I have to apologize up-front for the brevity of the recap, but I had a friend in from out of town this weekend and some very important things to do.
Why so serious?
With Brian leaving the big brother house the douches mourn the loss of a fallen brother, while the ladies go all Nancy negative wondering who will piss them off next. Renny is just happy that she wasn't the first one out since her own flesh and blood son told her that he expected that. The guys are all still upset that Jerry broke his word, and Renny reminds everyone of this fact just to stir up some shit to divert attention away while she fixes her wig and reapplies her mole.
"I wear the mole on my inner thigh. Most people don't know it's there, but I do. I know."
Since Jessie is the head of house-hole, everybody is now gravitating toward him and laying off the shrunken head jokes. Dan feels that he is set to go on the block due to his misplaced devotion to Brian and is already dreading sitting that close to Renny for an extended period of time. Renny is fairly positive that she will be on that block, once again cursing the fact that she never learned how to use a doorknob which led to Jessie and Renny's Moonlighting bickering since day one.
I also have to take a moment to point out that Jessie is a raging douchebag. I really want to kick him until he's dead. He raves about his winning streak, having won a POV and HOH back to back, and boasts about his 18-inch arms not being able to fit on the screen. I'm not stating this hatred out of jealousy just because I get winded using a rotary phone. I legitimately hate him. But to spread the douchocity Memphis starts kissing Jessie's pimply ass immediately, so he's on my list too.
Next is Jessie's HOH room but I don't want to give him power by talking about, except I will say that the majority of pictures are of Jessie coated with baby oil and flexing the veins in his eye lids. Everyone comes to the room to wow at Jessie's pictures, and more importantly to wow at Jessie wowing at his own pictures, except Steven who doesn't go, probably for the same reason he didn't shower after gym: fear of getting a boner.
Somebody glued Jessie's head on a picture of a penis.
The coven, April, Michelle and Libra, all decide that Steven and Angie should go up on the block and are convinced that they can use their feminine wiles to bend a mere mortal like Jessie to do their bidding. To prepare for their chat with Jessie April hoists her tits up to her chin, Libra prepares inspiring speeches she stole from Obama and Michelle eats more corn chips. When they confront Jessie with this information he reminds them that Renny is his primary objective since she's powerful as an ox and as sharp as a whip. The ladies have to work on Jessie for a while before he realizes that Renny is just a sad old woman in a wig who can be taken care of at anytime down the road. Of course that's what people said about Evel Dick.
"OK I brought The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Did you remember the pig's blood and chicken feet?"
Jerry gets to spend a little quality time with Libra and Angie, telling them about his devotion to his wife of 54 years who has Parkinson's disease. I am not going to make a joke about his refusal to place her in a home because I'm counting on someone to change my jumbo diapers when the day comes. Angie and Libra are moved to tears by Jerry's profession of love for his wife and best friend, but not so much that they won't vote him out within two weeks. Mark my words.
For such a sweet guy, I was really surprised when he proceeded to say "pussy."
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Comments (31)
Checking into "dropping" in on the gang via skydiving into the backyard, just so's I can disrespect Jessie....and then SPANK him :p xooxoxOXOXxooxox
1 of 31 | Posted by BCsBadBunny | Posted on July 21, 2008 3:37 AM
I Tivo'd this episode and I was going to fast forward through the whole "whine" competition but I'm just too fascinated by Renny's back fat. That woman has got to be a HOOT to slow dance with!
SPOILER ALERT:
April's tits will be below her knees by the time she's 35.
2 of 31 | Posted by oywhatnext | Posted on July 21, 2008 5:46 AM
"Renny keeps standing under the dripping wine with her head up like Tim Robbins in the Shawshank Redemption."
That line alone was worth the price of admission.
Jesse, as annoying as he is, at least seems to have a plan, which is more than anyone could say about almost anyone from the past 2 seasons. He nominated Dan just to placate his friends but will steer things toward evicting Steven and Dan, who will then pledge his misplaced sense of loyalty to Jesse for the rest of the game.
These guys like Dan and Jerry . . . if keeping their word is so important to them, why would they even go on BB?
3 of 31 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on July 21, 2008 6:33 AM
I know I'm late to the party...but I've now joined the hating Jessie and Dan group. And I'm not too keen on April, Steven,and Libra.
I wonder if Renny will get crazier the longer she's on slop...
4 of 31 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 21, 2008 7:19 AM
I want to marry FozzieBear and as part of vows, read off his "kick til dead" list. Absolute genius. But can we add the entire cast of BB1, Gwyneth Paltrow, and everyone who refused to watch Love Monkey, therefore causing its abrupt cancellation and yet leaving JAG on the air for 100 seasons and allowing it to play in syndication?
And Jesse is a tool, bless his heart.
5 of 31 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 21, 2008 7:50 AM
"Jesse, as annoying as he is, at least seems to have a plan..."
Oh yeah, we heard his plan alright. He's going to play dumb and fool 'em all. Little do they know that he could be them all in a game of "chest". Yes, that's right chest. Your man with a plan actually thinks that's the name of the game - I rewound Tivo several times to be sure.
He has no plan except to evict Renny because she woke up his sleeping muscles one night long ago. The rest of the plan is to do whatever the scary women tell him to do.
I like Renny's plan better: Fly high in the crazy stratosphere like a rabbid bat, jet-propelled by moth balls and chianti. No one's going to the trouble of swatting her down. Not for a while, anyway.
6 of 31 | Posted by WoollyKatie | Posted on July 21, 2008 7:58 AM
bloop, bloop "...chest..."
bloop, bloop "...chest..."
bloop, bloop "...chest..."
7 of 31 | Posted by WoollyKatie | Posted on July 21, 2008 8:01 AM
Could we rename Jessie "Narcissus"?
8 of 31 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 21, 2008 8:47 AM
That last clip of Jessie in the diary room crooning how his 18" arms can't even fit on the screen was hilarious. Is Steven the only one who realizes that Jessie is a tool? Gotta love him for that. How is not going to see Jessie's HOH room a sign of disrespect??? Sheesh. To quote Dan (I think), "Jessie loves Jessie!"
9 of 31 | Posted by trink621 | Posted on July 21, 2008 10:17 AM
Did anyone notice Jessie during the HOH competition?
He looked up in the air and strained his creatine-bred muscle in pain so he could think!
I bet he was thinking
"owwww,this thought stuff hurts. Do I need more protein after this?"
Btw-why was 'Love Monkey' snatched away from viewers that loved it(including myself)
10 of 31 | Posted by hoxharding | Posted on July 21, 2008 10:26 AM
I was all with you on your Kick 'Til Dead List (in fact I'd be happy to help you with Kirsten Dunst) but then I got to the bottom...Morgan Freeman, really?
11 of 31 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on July 21, 2008 11:02 AM
By Ollie's own logic, if he had drank a sip of the wine during the food challenge after previously kissing April and once shaken Steven's hand, then he would now be a gay, white alcoholic.
12 of 31 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 21, 2008 11:07 AM
I was all with you on your Kick 'Til Dead List (in fact I'd be happy to help you with Kirsten Dunst) but then I got to the bottom...Morgan Freeman, really?
Yes, and he knows why! Sanctimonious, freckle-faced, know-it-all ass-tard.
As far as Jessie is concerned: this jerkwad seems to think he's Janelle. He's playing dumb and sticking his chest out, and thinking he's foolong them all. I know Janelle. I have fantasized about Janelle. And you, Jessie, are no Janelle. He can't go down fast enough.
13 of 31 | Posted by Fozziebare13 | Posted on July 21, 2008 11:34 AM
Those are freckles? I always assumed he took a face full of buckshot for being a sanctimonious know it all ass-tard.
Wow - I only had to scroll up 4 times to make sure I spelled sanctimonious the right way!
14 of 31 | Posted by oywhatnext | Posted on July 21, 2008 11:56 AM
hoxharding is now my internet BFF..LOVE MONKEY FOREVER.
I once thought I spotted Morgan Freeman (or as my daughter insists upon calling him Mr. Clark)in Times Square and I ran across the street to get a picture with him (because I am tourist from the south and things of this nature is expected of me)and turns out it was the wax museum. Being the hick that I am, I took a picture anyway and then came home and lied about meeting him. My daughter loves to tell people the story of how her mother met "Mr. Clark" That is all (bless my heart)
15 of 31 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 21, 2008 12:29 PM
Coven is exactly right. I'm so sick of those girls already. They are convinced that whoever is not in the room at that moment is against them. Just tie yourselves together already.
16 of 31 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on July 21, 2008 12:42 PM
Fozzie, , I'd have Tommy Girl and Nicholas Cage at the top of my kick list--there are few people I hate that much, and I try not to hate (bless my heart) I also hate Jordin Sparks, which means, I am going to hell, I have no right to hate one that young, but f those fakers!!!
I'm so glad Renny has an off switch and found it in time to keep us entertained, I can't wait till she actually makes a friend--note to HG's, don't sit next to Renny and Jerry for food competitions! Ahduh! Although, if she could have projectile vomited all the wine she was collecting, ala Tim Robbins, they'd have won for sure. Nice to know April is not failing in the drama dept--is she still gettin some with Ollie, or is he over her, real rack or not!
Lastly, gay cowboy is such a blank, I hate closety gays, for one, and he just seems so wimpy, even Dan is better than him, and coming from me, that's a lot! I hate it that someone who uses that heinous word we've previously debated is the one educating the religious bigot on the ways of gays . . . ugh! BB can't seem to get the gay's right, except Marcel and Bunky, I guess . . .
17 of 31 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 21, 2008 4:45 PM
Juddfan,
I don't think Jerry or Renny was awful in the food competition at all. Renny was coming back with some pretty full glasses; it wasn't her fault the falling wine was in short supply from the other team. And as far as Jerry goes, how was he supposed to plug the holes when April kept throwing them over the target? If anyone sucked in that comp it was her.
18 of 31 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on July 21, 2008 6:09 PM
Maybe the reason we keep losing every war we start is because the army's full of craven backstabbers like Jerry?
I mean, jeez, can you flip your loyalties any faster? Man, I'd have hated to be in his platoon: "What's that soldier? You're shot? Well, here, have another bullet. See ya later!"
I just feel sorry for his wife. You know he's going to dump her too, pretty soon. Because it's obvious that the real reason he flipped was to stare at the coven's tits as long as he can.
As for Jessie...ick. I'm trying to remember what cartoon character he reminds me of.
Only ones I kind of like are Angie, Keesha and Steven. Which of course means they'll all get voted out first.
19 of 31 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 22, 2008 9:51 AM
I HATE JESSIE I HATE JESSIE I HATE JESSIE!
Ok, I just had to get that out there. I can't think of words bad enough to call him. I think you might have something there when you say he wants to be Janelle, Fozzie, awesome recap by the way, hilarious.
Why can't these people try to be their own new set of awesome rather than try to recreate Will, Kaysar, and Janelle? None of them are playing the game well at ALL so far. Kicking Brian out was a really stupid mistake - when Libra said her biggest target was out of the house, I laughed in her child abandoning face. If she really thinks Brian was her biggest threat, when he was probably the worst player of them all (thus getting kicked out first) that's sad for her. And Angie, as much as I like her, she could have totally said a LOT more to Jessie after his little "chest" speech. Doesn't anyone know how to take a target off of their own back and put it on someone else's? Still, better game playing than season 9 I suppose.
20 of 31 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on July 22, 2008 9:58 AM
You're right, Justjessie, and I'm sure in upcoming comps viralness wont be a factor, but still, after the honey and rope pulling, at least Renny isn't a he-woman!!! In fact I love her just for being a N'orleans lush! They should do a drinking comp just to favor her once! How long b4 the HG's start wearing her wigs!?
21 of 31 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 22, 2008 10:42 AM
I keep hoping they get naked and go in the pool like in BB9. I'm dying to know if REnny has a Merkin to match every wig!
22 of 31 | Posted by oywhatnext | Posted on July 22, 2008 11:36 AM
Many thoughts....Who thought that was real wine? I think it was water with a little food coloring. Would BB really spring for real wine? And wouldn't someone like Michelle jump in the vat and suck it down?
It has already been said 1000 times, but I can say it a 1000 more: Jessie is a tool! Is he really that much in love with himself? He is such a f-ing douche. Seriously. I would throw acid in his face if I met him. I hate that f*cker.
This is not a spoiler because I doubt it would air, but has anyone been reading other websites about what is going on with Jerry in there. Apparently, he is a big old perv. He told Keesha he could imagine masturbating about her. Yuck!!!! I seriously doubt CBS will show that.
23 of 31 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 22, 2008 2:26 PM
ok, i kinda like jessie, he says funny things sometimes, but yeah he is really cocky and a tool. does he remind anyone else of Madame? the puppet from the 70s that was on Solid Gold and Hollywood Squares?
24 of 31 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on July 22, 2008 2:30 PM
Ok - I have to say this ---I absolutely loooove Fozzie Bare's recaps. He is usually right on too. I tend to disagree with the Morgan Freeman line though, but this may be because I'm ancient and like the oldies. Anyway back to the show ---- I think I am liking me some Ollie. I can't seem to find anyone to like this year. As soon as I find one something happens and I end up hating. I was a Jerry fan to begin with, but given me a break, he flipped way quick. If he is really being a perv on after dark that disgusts me. Usually I like this, but oddly enough not from Jerry. Keep up the good work Fozzie, flipit and schoonie. Love your recaps, but have decided to adopt Fozzie as my own.
25 of 31 | Posted by tresjolie3 | Posted on July 22, 2008 3:52 PM
Itchy: As for Jessie...ick. I'm trying to remember what cartoon character he reminds me of.
Johnny Bravo?
26 of 31 | Posted by Alafoss | Posted on July 22, 2008 4:37 PM
'why so serious'....very apropos, Joker-style.
27 of 31 | Posted by sinatrafan | Posted on July 22, 2008 4:52 PM
Jessie with the mustache:
ooh-la-la!
Steven calling Jessie a TOOL. Finally, Steven "man's up."
I think they should put all the girls in T-shirts with their names on the fronts of the T-shirts cause I can't remember who any of them are. They all look the same to me.
28 of 31 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on July 22, 2008 5:58 PM
I think they should put all the girls in T-shirts with their names on the fronts of the T-shirts cause I can't remember who any of them are. They all look the same to me.
Mr. Dangerous, here is a quick guide.
Renny - old woman who look like the lady who play Ms. Plaxton on the Golden Girls. Also bares a striking resemblence to Debbie Reynolds if Debbie Reynolds was on Jenny Craig
Libra - she is the only black woman in the house. Hard to miss. Also, has a flat axx which is grounds for being run out of the hood by picthfork welding townsfolk
April - humping the only black guy in the house.
Keesha - looks just like Danielle if Danielle ever got a decent meal.
Angela - Asian girl, big boobs
Michelle - big wall of hair, face like a frying pan
I think I covered them all and I hope it helps :0)
29 of 31 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 23, 2008 8:38 AM
Michelle - big wall of hair, face like a frying pan
Fay, didn't you mean to end with (bless her heart)!
30 of 31 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 23, 2008 10:24 AM
juddfan, thanks for helping me out LOL!
31 of 31 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on July 23, 2008 11:32 AM