I can't believe it's summer already! Beach trips, cookouts, and Big Brother! I've waited a year for this and I'm not going to miss a thing. Today I took a swim at Coney Island and then walked around shirtless for a while in Chelsea and then came right back here for a heaping helping of Summer's greatest treat, Big Brother. It was a little brisk out today, but I still got a tan.
Get this guy a towel.
With Parker and Jen in control this week, Ryan is sweating a sigh of relief knowing that he will be safe considering his life partner is making the choice with her CBS chosen show-partner, Parker. Moose is fidgety and anxious, mostly from the coke, but also because he knows that his tenuous relationship with Sheila is causing a disturbance in the Big Brother force.
To win over the crowd, Moose starts talking about what a good person he is, including the non-profit he started that gives haircuts to kids with special needs. He continues, unfortunately, and says, "So the retards can get it together and get their hair done." An awkward pause follows before Sheila advises Moose not to use that word, but Moose feels that working the mentally challenged gives him the right to call them whatever he wants. Matt, while still a douchebag, knows enough to stay out of this conversation.
Well, it is good to know that there is someone for retard hair. And I'm not surprised that it's Moose.
During Sheila's talking head she admits that she does have friends and family who are mentally challenged. I'm assuming most of them were also Penthouse Pets. Sheila is trying to fit in with the girls, with her hair in pigtails, sucking on a lollipop and drinking a red bull. She confesses to her girlfriends that she doesn't want to go home and finds Adam too creepy to continue as his partner. While she's going on about how one of her best friends has Downs Syndrome (probably Hugh Heffner) Adam lumbers in to retrieve some moose chow from the fridge.
Sheila takes the opportunity to sit down with him and explain why what he said was so wrong. Adam feels that since the kids are retarded, he should be allowed to call them retards, just like the way he calls Japanese people JAPS, calls his Israeli friend IZI, and calls Jewish people dirty, greedy, lying JEW bastards. Sheila uses herself as an example saying that whereas she is haggard and slutty, people shouldn't call her a hag or a slut.
How bout whiney and obnoxious?
Allison is sitting cross-legged on the counter telling Ryan that she feels as though she and him have a very weird, instant connection. Ryan stumbles and fumbles over his words while continuing to look over at his girlfriend Jen. Allison asks if she is his type, and Ryan replies that that everything he has seen so far makes him feel that in the right conditions, under the right circumstances and in dim lighting that yes she could be his type, potentially, someday, maybe. Allison giggles at his profession of love and goes on to say that she is a tomcat in the sack and he could do anything he wanted to her and he could even videotape it. "I mean seriously, you could like poop on me."
Jen later confesses that Ryan is her nutter-butter-peanut-butter-sugar-boogar and he means everything to her. She says it's very hard being separated from him and especially hard watching him poop on Allison's chest in the next bed.
Later, Ryan and Jen steal a moment to chat as a couple about the odd predicament they are in. Parker asked her earlier if she minded if he sleeps in only boxers and Jen told him that he can sleep in anything he wants since she will not be cuddling with him considering they're not even the same race and God wouldn't approve. Ryan admits that it feels odd going to bed with Allison, especially considering she sleeps in a zipper mask and an "If I Could Turn Back Time" Cher harness every night.
Being in a sleeping bag doesn't mean you have to sleep face down on the floor, Al.
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Comments (17)
Great recap. Glad to have Big Brother back, just for the pleasure of reading the recaps and viewer comments.
I love the name "Moose" for Sheila's partner. It's perfect. Did it take you long to think that up or did it just come to you?
Another favorite part of your recap was the screengrab of Moose trying to hide his boner. Made me laugh out loud. My co-workers think I'm nuts, but little do they know I'm nuts for TVgasm!
1 of 17 | Posted by kimtoya | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:12 AM
Sure, it may be weird that you are so turned on by Ryan, but join the club! I tend to like my guys a little husky, but not only is he cute he actually seems like a nice guy... when did they start choosing those for Big Brother?!?
I'm quite excited about this season... although strangely enough I don't hate anyone yet. I wouldn't be sad to see Moose and Walrus leave though...
2 of 17 | Posted by tigercub | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:34 AM
Great recap, so funny! I thought I was going to hate this Big Brother, but it's already fun. Usually everyone is so annoyingly friendly the first couple of weeks, but luckily nobody seems to actually like each other.
Jen's hysterical crying was so unbelievably hilarious. And I cheered seeing my Eric and Jessica! But no Chenbot interivew? What a huge disappointment!
As for the rest of them, what a bunch of morons. Why would you want to kick out Sheila and Adam, the weakest couple? And Jen and Ryan are squandering a chance for a super secret alliance between their two teams. Do these people not watch the show before they apply? Hello!
3 of 17 | Posted by lickitysplit | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:39 AM
did anyone else notice when they were walking back inside from the HOH competition they had to blur out Amanda's butt because too much of -something- was hanging out?
4 of 17 | Posted by tvkitty | Posted on February 14, 2008 12:29 PM
tvkitty - I did notice that and was surprised they hadn't blurred it before...I swear 70% of her butt had been hanging out for awhile!
And I'm with you lickitysplit - has no one seen this show before?! I thought Jen would be a good player since she's been trying to get on the show for years but alas, she is not...dumb! dumb! dumb!
Oh, and Allison & Parker are idiotas! They actually have an advantage by being Jen & Ryan's partners but it didn't seem like they realized that and I'm pretty sure Allison is complete nutjob! She seemed really jealous of Ryan's girlfriend...hello? You just met him crazy - get a grip! I think some of these people are taking the phrase "soul mate" way too seriously!
5 of 17 | Posted by smolls | Posted on February 14, 2008 12:57 PM
I guess I am the only one that immediately thought cute Jess is prego. 1. the empire waist gown? 2. when the skirt part fell against her tummy it looked like a baby bump 3. she was not teeny tiny like she was last summer 4. she actually did the belly rub that all pregnant moms do.
I had been trying to convince my hubby that she looked prego and when I saw her do the belly rub unintentionally I hollered out "Did you see that? She did the belly rub!" and he said he DID see that and agreed w/ me.
Ah well, I don't mean to start any rumors about her AT ALL, as I really really like her, but as a mom myself it just seemed so obvious. Sorry if I'm totally wrong!!!!
GREAT recap, Fozie
6 of 17 | Posted by renoblondee | Posted on February 14, 2008 1:43 PM
Allison is definitely a nut job. The whole "he should be with me, not some super jealous chick like Jenn" made the psycho music go off in my head. Uhh you met him a day ago, they live together, get a grip. She probably thought she was destined to meet her future baby daddy in here or something.
I like Ryan though, too bad he's paired up with her. And I don't think Sheila's that bad either, I mean if I was with someone like Moose I'd want to hang myself too. Then again I wouldn't try out for a reality show at the age of almost 50 lol.
7 of 17 | Posted by pixi-stix | Posted on February 14, 2008 2:09 PM
OMG renoblondee - I thought the SAME thing! And a girl in my office completely agrees!! I posted a comment on one of the BB threads about that...and I'm so glad somebody else thought so too!
I kept thinking she looked different but couldn't place it and then it just hit me...I bet she's preggers!!! And Eric looked a little "stressed" too which only seals the deal in my mind!
Unlike you though, I don't mind starting BB rumors...:)
8 of 17 | Posted by smolls | Posted on February 14, 2008 2:44 PM
I couldn't believe the dumb mistakes these people were making left and right, but then it dawned on me this is the Real World Las Vegas version of Big Brother. They just got single people together to drink, hook up, and be drama because so far none of these people seem like they have a strategy or a firm grasp of what's going on.
And is it just me or are the girls taking the "soulmate" aspect of it too literally and not focusing on the game. They either bitch about or swoon over their partners, but I haven't heard many of them mention the money.
I also thought it was odd it wasn't more discussed in the house that Jacob and Sharon had dated. It was like she mentioned it to Amanda and Jen when he first walked in and then it was glossed over and forgotten. I'm way too much of a gossip hound to let something like that go without trying to get more info about it. Especially once they were paired up I'm surprised one of the girls didn't pull her aside and say, "How do you feel about being paired with your ex?"
9 of 17 | Posted by SnackyCakes420 | Posted on February 14, 2008 3:05 PM
"Joshuah and Neil differ in opinion since Neil assumed Joshuah would be turned off by a unibrow but actually chose bad teeth. Neil doesn't know that Joshua dated a Persian kanish-cart owner for 2 years."
-------------------
Fozzie, I'm still laughing at that one. Great recap! I thought that would be a no-brainer, isn't everyone turned off by jacked up teeth?
If you were Sheila, a former Penthouse Pet, wouldn't you keep your ass off national tv for the sake of your kid(s). I've been seriously skeeved out by the number of people doing porn who are parents. Who does that?!
Btw, I'm in no way comparing what she did with hardcore stuff. Still, it can't be a fun time for her kid(s).
Wait, what the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, Fozzie, your crush on Ryan is totally understandable, he's cute. I like stocky guys myself WOOF.
10 of 17 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on February 14, 2008 5:14 PM
ryan is cute, because he seems like a genuinely nice guy, laid back and cool, the kinda guy who will comfort you when you are sick, or just cuddle on the couch with! So I see why Allison is already going psycho, I want me a ryan also!
Second note, why would Jacob PICK ON THE PERSON WHO IS THE CURRENT HOH, WAIT AT LEAST A WEEK IDIOT!
Also I think they are all taking the soulmate thing too seriously, people this is not Eharmony. I think what they are going for is similar to the African Edition of BB, where they show full nudity, like cameras in the shower etc, and they even had a rape/fingergate happen on the show. basically, their version was get them drunk and let's see what happens, seems like what they are going for this season, especially witht the sharing a bed thing.
11 of 17 | Posted by nflow | Posted on February 14, 2008 7:49 PM
Yeah Alison is a stalker. How would it benefit her to "not keep the secret" of Ryan and Jen dating? The only reason she'd do that is to be a jealous bitch because her ass would get voted out along with theirs right away if everyone found out. It makes zero sense. I'm surprised that gambling thing didn't work out for her.
12 of 17 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on February 14, 2008 7:50 PM
Fozzie
Seems like we have the same taste in men in addition to Xmas movies! I'm definitely nursing a bit of an unhealthy BB crush on Ryan myself!
And I loved your comment about Allison being launched over the 8 foot fence...What is with that face she keeps making???
13 of 17 | Posted by russlav | Posted on February 14, 2008 9:36 PM
Hey guys,
Glad to know I'm not alone in my Ryan adoration. I even thought the profuse sweating was hot. Also glad to know that other people are into fat guys, so there's still a chance for me.
As soon as I saw Allison's hair up in a rat's nest and that busted face I immediately realized that she's going to be this season's America's Next Top Amber from season 8. Crazy, former addict who cries all the time and is under the false assumption that she's hot. We can only hope she's antisemetic too.
Did anybody else get a hardcore gay vibe from James when he sashayed out in his pink short-shorts and kool-aid socks? I can't put my finger on why I got that feeling, but he certainly has a "quality."
14 of 17 | Posted by fozziebare13 | Posted on February 15, 2008 10:01 AM
seriously, if i had to hang off of ryan for a challenge, i think i'd find a way to get by, he can sweat on me any day...
is it wrong to secretly wish for bad things to happen to Allison so she goes completely off the deep end?
15 of 17 | Posted by russlav | Posted on February 15, 2008 6:48 PM
I am the only one who thinks Ryan is by far the ugliest guy in the house? I guess so. I'm sorry but the guy looks like one of those southern slave owners in "Roots". All thats missing is the "red neck". There are three other guys in the house that have perfectly shaped bods; even though they may have two digit I.Qs.
I really don't know what Alex sees in Amanda. If its not her shinning personality, her irratating voice, and he almost perfect bod, than it can't be her face. I would do her if she had a plastic opaque bag on top on her head. She's the perfect example of a butterface. Its that big cleopatra nostril of hers that brings her from a 10 to a 2.
We are two episodes in and none of these people are strategizing. I agree with one of the comments on this post: these people are taking the soulmate thing to far.
16 of 17 | Posted by sowhat1234 | Posted on February 16, 2008 2:38 PM
actually james did do gay porn, but it was just jack-off stuff, nothing hardcore
17 of 17 | Posted by preppyboy | Posted on February 17, 2008 11:15 AM