Next Julie takes a chance to chat in privacy with Jessie. She asks him why he thinks the houseguests refer to him as a body without a brain? This is the same heartbreak Cybil Shepherd faced in the 70s, but luckily doesn't have to worry about anymore. Jessie doesn't understand the question but expresses more concern that CBS should invest in wide angle lens cameras to capture the full shape of his 18-inch biceps.
"Maybe you should get another camera behind me to capture my glutes too. We have to give America what it wants."
When time for the evictions Dan delivers a heartfelt message to his housemates that he simply wants a chance at redemption for his treacherous actions the first week and only hopes that they can give him another....blah blah blah. When Steven delivers his speech it is quite possibly the most brilliant soliloquy in recorded reality TV history, with Survivor Susan from season one now a close second. See transcript:
"I would just like to say that at the beginning when we first moved in, I made a choice, and I immediately regretted that decision. But looking back on what I've learned in this house I've learned some amazing things. For example, it takes several thousand volts of electricity to make the gas in a neon light flow. I also learned that derrière is the hardest porno password ever. It's not delivery, it's Di Giorno. So as I look back I just have to ask myself, what would Willy do? So I would like to tell you all one last message. Suck it bitches."
I am officially joining the gay rodeo circuit. We all knew it was just a matter of time.
Despite Steven's brilliant speech which included pornography, instant pizza, and conservation, all nine eligible houseguest vote to evict him. Sad goodbyes all around before Steven leaves the Big Brother house to applause and cheers from the live studio audience. When Julie gets a chance to sit down with Steven and ask him questions about his gameplay and how he can do those things to another dude, we also get to see the goodbye messages that his houseguests recorded. They're all standard "miss you," "sorry to see you go" "K.I.T." "Have a great summer" messages.....except Jessie's? Jessie takes this moment to tell Steven that it was great to work out with him and hopes that Steven will take inspiration from Jessie's rock hard abs and bulging biceps to achieve the physique that Steven has always wanted. OK we're all smart, resourceful people. What can we do to make this dude suffer? Think people. I'm picturing something with a laxative and a protein shake.
"Ahh that's so swee....wait. Seriously?"
It's sad to see Steven go but at least this means that this walking wang, Jessie, is finally out as HOH. To prepare for this week's HOH competition the staff decided to effectively screw with the houseguest's heads and give them the gaslight making them each think they're insane. At random moments through the week, the Producers would let one of the houseguests see a big-eyed, green alien staring at them through the two-way mirror, causing the person who sees it to scream and Renny to pee a little. Before the competition random decorative items were removed from the house and the Houseguests have to answer questions about what was stolen by the alien to win the HOH, because aliens are notorious for subtle, subversive redecorating when you're not looking.
"Ahhhh! It's Gwyneth Paltrow!!"
Two by two the houseguests face off, just like Moses would make them do, about the items that have been abducted it......O I just got that! Abducted. Aliens. Very clever, Julie. Anyway, we come down to Keesha and Libra squaring off in a sexy, interracial women-in-prison-movie sparring match. When Libra screws the pooch, metaphorically unlike Jessie, Keesha takes the prize and it crowned the new HOH.
Caged Heat 8: Big Brother Edition
Well what did you think? Who hates Jessie by a show of hands? Who thought Jerry was an adorable old man during week one but is quickly getting sick of that Bea Arthur impression? Who think Ollie and April will get a spin-off on VH1? Discuss.
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Comments (15)
"Next Julie takes a chance to chat in privacy with Jessie. She asks him why he thinks the houseguests refer to him as a body without a brain?" His response of "Could you repeat the question?" was the perfect answer.
And I loved Jessie's goodbye to Matt...all about Jessie and how he's been a great role model foe Steven learning to build his body.
Renny has gone from Carrie Fischer, post-rehab, to Marilu Henner, pre-Apprentice. Equally scarey.
Also, I think you meant "Noah" not "Moses." Maybe we should check with Catholic Dan...or Ollie's dad.
1 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:12 AM
Fozzie -- your recap was awesome.
Love the "chicken salad" & "wet myself" response for Jerry. He's getting on my nerves.
And what the hell is wrong with Jessie? He is infatuated with himself and his goodbye message to Steven was embarrassing.
My favorite right now is Keesha.
--Eric
2 of 15 | Posted by ericantaki | Posted on July 24, 2008 8:26 AM
What a show. The Chenbot looked like an ingridient of General Tso's Chicken.
I was expecting to see the cast of Little People, Big World when they cut to Jessie's family so I was a bit disapointed to see that they look pretty much like most of the families I see spending their assistance checks at the Dollar Store.
I was contemplating throwing in a Kukla, Fran & Ollie reference in here somewhere but don't want people to know that I'm old enough to have served in the war of 1812 with Jerry.
Great recap. I look forward to these more than I do the actual show.
3 of 15 | Posted by oywhatnext | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:03 AM
Chenbot's couture prison jumpsuit took the cake.
Why have a studio audience when they can't even ask their damn questions posed to the houseguests?
I still don't get why Steven was a threat to get out of the house. His final deliberation to the other houseguests was the best. Chenbot almost exploded computing what he just said.
4 of 15 | Posted by foxbasealpha | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:56 AM
Where to start. First of all - give me a break, seriously - who dresses the chenbot!!!! That big orange prison suit was horrible!!! Ok enough with the fashion. I'm going to agree with oywhatnext Jerry is really starting to irritate me. Wouldn't you love to watch the chenbot and producers in the BB house next season! I'm just guessing that the bot would be the showmance queen of all time. Seriously, I think probably Keesha is #1 this week, with Jerry being the first week and Ollie the second. Love you Fozzie.
5 of 15 | Posted by tresjolie3 | Posted on July 24, 2008 1:29 PM
One quick bone to pick with you Foz:
Nothing, ever, ever, will ever rival Sue's insane "Rats and Snakes" diatribe.
On the other hand: How many different kinds of ways did Stephen rock last night?
Please, please, please, let there be a "Bring Back One Houseguest" twist this summer.
6 of 15 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on July 24, 2008 2:20 PM
I can certainly see why you would wonder about a VH1 show . . . seems they're doing one on Youtube as we speak!
As much as I love me some gay cowboy, that Steven wasn't one of 'em, I'm actually glad to see him go, though he never did much, is it me, or did he look uncomfortable all the time!!!
Didn't see the show, so I'm not flush with fresh Jessie hate, and if she's so concerned with herself, why should i waste my energy, it was clear the first sentence . . ."I'm a natural body builder, Believe it or not!" Oh my my , Jessie, you are so buff, and that's natural, are you sure, coz I see some zits on your back I can pop for you!" Guess I'm channeling Michelle with that one!
7 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 24, 2008 3:44 PM
Im on board with Keesha this week as well but... does she ever mean what she says because it seems like she is very correct in her thinking but she ALWAYS just does what the house tells her to do. And is she missing teeth on her left side or am I nuts?
As for Jerry, I actually liked him better this week than last week personaly, I mean at least he stopped repating himself like last week.
Renny is a hoot, and I think Dan might be a great player but we will just have to wait and see if he is really sooooo loyal to Jessie or not. They voted out Steven because of his bond with Brian and Dan who was Brians BFF and even gave hime a vote (which I thought was pretty cool and ballsy), has convinced all he is the second coming. Jurys out but if He turns it all over on his "alliance" that'd rock!
Jessie's goodbye was just so narccisistic it was hard to believe, every time I think he tops out at being a complete asshole he out does himself. Yuck.
April also creeps me out but I like Ollie
Just some babbling thoughts..........
8 of 15 | Posted by mistichristi | Posted on July 24, 2008 4:07 PM
I'm a big Ollie and Keesha fan right now. Unfortunately, that puts me on the side of Libra and April, but I'll take them over Jessie.
My hand is raised so high in my hate for him that I just sprained something.
It seems that he got his arrogant tooliness from his mommy telling him every night before bed that he's not a weasel. Who knew.
9 of 15 | Posted by loiseau_chante | Posted on July 24, 2008 5:51 PM
Still lovin' my boy Jessie. I would lurv to be a houseguest;lazily laying on the couch while Jessie, almost naked, poses for me.
It would be Christmas in July!
Yes, I do agree about Jerry. He's icky. Plus, he doesn't seem to know where he is all the time. I wish someone would slap him back into reality OR I wish he would have a SHOWMANCE with Renny.
Liking Zodiac's make-up on eviction nights. She's the only one who appears to make an effort. Steven finally acted like a (gay)MAN on the night of his eviction. I finally saw some of his personality that didn't involve tears or sadness or melancholy.
I miss GAY WILL from a couple of seasons back AND Bunky AND Marcellas (the Marcellas from the first time around because the Marcellas from the second time around was just TOO bitter) AND my favorite, of all, Josh.
Sweet, misogynist, pudgy, "small down there" Josh.
sigh....
10 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on July 24, 2008 5:54 PM
I loved Steven's speech so much I have changed my name in his honor. But #6 is right, nothing can outdo Sue's.
Hate the fact that Libra's alliance is giving me flashbacks to that stuuupid "friendship" group in BB6. I was sweating bullits that she would win HOH.
11 of 15 | Posted by suckitbitches | Posted on July 25, 2008 12:04 PM
Great recap, Foz! For a long time, I couldn't really tell the difference between Memphis and Steven, but now I can. Memphis is the one still in the BB house.
I think you and flipit should be "buckle bunnies" on the gay rodeo circuit.
12 of 15 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on July 25, 2008 12:34 PM
ALL HAIL THE NEW KING OF REALITY TELEVISION:
"It was great working out with you. I'm glad that you actually know how hard I've worked at what I've done, and you have the potential to take your physique somewhere that you know that you want it and now I hope that you know that your goals are within reach just by me trying to lead by example."
Sorry, he definitely kicked Steven's ass there with the speech. I really hope King Jesse stays in for a few more weeks and keeps it up -- the best revenge will be when he gets out and discovers how hard the world has been laughing at him.
Wonder what they put in those 'all natural' steroids...
13 of 15 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:05 PM
Fozzie, please will you call Jessie WALKING WANG from now on?! That is very friggin' funny, I almost died laughing when I read WALKING WANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
14 of 15 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on July 27, 2008 7:34 AM
Nice recap. You forgot that April likes Ollie because she can "conversate" with him.
Also, Keesha looked hot during the HOH competition.
15 of 15 | Posted by echo27 | Posted on July 27, 2008 8:45 AM