 2:29 PM
Can I just say how much I lurve your BB5 essays?
Arnold Shapiro said Diane made the worst mistake he's seen since Marcellas by not putting all her chips into Jase's piggy. Sadly, I think she agrees.
The best part about your Ed Grimley screen cap is that Jase's arm totally blocks Scott's face. Wait til Scott leaves (tomorrow I hope) and sees his coverage.
I agree about the glove and the Dumb and Dumber tribute.
10 of 12 | Posted by Snarkcake | Posted on August 4, 2004 6:12 PM
Scott is outta there.
And if he's not, then everyone is an idiot.
11 of 12 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on August 5, 2004 7:41 AM
Just found your site. Fantastic. Keep up the good work
12 of 12 | Posted by Ron A | Posted on August 5, 2004 12:07 PM